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  #1  
Old 01-21-14, 07:45 AM
daveddd daveddd is offline
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flashbacks accompanied by shame

i seem to get flashbacks occasionally of screwed up social situations or other self conscious things

http://books.google.com/books?id=JTu...prints&f=false

I've only recently began to sort out what was happening, it seems this shame or defective feeling tends to stick around

i used to assume it was anxiety, but this is a much more painful feeling then anxiety, worse then fear or worry

sometimes it comes and gos so fast , that i just felt something, a jolt, a painful one, but i push it away so fast i didn't even have a chance to deal with it

that justs seems to leave a constant undertone of it always present, leaving me left with attempts to eliminate it externally


does this sound ridiculous ??

is shame usually a really easy emotion to deal with?
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  #2  
Old 01-21-14, 08:54 AM
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Re: flashbacks accompanied by shame

shame and guilt serves no posititive reol modell for us, we can only say we were sorry and move on. The wouldnt, of couard have we cant change anything that has happened in the psdt only ther future. Expedting someone to change when in there
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Old 01-21-14, 08:58 AM
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Re: flashbacks accompanied by shame

I think, shame and guilt are two of the most difficult emotions to deal with. I think in small doses they serve the purposes of not repeating an action that proved to be harmful to us or others but often the shame and guilt hang around even when we've learnt our lesson.

At least for me. I can relate. I feel a lot of shame about a lot of things. Some of them major and some, really minor where no one even got hurt. I'm ashamed of many of my thoughts or thoughts I've had in the past.

I can relate to the fleeting thoughts of shame and suppressing them immediately. They can hit me out of nowhere, sometimes triggered by seemingly unrelated things and yes, they hurt like hell.

I'm not sure how to deal with it. I've tried to just allow the thoughts be without suppressing them but it's too painful.
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Old 01-21-14, 01:07 PM
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Re: flashbacks accompanied by shame

Shame sucks. I guess some of it is healthy, but usually mine is so deep-seated and unsettling it unravels me. It happens to me in flashbacks as well and it's usually something really small that causes a huge pit in my stomach. I think a lot, like constantly, about how I am behaving. It comes from being a kid totally aware that I had social difficulties. I was given behavior modifications all the time and I really took them to heart. It's like I told myself "no one will like you if you continue to act like a freak". So to this day, I'm constantly worrying about how I'm acting.

The shame flashbacks are usually from moments when I let go, even for a couple of seconds. I stop trying to act normal and do something that I consider to be socially unacceptable (usually blown way out of proportion). When I think back on those moments I feel awful. It's actually pretty depressing now that I think of it. Those are the only times when I'm completely in the moment and free, but I always feel like the biggest f***-up after. The only thing that seems to help is talking to someone I trust. I need someone to tell me I didn't do something awful just because I was a little spontaneous. My friends have helped me keep the bad thoughts at bay by convincing me that I am a good person.
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Old 01-21-14, 01:09 PM
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Re: flashbacks accompanied by shame

i don't think it sounds ridiculous and i don't think shame is supposed as being an easy emotion to navigate.

prolly individuals can cope with this or that better...everyone has strengths and weaknesses with coping i'd imagine...but i see no reason that shame would be, much less should be, easy to deal with.
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Old 01-21-14, 01:15 PM
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Re: flashbacks accompanied by shame

Dave, I get those flashbacks too, sometimes dreams as well. Imo shame is of the more difficult emotions to deal with because it's something you want to avoid. Makes it hard to deal with because it's difficult to stick with long enough to see the mechanism of it

As you know it's something I've had trouble with as well. Progress can be slow.
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Old 01-21-14, 02:00 PM
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Re: flashbacks accompanied by shame

Yes. Every morning before I am fully awake. I am getting better at surfing past them but I don't want them anymore. And some days these attacks happen many times a day.

I am sorry you have to go through this too. At least it has alerted you to the presence of toxic shame. Which ain't no good.
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Old 01-21-14, 02:19 PM
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Re: flashbacks accompanied by shame

This is regret. It can look very much like shame.
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Old 01-21-14, 09:01 PM
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Re: flashbacks accompanied by shame

The psychologist named Judith Herman saw shame as the self being split, with one part of the self observing the other.

I've had experiences like that, and it's about as painful as non-physical "pain" can be.
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Old 01-21-14, 10:26 PM
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Re: flashbacks accompanied by shame

Dr. Brene Brown is a researcher that has spent many years studying shame and vulnerability. I've really enjoyed her TED talks on those subjects:



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Old 01-21-14, 11:14 PM
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Re: flashbacks accompanied by shame

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Originally Posted by Nicksgonefishin View Post
This is regret. It can look very much like shame.
.

No, it's not. Flashbacks of abuse aren't about regret.
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Old 01-21-14, 11:38 PM
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Re: flashbacks accompanied by shame

Shame and regret over what you did when you were manic while you're depressed (even when it's just starting to surface in a mixed episode) can be heart wrenching or even make you so angry at yourself you just never want to get in that situation again.

Once I dosed up in front of two musicians I'd admire, one I fancy, and I just later thought what a stupid awkward thing to do. At the time it was deliberate. Even some fantasies I've had I feel so bad about even if no one else saw or knew about them.

Like most intrusive thoughts I just ignore them. If I just let them be it would dig me even deeper.

I still think a panic attack is worth or that explodey feeling in my head during a mixed episode. Or a seizure I remain conscious to experience.
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Old 01-22-14, 12:43 AM
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Re: flashbacks accompanied by shame

Quote:
Originally Posted by MentalNomad View Post
The psychologist named Judith Herman saw shame as the self being split, with one part of the self observing the other.

I've had experiences like that, and it's about as painful as non-physical "pain" can be.
I definitely agree with the split self idea. Exiled self as well.

Ginniebean can you tell me more about the mechanism of shame? Or is it just something you have see/feel for yourself?

Also it feels chemical- not rational. Kind of a shame attack circuit or mechanism has been created or chronically tripped after trauma or creation of a shame-based self. It almost feels like the OCD related dysfunctional 'something is wrong' alarm.

No matter how much I consciously accept vulnerability or being 'wrong' as okay, it doesn't stop.

Maybe inner child work will help. Or not running away from the feelings.

Last edited by mrs. dobbs; 01-22-14 at 12:54 AM..
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Old 01-22-14, 12:48 AM
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Re: flashbacks accompanied by shame

One of my biggest struggles is shame. It's been for many years but really exploded as I began having issues in school for a second career 4-5 years ago. I think shame is one the most insidious and soul-destroying things that exist. I think that shame can be like a slow-cooker where we can spend quite a long time and like microwave where we can get zaps of it.

I love Brene Brown and her TED Talks and quote her in my signature. I actually haven't read her books but it's on my To Do list.
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Shame derives it's power from being unspeakable.
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Old 01-22-14, 12:55 AM
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Re: flashbacks accompanied by shame

Quote:
Originally Posted by ginniebean View Post
.

No, it's not. Flashbacks of abuse aren't about regret.
My post was directed to the op who didn't mention abuse.

Over over analyzing thoughts that pop back into your head about past interactions where you wish you could have said or done something different is regret.

Shame is how one feels now.

If one is unable to separate past from present shame and regret are blurred.

Forgiveness of self helps with regret.

As for for the shame change helps. If one changes what they are ashamed of they have no reason to be ashamed.

Like the saying "change what you can and let go of what you can't"

You can't change the past but you can improve your future now.
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