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  #1  
Old 04-15-20, 10:29 AM
KanagarooPower KanagarooPower is offline
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Unhappy Communicational "deficits" related to problems saying HELLO?!

I'm so sick of this particular issue.

Lot's of people are nice and accept strange replies and communications. NOT ALL.

Some folks enforce their greeting standards... and some of them are in higher places like ... positions of authority or people that think you're supposed to follow some sort of "rich or powerful greetings protocol".

I can't say Hi prpoerly some time. I begin thinking about it over and over. (To me it's just comorbid social anxiety with no specific "ADHD specific" features.)

What do you guys think? What's the deal?

Is "How are you?" always going to be problem?

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  #2  
Old 04-15-20, 10:30 PM
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Re: Communicational "deficits" related to problems saying HELLO?!

It could be rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD). Probably more to it than that though.
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Old 04-15-20, 11:50 PM
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Re: Communicational "deficits" related to problems saying HELLO?!

This reminds me to my coworker. She demanded me to "change", starting by greeting our fellow coworkers if we happen to pass each other. I tried it several times with her but got mostly ignored, so now I think "Why bother?". I never greet anyone at my workplace anymore. Even when I passed by her, I just ignored her. She complained "Can you at least say something?", but I had no words to retaliate. I could only think in my head, "See? That's how being ignored when greeting you feels uncomfortable, even though YOU were the one who DEMANDED it".
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Old 04-16-20, 12:46 PM
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Re: Communicational "deficits" related to problems saying HELLO?!

I hate being asked,"how I am" or asking someone the same. SO intrusive.
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Old 04-16-20, 02:35 PM
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Re: Communicational "deficits" related to problems saying HELLO?!

I usually do a "Hi-ii" and I sing it.
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Old 04-16-20, 03:34 PM
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Re: Communicational "deficits" related to problems saying HELLO?!

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Originally Posted by Little Missy View Post
I hate being asked,"how I am" or asking someone the same. SO intrusive.

I worked in my family auto parts business forever. Once when I was about 19-20. there was this older gentleman that came in to the store and he seemed to be a very unfriendly man. I tried to make conversation with him while my dad was in the back hunting a part for him. So I asked him how we was doing today and his reply really changed my thought process... he replied " you don't give a damn how I am doing but I am doing ok" We so often use that as a ice breaker but we truly have a whole plate of our own issues that we have no room for someone elses issues. I try not to ask that anymore but to my closest and most intimate friends who I truly care about.
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Old 04-16-20, 03:54 PM
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Re: Communicational "deficits" related to problems saying HELLO?!

Now that I think about it, the very standard " Hello, how are you" in French solves many problems like this at work. you really can't say much else unless you're already friends. and it's insanely rude to ignore a greeting in any situation, so that rarely happens.

someone who is purposely being unpleasant will master the "icy Bonjour" or the "very phony bonjour".
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Old 04-16-20, 08:24 PM
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You Don't Have to Play the Game, But Why Not Make Things Easy on Yourself?

I have sometimes struggled with the question "How are you?" More when I was young, but sometimes even now if I'm hurting over something--and even more so if my questioner ought to know I am hurting. I try to use this experience to remember that it can be an insensitive thing to say to someone else.

This little ditty helped me quite a bit when I was young:
Don't speak of your aches or your indigestion.
"How are you?" is a greeting, and not a question.
So it's a greeting, a formula. It's not even a rhetorical question...it's a question to which there are only a few--very few--prescribed answers. "Fine," "Great," "Not too bad." To be followed immediately by "How 'bout yourself?"

So it's a brainless--potentially thoughtless-- greeting used by plenty of smart well-meaning people. Don't take it personally. And don't overthink it. Practice the answer until it rolls off your tongue like a rap song. It really does make life easier.
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Old 04-17-20, 03:22 AM
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Re: Communicational "deficits" related to problems saying HELLO?!

My default answer when someone asks me "How are you?" is a literal one. I mostly answer "Thankfully still alive".
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Old 04-17-20, 10:37 PM
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Re: Communicational "deficits" related to problems saying HELLO?!

Don't over think it. I used to work with a guy who thought he could dictate how we greeted him. He even berated the executives. Solution? Didn't bother greeting him at all for several months. Then after he accepted my Hi because his personality disorder preferred Hi to being ignored. Greet people how you greet them. If they don't like it they change stuffed.
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Old 04-20-20, 02:48 PM
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Re: Communicational "deficits" related to problems saying HELLO?!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Little Missy View Post
I hate being asked,"how I am" or asking someone the same. SO intrusive.
I agree, and I respect people who don't want to engage.
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Old 04-20-20, 02:57 PM
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Cool Re: You Don't Have to Play the Game, But Why Not Make Things Easy on Yourself?

Quote:
Originally Posted by 20thcenturyfox View Post
I have sometimes struggled with the question "How are you?" More when I was young, but sometimes even now if I'm hurting over something--and even more so if my questioner ought to know I am hurting. I try to use this experience to remember that it can be an insensitive thing to say to someone else.

This little ditty helped me quite a bit when I was young:
Don't speak of your aches or your indigestion.
"How are you?" is a greeting, and not a question.
So it's a greeting, a formula. It's not even a rhetorical question...it's a question to which there are only a few--very few--prescribed answers. "Fine," "Great," "Not too bad." To be followed immediately by "How 'bout yourself?"

So it's a brainless--potentially thoughtless-- greeting used by plenty of smart well-meaning people. Don't take it personally. And don't overthink it. Practice the answer until it rolls off your tongue like a rap song. It really does make life easier.

Yeah I mean I just want the right to lightly gesture hello. "A man who cant say hello properly blalalala... " I say hello to people with friendly faces. I cant spot a phony like *snap* so it makes it hard to adjust myself after I find out they are using the communication differently. Leaves me wide open. Comes back to bite often.
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