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  #1  
Old 04-30-20, 01:23 AM
Drogheda98 Drogheda98 is offline
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I don't want to be smart anymore.

I love feelings, when my dog kisses me for no reason, it's uncondetional love.

when I say anything that I thinkk is smart, everybody, my mother, my father, my sister, my brother, others get mad at me.

all the time

all the time. I have an idea and I'm constantly reminded of how stupid the idea is, all the time, all the time. even though I think it's a good idea, other ssay how it's a horrible idea.

I'm just so tired, litterly and figuratively.

I think I'm going to log off the net for a long time. but know I'm probably lying cause I need something to tie me to reality, to keep my sane.

why was I born with adhd, can someone please answer me, honestly, I've asked my therapist for 4 years and he hasn't provided an answer.

why, all I want , have ever wanted, was one streaight answer.

why am I hear if I'm told to shut up from every side , not here as in the boards, here as in the world/

I do the best I can I'm told I'm stupid, I do the best I can others tell me how horrible I am.

why, in my classes I just try to help.

should I just shut it for a while? I know no shoulds, still.
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Old 04-30-20, 02:36 AM
Drogheda98 Drogheda98 is offline
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Re: I don't want to be smart anymore.

[quote=Drogheda98;2025190]I love feelings, when my dog kisses me for no reason, it's uncondetional love.
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Old 04-30-20, 04:53 AM
Drogheda98 Drogheda98 is offline
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Re: I don't want to be smart anymore.

[/quote]the idea, was to build a guardian in the backyard, both an above ground and on the ground guardian

that's all, I get grilled by my father "who burps and says I'm the one who burped" after 20 ,minutes of trying to explain a guardian I just, gave up.

I've been cooking a lot, today I made some sort of jambalaya, I am getting prettty good at cooking,m I ask my Mother (yes Mother and Father with Names, whole object constancy) what I can do with egg jolks, 20 minutes fight.

watson our dog (yes I've differentiated, I'm not longer the child who thought he was a dog) will get out sometimes, I chase him down,today I thought, he got out at dark, I ran and ran and ran and screamed his name and finnaly got him to come "play" in the backyard, I was so scared I would lose my only hope in the world.

that'as happened twice, the first time, my mother swears up and down she was the one who ran out to rescue him and I'm like, ********.

I post my recipe's on facebook to get maybee some ladies interested, my mother, as soon as I post, 2 or 3 seconds after is the first to respond everytime, I try to tell her to ******* STOP and all she says is " I can't take it" and it's a 5 day fight afterwords.

I'm just tired, if I didn't have watson I don't know what I'd do, with covid and my respitory I can't get a job, or I could if I was suicidal.

whenever I eat it's just projection city where I have to do psychological ninjujitsu in my mind. I have completely negated the perfection idea, I tell my folks that and I've chastised.

I feel like just, hitting the open road and doing my photography, with a tent and supplies in the suburu, the places I would go there would be nobody around, last time I tried that my mother called me like 6 times a day. I am NOT an EXTENSION of HER.

in fact I hardly EVER hear my mother or father say anything with their ego's.

I'm sorry yall, it's been a rough week for me (get it, I'm not a dog but Kanin humor)

I would still like a straight answer though cause, it would just do a world of good for me.

why was I born with adhd when so many others whernat. there isn't a feeling completely miserable emoji so just imagine that's me looking rather distraught in your heads.

maybee I should just ignore them and just concentrate on me for a while, cook stuff and if they want some they can get it themselves. I feel like I've been tending to their needs instead of them tending to mine ALLL of my ******* life and.

when I get mad I just remember watson. the dog who probably saved my life.

I might be offcenter in saying this, but thanks nam, your the only one here that probably reads what I wright.
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Old 04-30-20, 10:19 AM
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Re: I don't want to be smart anymore.

I've been watching too much Dr Phil during lock down, so this is something he
would say. Don't be a right-fighter.

Your need to be right may be causing others to argue with you.

I used to be that way, but I thought I needed to be understood.

It took awhile, but now I can discuss things with others without getting upset
if they don't understand what I'm trying to say. I focus more on being sure I
understand what they're trying to say.

And I'm okay if we disagree. That doesn't mean I'm not right, it doesn't mean
they're not right. It means we are seeing things from different experiences and
different perspectives.
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Old 04-30-20, 10:32 AM
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Re: I don't want to be smart anymore.

To do so would be a hollow victory.
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Old 04-30-20, 06:46 PM
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Re: I don't want to be smart anymore.

I've almost made it a point to not talk during the covid pandemic and either self reflect in my mind or wright it out on a journal and sometimes here.

as I said, I ask her to not be the first person to upvote my cooking and we get in a fight, because I have boundaries.

My Father tells me to shut up because I have stuff to say, and we get in a fight. I'm DONE shutting up, the DR phill thing reminded me of that. oh ya, DR phill, lots of projections.

whenever I have something to say, anything, I litterly told my parents the other day " I was the nobody who was perfect you at one point said was perfect father and that's why nobody is perfect" and we HAD A FIGHT, I simply said my oppinion and I GET IN A ******* FIGHT, and I'm never the one who starts the fight, I just sense a fight and want the fight to stop and try to stop whatever fight as fast as possible, usually by shutting up. ya those of you who know pshychology, I know the nobody or what it represents, the inner pshychic space and all that, so no I just did not project.

Which reminds me, I had to ask my Father the other day if it was ok for me to say I understand, and I have a gut feeling that it's been like that most of my life.

even here.

no wonder I was so fragmented before.

I'm going to go cuddle with watson

so can somebody give me an answer, why was I born with ADHD. the only give me I think I've ever said
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Old 04-30-20, 07:44 PM
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Re: I don't want to be smart anymore.

Yeah, the best way to end a fight is to say "I'm not gonna argue with you about
this." Change the subject. Walk away. Whatev. Just don't get sucked back in.
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Old 04-30-20, 07:47 PM
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Re: I don't want to be smart anymore.

Why were you born with ADHD?? The same reason any of us here are. It is called roll of the dice.
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Old 04-30-20, 08:06 PM
Drogheda98 Drogheda98 is offline
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Re: I don't want to be smart anymore.

I just gota explain what's happening to me to you all first.

I've reached a point in my development where brand new parts of my personality me are emerging....

My father would make fun of me because I'm Smart, and I don't know why, aren't fathers supposed to support their Proginey? not with money(which helps), but with kindness and support.

My Mother would always tell us (my brother sister and myself) how we where expensive, and how she could of gone to medical school if it wheren't for us. to us, we thought we where just merchandise, things, she still calls Watson a thing (so I have to Apogilize with the dr phill thing, I ment the projections from dr phill)

whenever I cook she always comes up with something to try to stop me from cooking, oh the first time she put a big onion on the stovetop, then she would go to McDonald and buy food I didn't want and even told her I'm under orders from my doctor to lose weight.

this might seem like trivial stuff to you all, but it's not to me, it's how I have lived my life. I can recall when I was having an argument with my Father about boundaries, He told Me I'm taking the boundary stuff too far, I told him, I wasnt taking it far enough.

the fights aren't a who is right or who is wrong, what I've been trying to spell out is my own boundaries to them (and to you all in the same swing).

if anyone wants to fill me in on why I'm wrong trying to stand up for myself and assert my boundaries, or lines in the sand, go ahead, I'll be reading.
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Old 05-01-20, 04:33 AM
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Re: I don't want to be smart anymore.

Reading through this, it really looks like your family's behavior is toxic. They seem to want to fight.

And the covid lockdown is just making all of this ten times worse.

I understand the title of your post but perhaps: if you weren't smart, or lacked emotional intelligence, you could never step back and try to figure out what is happening. it would just be an eternal, blind cycle of yelling and misery.
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Old 05-01-20, 09:21 AM
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Re: I don't want to be smart anymore.

Maybe just make your point with them then drop the conversation?
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Old 05-02-20, 01:04 AM
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Re: I don't want to be smart anymore.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Drogheda98 View Post
if anyone wants to fill me in on why I'm wrong trying to stand up for myself and assert my boundaries, or lines in the sand, go ahead, I'll be reading.
Hey Drog,
Sorry to hear about all the family issues. Living in a hostile environment sucks!

I don’t think your intelligence is the issue at all. Honestly, the title of your thread kinda irritated me at first. Intelligence is your gift and certainly nothing to wish away. Even if your family can’t relate and would rather berate you for it, that’s their issue. Explore and develop your gift as much as you can. Whether it’s jealousy or whatever they have the problem. You have the gift and should cherish it or else give it to me.

I’m not saying you’re wrong in your quote but perhaps it’s futile. You’ve already tried to assert boundaries or lines in the sand. To quote Dr. Phil “So, how’s that been working for you?” Seriously, isn’t it smarter to change your environment than constantly having to fight in your current one while trying to change it? Especially, if it’s in your parents house.

To me the obvious answer is to put your intelligence to work and find a new and healthier environment to reside in. Figure out a way to surround yourself with people you enjoy spending time with. It sounds like you really need change and that’s the easiest thing you can control.

I hope you figure out a plan to happiness. Life is too short not to constantly seek it. Also, remember your past post here.

http://www.addforums.com/forums/show...38&postcount=1

Best wishes
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Old 05-02-20, 01:18 PM
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Re: I don't want to be smart anymore.

You were born with ADHD because one of your parents has it or some form of it.
With you Father always making fun of you I'd guess it's not him.
With your Mother giving up on preparing a meal and going to McDonald's I'd guess it's
her. But that's not enough to make a judgement. Have you ever heard your parents
argue about one of them always forgetting things?
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Old 05-03-20, 09:49 AM
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Re: I don't want to be smart anymore.

Quote:
Originally Posted by stef View Post
Reading through this, it really looks like your family's behavior is toxic. They seem to want to fight.

And the covid lockdown is just making all of this ten times worse.

I understand the title of your post but perhaps: if you weren't smart, or lacked emotional intelligence, you could never step back and try to figure out what is happening. it would just be an eternal, blind cycle of yelling and misery.
ya, something like that, I've been running on a hunch now and I'll post cause I know I probably posted some worrying stuff up there

I'm ok though, and I will keep on keeping on being ok, cause I figured out the major crises in my life. the it, .

I feel like, in the past week a lot has changed with me, and it started with unconditional love from my dog.
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Old 05-03-20, 10:27 AM
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Re: I don't want to be smart anymore.

Move out. Then problem solved
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