Update on a life....

[E-boy]

HMMM, where to begin....

Wife filed, for real this time, for divorce. While there was naturally a bit of anxiety involved in this process, it truly is for the better. Six years of me trying to get a handle on things (with some success I may say with a bit of pride), was six years too long. Wasn't just that though. She feels like she's never really lived for her, and in all honesty doesn't have those "feelings" for me anymore. What can you do?

Since then she has found an individual who makes her laugh, feel good about the future, and who's company is truly compatible with her grown in a different direction self. We have had a miraculous improvement in our relationship as far as simply getting along goes too. She's happier, Kids are happier, hell I'm even happier. :-) She's in no hurry with her new flame. Truthfully, they aren't what you'd call "carrying on". But there are undeniable feelings. I respect her enormously for being above board and playing nice.

I remain in the house until I transfer to my new command. We've already ironed out finances and the like. I see no reason to mess with them until she is settled into her new job. My needs are minimal for the moment and the bottom line is A.) I'll not leave my kids without, and B.) I really am happy for her, I'd like to see her transition into her new life with minimal worry.

In the midst of what I thought was my whole life turning to crap, something very odd indeed happened. I met a lady, who is one of those rarities that not only has ADD, but seems to have the exact same version of the syndrome I do. We finish each other's sentences, and get it right. LOL! We have the same ideas at roughly the same time so regularly it's very scary. Almost like we share a head. LOL! It doesn't hurt that she is beautiful, angelic in temperment and thinks I'm the best thing since sliced bread either. :-) Even my wife has spoken to her at this point and is amazed. Color me suprised but she not only approves, she STRONGLY approves. Turns out she still loves me, she's just not "in love" and wants me to be happy too.

Sometimes I just want so much to rush headlong into this, but I have gotten smarter in my old age. there is no rush and the ride is it's own enjoyment. So, what was supposed to be the end of the world, is but a beginning. My career being on the rocks is no longer the self esteem battering monster it was. My perspective has changed. I am simply not cut out for senior enlisted duties in the Navy anymore. Never was. I can cope now, and that's great, but why be unhappy? There is also the fact that the current "trouble" is due to symptoms of anxiety and ADHD related stuff. Legally they can't even handle it the way they are. My doc will deal with that in due time and there is no sense in getting bent over that which is beyond my control. WOW, that does not sound like me AT ALL! LOL! I'll have the opportunity to continue if I want. Even if they manage to impose invalid punitive measures I will have the choice of accepting them, or frying their butts for 'em like I did on Enterprise for the same violation. Point is, I don't care what they believe. I don't even take it personally. They may be woefully ignorant on the regs, but they are just attempting to do their jobs, not persecute me. LOL! The navy has it's own set of needs and I can't expect them, nor would I want them to overlook performance issues on my part intentional or not. I'm a grown up. If I can't do the job I'm not going to put others at risk trying to.

My college money is all set, I can support myself. I could even seek a medical discharge in which case the anxiety disorders and associated physical problems would, according to the veterans rep, entitle me to 50-70% disability and additional educational assistance should I chose to take it.

Thing is, I don't feel disabled. I'm not crippled. I'm just Dan. So what if I'm different? LOL!

I've been so scared for so long.... But you know what? I'm going to be just fine. LOL!!!!!! Who knew?!

[jaimegerise]

I wish you and your soon to be ex the best.....You WILL be fine

[E-boy]

thankye kindly. :-) Funny, but I see her the way I used to again now. We aren't "an item anymore", but it's nice to not see "the enemy" when we interact. She's a genuinely good person and all the qualities I always loved in her are still there. Anger just got in the way, and burned a lot of bridges you can't get back over.

I fought it at first, but I've accepted it. I really have done the vast majority of my grieving already. It's weird what this whole experience has brought out in me. I finally feel like a grownup. LOL! I know weird for a 34 year old man to say that.

I even feel confident about the future, and that is a whole new thing entirely. Oh the things I'm going to accomplish! :-)

[Earthgirl]

E-boy,
This is a really life-affirming thread. It is good to read good news on here! You ARE right, everything is going to be just fine.

I identified with your comment about work immensely. I have also been scared for too long. This is due to extreme anxiety and of course the ADD (now that I know I have it). I am giving in my notice as a senior manager of a large organisation next week (when my manager is back). I think when that happens I will feel a burden lifted and I can seriously look to the future.

I hope things continue in the same vein for you :-)

Earthgirl

[EYEFORGOT]

I'm so glad you're "fine". So often divorce is just an ugly affair and the kids are left suffering. You and your soon-to-be-ex have handled this maturely. If only everyone could be so considerate.

I wish you well for all your future endeavors, school, job and your "Angel". Happy to hear someone "enjoying the ride". Very inspirational!

[paulbf]

Whoah, that all sounds real familiar. Weird how a divorce can make you friends again eh?

[krisp]

I've been wondering how things were going for you .... I'm so glad everything is falling into place! It sounds as if you're both at peace and ready to move on with your lives. Good luck to both of you!

[biker]

E-boy,
thanks for the update. I am glad things are working out well for you! I am sure it is a great relief to have the anxiety and anger gone from your marriage! Wish you a great new journey!

[Stranger]

When one door closes, another one opens (I just have to learn to keep my fingers out of the doorway). Good luck on your new life!!

[Ian]

Dan I think of you often as I struggle to adapt to the changes here at home. Knowing that you have emerged in a position of strength brings me some more strength of my own.

Thanks for the update. I was unbearably curious to know how you were doing. I am very glad to hear the hope in your heart.
I look forward to hearing more as things continue to unfold for you.

The future is bright for us all as we gather skills and acceptance.
ian

[fasttalkingmom]

nice to hear from you again, I was thinking about how i hadn't seen your name around lately.

Sorry to hear your news about you and your wife and glad to hear your doing ok....

[Garry]

Great to hear from you

Things sound very promising

My college money is all set, I can support myself. I could even seek a medical discharge in which case the anxiety disorders and associated physical problems would, according to the veterans rep, entitle me to 50-70% disability and additional educational assistance should I chose to take it.

Thing is, I don't feel disabled. I'm not crippled. I'm just Dan. So what if I'm different? LOL!

You have paid the asking price for this commodity.................

You did your time and are entitled to any benifits that may be offered or available.

They are part of your wage for doing your duty...................

Would you feel better accepting them if you had no legs or only one arm

I myself woulf feel no shame in accepting anything that I am entilted to

[Draga]

Hugs, E-Boy....Im so sorry....but I hope you and wife are both happy with the new flames ya found...You'll do great shugga...Wuvs ya!

[Wheezie]

hey dan!

there is nothing left to say that hasn't already been said.

so, ditto.

and congrats on the great attitude!

wheezie