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  #136  
Old 02-10-08, 12:42 AM
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Re: Men and porn?

Yeah, that's another explanation of female infidelity. Get the hard-working sap to nurture Captain Badass' baby. I guess I've thought about this a lot. It's allowed me to accept women pretty completely.
When a woman says she wants a "nice guy" she means she wants a man who will comply with her and fulfill her "needs." However, if she does find such a guy, her instincts might wonder how good his genes are if he isn't going about spreading them around a bit. She likes the compliance...But good is it if she can't get good genetic material in return? Right?
  #137  
Old 02-10-08, 12:52 AM
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Re: Men and porn?

Even though I do not expect women in general to be how I want, I expect my woman to not exhibit it because I want my genes properly passed along. I do find it irritating, though, when women deny these motivations. The common objections go something like "What if she just wants to be with someone nice?" or "What if she just wants to be loved for who she is?" Yes, humans don't go about using the logic of evolutionary theory to guide their behavior. Evolutionary theory explains why humans experience love and form bonds. Our emotional life is how evolution gets us to behave in the most adaptive way. That does not mean we shouldn't enjoy the feelings. The feelings are as real as they always have been. Let's just understand these things so we can move past our feelings that men are "pigs" and women are "*****es."
  #138  
Old 02-10-08, 12:54 AM
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Re: Men and porn?

Someone else mentioned that while men enjoy porn more, women enjoy "steamy romance novels" more.
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  #139  
Old 02-10-08, 02:17 AM
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Re: Men and porn?

I should mention that while I understand all this to be the product of evolution and all that, I use that understanding to come to terms about behavior that we find offensive in others.
In fact, I believe strongly that just following our instincts is a path to unhappiness. Societies' judgements of sexual behavior have legitimate purposes. Sexual behavior is a great source of human unhappiness when unchecked. Unwanted pregnancies, and, dare I say, single parenthood must produce suffering, mustn't they? Although we encourage "safe sex," sometimes passing out condoms to kids who shouldn't be troubled by the distraction of sex and shouldn't be subject to the negative emotions it provokes, wouldn't it be better to just reify restraint in our culture, so that our citizens understand that the pursuit of pleasure actually promotes unhappiness?
Pleasure is such that humans experience a great deal of suffering pursuing it. Maybe we should instead encourage spiritual development as the antidote to the troubles of pleasure. Sexual liberation and personal identities defined by sexual behavior should be confronted. Really, modesty is oppressive to nothing but shallowness.
  #140  
Old 02-10-08, 02:40 AM
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Red face Re: Men and porn?

Men like porn. We usually like what we don't have. I assumed that was part of my ADHD, until I discussed it with some "normals". Because a man masturbates to porn does not mean he is cheating. It also does not mean he is not cheating. My suggestion is to get him into a situation where he feels comfortable talking about it. If he is under the impression you find his internet porn searches, odd or abnormal, he is going to clam up or in this case, lie his way out. Try approaching this from a different angle. Even when we are all grown up, we still don't like to get caught with our hand in the cookie jar, or our pants. When you discuss this with him, don't scold him. Good luck to you...
  #141  
Old 02-10-08, 07:46 AM
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Moderator handy work thread re-opened

Okay guys and gals several of you have avoided the off topic rants and baiting games in an effort to continue this discussion I say

Resisting that type of temptation is hard for me how did you do it? Oh sorry

I have done some editing, rearranging so this thread could be re-opened.

I ask that we all be mindful of just how sensitive the nature of this topic is for many and to disagree without personal insults.

This is an adult topic however this thread as it stands now is viewable to children/young teens so please do watch word choices when posting.

I also ask that those just now entering this discussion to avoid introducing new topics. I believe men, porn, sexual preferences, relationship styles, females view of porn, and difference in libido to be a sufficient number of sensitive topics in a single thread.




***Any concerns or questions regarding this moderator note or staff actions should be private messaged directly to staff, this will prevent further disruption of the discussion. Thank you.***

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  #142  
Old 02-13-08, 08:57 PM
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Re: Men and porn?

Hey Mrs. A

I had to stop on this one.. during the years I was self medicating myself with street amphetamines high ( over done) dose really raised my libido.

I don't find porn as the problem as much as some amphetamines seem to really wake up the sexual side of me.

Since I'm single, porn was just amusing , since I had the open life to pursue the real thing.
  #143  
Old 02-21-08, 07:51 PM
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Re: Men and porn?

Quote:
Originally Posted by meadd823 View Post

This view of 'men have higher libidos than women' seems to predominate with those who believe all sane people are heterosexual and live according to traditional values of marriage . . . and all other perspectives are crazy and therefore invalid - I agree it is annoying especially in this day and age - of "tolerance" -
LMAO.... Was this directed at me? I don't believe I ever said this. Where did you get the idea that I was pro-marriage? Or even pro-"traditional values"? As far as the heterosexual comment... some religious folks seem more concerned about that however I don't have a problem with gay people. I am one of the most anti-marriage people around (been there, done that). I am certainly not traditional.

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Relationships can be about what ever a couple decides for them to be about - fidelity may be your idea of what relationships should be about and there is nothing wrong with that view in and of itself
Agreed, however both partners need to agree upon it. Often what happens in a relationship is one partner decides and the other goes along even if it's not what they want, because they want to keep their partner happy or they don't want to leave. I have heard of quite a few relationships being ruined by situations like this. On the other hand, one has to reserve some time for themselves, to be their own person; you should not spend 100% of your time and energy on your partner. Unless explicitly mutually agreed upon, being one's own person would not include having other partners. I personally think monogamy is the safest bet, though I recognize that it's difficult and perhaps not the natural state of human affairs (sorry pun). Just because I believe something doesn't mean that I want to force everyone else to believe the same, nor does it even imply that I think they should believe the same. It takes all kinds.

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I do however find it rather myopic to believe all "sane" people share the exact same values - especially sense it appears you have little personal knowledge in life styles outside of your own therefore making presumptions is an inaccurate endeavor at best -
That was very presumptuous of you.

I don't believe I suggested that all "sane" people must share the same values. I have heard this a lot from certain religious groups however. I have quite a lot of knowledge of lifestyles outside my own. Most of my friends (and myself as well) don't live according to traditional lifestyles. And while I respect your freedom to choose your own lifestyle, I would not consider it the "norm" any more than my own.

Please don't confuse tolerance with acceptance.


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There is no speculation to be made I am being very obvious from which perspective I am challenging your archaic views
whatever

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LMAO - pot this is kettle, kettle this is a pot -
ditto

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Originally Posted by meadd823 View Post
Maybe not all women are interested in MEN! {for reasons that should by now be painfully obvious. . . . }
Yes... that can work both ways of course.

You know meadd, I hate that we appear to have gotten off on the wrong foot. I don't think we have understood each other too well. That said, can we be friends?
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Last edited by meadd823; 02-24-08 at 03:55 AM.. Reason: generalize statement about religion
  #144  
Old 02-21-08, 09:44 PM
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Re: Men and porn?

OK, looking back at some old posts I see that I used the word "normal" in a context that may have implied a misleading value judgement ("average" might have been a better term), and for that I'm sorry, but hey, sometimes I just blurt out posts, especially when I'm frustrated or addled
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  #145  
Old 02-23-08, 02:14 PM
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Re: Men and porn?

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As far as the heterosexual comment... some religious folks seem more concerned about that however.
OK moderators can you please remove this from the above post, that was unfair of me to take such a swipe and paint people with a broad brush, and I don't want to start trouble. I am truly sorry if anyone was offended.
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Last edited by meadd823; 02-24-08 at 03:57 AM.. Reason: quote change to maintain consistency
  #146  
Old 02-23-08, 05:55 PM
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Re: Men and porn?

I can see this as normal, guys need to look at porn, its just something we do, doesn't mean we're cheating. But it might just seem to you that he does it all the time but if he works he probably can't there, he has kids so he has to be very careful, he just doesn't have time to do it freely so he ends up having to hide it.
  #147  
Old 02-24-08, 04:12 AM
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moderator response

Quote:
OK moderators can you please remove this from the above post, that was unfair of me to take such a swipe and paint people with a broad brush, and I don't want to start trouble
The statement does not include any indications that point to a specific religion and there are several that do have moral opinions on sexual preference.

As a moderator I do not see it as violating guidelines -

To acknowledge the request to be unoffending to our religious readers wording does not indicate all religious people are like this - only some seem to be.


I will agree with you dyingInside the topic of men and porn seems to be generating enough debate so we should probably stick to that topic.
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  #148  
Old 02-24-08, 04:39 AM
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Now for my member response

Quote:
You know meadd, I hate that we appear to have gotten off on the wrong foot. I don't think we have understood each other too well. That said, can we be friends?
I apologize for any appearance of hostility - I assure you I have nothing but admiration for your ability to whip out a challenging rebuttal. I want to say thank you for giving me the benefit of a doubt as a fellow member too few people do this, so it really means a lot when some one is able to see me as a person. . . .

I love to debate so when I run across a member who presents an excellent intellectual challenge I can get to caught up in the moment and present badly - I have problems regulating the persuasive / emotional portions and balancing it with the logical side of my reply - so I either come off sounding like a computer or a rabid banshee. . . . being hyperactive I usually lean closer to the rabid banshee end of the spectrum.

Also I for get that the lines I can see clearly may not be as clearly defined in other people's minds. I can't read my own mind half the time so it is not logical to think any one else can especially over the Internet.

Because of my position on staff some members may have difficulty seeing my post as just other members post - which only seems to add to the appearance of harshness - I am forgetful about these things, yes I forget I am a moderator {really just ask the other moderators}

I do apologize for any appearance of hostility or harshness.

dyingInside I think you are way cool and a very smart person - I like an intellectual challenge and you are definitely capable of providing one. Not to many people can stick it out with me like this and maintain a level head - I admire this about you I always have.
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  #149  
Old 02-24-08, 04:45 AM
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Re: Men and porn?

Well, I look at porn. How often depends on the mood/week/hour/day, etc. My ex girlfriend used to get infurated so I started lying to her. This coming from a girl who used her own methods to get her satisfaction when I wasn't around (read into that what it is, I'm trying to be PG here).

Had she not been so upset or scolded me about it (you do that while looking at other girls!) I wouldn't have lied or felt a need to be ashamed.

Men are physical/visual beings. I tried to tell her that I really never noticed a face, just the physical act (noting crazy mind you) and I would be happy to share with her so we could both share in the experience. That was a no-go as well.

I never felt it was cheating or even close. It was purely stimulation when we'd been away from each other or stress relief.

Having said that, I think it is about communication and understanding the differences in the sexes (women generally more emotional bond to sex; wheras, men are more of a physical bond to sex). (there are porn addicitons, but I am speaking as me who could do without it, but prefer it some times.)

I would think that if he's hiding it, he's ashamed because of the way you feel, or hiding some really nasty stuff that may be a concern. If you looked at it, I would think you could tell the difference. If its overboard, then there may be a problem there too.

Just my two pennies.
  #150  
Old 02-25-08, 11:42 PM
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Re: Men and porn?

Quote:
would think that if he's hiding it, he's ashamed because of the way you feel, or hiding some really nasty stuff that may be a concern. If you looked at it, I would think you could tell the difference. If its overboard, then there may be a problem there too.
I think that the above says a lot. not only with porn but in any thing that we can take or do in excess. I admit i have a problem with porn and really have to stay away from it. but that has more to do with why I watch it and what the porn is a substitution for than thel actual porn it self. it is the hidding and the lying that realy shows that a problem is there and needs to be delt with.
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