why do people stop caring about you when you are an adult?

[RedHairedWitch]

It's a different kind of caring you find in adult friendships. There's way more give and take. It also takes more time to build a friendship as an adult. People are busy and they all have lots of stuff on their plate. and once again, they expect a give and take.

By far one of the most important things I learned in therapy is that relationships (of all forms) involves taking turns.

Someone invites you over, then you invite them over. You offer to lend a hand, then they will offer to lend a hand, then you lend a hand. They pay for dinner one time, then you offer to pay for dinner next time. They email or message you, then you email or message back.

A mistake that ADHDers (and others make) is not reciprocating. We don't follow through on taking our turn. We don't continue the cycle.

We also don't initiate. We don't take the first turn. We don't start the cycle. We don't take the cycle to the next level.

As the cycle goes back and forth, deeper and stronger relationships are built. Until eventually you have that friend (or partner, or lover, or whatever) who will tell you to smarten up. That your girlfriend or boss treats you badly. That your house is a mess. That you look awesome in that shirt. They will be willing to help you move. They will loan you $20.

But they will also expect you to do those things (or things like those things) for them in return. And sometimes (half the time) you also have to take the first step.

If you are expecting people to carry the burden of the relationship by helping you out, or listening to you, or paying for lunch, or making all the phone calls, then you are actually a bad friend/lover/partner/family member. Then no one will want to be your friend/partner/lover/loyal family member.

To have a good relationship with someone you have to continue the cycle and therefore be a good friend/lover/partner/family member. If you don't then you are a user, or lazy, or not supportive etc

To have a good relationship with someone they have to feed the cycle and therefore be a good friend/lover/partner/family member. If they don't then they are a user, or lazy, or not supportive etc

Take initiative and start the cycle.
Reciprocate and continue the cycle.
Feed the relationship.
And it will grow.

[fracturedstory]

Maybe they were intimidated by your intelligence at a young age. Depending on who the people were.

The opposite happened to me. I got picked on after I left school. I think people were just sick of me. I was a fully grown child. And I guess I started to talk to people more.

[DrZoidberg]

They didn't care about your as a teenager either. Adults often like the sound of their own voice and like to teach the young what to do and how to behave. Young people are impressionable. Adults aren't. So those people aren't likely to try to put their nose in your business.

People don't care about other people unless they have a reason to. It's just the way of the world. We often like to pretend like we care about other people... but caring is measured in actions... not in words, ie what we actually do for others. It's not a whole lot.

[tudorose]

Originally Posted by gearcube

It's like I don't exist anymore. Whereas, when I was a teenager, I actively received either positive or negative feedback from almost everyone I encountered. Nowadays I get no feedback at all.

I would like to swap with you for a week. I need a break and it sounds like you need some attention.

I'm trying to think of something to help coz I have the opposite problem. For me I get too much attention. People seek me out and even if they don't know me very well they tell me all this stuff about themselves and it gets really overwhelming.

Although I think going though life in invisible mode all the time would be really hard too.

Maybe the way to go here is to make the first move. Whenever I deal with anyone I try to make them feel like they're important. They in turn treat me like I'm important. Maybe try this and see how people respond.

[TheChemicals]

Originally Posted by gearcube

I was never beat up.

They should have. A good beat up builds character.