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  #1  
Old 09-28-05, 08:24 PM
boopie2001 boopie2001 is offline
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ADD, Work, and life in general

Oh, I hate my life. I can't seem to get my life together. I started working at a job about a month ago and I totally suck at it. I have not been able to control my problems with ADD and it is evident to all that I have a problem. I have so much of a problem with organization. At work, I lose important papers, get things mixed up in my head, and I often have problems with my memory. Also, add social anxiety disorder to my mess of a life. I try my hardest to do a good job but I always fail. I don't seem to have the organization skills or the common sense to work in a normal job. I've tried reading books on organization, but I can't stay focused enough to get through the books. I had such high hopes for myself when I was younger. I came from parents who struggled with organizational and motivational issues. I thought my life was going to be different. I figured if I worked hard enough, things could be better for me. This hasn't been the case. In all my jobs, I have been seen as unmotivated, lazy, and an idiot. People always treat me like I'm stupid. I know I'm not stupid, but I can't get to come across to people. I guess I come across that way because in a lot of situations I am unsure of myself. Throughout my life I've made some bad choices and now I don't have a lot of confidence in myself. I have no friends where I live or on my job because most people do not like me. I seem to turn people off because of my negativity and low self-esteem. I try my best to mask my true feelings but I guess I come across as phony. I've tried to take medication (Ritalin, Concerta, etc.) however it seems to aggravate my anxiety. I don't know what to do. I feel like failure with no possibility of a decent future. Is there anyone who can relate to this?
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Old 09-28-05, 09:35 PM
mctavish23 mctavish23 is offline
 

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Welcome to the Forum.


I can relate with all the work problems, as I simply cannot do the paperwork part of my job without my meds working.

Currently, I'm on my 3rd med change in about the last 6 mos or so. I've actually lost count.

The good news is that it's finally working. I can tell and so can others.

The difficult thing about it is that it took exactly 36 days from the time I phoned my doc, to the day I started my new meds.

Please hang in there, because things do have a way of working out.

take care and good luck
mctavish23 (Robert)
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Old 09-28-05, 09:48 PM
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Meds may help with the memory problems but you will have to get organized in some fashion. It's not learned overnight but schedule calanders and one place to write yourself notes or stickies can help. I use one desktop file for almost all of my work, finished or unfinished. I just lock the whole thing up in a filing cabinet at night because of privacy laws I deal with.
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Old 09-28-05, 09:57 PM
Ann74 Ann74 is offline
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I'm sorry you are going through this. I can relate to everything you said. All I can say is take it one day at a time, you'll be ok. You're not stupid, and I bet people don't even think that of you either. Think of all the positive things about your life. I find myself getting all worked up over my negative thoughts.

Anna
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Old 09-29-05, 12:00 AM
pith30 pith30 is offline
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Im sorry man. I know how much it sucks to have others think of you as lazy or un inteligent. I have either run from it or been confretational about it my entire adult life. I hope to someday find a job where i fit in and can make a difference. Although i am a writer and make enough money to live off of it, it is a solitary practice with very little attention from others. I have always and still am seen as a failure by my family. I was the smart one I was supposed to succeed and be some corperate genius. Im not and day by day i am starting to become ok with that. We all have a gift you will find yours, try doing somthing you love in your spare time. I belive that we are all born with some inate tallent. It just takes time and hard work to find it. So screw everyone who puts you down or makes you feel less than you know you are. When the time comes and you find out what you love, you will excell beyond your wildest dreams. I may be broke but i survive and am happy, it took a long time but the feeling i got when i finished my first novel was indescribable. Just gut it out and look to your strengths and dont dwell on your weeknesses, lord knows we all have plenty of them. Happiness comes, slowly, sometimes angonizingly so but it does come. If you ever need an ear give me a shout, hang in there.
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Old 09-29-05, 12:11 AM
usfpanther usfpanther is offline
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Yeah i understand, i had a brother that had that same problem. Even his 5th grade teacher called him stupid. I dont know how he did but he used to just focus on thing and go to the extreme learning and but he couldnt focus on anything else when he was like this. But finally when we was 30 he spent a lot of time and effort learning how to be a loan officer and he spent took so long to learn it inside and out. i think he took a year before he actually tried to get a job doin that but he did take adderal at the time and i think it helped him. but he always had a feeling of being stupid and he wouldnt act kind of crazy sometimes so even i limited how much i hung out with him.

Now apparently i have the inattentive kind, and for me im just as disorganized but i usually pretty bright but i have trouble understanding what im learning until i understand the big picture like the why im learning this and how does what im learning tie into the big picture then it all starts to fall in to place for me. But i have to say, they good and bad thing about mine is that i dont worry about anything and so many times i wish i could have shared that with my brother while he was feeling bad and having high anxiety. so basically i wish i could share that with you as well at least as far as dealin with people go, be apathetic basically act like you dont care to much, for some reason people are attrated to that, i guess basically people think you confident and that attracts people. and just relax as they just "Be Cool" and relaxed people seem to like that. Look im young and dont know much so none of this will probably help but i hope it does. Have a groovy week
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Old 09-29-05, 03:18 PM
pith30 pith30 is offline
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If it helps i feel lost and hopeless plenty of the time. I know what is like to loose someone close, in fact in the days when me and my friends where into heroin i burried three of them. Life is hard but just find even a single second in the day when your mind gives even the slightest glimmer of hope. I never thought it would and sometimes i get so down that i dont even belive in my own hope but i have to believe in something even if im wrong, im right ya know. Pm me any time. I like to think that i can help, sometimes yes, sometimes not a chance but i will give a **** at the very least.
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Old 09-29-05, 03:30 PM
Shakedown1979 Shakedown1979 is offline
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what profession are you in that requires so much organization?

I am looking at the stack of papers on my desk, noticing some interesting coffee stain patterns. If someone actually asks me about the content in any of those documents, I wouldn't know where to begin.

I'm new to this board, but noticed there's a lot of people beating themselves up over a lot of bs. Chances are very good that you are smarter than I am, waste less time during the day than I do, and have better short-term memory than I do. My uneducated opinion is that you are in the wrong profession. I don't do drugs, especially ones approved by the FDA, so no meds getting me through the day here. The world requires more creativity than it did 10-20 years ago when I first got into the workforce, but you have to get into a company or profession that rewards it. If you can't do your job without keeping papers organized, you have either travelled in a time machine from 1955, or are in the wrong job. I am kicking @ss at work right now, and I am the most disorganized person here, it's not even close. If my pay were in anyway tied to my filing system, I'd be lucky to make minimum wage.
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Old 09-29-05, 03:34 PM
pith30 pith30 is offline
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Me, no way...I cant organize anything. I am a novelest and a freelance writer. My schedual, editors fix my f ups and i have no one to tell me how unorginzed and unprofessional i am. Thank God
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Old 09-30-05, 10:13 AM
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Shakedown, what job do you have? I need one of those.

Boopie, you're not alone. Hang out here for a while and find some friends. Most of us are trying to figure out what the heck we're doing too, with and without meds.

Just as a suggestion, you might need to get your depression tackled before your concerta (or whatever) can do any good. I'm not sure, but personal experience shows me that the stimulant (Concerta) will enable you to corral your thoughts much better. Now if you're deeply depressed, those thoughts are actually very stressful, and the Concerta (or whatever) will actually increase your anxiety.

Just a thought. Good luck to you!

Craig
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Old 10-03-05, 04:33 PM
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Oh I can sympathize, empathize, relate....yes indeed.

I have an MBA in Finance. I did really well in school. Looking back, I think it is because it was all new and interesting. Working in the field is another thing. And because everybody thinks that an MBA has so many options, it's hard to explain why a lot of jobs won't work.

I have ALWAYS had trouble keeping track of all the little details...which in my field is a problem. I love projects, where I can delve in and focus on the one project. Unfortunately there are all the other things...deadlines, reports, financial statement. I've come to find no meaning in it all; it's just a lot of paper.

I got a job 10 months ago as Finance Director. Turns out, it's mostly bookkeeping. Never did that before...talk about detail! What's more...boring, routine, meaningless detail. I suck at it. Furthermore, my boss has absolutely no interest in letting me actually direct anything....because she sees my difficulty with bookkeeping as an indicator of my skills in finance! What's more, all that data entry stuff made it even more of a challenge to keep up with the other stuff, that now I am behind on a number of things....

Two weeks ago I had a meltdown. I sat at my desk and did not have any idea what to do with all the papers...where to start, what my priorities were....it was like I was mentally paralyzed. I've been off work for a week on a medical leave.

My boss hired a consultant to 'look at the books'. I know she will find things undone, but of course, nothing 'criminal' or intentionally neglected...and nothing injurious to the organization. I'm pretty sure she won't see it that way.

So, I'm screwed. I will probably not be eligible for unemployment benefits.

I'm on Concerta, but feel I really need to find another career that better suits me. I expect that will be a bit of a challenge in itself...but everytime I think about sitting at a desk with all that paperwork, I get depressed and nauseous.
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Old 10-03-05, 09:12 PM
Natural Decline Natural Decline is offline
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Boopie, I can also empathize. I'm in a similar place right now. In fact, I had a meltdown yesterday, going off about nearly the same things. It's not easy to know you're not stupid and perceive that people think you're stupid. Knowing you have the potential, but having difficulty realizing it and feeling like everyone else just sees the mistakes, the problems, etc...arrgh!
I make careless mistakes at work because I zone out and the looks and comments I get make me want to crawl under the floor. I'm not just the sum total of those mistakes, there's more to me, so it's frustrating!
Social anxiety is such a nightmare. I feel like I'm always screwing up with people. The thing is, though, it often turns out to be a much bigger deal to me than it is to others. Most of the time. I wonder how I can walk with both feet in my mouth! But it's hard...I've made some bad life choices, too, and I know it shouldn't ruin hope for the future.
I agree with the person who said you might want to look into meds for depression and anxiety. (Wait, they just mentioned depression.) Anyway, anxiety and depression will make everything else seem more overwhelming and discouraging.
But take care of yourself and don't give up on trying!
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Old 10-04-05, 12:55 AM
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I have felt the same.Just try to roll with things the best you can.That is all you can do,is do the best YOU can.
Good luck to you and endevor to perservere!!!
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Old 10-04-05, 11:25 PM
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boopie,

I can relate to your post--for sure! I have major job instability..no friends, etc...sometimes I don't mind it, but other times i really sucks! I'm lucky I have a wonderful family, but it still is very discouraging sometimes. Being in my mid 30s, single, job issues, well you know!

hopefully things will start changing for you....life the last 7 years for me, has mostly been a big event of downs, not very many highs..like my mom tells me-- at least you are alive, can walk/talk/see, don't have a serious mental illness like schizophrenia(my brother does), etc...

whew
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Old 10-05-05, 07:21 AM
boopie2001 boopie2001 is offline
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Thanks for all the support. I'm trying to hang in there. It has been so difficult. One of my biggest problems is memory. Where I work I'm always forgetting something, especially if things get hectic. Yesterday was a difficult day. I forgot to do something for a patient and had to call the patient back to have the procedure done. The reason I forgot was because of a distracting co-worker. She kept coming in to the room complaining about things and getting both of us upset. She never stays calm and complains about everythings in front of the patient. Another problem that I have is that I seem to have no auditory memory. People can tell me something and sometimes I forget what the person said almost immediately. Because of these problems I decided to not go into nursing. In this other field, I thought I was not going to have to juggle so many things. I've been at this job almost 6 weeks and it has been hell since I've gotten here. I'm trying to stick this job out since my husband is suppose to be getting another job in another state soon. It seems that he is dragging his feet on that. I feel desperate to get out of this job. Management sucks (she changes the schedule almost every week), my co-workers drive me crazy, and the people in the department do not like me (I can't even get many of them to greet me in the morning). This job sucks! I want a job that I feel okay in. I have to got to work this morning and I have been up all night thinking that patient I had to call back. I know I will get written up for that. I feel sick to my stomach. I hate this job. Sorry for the negativity.
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