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Women with ADD/ADHD This forum is for women to discuss issues related to being a woman with AD/HD.

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  #1  
Old 05-29-18, 10:43 PM
wazneverhere wazneverhere is offline
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How do you deal with becoming easily overwhelmed while being a parent

One of the biggest struggles I face is getting overwhelmed fairly fast. It makes it really difficult for me to plan anything. I know this is very common here, but being a parent can make it all feel so much worse. Complete overload + heightened anxiety.

If any mom's here, how do you deal? What has helped you?
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Old 05-29-18, 10:55 PM
peripatetic peripatetic is offline
 
 

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Re: How do you deal with becoming easily overwhelmed while being a parent

that's a great question!

i don't have great answers. i try to stay grounded. and i have help taking care of my three-year old. plus her father and i are together. can you get a break? plan outside of caring directly for them, too?

start with very essential things and build would be my suggestion, though. you can't do everything and kids need to have down time, too.

i also take a lot of medication. that helps me with my anxiety/overwhelm.
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Old 05-30-18, 03:07 PM
kaifan kaifan is offline
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Re: How do you deal with becoming easily overwhelmed while being a parent

Big big hugs to you mama! yes, I feel tired & overworked! But when I look at my girls, I'm grateful for the blessing of being their mom. Her school year is ending this year and I got teary knowing that they are growing up fast! Enjoy the moment and know that we are all in the same boat~
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Old 05-31-18, 12:13 AM
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Re: How do you deal with becoming easily overwhelmed while being a parent

My kids are older- 22,18 and 14 and I had it in my head they would be easier when they were older- boy was I wrong! If anything they are harder.
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Old 05-31-18, 03:59 PM
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Re: How do you deal with becoming easily overwhelmed while being a parent

It's me and my son with our medical issues trailing behind us. It was more intensive when he was younger. And I home schooled him until the 4th grade. That's time consuming. It did grant me +10 patience. Now I work full time. He's 14 now and extremely happy he can make his own ramen noodles. Now I have to teach him to cook something else because he won't stop eating the damned noodles. I also decided to try to teach him to do dishes. He broke not 1, but the only 2 glasses in the sink at the same time. I took the plate away from him and was like "ok hon, we'll try this again later". D:

For me it's a large part medication. Have way too much going on upstairs to function normally without it.

Mindfulness goes a long way. Put your effort into the 1 thing you are doing in the present moment. Forget the past and ignore the future. Focusing on how much you have to do can be overwhelming for anyone. And break bigger tasks down. Make sure your goals are realistic. Moms can't, actually, do everything. I'm the one that used to start crying hearing about peoples days and things they had done because I wouldn't have been able to handle doing those thing at all. Just try asking me where I see myself in 3 years back then. Now normal people ask me how I do all the things I do. Weird, that.

Meditation and yoga have helped me calm my brain down as well. I did however find out that at yoga being ****** off all day with no medication, in a class of rude, inconsiderate people, means meditation for me is out. It' just too much stress for me to regain control.

I've raised my son as a single mom. Never had a man that was very helpful in any sense of the word. I have a knack for finding man children. This is why I'm dating a woman now. She can take care of her own ****. I don't have to babysit a grown human being. And she also has her own autistic daughter the same age as my son. So I don't constantly get lectured on how to discipline the autism out of my son. Because that works.

Basically just take one step at a time. Chill out, enjoy the ride. Make sure you savor every moment with your kid(s) because they grow up FAST. And then they are 14 year old punks who don't want to hang out with mom anymore.
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Old 05-31-18, 05:26 PM
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Re: How do you deal with becoming easily overwhelmed while being a parent

I'm on my own with children too, so I liked what the previous poster suggested. I have some suggestions too, but I only recently came on this site, and have written in my introduction that I haven't had a formal diagnosis. Just thought I should highlight that, in case it might affect my advice.

I find planning hard too, as I never know how I will be feeling, which depends on energy levels and how things are going emotionally. But I try to keep quieter days either side of full on days as I know I won't cope with many high energy days in a row. I also try to be realistic with what I can manage. Although I try to arrange great things for my children and give them a lot of attention, I have to put my self care as a priority and be realistic about what I can manage.

I also stick to routines where possible, and I don't let my teenagers stay up to late. I live in a small house and turn into a monster if I can't get to sleep or my sleep is interrupted. So my older children can't stay up later than me -or only very rarely.

I also try to keep on top of housework as much as possible, but again, i have to be realistic about this. Sometimes giving people attention and doing exciting things comes first, sometimes I just have to clear up so that the whole atmosphere becomes calmer and safer. Again, I have a basic routine and expectations of myself and my children.

And taking up running as a hobby/sport a couple of years ago has helped me hugely too. This is another thing that has to come high in the priorities as when I have been running I am so much more productive, focused and calm, and I also want to eat more healthily, which in turn......

Hope some of that is useful.
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Old 09-19-18, 01:05 PM
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Re: How do you deal with becoming easily overwhelmed while being a parent

I will triple down on the suggestion of mindfulness. Since ADHD has a strong biological component, it's likely that your child also has ADHD. As I'm sure you know, when two folks with ADHD get together chaos reigns.

For adults, I would recommend Headspace. It's an app that I found on GooglePlay, but I'm sure it's in the iTunes store to. It's not free, but it offers a lot of guided meditations for a lot if different situations. I really like the anxiety ones.

Cosmic Kids is a wonderful YouTube channel. I LOVE it. I discovered it for the yoga which is great. But she also has a mindfulness series on the channel as well which I've started working on with my daughter.

I'll also say something that may be unpopular, but systems are the best way I've found to manage chaos. Now, I know that they're hard to set up. But they are so important. Take some time to plan things out. Then you don't have to keep trying to figure it out and play catch up. I've started listening to a podcast called A Slob Comes Clean which has been super helpful to me for addressing clutter in a reasonable way. That can help reduce the feeling of being overwhelmed with housework. And any amount of stress reduction is good.
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Old 09-22-18, 12:32 PM
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Re: How do you deal with becoming easily overwhelmed while being a parent

Quote:
I'll also say something that may be unpopular, but systems are the best way I've found to manage chaos. Now, I know that they're hard to set up. But they are so important. Take some time to plan things out. Then you don't have to keep trying to figure it out and play catch up. I've started listening to a podcast called A Slob Comes Clean which has been super helpful to me for addressing clutter in a reasonable way. That can help reduce the feeling of being overwhelmed with housework. And any amount of stress reduction is good.
I do not think what you said is unpopular. It makes sense and the routine I had to learn for my insomnia is proof positive that routines can help. My morning routine is rigid too.
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Old 09-22-18, 04:50 PM
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Re: How do you deal with becoming easily overwhelmed while being a parent

I get overwhelmed really easily and I absolutely suck at planning or organising anything. I guess the way I'm dealing with it is to neglect everything that's not related to my daughter (or to a smaller extent my job). So that's where all m energy and time goes and I've got home left for anything else but maybe that's ok.

Thankfully hubby is a bit more competent than me and he's great at planning and organising.

What exactly do you get overwhelmed by? Your kid(s)? House work? With house work, what helps hugely is that we get a cleaner who comes twice a month, which in spite of not being very frequent makes such a huge difference. If you can in any way afford it I'd definitely recommend that. Also, I rarely cook these days but when I (or hubby) cook I usually put some in the freezer. Still, I manage to give my daughter fairly healthy meals but hubby and me eat mostly crap.

I second having systems in place. I very rarely manage to implement any but when I do they help so much. It took me about six months to implement a bed time routine for my daughter (who is a terrible sleeper) but when it finally worked I was so proud of myself even though it didn't work for long.

I used to use a task planner and a calendar with alarm for appointments but somehow I can't find those apps again and I haven't found anything else I like. Once you are used to them though they can help so much to keep on top of appointments, etc.

Breathing exercises used to help me lots for a while with anxiety and feeling stressed but somehow now I can't do them anymore.

Also, if in any way possible if you can carve out some time just for yourself then do. Just a few minutes every day where you do something pleasant, relaxing, fun or fulfilling for yourself can make a big difference.
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