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Relationships & Social Issues This forum is for adults with AD/HD to discuss how AD/HD affects personal relationships.

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  #61  
Old 12-04-17, 02:23 PM
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Re: On a dating downer again

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Originally Posted by Fuzzy12 View Post
I think you actually have a very good grip on what might be attractive to a lot of women.
Thanks. I think so, too.

I just need to stop allowing my emotions to get the better of me.

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Having said that though it would be very difficult to mould yourself into something that you think the majority of women would like. I'd focus on being or becoming someone that YOU like and then finding a like minded woman. You might find though that the happier you are with yourself and with the activities you do in your life that the less you'll need a partner. And that kind of self sufficiency can be very attractive to women too. But then you will be the one who is in a position to choose.
Indeed. It's not about a man changing who he fundamentally is. It's about him being the best him that he can be. If he can look himself in the mirror and know and respect who he is and acknowledge what his accomplishments and goals are in life, then women will start to see it in him as well.
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  #62  
Old 12-04-17, 07:16 PM
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Re: On a dating downer again

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I don't think it helps anything to try to make him feel guilty for feeling the way he feels
Batman, Reading back at my post, the words did sound harsher than I intended. Im not angry at you but i am frustrated by the events that have been going on in the world and i think some of it is leaking on into my posts. I apologize for that.

While I want this to be a safe place for everyone, I do recommend not generalizing women to people you meet in real life. Because I do think you'll end up more hurt and angry and you may also hurt others in the process.

It's just one of those no nos like don't say you're in love with someone on the first date. Not something to feel shame or guilty over. Just something to avoid if possible in the future.
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  #63  
Old 12-07-17, 12:57 AM
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Re: On a dating downer again

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Originally Posted by Fraser_0762 View Post
I think we as men have a tendency to take things overly literal at times. We take what a women says shes looking for and we think about it in the most extreme ways, when it's actually considerably more gray than we realize.
I think that's definitely a part of it. Maybe it would even help if folks understood the difficulty I have with literal and black-and-white thinking. Not to mention a great lack of real-life social experience (perhaps for the better, since I'm so behind everyone else..)

It was once suggested some of the unpleasant stuff I've seen personally on dating sites... lists of requirements, perceived extreme vanity, and so forth... require some kind of "reading between the lines" to understand why it's like that. It could be I am neither able, nor willing, to operate on that level. I just take things as they appear, that's how my mind works. What I saw was a great deal of vanity or even a kind of "elitist" slant to a great many profiles, perhaps even the majority. I couldn't justify being there for that, among many other reasons. But I've talked about this before.
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  #64  
Old 12-07-17, 05:21 AM
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Re: On a dating downer again

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I think that's definitely a part of it. Maybe it would even help if folks understood the difficulty I have with literal and black-and-white thinking. Not to mention a great lack of real-life social experience (perhaps for the better, since I'm so behind everyone else..)

It was once suggested some of the unpleasant stuff I've seen personally on dating sites... lists of requirements, perceived extreme vanity, and so forth... require some kind of "reading between the lines" to understand why it's like that. It could be I am neither able, nor willing, to operate on that level. I just take things as they appear, that's how my mind works. What I saw was a great deal of vanity or even a kind of "elitist" slant to a great many profiles, perhaps even the majority. I couldn't justify being there for that, among many other reasons. But I've talked about this before.
I completely sympathize. Reading between the lines is something my mind just will not do. I see whats going on, but I don't see what's going on behind it.
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  #65  
Old 12-07-17, 05:44 AM
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Re: On a dating downer again

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I completely sympathize. Reading between the lines is something my mind just will not do. I see whats going on, but I don't see what's going on behind it.
I can't read between the lines either. If I do I always get it wrong. I also think it's completely idiotic to expect anyone to be able to read between the lines.
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  #66  
Old 12-07-17, 05:46 AM
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Re: On a dating downer again

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I can't read between the lines either. If I do I always get it wrong. I also think it's completely idiotic to expect anyone to be able to read between the lines.
Women generally expect every man to be able to.
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  #67  
Old 12-07-17, 05:50 AM
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Re: On a dating downer again

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Women generally expect every man to be able to.
I've had friends both men and women who expected that and it always annoys the hell out of me.
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Old 12-09-17, 07:10 AM
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Re: On a dating downer again

I dont expect anyone to read between the lines men or women. This is probably why people dont respond well to me when I am direct, blunt or sarcastic.
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