Please help me explain to my ADHD partner that this lifestyle is not acceptable

[Lunacie]

Originally Posted by acdc01

I jist thought of a 3rd person I know who has overcome an alcohol addiction for over 16 years. I realize he too may have a new addiction or at least obsession. He goes to AA group meetings every single day. Also spends a lot of time helping things get set up. And he doesnt just belong to one group but multiple from my recollection. ]It's not normal to go every single day is it? Wife my friend puts up with it but I can tell she's passively bitter about him spending so much time away from home.

His obsessive interest is limited cause there's only so many AA meetings you can go to though he certainly stretched it with his multiple groups throughout the region. It's not thought of as an addiction though cause it's more benign. I think he sees it as a purpose, to help others while helping himself too.

Yes benign addictions are what I support. They could be a "purpose" like my friends husband. Hard to make sure new addictions are benign though so proceed with caution. I would think monitoring and pulling out if it looks like a problem is going to arise stands a good chance of fixing that I would think.

Guess I'm overwriting and like I said, I'm far from an expert just knowing 3 exaddicts.

Some, especially new members, may feel it helps to attend a meeting every day.
Others may feel that once a week is enough.
And some may attend one meeting for themselves and another meeting that
same week to help support another person.

[acdc01]

Originally Posted by Lunacie

Some, especially new members, may feel it helps to attend a meeting every day.
Others may feel that once a week is enough.
And some may attend one meeting for themselves and another meeting that
same week to help support another person.

Thanks. I'm not exactly sure why he attends so often (he's not new at all), only that my friend is extremely annoyed with him neglecting his family. I guess I should strike this last example as I can't tell if it's a zealous purpose in life or a benign addiction.

Both are still really something else that stimulates the addict enough so they can leave their previous addictions behind. I don't think the addict can just "try harder" to succeed. They have to fill their needs in some other way.

[eeyore]

Originally Posted by Jpark45

(I suspect a mood disorder such as bipolar or borderline)

I live with a border line, and im not sure anythig in your post aproximates the **** you could be in for if your partner was borderline.


I was rusty, hasnt seen it for three decades - i was a sitting duck become a war toy. and not video games lol, i ended up peeing in bottle and cup the first day after then next day upgraded to ice cream bucket.


I cant deal with it as I grew up with it - and what happened in the ice cream bucket war was childs play next to what a decades younger borderline can unleash.

[eeyore]

i was trying to think of a way to edit that to say not all bpd experiences mirror my own but took to long, then this became the way to say it.


the whole thing with my housemate is super screwed, im super angry and the bpd thinks its over **** im just making up when in fact,,no.. it was a barrage of hateful nonsense with a nasty crowning jewel, a real bash - ill probably have to move out.


do you know how difficult it is to withstand a barrage of hateful nonsense, esp when you are rusty and clueless that its sole purpose is to goad you into war?




Guess what else? its pretty much obvious the Beauvoir on my part that inspire this barrage against me clearly fits into adhd catigories.

[kilted_scotsman]

The big problem is that he doesn't sense that he has a problem..... if that is truly the case then no amount of pills, therapy, encouragement or pushing s going to change his behaviour.

It sounds like he's Ok because other people such as yourself provide his basic needs and you provide the small amount of relational contact he wants. Meeting new people face to face is likely to generate anxiety, and initially produce little reward, so it's a no-brainer to withdraw if basic needs are met...... becoming a recluse.

I wouldn't put this down to a mood disorder, particularly Borderline... and I'd also say that medication is unlikely to have an effect. Only once he has the desire to change and sees it as a possibility would meds or psychological interventions have an effect.

Strange as it may seem to say it, unless he is showing signs of psychological distress why not accept his reclusive nature and go and get your relational needs and interests met under your own steam? That way you model the possibilities and come back home with stories and practical examples of the benefits of socialising.

[eeyore]

Originally Posted by Jpark45

(I suspect a mood disorder such as bipolar or borderline) .

this may be worth a look


https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizo...ality_disorder

[mildadhd]

Originally Posted by Jpark45

My SO and I have been together roughly 10 years and we're in our mid 30's. He was diagnosed with ADHD, OCD and GAD around 2 years ago and is medicated with an ssri and stimulant.

Since his diagnosis I've poured countless hours into researching the condition, making adjustments to our home and routines and just generally doing all that I can to understand and accommodate his mental health.

Our relationship has never been smooth sailing, primarily due to the toxic coping mechanisms of untreated ADHD for so many years, but we've made progress over time. Despite all of the hurdles he has always at least attempted to make adjustments for the better and I find that extremely admirable.

I think it is great that you and your partner are willing to consider things.

It takes time to understand.

When I spend my daytime employed by work that requires energy for "active attention", I often find my evening time spent doing things that involve "passive attention".

People who have AD(H)D have less capacity for "active attention".

"Passive attention" requires less energy than active attention.

In our cases, the lack of capacity is physical.

Gabor Mate M.D., "Scattered", P 14.

M

[mildadhd]

Please help me explain to my ADHD partner that this lifestyle is not acceptable

Does the AD(H)D medication help?






m

[TheGreatKing]

My wife gets mad at me as well for spending to much time either games or mostly YouTube now. I haven’t resolved it yet. But I am working on it. I have to be more attentive to my family. I wish I could be better. Well I guess I will keep climbing the mountain. Uphill battle Lol