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  #1  
Old 06-04-17, 06:38 PM
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Question How many people can someone like at once?

I've been talking to someone who's basically put me on hold while she sees someone else. However, she came over last week and was physical with me. How can this be?
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Old 06-04-17, 06:41 PM
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Re: How many people can someone like at once?

maybe you're back up dude.
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Old 06-04-17, 06:55 PM
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Re: How many people can someone like at once?

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maybe you're back up dude.
I'm on deck?
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Old 06-04-17, 07:42 PM
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Re: How many people can someone like at once?

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Originally Posted by anonymouslyadd View Post
How can this be?
Easy. People do what they want.


Cheers,
Ian
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Old 06-04-17, 08:06 PM
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Re: How many people can someone like at once?

I think the answer to your question is "It depends on the person doing the liking".

But I'm not sure if your question was the most important one to be asking.

For example, "Does physical intimacy guarantee that this person likes me?" might be another relevant one. And I think "It depends on the individual" is again an important part of the answer to that.

It's probably not easy to have a casual conversation with her about this stuff, but then again it's the sort of thing you'd want to know.

And sometimes people don't even know their own minds when this type of conversation happens; with the potentially strong emotions surrounding it, and the usual social reluctance to discuss sex in any serious way, people may have never really thought that much about it, or get overwhelmed if they try.

Because it's not something we generally feel free to discuss, I think the average person relies very heavily on a lot of assumptions that they've managed to pick up more or less randomly through their life. And then we get surprised when someone we've recently met doesn't share our particular set of random assumptions.
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  #6  
Old 06-04-17, 09:27 PM
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Re: How many people can someone like at once?

She told me about this cat, and I thought she had stopped seeing him that's all.
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Old 06-04-17, 09:41 PM
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Re: How many people can someone like at once?

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Originally Posted by anonymouslyadd View Post
She told me about this cat, and I thought she had stopped seeing him that's all.
If she's also been seeing a cat, then it's far too complex a situation for me to understand. Is she from ancient Egypt by any chance? That would partly explain it at least.
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Old 06-05-17, 02:16 AM
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Re: How many people can someone like at once?

Unless you are exclusive with her, I guess she feels who she dates isnt your business.
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Old 06-05-17, 02:28 AM
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Re: How many people can someone like at once?

Sarah: Some people expect that getting physical with someone automatically means you're exclusive with them. It's the assumptions thing.
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Old 06-05-17, 04:33 AM
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Re: How many people can someone like at once?

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Originally Posted by dvdnvwls View Post
Sarah: Some people expect that getting physical with someone automatically means you're exclusive with them. It's the assumptions thing.
Youre 100% right and I wish I had added to my post.
Anon- I would also assume things were serious if I got intimate with someone. Unless a booty-call contract was verbally made, I can see how thats confusing.
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Old 06-05-17, 04:09 PM
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Re: How many people can someone like at once?

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Originally Posted by anonymouslyadd View Post
I'm on deck?
Being on deck might be a good thing!
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Old 06-05-17, 04:13 PM
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Re: How many people can someone like at once?

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Originally Posted by anonymouslyadd View Post
She told me about this cat, and I thought she had stopped seeing him that's all.
I love this line so much.
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Old 06-05-17, 06:50 PM
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Re: How many people can someone like at once?

Quote:
Originally Posted by anonymouslyadd View Post
I've been talking to someone who's basically put me on hold while she sees someone else. However, she came over last week and was physical with me. How can this be?
there's a difference between how many people you are in love with, and how many people you're interested in, and how many people a person might be capable of being physically intimate with in the same timeframe. and all of those answers are dependent upon the person in question.

bottom line is that you'll only know by asking her what the situation is. if you see getting physical as mutual exclusivity, you need to tell her that. not everyone sees it that way.

how did you leave things?
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Old 06-05-17, 11:32 PM
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Re: How many people can someone like at once?

Quote:
Originally Posted by anonymouslyadd View Post
I've been talking to someone who's basically put me on hold while she sees someone else. However, she came over last week and was physical with me. How can this be?
Like, or be sexual with?

Robin Dunbar has recently conducted neuroscience experiments demonstrating that a healthy human brain is capable of managing 150 moderately close personal relationships simultaneously. those of us with ADD, perhaps half that. Go looking for his YouTube videos, fascinating stuff.

If she "was physical" with you, it's not really a question of "liking" any more. "Physical" means a form of intimacy...which usually requires a high degree of trust and personal privacy, and VERY few people can be comfortable with more than one at a time.

In my experience (became sexually active 40 years ago) if a woman puts me on hold, then shows up for some physical action, it has meant, typically, that she's re-thinking her decision...and either didn't move on to someone else, or the someone else she thought she'd move onto didn't work out.

Ask her. It's the most honest thing to do.

WMM
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Old 06-06-17, 04:08 AM
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Re: How many people can someone like at once?

Sort of the flip side of the issue of mismatched assumptions:

If you find that someone's assumptions are quite far from yours, I think it might be smart to wonder whether a relationship with them has a good chance of success.

Maybe the answer is "Yes, an excellent chance, because reasons". But I'd say it's a worthwhile question anyway.
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