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  #1  
Old 10-07-12, 03:04 PM
Tina BB Tina BB is offline
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Unhappy Coping with ADHD ODD and ASD (barely)

I found this site about and hour ago, and since my son who is 9 and is diagnosed with ADHD (at the severe end of the scale) ODD and ASD. He is now permanently excluded from mainstream school and the state maintained special ASD schools in our area refuse to take him (because of his extreme reactions which are most often violent). I had to stop working to care for my son and get no support. It has been almost a year since he was excluded from school, gradually the neighbours have stopped having anything to do with us because of Aarons behaviour, we have stopped going places like swimming or to any mainstream activities because I am a bit fed up of being politely asked not to bring my son anymore. So we are entirely isolated, I have no family near.

Aaron has Atamoxitine (Straterra) 40mg which is the only medication which actually worked with him, but it merely helps him focus slightly longer. My biggest issue is the ODD, it is one long round of arguing morning noon and night day in and day out. He has to be in control of absolutely every situation even if he loses out, eg asking for some biscuits he will be given 3 he will ask for 5 I say you can have 3 or none at all in which case he will reply 'I'll have 2 then' just to be in control of the procedure. He has had therapy which did little, sanctions do not work even reward systems which have been used in all kinds of ways in school and home from the age of 4 have no impact whatsoever.

I dont know why I am here really or what I could possibly get from being here and posting this, but it is nice just to be able to post my situation just for someone to see. I dont drive and live in a town on the east coast which has no support groups or support of any kind.
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  #2  
Old 10-07-12, 03:40 PM
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Lisa_Mac Lisa_Mac is offline
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Re: Coping with ADHD ODD and ASD (barely)

Hi Tina. Welcome. You sure need all the help and support you can get. This is a good place to start. Lots of info here. And great people.



Lx
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Old 10-07-12, 03:55 PM
Tina BB Tina BB is offline
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Re: Coping with ADHD ODD and ASD (barely)

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Originally Posted by Lisa_Mac View Post
Hi Tina. Welcome. You sure need all the help and support you can get. This is a good place to start. Lots of info here. And great people.



Lx
Thank you so very Much Lisa, it is a godsend to be able to communicate with people who understand rather than continually try to give me general parenting advice, or worse tell me that ADHD doesnt actually exist and all my son needs is proper old fashioned discipline !
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Old 10-07-12, 03:57 PM
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Re: Coping with ADHD ODD and ASD (barely)

Welcome. Hope you can find a little solace here
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Old 10-07-12, 03:58 PM
Tina BB Tina BB is offline
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Re: Coping with ADHD ODD and ASD (barely)

I would be interested to know if anyone else copes with children with ODD and sharing some of the strategies they use
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Old 10-07-12, 04:01 PM
Tina BB Tina BB is offline
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Re: Coping with ADHD ODD and ASD (barely)

Thank you I think I shall indeed find some solace here, I honestly believe the only people who actually understand are those in the same position. It would also be interesting to hear from adults with adhd and also odd to hear from their perspective what life is like with these conditions. My son is unable to explain how he is thinking let alone how he is feeling and I would love to 'crawl inside his head' so that I can understand how he sees the world much better.
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Old 10-07-12, 04:17 PM
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Re: Coping with ADHD ODD and ASD (barely)

Hi Tina and welcome. I hope you can get some help with your problems here. I have a friend here whose son was extremely violent both towards himself and others and had been excluded from school after stabbing someone in the hand with a pair of scissors.

He started meds at 6 years old and I think he is currently on concerta. He is no longer violent.

I think if it were me I would rather address the behaviour problems first, as how is he getting an education if he is excluded. Can you back to his doc and say that he really needs some proper help.

It must be very hard for you struggling alone like this, I hope you find some useful advice and support here.
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Old 10-07-12, 04:35 PM
Tina BB Tina BB is offline
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Re: Coping with ADHD ODD and ASD (barely)

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Originally Posted by SquarePeg View Post
Hi Tina and welcome. I hope you can get some help with your problems here. I have a friend here whose son was extremely violent both towards himself and others and had been excluded from school after stabbing someone in the hand with a pair of scissors.

He started meds at 6 years old and I think he is currently on concerta. He is no longer violent.

I think if it were me I would rather address the behaviour problems first, as how is he getting an education if he is excluded. Can you back to his doc and say that he really needs some proper help.

It must be very hard for you struggling alone like this, I hope you find some useful advice and support here.
The psychiatrist is actually about the only person who has done anything to help us. My son has been on ritilin, concerta and is now on Atamoxitine. He sees a play therapist and has done so for 3 months, but unfortunately she is leaving the practice next month so this will stop. His psychiatrist has admitted that he is confounded by my son.

He has just started receiving home tuition which the local authority just set up. He has, in fact, been let down completely by the education system and I have recently involved a lawyer in our case and at last we are starting to see some 'boots up the education authorities backsides' but it is a very long very drawn out procedure. I have, I think scoured every book and article on the subject of behaviour of children with adhd and I am sure have tried (as have the professionals) every approach. Its so very difficult for me to do this 24/7 as I am on my own and get no respite (Aaron has difficulty sleeping and I am often woken in the night hearing him running around downstairs and often looking for the keys to let himself out to just 'pop to the park coz I fancy a swing'!

I have approached social services many times for help but I constantly get told that adhd and asd does not come under their remit for respite or support, even the psychiatrists has written to them telling them this is an extreme case but they just dig their heels in! As he is getting older Aarons fury is more often being played out on me and I have had a number of wallops, bites kicks from him and recently he has taken to getting so very upset (usually when he 'comes to' and realizes what he has done) that he self harms, he tried to jump out of the window and grabbed a knife and tried to stab himself. Needless to say all sharp objects are now under lock and key as are the upstairs windows.

I wish the authorities would understand that parents are only human beings and although we find superhuman strength most of the time when dealing with out beloved children, there are time when we just want to scream 'I NEED A DAY OFF'

Last edited by BR549; 10-07-12 at 04:47 PM.. Reason: paragraph breaks
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Old 10-07-12, 05:01 PM
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Re: Coping with ADHD ODD and ASD (barely)

Wow Tina, thatīs so tough. But just because his therapist is leaving, surely they have to replace her with somebody else.

When I was young we had severe problems with my brother growing up and nobody helped us, it was an absolute nightmare and so frustrating that nobody would or could help, because it wasnīt in their stupid book of rules etc.

Is there a residential place where he could go so that he could be observed to try and find out more about his condition. It just seems so unfair but I have lived in the UK so know how things work or rather donīt work.

Does his father help out at all (even though I gather you are not together) or what about family members?
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Old 10-07-12, 05:20 PM
Tina BB Tina BB is offline
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Re: Coping with ADHD ODD and ASD (barely)

To be honest I think his father is embarrased by him which is really odd considering the adhd is clearly part of his gene pool as both of his brothers are exactly the same (although he exhibits no adhd behaviours). We were told that the play therapist isnt going to be replaced because of 'funding considerations' by Essex County Council. One of the school places on offer is a residential school which deals with behaviour social and emotional disorders, but when we visited they are not really set up for adhd and asd and the young people there have behavioural problems mainly because of environmental and home factors. Also, because Aaron has been rejected so much by the school system and neighbours I am reluctant to let him board as he has already told me when I suggested this 'omg mum even YOU dont want me' which broke my heart because he is aware that people do not want to be with him. Hopefully Aaron will be placed in a private asd school soon, the education authority authority are refusing to pay because it is not 'an efficient use of their resources' i.e. it costs a lot of money. I am going to a tribunal on 5th November so 4 weeks time, and am hoping the magistrate sees sense. My ex husband and I have worked all of our lives since the age of 16 (we are both 49 years of age now) and consider we have paid our taxes, never tried to get out of that so we have kept up our financial obligations and we really dont care whether the council find it too expensive or not, our son lives in their county and they should give him the education he is entitled to. phewwwwww its just sooooo nice to be able to sound off and have people understand
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Old 10-07-12, 05:27 PM
Tina BB Tina BB is offline
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Re: Coping with ADHD ODD and ASD (barely)

unfortunately my sister passed away and my elderly parents live 150 miles away as does my eldest son who is 24 so I have no family that is anywhere near me. My husbands parents are not a particularly good influence, they have a tendency to like alcohol rather too much and do not see why they should not drink to excess at home just because their grandson is there and it is the very last thing I want my son seeing as normal ! My husband is a bit weak and wouldnt dare ask his parents not to get drunk in from of our son so he rarely goes to see them unless its in the morning or on the one day of the week they do not rush to the labour club to get their cheap beer lol
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