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Relationships & Social Issues This forum is for adults with AD/HD to discuss how AD/HD affects personal relationships.

View Poll Results: Are relationships easier with Non-ADDers or fellow ADDers?
Yes 9 69.23%
No 4 30.77%
Voters: 13. You may not vote on this poll

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  #1  
Old 08-27-09, 10:33 PM
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Is it easier dating / marrying a fellow ADDer?

What do you think? It's not easy being an ADDer in a relationship with a non ADDer. Question is: would it be easier or more difficult being in a relationship with a fellow ADDer? I've only had a relationship with one fellow ADDer, but it was very short (does one week count--we both got distracted!), so I don't have much anecdotal evidence one way or another.

Cheers,

Jeremy
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  #2  
Old 08-28-09, 12:19 AM
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Re: Is it easier dating / marrying a fellow ADDer?

I'd rather marry or get into a relationship with a fellow ADDer anyday.

Selena
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  #3  
Old 08-28-09, 12:23 AM
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Re: Is it easier dating / marrying a fellow ADDer?

The problems are different but there are still issues that have to be worked though.

Some thing I wrote shortly after marrying a fellow who has the hyper kind of ADD like I do.







........
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Old 08-28-09, 12:28 AM
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Re: Is it easier dating / marrying a fellow ADDer?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Crazygirl79 View Post
I'd rather marry or get into a relationship with a fellow ADDer anyday.

Selena
Hey Selena,

What has been your experience with relationships with ADDers? I've never had a long term relationship with a fellow ADDer, but I can see how it could be potentially beneficial.

Cheers,

Jeremy
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Growing up I dreamed of getting my MBA, JD and PHD. What did I get? ADHD, OCD and BP-I.

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Old 08-28-09, 12:47 AM
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Re: Is it easier dating / marrying a fellow ADDer?

I don't know if it works for everyone, but all I can say is now I understand what people mean when they say "my other half". We are from the same mold. Which of course has now been broken

Nobody understands me like he does, and he sees some things coming before I'm even aware of it as I do for him, it's very symbiotic.

It's imperfect (we hired a housekeeper ) but I think it's as close to perfect as I could ever get.
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  #6  
Old 08-28-09, 01:12 AM
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Talking Re: Is it easier dating / marrying a fellow ADDer?

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Originally Posted by ysabeau View Post
I don't know if it works for everyone, but all I can say is now I understand what people mean when they say "my other half". We are from the same mold. Which of course has now been broken

Nobody understands me like he does, and he sees some things coming before I'm even aware of it as I do for him, it's very symbiotic.

It's imperfect (we hired a housekeeper ) but I think it's as close to perfect as I could ever get.
That's awesome! I don't really have any idea what it would be like being with someone that is also ADHD. My wife does not have ADHD, but I think her father might have ADHD-PI and OCD (hoarder). I'm pretty sure he's a hoarder and this type of OCD drives me crazy!! I am NOT a hoarder!! While I have OCD, I'm not a hoarder. In fact, hoarding really drives me nuts! I'm one of those few ADDers who is ADHD, perfectionist and extremely anal! I "fantasize" about being better at organization!
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Growing up I dreamed of getting my MBA, JD and PHD. What did I get? ADHD, OCD and BP-I.

Focalin: 5 mg 2-3x/day
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  #7  
Old 08-28-09, 02:06 AM
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Re: Is it easier dating / marrying a fellow ADDer?

Having never dated a fellow.. fellowette? ADDr i cant give an answer based on a fully rounded experience.. however at this stage in my life - understanding more what i have and am able to explain more why i do things / say things / feel things the way i do.. id take up the chance in a heartbeat. The thought of finding a Neutral as my other half seems peculiar.. and to be honest a little frightening and uncomfortable I dont know about you guys, but i have a social disorder or two that have kinda come with this package deal!
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Old 08-28-09, 07:35 AM
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Re: Is it easier dating / marrying a fellow ADDer?

I'm ADD & my other half, he is ADHD & Asperger's. We have been together nearly 15 years & it just gets better every year we are together. We spend way to much time talking about everything (aka procrastinating). It is just so good to have someone that can keep up with the information overload that we need to get out & have the other half understand and keep up. We are both sponges for information. So from my perspective, yes it is brilliant to have a partner with ADD or ADHD. I have had many partners that are NT's in the past & to be honest they are just not interesting enough for me. My mind has to be challenged constantly.
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  #9  
Old 08-28-09, 12:16 PM
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Re: Is it easier dating / marrying a fellow ADDer?

I think a lot would depend on how well each person is managing their own ADHD and how well they understand ADHD. I also think both people need to have good self-esteem. I have a lot of people with ADHD in my life and I understand ADHD very well but I still sometimes forget that people's ADHD related behaviors aren't intentional and they aren't trying to hurt me.

I don't know if I could handle being married to a male version of myself. The thought is pretty scary to me!!
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Old 08-28-09, 02:58 PM
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Re: Is it easier dating / marrying a fellow ADDer?

I thank my lucky stars that I married a non-add woman. We capitalize on each of our strengths and help out to offset our weaknesses. I did not know I had ADD until recently so it was not like I was actively seeking a non-add partner but I am happy that I did.

BTW, I think my wife would object to the statement that non-adders are not as interesting.
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Old 08-28-09, 04:33 PM
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Re: Is it easier dating / marrying a fellow ADDer?

Because ADD affects each person so differently, this is a difficult question. I have been on both sides.
Being in a relationship with someone with ADD has been challenging only because I become frustrated when I have to explain things twice, or assume someone understands what I am talking about. I jump from topic to topic and think everyone follows me, when in fact all i do is create havoc and mayhem. I have had to learn great patience, and so has he. Yet, emotionally the connection is wonderful...considering we are both very emotional.

When married to my NON-ADD husband...I did not know I was ADD.....trust me...it explains a lot...

So my answer in short....there isn't one....often a little bit of both worlds is wonderful!
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Old 08-31-09, 02:02 PM
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Re: Is it easier dating / marrying a fellow ADDer?

Okay I'm going to assume that because I don't have ADD this poll question makes no sense to me.
Are relationships easier with Non-ADDers or fellow ADDers?




I bet my husband could figure it out
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Old 08-31-09, 11:28 PM
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Re: Is it easier dating / marrying a fellow ADDer?

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Originally Posted by allcriedout View Post
Okay I'm going to assume that because I don't have ADD this poll question makes no sense to me.
Are relationships easier with Non-ADDers or fellow ADDers?




I bet my husband could figure it out
Ha! I didn't even notice that. I just went with the title of the topic.
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Old 08-31-09, 11:31 PM
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Re: Is it easier dating / marrying a fellow ADDer?

Hi Jeremy.

I haven't dated a fellow ADDer yet but have dated a few Non ADDers and they haven't worked out at all, so I hope to find a likeminded person to share the rest of my life journey with I guess.

Selena
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Originally Posted by MADD_MEN View Post
Hey Selena,

What has been your experience with relationships with ADDers? I've never had a long term relationship with a fellow ADDer, but I can see how it could be potentially beneficial.

Cheers,

Jeremy
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Old 09-01-09, 12:35 AM
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Re: Is it easier dating / marrying a fellow ADDer?

I think relationships with other people with ADHD have a high risk of becoming codependent and have an even higher risk of causing both people to deteriorate. I think from just a practical standpoint, a family with at least one stable, responsible person would be more likely to survive. My fiancee knows I have issues (mood and attentional) and while it ****es her off sometimes (I don't have the attention span to cuddle really and I tend to zone out or get distracted when she's talking to me) she generally understands. She also understands that while I tend to look at big pictures and large plans, someone needs to look at the immediacy. For example, when we both graduate from our respective grad programs, we're looking to make about 80k per year between the two of us, conservatively. So I'm already planning things as if we have money, and she's naturally more concerned about the fact that I'm about to quit my fulltime job with benefits for a possibly part time only job (though I would like full time).

Someone needs to be the voice of reason.
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