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Relationships & Social Issues This forum is for adults with AD/HD to discuss how AD/HD affects personal relationships.

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  #1  
Old 10-10-18, 02:28 PM
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Not going to a climbing weekend I organized myself...

The thing is, I am exhausted and I really need a weekend by myself.

However, I am going rock climbing this weekend. I've invited everyone and am the main organizer.

It won't impact anyone if I don't come (except that they will miss me), since I delegated all remaining organizational tasks (after doing most of it myself) about a month ago.

As I write here, I am taking control of my life again, after (looking back) losing my sense of control about 18 years ago, when I was 14. I am making real good progress and I want to be careful with myself.

I am sorting out a lot of things and letting go of unhelpful behaviors and thinking patterns. However, as I am doing this, I find that I don't have alternative behaviors and ideas that can replace them, so I find myself looking for myself.

I know that the weekend will be fun and everything, and perhaps that may be very healthy right now, but I just feel overwhelmed and I would like to have plenty of rest and time to sort some more things out, and reflect.

It's not that I want to be a boring person, quite the opposite, one of the reasons that I am doing this is that I can be free of unnecessary suffering and drama, so that I can feel more calm, and have a lot of fun.

Since I am not sure about my decision yet, I am posting it here. What do you think? Am I making a good decision?

Edit: on the other hand, I could let go of what I am doing and just climb the mountains, be with friends and relax. I could even skip a half day (or two) of climbing with them and stay at the campside to do my own thing. Anyways, I will only have to decide on Friday morning, so I can think this over.

Last edited by Jacksper; 10-10-18 at 02:55 PM..
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Old 10-10-18, 03:13 PM
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Re: Not going to a climbing weekend I organized myself...

Do you have regular rock climbing weekends? Will this be something you can do again in the future? In that case I'd sit out this one and just take some time of for yourself.

If it's something super special or rare I'm not so sure. If you think.youd really miss out then maybe you could just rest and relax next weekend then.
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Old 10-10-18, 03:40 PM
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Re: Not going to a climbing weekend I organized myself...

this sounds like the sort of thing that if i decided to stay home, then i'd regret it later because i wouldn't spend my time "more productively" or "resting" so much as second guessing my decision to stay home.

are there specific behaviors you're trying to rid yourself of that this excursion would include? e.g. are you giving up drinking, but everyone will be having pints at some point? if something along those lines is the case, then i can see why you wouldn't want to be in a vulnerable position when you're freshly getting yourself together. but if the camping trip won't necessarily include destructive behaviors, then ...i guess, do you really want to rest for the weekend or are you avoiding doing something social and that spans a big chunk of time you can't control?
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Old 10-11-18, 02:33 PM
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Re: Not going to a climbing weekend I organized myself...

I have done three or four rock climbing weekends this year, and it's always been very nice. This one I have organized myself, and it's with friends from two of the climbing groups (in different areas of the country, since during the week I live/work in another city), so that would have been super fun.

To be honest, I was a bit down yesterday and today I convinced myself that I should just do this, that a bit of fun would be good for me.

HOWEVER, an hour ago I got a text from someone who asked me what I wanted to eat before the workshop tomorrow. I was like 'TOMORROW!?'... NOOOOOO! This workshop would be next week's Friday evening. So, I got myself in a typical ADD situation again and I had (and have) to figure out how to navigate these surprising circumstances.

Fortunately, I have been doing this my whole life. Last minute improvisation is my thing. I am sure that you all have had to practice this skill many times as well.

So, I decided that the climbing weekend can't happen. Otherwise, I would have to drive for 5 hours on Saturday and on Sunday as well, which is technically possible, but it would have been exhausting and that's not good, especially not right now (I was almost overworked and I am recovering from that, growing stronger and wiser than ever, but it's still an ongoing process).

I let them know that, telling them the real reason (it's good to be honest), and they thought it was very unfortunate, but they understood.

Then I was thinking about how to organize this evening. Then I realized that my brother is working in the same field (and living in the same area), and he is just as good as I am, so I asked him if he'd like to come with me. He agreed! I let them know that I will take a 'mystery guest', and now they get two experts for the price of one (it's for free, I do this as a volunteer - I just love groups that use the tools we use professionally for their hobbies, and they are guides that are interested in nature and I share that passion).

So, then the only problem to solve is creating the actual workshop. I asked my colleagues for material on our chat group, I hope something good comes out of that. Otherwise, there are many ideas that are quickly growing in my head and I think I can make something great. Fortunately, I have a day off tomorrow and I can work it out then. I will make a start this evening, most importantly the outline for the materials, the program and a to-do list.

The good thing is that I told myself that the climbing weekend and the workshop are the last things that I have scheduled (I don't schedule anything unnecessary, not in my private life and not for work, because I want to focus on getting enough rest, organizing myself and working on my personal process/transformation), and that after the 19th I would have completed all my side projects. Now, I will have done that by tomorrow.

So, this weekend I will have the free time that I desired to have and next week I won't have to think about all of this. And I hope that I will look back on a great workshop evening with those people!
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Old 10-11-18, 05:49 PM
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Re: Not going to a climbing weekend I organized myself...

I understand. It's hard to manage ADHD plus work. You need the weekends to decompress. I volunteered to be left out of a country trip this week at work. Part of me felt a little sad coz I'm missing out but I've had such a bad week of pain that I wouldn't have enjoyed it. Good call on knowing when to say no. Boundaries are good.
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Old 10-11-18, 06:53 PM
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Re: Not going to a climbing weekend I organized myself...

I can certainly relate. Just like you love climbing I love environmental science, it is in fact my greatest passion! But I have severe apathy right now too, and Iím not doing well in Graduate school! Itís because the generic Adderall ir I'm taking right now doesn't work! I donít know what the answer for you is, but for me I need to find n Adderall brand that actually works, in order to get my life back! I posted an SOS post asking for help and advice, but it never got posted and now my time is up. I'm losing my sanity, running out of the crappy meds and so I have to go a pharmacy in a few minutes to pick out a different brand. I wish I could have gotten more input before going and Iím terrified Iím going to choose the wrong brand again! But itís the end of the road for me than it just is, I tried so hard!!!

I too have problems with organization similar to yours. I live and die by daily lists and notes that I place on my counter top, or tac on the wall in front of my toilet. If you place things in areas where you know that by the laws of nature you will certainly be around, than itís like having a daily super calendar! Sometimes I'll even place random sticky notes around my house in places I know I will see, or on objects I know I will surely pick up i.e. like the TV remote, or over common light switches I know I will have to turn on, or on door knobs; lists that remind me of appointments or things on my to do list! But when I fail to do this I miss vital doctor appoints, I missed 2 of my neighbors funerals last year and I forgot my own mothers birthday last fall!

I just realized that my last post went through after all, but it wasn't in the forum area I thought it was. So thanks to the mediators for posting my message!
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