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  #91  
Old 10-30-07, 04:02 AM
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Re: Men and porn?

Quote:
re: 63


Some men also can't perform b/c they have to have this stimulation in their heads (fantasies of degrading porn content) or in front of their eyes (strippers or whatever, etc). They aren't thinking too much of their spouses when they ARE having relations with her, methinks. (e.g. 'staying present')

That negativity transfers too, as the unreal expectations (huge boobs; no cellulite or stretchmarks) transfer into spousal expectations that can't be met when you're a mom whose had 3 kids, and the bodily roadmap to prove it.
Hmm must have missed where I addressed this in re:62

Quote:
Originally Posted by meadd823
Now the body image issue this must be addressed - I wouldn't offer such advice without dealing with this aspect after it was mentioned by so many women here. {the word porn in the title of this thread attracted a lot of women couldn't help but notice}

Now for meadd823 crude that a few women here need to think about. I have watched porn and those guys ummmmm {is there a family friendly way to say this?} look like they could be second cousins to a hoarse in the southern portions of the hemisphere. Now my question - is there any one here of the female persuasion who after watching one of these cousin to a hoarse do Debbie of the perfect chess set really expect your husband to live up to the picture on the screen? Are you any less satisfied with him? I know for me I am grateful Gary isn't second cousin to a horse . I am not any less satisfied with him. Judging by Gary's reactions he does not seem to mind I do not posses a perfect chess set.

To say this automatically degrades women is to place your judgment in the mind of another human being. Outside of Ms A we do not know her husband. What can be seen as dishonesty could actual be Ms. A's husband knowing how Ms A feels about porn and his desire not to hurt her.
Besides I have known to many stripper who are also parents.

I guess if ya knew people in the sex entertainment industry they seem more like real people with flaws and regular problems. In all honesty there bodies aren't perfect in any stretch of the imagination. For most women it is a fear of men expecting us regular lady folks to look like the people on TV. I see this as a sign of having little experience with this area which is okay by me. I learned a long time ago I may not be some porn star but then again neither is my husband. He runs the same risk does he not? Okay lets just say my husband does but in reality I am no less satisfied with him. I know who I married.

Have you ever been to one of those places where you go in and sit down in a mini theater and they have a big screen and they shoot a roller coaster ride from the front seat and if you watch it your body will feel like you are on the roller coaster. Now are ya really bummed out you are in a movie theater or did ya have this feeling knowing the =whole time you were in a movie theater to begin with so it was no emotional let down because there was no other expectations.



Quote:
content is NASTY or degrading to a group of people (women), then I'd say it's a 'problem'.
Okay above is an excellent example of the point I am trying to make.

You consider porn "nasty" and frankly that is your right no disputes there as long as it remains your preference / your views then you shall get no disagreement from me.

How ever when your preferences/ your views become a measuring stick to determine MY mental health then we have problems ground control. I may have different preferences I may NOT see porn as degrading but I am no less mentally healthy then you are just because I enjoy porn or practice a different life style with my partner than you.

This is why I choose the parameters I did

Addiction is a habit/behaviors that is continued despite the person's desire to stop or acknowledgment that they should. Addiction is a feeling of helplessness really even if one doesn't readily admit it


The above does not base addiction upon the traditional version of moral . It does not place conservative expectations upon those who choose to live other wise. It presented in such a manner as to allow for various individual sexual preferences or cultural life style choices. In many cultures it is considered a sigh of high status to marry more than one wife for them polygamy is "normal" so if we use their standard to measure the mental health of every one in this conversation and all who fall short of living in the manner that the polygamist do are consider "sexually repressive" {made up label} I believe most of us would not fall into the category of good sexual mental health for not even I practice polygamy.


See when things like "nasty" and "degrading" are thrown in as a qualifier in determining sexual mental health in the general population we are departing from objectivity. Now I know you respect science and science is objective. Mental health is seeking to be a science and needs to be as objective as possible. However when a majority of females views are used to accuse me of being a "sex addict" then I defiantly have some problems with that like BIG time. Seeing they took homosexuality out of the DSMV as it is no longer considered a mental illness. Present day science understands homosexuality to be a personal sexual preference.

My question is why the resistance to do the same for those of who may not be homosexual but never the less prefer a different idea of acceptable sexual behavior? Many who practice alternate life styles have the same views about cheating on a spouse as most of you. Not all groups are idinical some are more tolerant than others. Based upon my past expereince most alternative groups are against it because it is an expectation that all parties involved are aware and each who is married or in a relationship is "playing" along side their partner. In some groups the sentiment is so strong the only other category of folk who shuns cheating more vigorously is ultra conservative Christians. Which I found to be an interesting irony. . Why are those who consensually practice this alternate life style with the full knowledge of their spouse not entitled to the same considerations as heterosexuals and homosexuals?
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  #92  
Old 10-30-07, 04:08 AM
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Re: Men and porn?

Quote:
People with ADHD can respond to sexuality in 2 different ways:

1. Is disinterest because they are not focussed enough to enjoy it.

2. The other is a hyper-focus to it and almost an addiction to it.
I understand completely. I am one way or the other because balance is not a strong suite for most ADDers.

Well speaking of sex I do have a husband in the other room Think I shall practice not being a computer addict and see if I can remember how to have a "problem" with porn.
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  #93  
Old 10-30-07, 10:58 AM
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Re: Men and porn?

Quote:
Originally Posted by meadd823
I understand completely. I am one way or the other because balance is not a strong suite for most ADDers.

Well speaking of sex I do have a husband in the other room Think I shall practice not being a computer addict and see if I can remember how to have a "problem" with porn.
GOOD GOLLY MS MOLLY

Hmmmm this forum seems to have a porn problem. I come in here and see porn this and porn that. I knew there was a reason I liked this place.
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  #94  
Old 10-30-07, 11:41 AM
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Re: Men and porn?

copied from wikipedia

"An addiction is a recurring compulsion by an individual to engage in some specific activity, despite harmful consequences to the individuals health, mental state or social life"

nothing to do with withdrawl. i would go a step further. with regards to the functioning alcoholic statement, the above definition refers to an addiction problem as aposed to plain addiction alone.

for instance, say you are required to take pain medication for a back problem. one would be easily addicted to that medication, yet they could have none of the symptoms in that definition above. in that case yes, the addiction would be determined by the withdrawl symptoms that occur when weaning off the pain medication.

after all this i would suggest that MRS A husband has a problem simply by her statement that he is watching porn movies while in attendance with his children. that is something that i would not consider as healthy. im obviously applying my own morals here. yes my wife and i will fool around under the blankets when around the kids. i always have kept the idea that children should be aware of sexual interaction between their parents. that it will create a healthy sexual life for them in the future. they should see their parents kissing passionatly, or engaging in some hanky panky. i dont think it would be healthy for the kids to find out that they were all watching a disney movie and dad was secretly looking at porn on his laptop while seated next to them.

porn is a rather broad term it can cover a wide variety of product. anything ranging from the worship of the female form such as playboy magazine to beastieality or worse (imo). in most instances i find it no more degrading to the women than it would be to the men. while i would not, many people do involve themselves in the porn industry. many find it very sexy and look at it as their sex life. some are in it only for the money. sometimes the women is being taken advantage of (which i do find offensive), sometimes it is mutual sexual bliss for all those involved. a good example would be URL Removed by Admin, inappropriate content. no one is being taken advantage of at that site. no one is being degraded. it is all their own choice. if you go to the site you will see what i mean. it is very sexy. though there is absolutely no nudity at the site, i think it is inappropriate for non adults.

d

Last edited by Andrew; 10-31-07 at 11:52 AM.. Reason: guideline violation
  #95  
Old 10-30-07, 12:32 PM
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Re: Men and porn?

Man did I do a double take when I saw your user name.
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Old 10-31-07, 09:24 AM
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Re: Men and porn?

Quote:
Man did I do a double take when I saw your user name.
You know some one had to explain the name thing to me, I did not understand why it caused such reactions. I have dyslexia single words alone mean little and I see the user name as a single word.


Quote:
i dont think it would be healthy for the kids to find out that they were all watching a disney movie and dad was secretly looking at porn on his laptop while seated next to them.
That is kind of the thing with the specific topic - is really we do not have enough information to even know how much of a danger there was to his children seeing or finding out. Apparently the wife had to look at his history or cookies {silly man he should train his browsers better} so it could not have been too obvious even to an adult. If I remember right he has done this before so she was on the look out and still didn't catch him "red handed" she had to access his lab top{basically that is like going through his wallet or a man going through his wifes purse} in order to know this is what he is doing. Frankly I see this as no different than a man keeping playboys between the mattresses of his bed. Men have been doing that one forever.

IN all honestly I don't see him having a porn problem but I see them as having a marriage problem. Life is and always should be a two way street, trying to enforce morals on a spouses NOT going to work in the long run, Most people act according to their own morals when alone therefore those same morals have to be shared by both spouses. If he sees nothing wrong with his behavior {the fact he did not cover it up very well would indicate he did not see it as "horribly immoral"} he will more than likely not see a real reason to change however he may get wiser in his endeavors over time.

Like I said Gary did some thing similar but a little different. We had to come to martial boundaries we both truly agreed with which means I do not have to waste my time and energy looking at his browsing history, cell phone records, or checking between the mattresses. Gary is free to look at what ever he so chooses as long as they are just porn sites where you look at the naked people. I refuse to be intimidated by pixals and basically that is all internet porn is different colored pixals arranged on a computer screen. Eh not really worth getting my feathers is a riffle over.
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  #97  
Old 11-01-07, 09:08 PM
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Re: Men and porn?

I have decided to do an intensive research project on this and get back to you with my results. I shall become a porn expert so I can help everyone on this board.



TO THE PORN CAVE!

BTW well said Mead.
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  #98  
Old 11-01-07, 09:19 PM
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Re: Men and porn?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Spongedaddy
I have decided to do an intensive research project on this and get back to you with my results. I shall become a porn expert so I can help everyone on this board.



TO THE PORN CAVE!

BTW well said Mead.
*Tosses Sponge the keys to the Crazy~Mobile*

Here--you will need these to get past all the sensors I set up during my last bout of paranoid mania....heh....
  #99  
Old 11-03-07, 10:24 PM
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Re: Men and porn?

It seems porn is like anything else; if it gets in between a couple, it's a problem. It could be porn, or the computer, or tv, or alcohol, or the track. I mean, if he stopped the porn, and didn't replace that behavior with something that brought you toward each other, you'd not be much better off.


I hope you find resolution and peace.
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Old 11-05-07, 08:04 AM
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Re: Men and porn?

Quote:
Originally Posted by piglet
It seems porn is like anything else; if it gets in between a couple, it's a problem. It could be porn, or the computer, or tv, or alcohol, or the track. I mean, if he stopped the porn, and didn't replace that behavior with something that brought you toward each other, you'd not be much better off.


I hope you find resolution and peace.
this is true. when the word addiction is brought up many people tend to think of the traditional things like drugs and alcohol. anything that becomes a compulstion can become and addiction. I think I will post a paper that I did on addictions that may help explain my veiw point. I think I will do that in the addictions section, otherwise I am taking over this thread and putting in a direction the origanal poster did not intend.http://www.addforums.com/forums/show...600#post497600
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  #101  
Old 11-05-07, 09:30 AM
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Re: Men and porn?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Spongedaddy
TO THE PORN CAVE!
All that went through my head was:

Na,na,nah,nah
Pornman!

and...

"Pass me the porn repelent... Robin*"


*PM me if you want the actual name I was going to use here. It is very, very inappropriate.
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  #102  
Old 11-05-07, 02:37 PM
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Re: Men and porn?

Quote:
Originally Posted by piglet
It seems porn is like anything else; if it gets in between a couple, it's a problem. It could be porn, or the computer, or tv, or alcohol, or the track. I mean, if he stopped the porn, and didn't replace that behavior with something that brought you toward each other, you'd not be much better off.


I hope you find resolution and peace.
Very good point and yes we HAVE found a "resolution and peace" on this.

Just like my post way back #69 (lol) stated, we have worked through this, just as every problem we have encountered through our 20 yr marriage. This issue, as well as many others got "out of control" because of his ADHD. He did not "see" at what extent this was becoming a problem,"hyperfocussing", like other issues that have gotten out of control in the past.

The key is MODERATION for everything, and unfortunately, it gets painfully upsetting having to explain this over and over and over, but if I didn't, he may be on marriage #4 like the rest of his family members.

Thanks to all the men for their "experience and opinions" with this. Some helped my H put "words to his thoughts" in communicating with me.

Again, this forum is a great source of info and help.
I hope something on here may help someone else
  #103  
Old 11-05-07, 07:45 PM
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Re: Men and porn?

I'm so glad you're doing better.
  #104  
Old 11-06-07, 03:35 AM
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Re: Men and porn?

Quote:
Tosses Sponge the keys to the Crazy~Mobile*
So Ms A Husband has been "reminded" that she doesn't approve of him viewing porn or some thing like that. Any way she seems content with the out come. Some thing called a crazy~mobile is heading toward a porn cave so spoungedaddy can become a porn expert but first he has to get past some manic mouse traps set when the mice were paranoid. Okay well can't beat that with a stick

Is it on topic? - I haven't a clue really but I think I am going to finish this kittens midnight feeding so I can get a nap in before his 4:00am feeding.
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  #105  
Old 11-06-07, 08:54 PM
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Re: Men and porn?

Quote:
Originally Posted by meadd823
So Ms A Husband has been "reminded" that she doesn't approve of him viewing porn or some thing like that.
Gee I don't recall saying anything about not approving him viewing porn, how much time spent and it increasing was the concern, and the lying about it(as with anything that can be addicting). I hope that any spouse would be concerned enough to discuss this or any issue with their mate.

But you may have misinterpretted my posts.
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