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  #14701  
Old 04-28-17, 05:19 PM
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Re: The what's bothering you RIGHT NOW thread Part III

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Maybe use a batch file instead? If you have no idea what that is I could help you create one.
Thank you for the offer! That is very kind of you!

I re-set it and removed a bunch of stuff and it turned out just fine. But thank you!
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  #14702  
Old 04-28-17, 06:33 PM
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Re: The what's bothering you RIGHT NOW thread Part III

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Mentioning Dylan was what did it for me. If I could have one wish it would be to know for certain whether he's still alive and if he's still alive whether he's okay.

I was talking through some of the what ifs about Ebony when I dug deeper into the past (therapist asked if my anxiety had always acted up like this before Ebony came into my life or whether it was just about Ebony)

How I miss him.

You are stunning.
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  #14703  
Old 04-28-17, 06:41 PM
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Re: The what's bothering you RIGHT NOW thread Part III

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Originally Posted by midnightstar View Post
Mentioning Dylan was what did it for me. If I could have one wish it would be to know for certain whether he's still alive and if he's still alive whether he's okay.

I was talking through some of the what ifs about Ebony when I dug deeper into the past (therapist asked if my anxiety had always acted up like this before Ebony came into my life or whether it was just about Ebony)

How I miss him.
I'm so glad that you can feel and show your emotions about that. Being able to connect with your emotions os one of the greatest gifts someone can have.

You had a lot of fear and anxiety about going into therapy before. How do you feel about that after your first session?
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  #14704  
Old 04-28-17, 07:31 PM
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Re: The what's bothering you RIGHT NOW thread Part III

I find it very hard to ignore things that don't make sense to me or that I know are plain wrong. However after correcting or quizzing people about the nonsensical statements thst they make I feel guilty and petty. And like a smart ***. And disrespectful. But then do I need to respect nonsense? Maybe. ..if the nonsensical view doesn't actually harm me
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  #14705  
Old 04-28-17, 11:14 PM
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Re: The what's bothering you RIGHT NOW thread Part III

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Originally Posted by Hermus View Post
I'm so glad that you can feel and show your emotions about that. Being able to connect with your emotions os one of the greatest gifts someone can have.

You had a lot of fear and anxiety about going into therapy before. How do you feel about that after your first session?
I admit I'm still nervous about future sessions

(I should be in bed abd asleep, it's 4am and I'm awake again for no reason)
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  #14706  
Old 04-28-17, 11:26 PM
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Re: The what's bothering you RIGHT NOW thread Part III

Tigger, why do you think the staircase is a bed? Silly girl.
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  #14707  
Old 04-29-17, 02:19 AM
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Re: The what's bothering you RIGHT NOW thread Part III

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Tigger, why do you think the staircase is a bed? Silly girl.

Extraordinarily proud of you and happy for you, too. To go talk to others about the real you, just awesome. Tremendous guts.

I don't want to appear to be bragging, but where I grew up, people used to think I was a tough guy, in fact, very, very tough and nasty, too. The men and young guys thought I was it. That is the truth.

What they didn't know or suspect, as far as I know, is how fearful I was inside and how crippled I felt because of shame and the terror, really, to let anyone know who I really was inside. To come here and see what you and others do and say, opening up, being vulnerable, despite your fears, is, well, it just blows me away.

Being cool was always my God. Wanted to be in the center of all that was going on, all that was in. Today, the people I like and admire the most are the those who are honest and vulnerable.
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  #14708  
Old 04-29-17, 03:54 AM
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Re: The what's bothering you RIGHT NOW thread Part III

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I admit I'm still nervous about future sessions

(I should be in bed abd asleep, it's 4am and I'm awake again for no reason)
But you don't think they will put you away anymore?
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  #14709  
Old 04-29-17, 04:09 AM
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Re: The what's bothering you RIGHT NOW thread Part III

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But you don't think they will put you away anymore?
No I think if they were going to they'd have done it yesterday

As in "Star you're a fruitcake" *gets out the keys and locks Star away*
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  #14710  
Old 04-29-17, 04:29 AM
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Re: The what's bothering you RIGHT NOW thread Part III

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No I think if they were going to they'd have done it yesterday

As in "Star you're a fruitcake" *gets out the keys and locks Star away*
Great. So you're making progress there.

Keep up the good work. I'm proud of you.
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  #14711  
Old 04-29-17, 05:07 AM
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Re: The what's bothering you RIGHT NOW thread Part III

Another day...another night of sleeping issues .

Lately sleep feels very odd to me. Like it's unnatural or something. It doesn't make much sense to me...to sleep 6-8 hours a day. Seems so boring and tedious and unproductive to me. Like why would I want to sleep when I can stay awake and do things?
haha truth be told...sleeping is probably more exciting then the mindless life I'm living right now...but still...
So I fight it.
Then I do fall asleep and I toss and turn all freaking night. Get up several times to use the bathroom, toss and turn, fall back asleep, have a nightmare, toss and turn, wake up, sit up in bed for an hour, get up to go to the bathroom, go back to sleep, toss and turn...
It's vicious and not enjoyable.
I hate you sleep! Go away and leave me alone!! Or if you are going to keep bugging me, can't you at least give me some solid hours without all the tossing and turning and frequent bathroom breaks and nightmares?
/sigh

...
I REALLY need to get another sleep study done and get a cpap (breathing) machine again. I know I've been saying this for months now...I know I'm ridiculous.
I wonder if that's why I toss and turn so much...because I'm having breathing issues, even though I'm not aware of it? I wonder if I'd be able to sleep through the night without having to get up to use the bathroom so often...if I was able to sleep deeper (which I'd be able to if I wasn't tossing and turning so freaking constantly).
I have big concerns though. I struggled SO hard the first time I tried a cpap...it was horrible. If only I could somehow get use to the great discomfort it gives me. I wonder how long it'd take to really get use to? I think I'd wear it all day while I'm at home for a week or so just to try and get use to it.
We'll see. I don't really know anymore to be honest lol.
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  #14712  
Old 04-29-17, 05:47 AM
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Re: The what's bothering you RIGHT NOW thread Part III

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Originally Posted by bryanrc51 View Post
Maybe use a batch file instead? If you have no idea what that is I could help you create one.
BATCHES? We dont need no stinking BATCHES!
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Old 04-29-17, 05:48 AM
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Re: The what's bothering you RIGHT NOW thread Part III

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Originally Posted by Fuzzy12 View Post
I find it very hard to ignore things that don't make sense to me or that I know are plain wrong. However after correcting or quizzing people about the nonsensical statements thst they make I feel guilty and petty. And like a smart ***. And disrespectful. But then do I need to respect nonsense? Maybe. ..if the nonsensical view doesn't actually harm me
Nonsense is so hard to ignore.
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  #14714  
Old 04-29-17, 05:58 AM
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Re: The what's bothering you RIGHT NOW thread Part III

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Originally Posted by psychopathetic View Post
I wonder if that's why I toss and turn so much...because I'm having breathing issues, even though I'm not aware of it? I wonder if I'd be able to sleep through the night without having to get up to use the bathroom so often...if I was able to sleep deeper (which I'd be able to if I wasn't tossing and turning so freaking constantly).
I have big concerns though. I struggled SO hard the first time I tried a cpap...it was horrible. If only I could somehow get use to the great discomfort it gives me. I wonder how long it'd take to really get use to? I think I'd wear it all day while I'm at home for a week or so just to try and get use to it.
We'll see. I don't really know anymore to be honest lol.
I think it totally would be awesome if you had another sleep study. So many people chalk it up to apnea but have they ever thought about narcolepsy for you? there is so much misinformation about narcolepsy out there; people think its like the movies where someone falls asleep standing up or something but it varies. My husband has narcolepsy. He has the hardest time during "low stimulus" environment. For him that could be while watching tv or listening to a podcast or music. During a boring staff meeting or seminar. Because of the narcolepsy, he fails to reach the deepest stages of sleep in the right order, or falls into deep sleep within minutes and sort of cycles all throughout the night. He gets sleep paralysis where he will be sort of stuck in a light sleep where he is kind of aware of the stuff around him, the usual household activities like, loading the dishwasher or tv watching and even though he wants to wake up he cant until he comes out of that stage. He cant help it and I have have had to learn he just needs those little sleep microbursts and then he comes out of it and is fine. He also has some cataplexy sometimes.

He is not the kind of narcoleptic who cant drive or has issues when performing active things. A lot of times he will take a power nap, form 20 minutes and come to and not realize he has been asleep.

Do you have chronic pain, like in your back or legs? Hubby does and the doctor said even unconsciously it could interfere with the stages of sleep and cause night waking.
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  #14715  
Old 04-29-17, 06:03 AM
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Re: The what's bothering you RIGHT NOW thread Part III

I bought a magazine to read before grocery shopping, but didnt bring my glasses
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