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  #151  
Old 05-24-17, 09:54 AM
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Re: I think that I'm undateable.

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Originally Posted by Wolfman87 View Post
BTW. I tought that i have done a major break trough today. Was going too my first date for 5 years. A good looking girl askt me out. But today, first she ask if we can meet two hours later, i say fine. Some time later she says hurt throat hurts. And when i was about to go to the buss i get a new mess that her throat hurts and she can barley speak. So we agreed to cancel and meet a other day. I think she is liar. Me think she used wolfman87 for ego boost and she was just playing with wolfman87.
She may be breaking plans with you because she is sick, or forgot previous plans with someone else. She may have found someone else she'd like to date first or she may actually not be feeling well. At least she agreed to try again another day. I wouldnt assume she was using you for an "ego boost" whatever that is or playing you. Why assume there is any ill will towards you? I mean, technically you are still getting to know each other.


Quote:
I do ask them about there intrests and i read there profil very carefully. Also i only make contact with girls that i think i have a chance with. I never write to 10/10 girl, i go for 5-7.5/10
However i never go after looks only,
No offense but what you said above proves that on some level you are using her looks to decide how you feel. There is nothing wrong with this other than the fact that you only go for girls that sort of are not as beautiful or desirable as you might want but feel like you could never get.

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  #152  
Old 05-26-17, 01:57 PM
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Re: I think that I'm undateable.

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Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post
She may be breaking plans with you because she is sick, or forgot previous plans with someone else. She may have found someone else she'd like to date first or she may actually not be feeling well. At least she agreed to try again another day. I wouldnt assume she was using you for an "ego boost" whatever that is or playing you. Why assume there is any ill will towards you? I mean, technically you are still getting to know each other.
Well you are right, how do I know, I don't. But thats just the way I think, it's not healthy I know but can't help it. When I was younger I was bullied, left out, abondonen of so called friends when I was the most sickest and when somebody tried to make friends with me it was only because they needed something from me. When I had my last birthdayparty in my life was when I turned 10, I had invited around 14 people, no one showed up, only two people botherd too call that they will not come and the rest did not. I tought it will get better when I turn in too a adult, but nay, was still the one people like to pick on. I guess it is because of this i always assume the worst of people.

However my behavior can be because of Crohn Disease. How it effects me mentally:

Loss of appetite and unintentional weight loss fatigue.
Loss of interest in activities once found pleasurable.
Persistent anxiety.
Irritability or belligerence toward others.
Feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, uselessness, or worthlessness.

Well she mabey did find a other person, good for her, but still she can't take 10 seconds too, send me a messages and tell me that she do not want to talk no more? Also have not heard from her in two days so yeah pretty sure this over.

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Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post
No offense but what you said above proves that on some level you are using her looks to decide how you feel. There is nothing wrong with this other than the fact that you only go for girls that sort of are not as beautiful or desirable as you might want but feel like you could never get.
No offense taken. But I need to look at my self too how I look and who I can mabey get. It feels naive too go for girls that are waaaay out of ones leauge or am I worng?
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  #153  
Old 05-26-17, 02:04 PM
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Re: I think that I'm undateable.

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Originally Posted by Wolfman87 View Post
Well you are right, how do I know, I don't. But thats just the way I think, it's not healthy I know but can't help it. When I was younger I was bullied, left out, abondonen of so called friends when I was the most sickest and when somebody tried to make friends with me it was only because they needed something from me. When I had my last birthdayparty in my life was when I turned 10, I had invited around 14 people, no one showed up, only two people botherd too call that they will not come and the rest did not. I tought it will get better when I turn in too a adult, but nay, was still the one people like to pick on. I guess it is because of this i always assume the worst of people.

However my behavior can be because of Crohn Disease. How it effects me mentally:

Loss of appetite and unintentional weight loss fatigue.
Loss of interest in activities once found pleasurable.
Persistent anxiety.
Irritability or belligerence toward others.
Feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, uselessness, or worthlessness.

Well she mabey did find a other person, good for her, but still she can't take 10 seconds too, send me a messages and tell me that she do not want to talk no more? Also have not heard from her in two days so yeah pretty sure this over.



No offense taken. But I need to look at my self too how I look and who I can mabey get. It feels naive too go for girls that are waaaay out of ones leauge or am I worng?
There is no league. It's a common misconception but there is no league. What one person finds attractive another one doesn't. Do you find Pamela Anderson attractive? If you do, there is millions of others who don't. If you don't there's millions of others who do.

Go for the girl that you really want because no girl wants to be the one that you just settled for because you thought you couldn't do better. That's the worst possible basis for a relationship.
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  #154  
Old 05-26-17, 06:01 PM
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Re: I think that I'm undateable.

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Originally Posted by Fuzzy12 View Post
There is no league. It's a common misconception but there is no league. What one person finds attractive another one doesn't. Do you find Pamela Anderson attractive? If you do, there is millions of others who don't. If you don't there's millions of others who do.
I'm glad since she's "irrelevant" (no ill-meaning here/just parlance) as I no longer have to hear how "hot" she is. She just oozed fake. Definitely not my type. Moving along now as I believe the substance I've provided is minimal
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  #155  
Old 05-28-17, 04:30 AM
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Re: I think that I'm undateable.

I'm an INTP as well and you're right, we are undateable.

I found the solution was to skip the dates. I started a conversation with a stranger and I decided to move forward as fast as I could, no matter what...married her 6 years later.

As an INTP, I think we just get mired by indecisiveness, which doesn't translate well to the dating world.

Good luck
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  #156  
Old 05-30-17, 04:11 AM
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Re: I think that I'm undateable.

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Originally Posted by InvitroCanibal View Post
I'm an INTP as well and you're right, we are undateable.

I found the solution was to skip the dates. I started a conversation with a stranger and I decided to move forward as fast as I could, no matter what...married her 6 years later.

As an INTP, I think we just get mired by indecisiveness, which doesn't translate well to the dating world.

Good luck
Do you really believe a Meyers Brigg result makes you undateable?
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  #157  
Old 05-30-17, 03:06 PM
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Re: I think that I'm undateable.

I don't know about those personality types, but the idea that some people might do better to bypass the whole dating process could be important.
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  #158  
Old 05-30-17, 03:36 PM
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Re: I think that I'm undateable.

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Originally Posted by Fuzzy12 View Post
There is no league. It's a common misconception but there is no league. What one person finds attractive another one doesn't. Do you find Pamela Anderson attractive? If you do, there is millions of others who don't. If you don't there's millions of others who do.

Go for the girl that you really want because no girl wants to be the one that you just settled for because you thought you couldn't do better. That's the worst possible basis for a relationship.
Yeah, and to take this a step further, I don't know, maybe you have to be with a physically attractive person to "get" this at some point but it really and truly isn't everything. I don't mean to body-shame here but a lot of the time, and I think this is the case for women especially, there is a price that you pay for looking like a "10". A lot of women get a great deal of pressure applied to them by their family, their friends, and especially themselves to maintain their figure or go through all of the really, really hard work that it takes to hide the unflattering parts that we all have from other people. That's a tough road to follow and I can see where that can do something do you. So I don't know, at the very least maybe it's useful for men like the OP to read up on some of the sacrifices "attractive" women have to make in order to look the way that they do and decide for themselves if this is something they can live with. I don't know, if nothing else, maybe he'll gain a better understanding of what women have to go through before announcing himself as involuntarily celibate or whatever.

At the same time, sarahsweets *really* hit the nail on the head by saying that by going after "5s to 7.5s" the OP is toooooootally still being looks-centric. And to a point, I do get that (the general looks-centrism, not so much the "settling"). We men are visual creatures, whether this is due to biology, cultural pressures, or something in between. I think you need to accept that a. women have different things they often look to in attractiveness, and b. every single woman is different. That "10" you're not going after because you think she's "out of your league" might find intelligence and a quick wit to be sexier than Brad Pitt, whereas that "5" might be looking for qualities in men that you just plain don't have at the moment. It's not an easy call to make and sometimes the only way to find out is by asking.
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  #159  
Old 05-30-17, 03:56 PM
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Re: I think that I'm undateable.

Add to that the fact that, even though most of our judgments of physical attractiveness are biologically predetermined, people simply don't all agree on what looks attractive and what doesn't. Each of us has a huge web of associations and experiences that lead us all in slightly different directions, despite the biology.

And while visual cues cause an immediate reaction, they don't guarantee any kind of compatibility - or even a sustained attraction. Appearance is a very unreliable shortcut to finding out about a person.
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  #160  
Old 05-30-17, 03:59 PM
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Re: I think that I'm undateable.

Can I also add that I think that the only thing that might be seriously unattractive universally is someone rating you from 1-10. There's so much wrong with that I don't even know where to start explaining it.
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  #161  
Old 05-30-17, 07:18 PM
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Red face Re: I think that I'm undateable.

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Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post
Do you really believe a Meyers Brigg result makes you undateable?

Indecision makes an Intp or anyone else undateable because it can lead to looking for perfection from yourself or others.

One way I found to overcome Indecision about people, was through writing. It helped me figure out how to express who I was. In expressing myself through ideas, I felt acceptance and ultimately, my indecision came from a lack of self awarensss and acceptance.

I don't know the OP, but if they say they have a problem, then they probably have a problem.


From what I have read and what I know

Introverted could mean more internal than external expression
Intuitive can mean less concise more open
Thinking can mean trusting logic over feelings
Percieving means less reactive

I just don't think you can date anyone if you can't decide whether or not you like them or if it is worth the risk. For a long time, that held me back with people, until I started taking risks. I can relate to what the op is saying and it was just overall indecisiveness that held me back.

We're all different though

If you look at intp, it just says intp types are indecisive until they've had enough time to think about it.

I don't really want to argue the validity of the meyers brigg, because what matters is that the OP believes in the meyers brigg. Telling them to doubt what they believe about themselves is only further adding to the issue in my opinion, because the op needs to trust themselves before they can trust anyone else, and that trust will come to be mutually shared with the people that they meet in their life.
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  #162  
Old 05-31-17, 04:51 AM
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Re: I think that I'm undateable.

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Originally Posted by InvitroCanibal View Post
I don't really want to argue the validity of the meyers brigg, because what matters is that the OP believes in the meyers brigg. Telling them to doubt what they believe about themselves is only further adding to the issue in my opinion, because the op needs to trust themselves before they can trust anyone else, and that trust will come to be mutually shared with the people that they meet in their life.
I wasnt trying to argue about the validity of Meyers Brigg, I just hadnt heard what you mentioned in reference to dating. I would love to find a Meyers Brigg that was accurate or reliable for me. The one's Ive taken give me different results each time, or are confusing by how different they seem to be.
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Old 06-02-17, 05:51 PM
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Re: I think that I'm undateable.

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Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post
I wasnt trying to argue about the validity of Meyers Brigg, I just hadnt heard what you mentioned in reference to dating. I would love to find a Meyers Brigg that was accurate or reliable for me. The one's Ive taken give me different results each time, or are confusing by how different they seem to be.
It's just about the proccess that you use to understand the world. Some people identify with it more than others. It says Intps are indecisive but I haven't really decided whether or not I identify with that.
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Old 06-02-17, 06:18 PM
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Re: I think that I'm undateable.

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It says Intps are indecisive but I haven't really decided whether or not I identify with that.
Ha!

I like that.
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Old 06-02-17, 06:46 PM
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Re: I think that I'm undateable.

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It says Intps are indecisive but I haven't really decided whether or not I identify with that.
I see what you did there.


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