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  #16  
Old 06-11-13, 11:48 PM
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Re: waiting for a diagnosis for my son but need help now

Sounds like things are on an upturn between you, your son and your new partner.

I don't know if this would help or complicate things but what are the chances your son's father also has ADHD something fueling the addictions and irresponsible behaviour?

It's not always easy to 'make excuses' for those who've hurt us, if something like that might be a factor, it might help your son to know.

The reason I say this is I have a whole bunch of crazy in my family, and my extended family, and it's helped us --- helped me a lot, personally, to understand that some of the stuff my parents 'did to me' has to do with the mental challenges they've had themselves.

When your son is done being angry at his dad, he'll need little things like this to be able to forgive him, for the sake of moving on. The timing of this kind of discussion will be up to you.

And of course, I mean forgiving his father not for your ex's sake, but for your son's. Forgiveness is necessary for catharsis, even if we'll always hold a little bit of anger inside.

Anyways, good luck on keeping your family together, and welcome to these ADD forums!
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Old 06-12-13, 04:33 AM
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Re: waiting for a diagnosis for my son but need help now

hi KCTANG thank u for ur message it makes a lot of sense and his dad is very hyper and loud I have NEVER heard him say he is tired and I have though this, its funny cos I feel I have ADD or maybe even ADHD im always on the go I hyper focus on things till I get them done I never noticed this till my boyfriend pointed it out , I become obsessed with a project to the point I cant do anything else or think about anything else for example when I have been house hunting every day I wil be on the internet looking and booking viewings and cant stop til I find one same if I need a new car, and I have just taken on a new mission to takle the huge garden at the flat I live at its a comunial garden that's over grown but its all I can think about and do till its done I seem to take on big jobs that r a real challenge I don't mean to and iv also mentioned other symtoms earlier in this thread.

is it possible me and his dad have it?? or is that to much of a coincidence also this is gonna sound like im obsessed with ADHD lol but my boyfriend behaves very similar to my son too and is irresponsible to the point I feel like he is my child too, do u think that's coincidence to? and im looking into it too deep?

back to my son I don't think he is angry at his dad he idolises him and misses him terrible he is going to spend a few weeks with his dad and his dads family over the summer which will be good for him here in England and my son cant wait, im on talking terms with his dad I have always remained amicable for the kids sake and I would highly encourage forgiveness if that issue ever cropped up and thank u ur posts have been very interesting and helpful
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Old 06-13-13, 03:15 PM
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Re: waiting for a diagnosis for my son but need help now

We gravitate towards people who make us feel at ease, fit in.

My wife has OCD and Anxiety, with a lot of symptoms similar to my ADHD. Being with her felt comfy at first because she didn't make me feel bad for being a procrastinator, as her's was sometimes worse.

And we often look for mates that have qualities of our parent of that gender. Not exclusively, but our parents shape how we think we 'should be treated' by others.

I've heard of some ADHD couples, and maybe they get attracted to each other by how exciting and chaotic things are in the beginning of the relationship. Everything's always new and interesting and full of passion.

I wonder if you're going down the same road with your partner as you did with your ex, from what you say of him being childish and irresponsible. Until you change your expectation of how you should be treated, and who you deserve, that's gonna be difficult.

Just talking about you, you need to look at "what's the 2ndary payoff I'm getting from this relationship?"

Does your partner make you feel useful because you have to take care of him and dote him?

Eventually though, when responsibilities kick in, if both partners aren't always on the same page, things are going to go downhill. I hope you're not guiding yourself into a mess like that.

Good luck! And if you need to, get a diagnosis to be sure about having ADHD, and look at getting medication for yourself. You can't help others settle until you help yourself first.
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Old 06-13-13, 03:57 PM
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Re: waiting for a diagnosis for my son but need help now

thank u KCTang
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