ADD Forums - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Support and Information Resources Community  

Go Back   ADD Forums - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Support and Information Resources Community > ADULTS AND ADD/ADHD > Relationships & Social Issues
Register Blogs FAQ Chat Members List Calendar Donate Gallery Arcade Mark Forums Read

Relationships & Social Issues This forum is for adults with AD/HD to discuss how AD/HD affects personal relationships.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 11-22-16, 01:59 PM
madmax988 madmax988 is offline
Member
 

Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: India
Posts: 69
Thanks: 49
Thanked 44 Times in 30 Posts
madmax988 is on a distinguished road
Unhappy Nothing works out for me

Speaking only from the point of dating/love
No one.Simply NO ONE seems to stick with me or get particularly attracted to me for reasons unknown. Im not a repulsive guy in the least,fun to talk to with a good personality. I've over the recent years come out of the shell and started asking out girls for dates or to just plain hang out,but it seems like cupid has a personal vendetta against me. Im not awkward and reasonably confident plus a patient listener.

I'd recently been involved with a very wonderful girl,though it was long distance she seemed really charmed and interested at first but since pursuing her doctorate she's busy with exam preps and still trying to get over a recent breakup. I do like her a lot,but it seems cupid just came down and said "you're on your own buddy" and disappeared. All the women either want to be just friends or are already seeing someone. The girl I liked,it seems she led me on and just makes out with her male besties randomly and it punched a hole in my heart with an exit wound.(though I didn't want that to happen)She reasons its just a 'physical thing' and Im the one who actually melts her but I'm not buying any of it.Needless to say being a virgin at 28 is downright depressing and I feel as though I'll continue to be so till I'm 40 or something. I'm not desperate,but I don't appreciate the fact that Im just sickly unlucky,in EVERY aspect of life and it's just grinding me down. Any sort of a romantic relationship ends up in the dirt or just derails quickly.Is this really the end of the road for me?

Then there was an another one who did like me,and I liked her a lot,she was really gorgeous but she was a divorcee with a kid That's just a cruel joke fate played on me,I'm simply not ready or able to take that kind of a responsibility but she got hitched recently so good for her.I'm officially always friend-zoned and it seems if you're a reasonably good person,has adhd and talks politely you're automatically put in the good guys finish last category.I'd really need help with some advice on how to cope with all this,instead of the "everyone goes through it" rhetoric my ex seems to come up with.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 11-22-16, 08:40 PM
Jeftheginger's Avatar
Jeftheginger Jeftheginger is offline
ADDvanced Member
 

Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: California
Posts: 179
Blog Entries: 1
Thanks: 83
Thanked 181 Times in 99 Posts
Jeftheginger is a jewel in the roughJeftheginger is a jewel in the roughJeftheginger is a jewel in the rough
Re: Nothing works out for me

Hugs lots of hugs.


__________________
it is always easier to find the light when surrounded by darkness.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Jeftheginger For This Useful Post:
madmax988 (11-23-16)
  #3  
Old 11-22-16, 10:31 PM
BellaVita's Avatar
BellaVita BellaVita is offline
Mrs dvdnvwls
 

Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: -
Posts: 14,503
Thanks: 28,348
Thanked 18,899 Times in 9,304 Posts
BellaVita has a reputation beyond reputeBellaVita has a reputation beyond reputeBellaVita has a reputation beyond reputeBellaVita has a reputation beyond reputeBellaVita has a reputation beyond reputeBellaVita has a reputation beyond reputeBellaVita has a reputation beyond reputeBellaVita has a reputation beyond reputeBellaVita has a reputation beyond reputeBellaVita has a reputation beyond reputeBellaVita has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Nothing works out for me

Sorry you're going through this.

Have you tried online dating?

Or joining a group hobby where you could meet people?

I hope your heart heals.
__________________
What ifs are like poop. It's better to flush them right away, or the whole place will soon stink. - dvdnvwls
Remember life and then your life becomes a better world.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to BellaVita For This Useful Post:
madmax988 (11-23-16)
Sponsored Links
  #4  
Old 11-23-16, 10:52 AM
madmax988 madmax988 is offline
Member
 

Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: India
Posts: 69
Thanks: 49
Thanked 44 Times in 30 Posts
madmax988 is on a distinguished road
Re: Nothing works out for me

Quote:
Originally Posted by BellaVita View Post
Sorry you're going through this.

Have you tried online dating?

Or joining a group hobby where you could meet people?

I hope your heart heals.
Na I don't trust it too much.Always a risk of wasting time with trolls
More of an old school guy.Would rather meet and socialize.Would give it a try if I'm convinced enough of its authenticity..
I process aspects like love/romance differently.Love can NEVER be a one way traffic.I hit a dead end all the time,its that volatile
Healing will take lots of time,its not that easy...but I do have a few close buddies I share stuff with and they don't judge.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to madmax988 For This Useful Post:
BellaVita (11-23-16)
  #5  
Old 11-23-16, 10:56 AM
madmax988 madmax988 is offline
Member
 

Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: India
Posts: 69
Thanks: 49
Thanked 44 Times in 30 Posts
madmax988 is on a distinguished road
Re: Nothing works out for me

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeftheginger View Post
Hugs lots of hugs.


i need em :'-(
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 11-23-16, 11:15 AM
Fuzzy12's Avatar
Fuzzy12 Fuzzy12 is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 18,745
Blog Entries: 1
Thanks: 30,905
Thanked 28,056 Times in 12,981 Posts
Fuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Nothing works out for me

Quote:
Originally Posted by madmax988 View Post
Na I don't trust it too much.Always a risk of wasting time with trolls
More of an old school guy.Would rather meet and socialize.Would give it a try if I'm convinced enough of its authenticity..
I process aspects like love/romance differently.Love can NEVER be a one way traffic.I hit a dead end all the time,its that volatile
Healing will take lots of time,its not that easy...but I do have a few close buddies I share stuff with and they don't judge.
There is thst risk but still it's worth trying. In the worst case you'll waste a bit of time but you might meet someone great. Just stay safe.

Also have you considered asking your buddies if they know someone? Or maybe your relatives do?

Also do you live with or close to your parents or other relatives? Try snd attend as many functions as possible. Weddings, etc are good places to meet girls or just people in general.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 11-23-16, 11:34 AM
sarahsweets's Avatar
sarahsweets sarahsweets is offline
Mod-A-holic
 

Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: nj, usa
Posts: 25,294
Thanks: 5,560
Thanked 29,561 Times in 13,429 Posts
sarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Nothing works out for me

Quote:
Originally Posted by madmax988 View Post
The girl I liked,it seems she led me on and just makes out with her male besties randomly and it punched a hole in my heart with an exit wound.(though I didn't want that to happen)She reasons its just a 'physical thing' and Im the one who actually melts her but I'm not buying any of it
What makes you think she "led you on?" Dont you think its more like...she was just being herself and you had expectations that were not met?



Quote:
Then there was an another one who did like me,and I liked her a lot,she was really gorgeous but she was a divorcee with a kid That's just a cruel joke fate played on me
So, you liked her but the joke was on you- just because she was a mother?

Quote:
.I'm officially always friend-zoned and it seems if you're a reasonably good person,has adhd and talks politely you're automatically put in the good guys finish last category.I'd really need help with some advice on how to cope with all this,instead of the "everyone goes through it" rhetoric my ex seems to come up with.
Well, you seem to have the idea that things keep happening to you- as if its a woman's problem for wanting to be friends with you [which I think is a greater compliment) and that you are owed better than that.
I am not trying t rail you btw just weighing in on why things are like this: it all comes down to expectations. You have them-and get dissappointed when it doesnt play out the way you wanted it to. Where are you going to meet women? Do you have hobbies or other interests?

I can tell you that we women can sense things about guys- and the negativity can be toxic for your self esteem. Have you ever tried therapy?It could help you work through some things so that all the good stuff I know is in there, will shine through. A good guy friend is very attractive, and I am not saying you are doing this- but it sounds like you are in blame mode. And I can see why for sure-but subconsciously it can turn women off if their 'spidey sense' tells them that you want something to happen in a specific way, when you want it.

I think there is good in you, you just need to find a way to shine from within.
__________________
President of the No F's given society.

I carried a watermelon?

I've always been one of a kind. It just hasnt always been positive.
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to sarahsweets For This Useful Post:
Fuzzy12 (11-23-16), Little Missy (11-23-16), Unmanagable (11-23-16)
  #8  
Old 11-23-16, 05:03 PM
madmax988 madmax988 is offline
Member
 

Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: India
Posts: 69
Thanks: 49
Thanked 44 Times in 30 Posts
madmax988 is on a distinguished road
Re: Nothing works out for me

Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post
What makes you think she "led you on?" Dont you think its more like...she was just being herself and you had expectations that were not met?
Let me clarify.Sure,she was being herself but we were deeply involved.Maybe not in a relationship yet,but at the stage it started to look pretty serious.Where does one draw a line? Its weird,idk..stopped thinking about it much.Anyway its her life.I'm not blaming anyone.Nor myself.But its over now for good.




Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post
So, you liked her but the joke was on you- just because she was a mother?
No but because there's a kid involved.Its not easy and am not ready for that kind of a commitment, and certainly NOT a family sort of a guy.I'm really good friends with her though,like I said things have worked for her,Im truly happy for that.
These 2 were just random examples excluding many a



Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post
Well, you seem to have the idea that things keep happening to you- as if its a woman's problem for wanting to be friends with you [which I think is a greater compliment) and that you are owed better than that.
That escalated quickly.

look,I think its better to try and find some workable way rather than pointing fingers as its gonna lead nowhere.There's some good in all of us..maybe let's get that out of the way coz it still doesn't address the core issue.
There's noone to blame except maybe luck,and its more than disappointing,and its OK for me to be;when more than half my friends are easily getting hitched.I know cribbing won't help,but probably a l-o-n-g hiatus will. Its just a hard reality of life.some sail through,some struggle.maybe Im destined for the latter.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 11-23-16, 05:13 PM
madmax988 madmax988 is offline
Member
 

Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: India
Posts: 69
Thanks: 49
Thanked 44 Times in 30 Posts
madmax988 is on a distinguished road
Re: Nothing works out for me

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fuzzy12 View Post

Also have you considered asking your buddies if they know someone? Or maybe your relatives do?

Also do you live with or close to your parents or other relatives? Try snd attend as many functions as possible. Weddings, etc are good places to meet girls or just people in general.
I live with my dad,yes. Thing is,I don't get along too well with my immediate family or relatives in the least.But yeah I do socialize,its really important and its always great to meet new people and have an open mind..
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 11-23-16, 08:13 PM
Fuzzy12's Avatar
Fuzzy12 Fuzzy12 is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 18,745
Blog Entries: 1
Thanks: 30,905
Thanked 28,056 Times in 12,981 Posts
Fuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Nothing works out for me

Is arranged marriage an option at all? A few of my friends have arranged marriages and are really happy now. Two of my friends were really against it and wanted to find someone on their own but nothing worked out and they got so lonely and frustrated. One of them met someone through a sort of marriage website like shaadi.com I think and the other one met someone through their parents and they have both great marriages now and are really happy.

I hope this isn't offensive. I just mean even if that's not what tyou are looking for if the option exists it might not be the worst thing to Consider.
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 11-24-16, 05:58 AM
madmax988 madmax988 is offline
Member
 

Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: India
Posts: 69
Thanks: 49
Thanked 44 Times in 30 Posts
madmax988 is on a distinguished road
Re: Nothing works out for me

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fuzzy12 View Post
Is arranged marriage an option at all? A few of my friends have arranged marriages and are really happy now. Two of my friends were really against it and wanted to find someone on their own but nothing worked out and they got so lonely and frustrated. One of them met someone through a sort of marriage website like shaadi.com I think and the other one met someone through their parents and they have both great marriages now and are really happy.

I hope this isn't offensive. I just mean even if that's not what tyou are looking for if the option exists it might not be the worst thing to Consider.
Arranged marriages are more of a norm where I'm from.But I'm surely not considering marriage for now.gotta sort far too many issues first.And call me crazy I'm not a marriage/family material.Im more open to live-in's,and that's only possible when I get to live separately. Yeah,that's quite a stretch..but that's how I roll.I'm total anti-establishment

No mate you've been helpful all along,and I truly appreciate it. LOL I know the site.We have far too many jokes here ending with "....let's search shaadi.com for you".It's many a times viewed as a last bastion for wimps who can't get hitched/laid. I'm not one,I still choose to fight with the mantra 'earn the woman you like' Who knows what the future holds..
Slight O.T
This song pretty much sums up the story of my life.

(seen em live last year)
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 11-24-16, 08:58 AM
madmax988 madmax988 is offline
Member
 

Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: India
Posts: 69
Thanks: 49
Thanked 44 Times in 30 Posts
madmax988 is on a distinguished road
Re: Nothing works out for me

Quote:
Originally Posted by madmax988 View Post



No but because there's a kid involved.Its not easy and am not ready for that kind of a commitment, and certainly NOT a family sort of a guy.I'm really good friends with her though,like I said things have worked for her,Im truly happy for that.
These 2 were just random examples excluding many a


Pardon I left that last sentence
Meant to say these 2 are the latest cases but things were worse,there had been quite a few spiteful women who have blocked me for no reason,patronizing and with a puffed up superiority complex possibly hiding their own insecurities. I've nothing to do with such sad excuse of humans anymore.I've had a share of such females,when I tried to be reasonable friendly with mild flirting(they weren't in any relationship) they had their friends calling me to 'back off' and 'mind my own business'
That's so polite of them right? Like its my fault I was conversing with em. This is the sorta stuff I had to deal with for a long time.Nothing romantic about it i guess,no?
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 11-24-16, 12:56 PM
Little Missy's Avatar
Little Missy Little Missy is online now
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: BIG, Wonderful, Wyoming USA
Posts: 14,320
Thanks: 21,029
Thanked 19,704 Times in 10,506 Posts
Little Missy has a reputation beyond reputeLittle Missy has a reputation beyond reputeLittle Missy has a reputation beyond reputeLittle Missy has a reputation beyond reputeLittle Missy has a reputation beyond reputeLittle Missy has a reputation beyond reputeLittle Missy has a reputation beyond reputeLittle Missy has a reputation beyond reputeLittle Missy has a reputation beyond reputeLittle Missy has a reputation beyond reputeLittle Missy has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Nothing works out for me

Maybe you could meet Lloyd. You and him have a lot in common on here and could probably help one another.
__________________
The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what you share with someone else when you are uncool ~ Lester Bangs

And in the end, the love you take; is equal to the love you make...Beatles Abbey Road 1969
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Little Missy For This Useful Post:
aeon (12-15-16), madmax988 (12-01-16), sarahsweets (12-01-16)
  #14  
Old 12-01-16, 12:58 PM
madmax988 madmax988 is offline
Member
 

Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: India
Posts: 69
Thanks: 49
Thanked 44 Times in 30 Posts
madmax988 is on a distinguished road
Re: Nothing works out for me

Quote:
Originally Posted by Little Missy View Post
Maybe you could meet Lloyd. You and him have a lot in common on here and could probably help one another.
Sure and thanks so much

I'd been purposely out of touch for quite a while with the girl I mentioned. She then pinged me up asking if I was Ok,I later replied and inquired how her exams were going on but also explained how hard it was for me to get over my stupid feelings and feeling shattered.I think I shouldn't have said that because she'd been dealing with her own issues and hearing this, just burst out crying and scolded me a LOT
My stupid a** ADD brain can't deal with attachment and I end up screwing up everything. I get attached quite fast and understandably this may become awkward and silly to the other person. And I take the bait;end up hurting myself REALLY bad. No doubt I was involved with this girl but she may have the magic ability to keep an emotional distance that I lack.

For now my soul's at peace ONLY when 1)sleeping 2)am high 3)listening to my metal music 4)work 5)Weekend bike rides

I honestly gave it my best to be a better person/companion but noone's interested.I came across some old text messages where this "good friend" I met at local gigs,(she and her friend) whom we hit it off quite well,common interests and everything; later on told me,over a very petty and nonsensical argument that she or her friend is "simply not interested in me or my useless crap" Well I don't care anymore but it did hurt bad back then. That's how its always been rolling. I truly have nothing to say right now :/
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 12-01-16, 01:17 PM
Fuzzy12's Avatar
Fuzzy12 Fuzzy12 is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 18,745
Blog Entries: 1
Thanks: 30,905
Thanked 28,056 Times in 12,981 Posts
Fuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Nothing works out for me



Invest in yourself and your interest for now then. That's never time wasted and you might meet some nice people on the way.
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Fuzzy12 For This Useful Post:
Little Missy (12-01-16), madmax988 (12-04-16), stef (12-01-16)
Reply

Bookmarks


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Vyvanse. Somedays works some days doesn't? katiediditalso Children's Diagnosis & Treatment 13 08-03-16 09:13 AM
What medication works for coffee drinkers? ameteorshower General Medication Discussion 2 07-26-12 06:49 PM
Need help: Vyvanse works but also makes everything worse when I'm not on it Savant Vyvanse 0 03-27-12 11:44 AM
Troubles figuring out a medication that works for me gatorADDe General Medication Discussion 6 01-20-12 07:06 PM
Meditation to counteract ADHD- It Works! garrett74 Meditation and Spirituality 4 03-22-10 10:20 AM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 04:40 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
(c) 2003 - 2015 ADD Forums