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  #1  
Old 08-31-04, 11:32 PM
cracell cracell is offline
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ADD - A Gift or A Curse?

ADD I hate that term, in fact the term ADD kept me from getting help for myself for many years, when i was young I was diagonosed with a Learning Disablity, (I forget exaclty what it was called)

But essentially, I can't learn at all by audio, and it's difficult visually too, (I am very um, not kenstic but the one that has to do with movement)

anways, I am extremely bright, and that kept me from needed to pay attention thoughout elementary school, then in Jr. High I started to have problems

I simply couldn't keep everything straight, school became difficult enough that I simply had to find a way to focus, but just couldn't

I did research online, studied up on my LD, I read how many people with ADD have LA's, but I refused to believe I had ADD

I didn't have a disorder and I don't, thus I refused to get help in that way, because I knew my inability to focus was a gift

ADD makes me creative, it makes life interesting, and so many other things

but simply the name ADD and the image in my mind, ADD and AD/HD kids where brat's, trouble makers, I was neither

and I certainly didn't have a disorder, school simply wasn't structured correctly

this "disorder" caused me to go into deep depression", kept me from getting help for a long time, I barely made it out of Jr. High, now into High School

Freshman year went horrible, but I slid by only failing one class

Then came sophmore year, and it was just too much, finally I realized that I had to find a way to help myself, I researched online aggressivly, and despite my image of ADD kids, I started reading a few articles, and realized that I was just like that

I got ritalin, in within to weeks, my grades in my classes went up 20% (barely passing all my classes last year)

this year with it has been great

anyway's the thing is though I love the way I am, I don't think there is anything wrong with me, I think it is them, everyone else, the world isn't structured for us, but we actually have it better

Sorry for so much ramabling, but does anyone agree? That ADD is no disorder, but a gift
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  #2  
Old 09-01-04, 12:05 AM
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Whether it is a Gift or a curse...is really up to you...Once ya learn to cope with having it and get the right treatment....You can Make it your salvation...A poem I wrote that is posted here in the forums...The last line is....

I shall take what I have learned and make it my salvation,
And You WILL see me leave my mark across the nation.

To Me it is no longer a curse but I have discovered many others with ADD and the things I like about me I saw in them also...Realizing it is a gift to have what I have, more than the Non Add People will ever know.
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Old 09-01-04, 12:44 AM
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Some parts gift , most parts curse. I love the part of me that are empathetic, kind and emotional. It makes me feel more human. I have amazing thoughts and sometimes am able to see solutions to very abstract problems faster than anyone thought. I have amazingly fast ability to answer questions and everyone seems tothink i am very bright. But the curse is too painful for me to even write about, he pain of my life and the pain i have caused others emotionally cripples me, Guilt follows me daily all my decisons are based on sparing myself and others of further pain by doing exactly what is wrong for me. I dont matter, everyone else does. All the choices in my life either made or ignored were destructive to whoever it is I am. One day , i hope to meet me and pray i dont hate that person as much as i hate this one.
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Old 09-01-04, 01:06 AM
analog guy analog guy is offline
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Hmm, Gift?

I'm not sure I would ever call a disorder a "gift". I can understand takings lemons and making lemonade, but I can't call lemons a sweet thing in and of themselves; they are what they are - ******* SOUR!

It reminds me of the deaf lesbian couple a few years ago who were so into the "proud of what we are" mentallity that they specifically tried to "create" a deaf child becuase they believed in "deaf pride" (source: Journal of Medical Ethics 2002; 28:283). Now this is just an extreme example of someone with this "love thy disorder" viewpoint, but it gives one pause to examine the sanity of ever consdering a disability a good thing.

I totally identify with the story, though. My wandering mind gave me a great sense of inventiveness and energy that garnished me multitudes of praise for years at work. This came at the cost of advancing in that same career due to my complete inability to organize, remember important things, etc. While I am grateful that my creativity and charm from childish energy snagged me a great woman I love dearly, the years of forgetting about little things like important dates (and things she has asked me to take care of) has taken it's toll on our relationship. I think the best way to view the positive aspects of a disability is simply as a positive aspect of a disability - not a gift with negative aspects.
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  #5  
Old 09-01-04, 01:10 AM
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Lemonade like ADD and life is what you make of it
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Old 09-01-04, 01:24 AM
analog guy analog guy is offline
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Correct.

Absolutely. That is my point. How hard you try to derive positives out of a negative life throws at you is a mark of your character. If you start off from the position that ADD is a gift, then you will eventually arrive at the conclusion that the negatives merely inhere with an overall good thing, and the struggle to make positives is cheapened as a result. If you start from the position that ADD is a disorder, and you spend your life struggling to force the negatives to be positives in some way, then you have accomplished something truly remarkable and the negatives that remain are merely challanges you haven't overcome - yet.

Put annother way; if Down's Syndrome is a "gift" because the "benifactors" are such loving, innocent people, then the negatives (diminished mental capacity) are merely the price to pay for a good thing, and then what is so "special" about the Special Olympics when a D.S person wins?

I like the fact that I worked my way to where I was in spite of my limitations, not because of them. It somehow means more to me that way .
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Old 09-01-04, 01:33 AM
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For every action there is a positive and negative reaction...."At least remember that from science"

I feel the same way...I learned to make do cause I can not let the negative reactions effect the positive....or More Negative will come of it...Ya know.
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Old 09-01-04, 01:48 AM
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Not to seem too angry but it seems to me that many of you have not been as negatively affected as I have, it is not a gift. I was only diagnosed recently, and i am 35, I remeber 34 years of pain,misery and not knowing why i do what i do, and wishing so dearly to be able to stop. Wishing to make others understand that I really wanted to change but i couldnt, really could not change. The gifts are whatever of me that was able to seep through the all encompassing cloud that is ADD.
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Old 09-01-04, 01:53 AM
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If I had a nickle for every time I went into my office, shut the door, and cried my eyes out after having gotten reamed for forgetting to do something I REALLY had to do, I could have retired after the first five years of work. I hear ya. Loud and Clear. I hated writing myself a note, writing a second one because I forgot I had written the first one, and then forgetting them both..in plain sight because I was called to the carpet in a different part of the office and didn't have access to them. God I hated that. And then there was the patronizing..UGHH.. and the sarcastic.."yes, I know you know, I just wanted to remind you again so there aren't any "mistakes" made on this one..." I got through it with a really great sense of self depricating humor, but it really hurt to always be scolded like a child.
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  #10  
Old 09-01-04, 03:06 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Toaster
Not to seem too angry but it seems to me that many of you have not been as negatively affected as I have, it is not a gift. I was only diagnosed recently, and i am 35, I remeber 34 years of pain,misery and not knowing why i do what i do, and wishing so dearly to be able to stop. Wishing to make others understand that I really wanted to change but i couldnt, really could not change. The gifts are whatever of me that was able to seep through the all encompassing cloud that is ADD.
I am sorry Ya feel that way hun and believe me I understand...i felt the same way you did a long time ago but there is another way of looking at things...and You really shouldn't have to justify yourselves to other who dont understand...In that sence they are the ones with the real problem and not you cause I know one thing...Most dont want to understand...

Many a ppl have told me....God does not give us what we cant handle...and gives us strength to deal with it...Their are many blessing even the smallest insignificant thing, sweetie..You just have to look a bit harder to find em.

Do ya have a creative side? Or have things like thinking the same thoughts as others at the same time...sence others feelings...Vibes?
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Old 09-01-04, 03:21 AM
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I have a creative side but not soething tangible, I have weird "gifts" , i have vibes , i have a weird sense about people, i read people very well and can empathize and i have a strange sense that i have healing type abilities. not sure if i can prove it to others though. I understand people and their pain, the needs and i feel pain, i mean i really feel others pain, i see their faces and i imagine their lives, their pain is something that i not only see, i feel it. it is strange. My wife comes to me when she has pains in her stomach or ovaries and asks me to make the go away and somehow she says that it works but we never talk about it. It might just be me attempting to make my otherwise meaningless life somehow seem to have a purpose. who knows, i have years of pain inside, doubt, betrayal and a sense that i dont fit in to this world. i am a ghost, a shadow, i sense only the negative and find it everywhere. It brings me to tears and sadness as i imagine the pain of the world , i wish to spare others a moment of sadness and pain and wish i could make others understand that we all are children of god and truly brothers and sisters. My life is so useless, i am so misunderstood, i am hated by my wife , i have no friends any longer, no one cares or at least they dont know that i need to know it. i have always cared for others, genuinely cared. Life is a constant reminder to me that i am not to be ever happy, truly happy, i long to feel warmth on my heart, the soft warmth from the sun that takes away all darkness and cold. Maybe in another life but i know suffering is what i am and if you remove that, what is left?
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  #12  
Old 09-01-04, 03:38 AM
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I have a weird sense about people, i read people very well and can empathize and i have a strange sense that i have healing type abilities. not sure if i can prove it to others though. I understand people and their pain, the needs and i feel pain, i mean i really feel others pain, i see their faces and i imagine their lives, their pain is something that i not only see, i feel it. it is strange

Empathy for others....that in it's self is one of the greatest gift we have...when ya think of such empathy lacking in others...The World needs more compassionate People, No?

I am 28 years old and in the past estimated 24 years, I have known Not only what you have but also repeating pattern of abuse In every way and Manipulation, at least 3 times in my life I escaped death....Why have I suffered and am still living to tell the Tale.....I like to believe that it happened for a purpose...Like through my Poetry and my Abuse Support group I take all the bad that happened to me and try to turn it into something positive cause I see it this way...If I let the past and the Negative in my life now destroy me and make me weaker instead of stronger and I live my life in despair...I let them win....and I refuse to give them the satisfaction of breaking me. Not saying Im the shnizzle dizzle, I have my mental damnage...but I can not let it destroy me..and I know someway I will make it better.

Misery does not have to beyour life..that is if that is the life you want...That's what I mean when I say it's your choice. Hugs Toaster.
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Old 09-01-04, 11:06 AM
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Toaster,
Have you gotten any treatment yet? A diagnosis? You show a very strong will to do well in life and I'm sure there is hope.

Last edited by paulbf; 09-01-04 at 11:16 AM..
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Old 09-01-04, 11:11 AM
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Yeah Of course he will I got faith in him There is always hope..
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Old 09-01-04, 01:00 PM
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Toaster,
I read your post several hours ago. It hit me hard then and I haven't been able to forget it even with the busy-ness of the day at hand. It drew me back 5 years ago when I could have penned the same feelings. I was in the midst of depression. I, too, sensed that I had gifts, but it seemed my feeble attempts at putting these gifts to use, only served to make matters worse. Which in turn lead to increasing feeling of worthlessness, hopelessness....the strong feeling that I was basically just taking up space....and, yes, I seriously considered "opting out". How I made it from there to here is a long story, one that I'm not sure I understand even today and which is still an ongoing process. But the things that stand out in my mind are all the crises in the years since. Health issues, emotional issues....even now as I look back I can not look upon THEM as "gifts"...more as a catalyst for change, to discover and re-discover the essence of "me". A way to strip away the facade and expose the gifts that lie within each of us. My feeling is that you are standing on the threshold of a spiritual awakening and that you have just begun to tap into the power that lies within you.

Have I begun to put my gifts to use? Yes, now and again, but I still struggle with the fact the I am not the "gift-or" and have to remind myself that I am simply an instrument of a higher power. Whenever there is too much of ME in the process, it is doomed for failure.

I just wish that in reading our posts, you sense our compassion, know that you are not alone with your feelings and hang on to hope for all it's worth.
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