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Old 09-28-18, 07:34 PM
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How do you live in the moment?

I have an issue where I’m constantly reviewing the past or I’m usually concerned, working very hard and trying to prepare for the future and it never ends in my mind.

I no longer seem to be able to disregard the past and the future and just enjoy the now. When I try and make a conscious attempt to enjoy the moment, my mind always transports me to past or future events, I should worry about.

It sucks and makes for an incredibly boring and debilitating life!
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Old 09-28-18, 07:54 PM
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Re: How do you live in the moment?

I fret about the past and worry about the present and the future so.maybe I'm not the best person to talk about this. I don't think I can live in the moment every moment but I'm pretty good at living in moment for very short periods of time...just for a moment..

For me,anything that evokes a fairly strong sensation (both positive and negative) can evoke this feeling of just being in the moment but mostly it's when I see, hear or feel something beautiful.

1. Do something you really, really enjoy. For me this is either hiking or just being somewhere really, really beautiful like in the mountains

2. Music. Either listening to it or playing the piano. Something strange happens to me where I sort of forget about everything else and really just listen.

3. Small beings. I think playing with both young kids or animals can make us forget about the past and future and just enjoy the moment with them.

4. Depression and anxiety are moment killers.

(I suspect when I'm wasting time, eg playing spider solitaire, which I used to do for hours I'm in a way just living in the moment too but I'm assuming that's not what you are looking for. Mindless moments.)

Talking of mindless, I think, mindfulness can really help here. Isn't it mostly about being aware of this very moment?
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Old 09-28-18, 09:08 PM
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Re: How do you live in the moment?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Greyhound1 View Post
I have an issue where I’m constantly reviewing the past or I’m usually concerned, working very hard and trying to prepare for the future and it never ends in my mind.

I no longer seem to be able to disregard the past and the future and just enjoy the now. When I try and make a conscious attempt to enjoy the moment, my mind always transports me to past or future events, I should worry about.

It sucks and makes for an incredibly boring and debilitating life!
OK, Greyhound, I'm going to keep posting my same advice til I'm blue in the face - you can't just tell yourself to "enjoy the moment" if your brain isn't trained to be mindful. You have to wire those neural pathways through mindfulness practice/meditation, and constant repetition of that practice. Your brain is like any other muscle, it has to be trained and it has to get into shape. Telling yourself, "dammit Greyhound, enjoy the moment" is like me going to the gym and saying "dammit Daniel, why can't you just bench press this 200 pound barbell? Other guys in this gym are doing it!!??" without consistently lifting weights for several months.

Now, if you're like most people, you either are going to say "oh my god, I tried that once. I sat on the pillow and couldn't tell my brain to shut up" (which btw means you're doing it right, not wrong) or you'll say "I don't want to do that, it sounds too hard" or whatever. In truth, meditation and mindfulness is being adopted by people with ADHD, CEOs, athletes, businesspeople, people from any walk of life, because of the benefits it brings. It especially helps me (having ADHD) with stress relief, anxiety, attention, and realizing the truth of a moment as opposed to the stories in my head, and getting away from the endless judgement, worry, and rumination I am prone to. It's not the be-all, end-all, I'm not always happy, but it definitely has been positive. And I definitely think in your particular case, it would be exactly what you need.

Maybe you don't have any objections and you just didn't realize that this is the answer to your particular issue. I recommend you try it POSTHASTE to give yourself some much-needed relief. If you have a smartphone/iPhone whatever, get the "10% happier" app. I do not work for them, but meditation is something I desperately wanted to do regularly and knew was good for me, but it wasn't until I chanced upon this app that it became easy for me. Because, really, you just start the app, pick a meditation (there's a beginner "course", series of 8 short instructional videos and guided meditations that is the best place to start), plop down wherever (no need for anything fancy), put in your ear buds, and just do what the instructor says to do. There are even supportive "you aren't doing it wrong" meditations for the inevitable doubts that will creep into your mind. It's just a great great resource and I'm doing my best to promote it because I believe in what they are doing, which is bring meditation and mindfulness to the masses of skeptics and frazzled, busy people who don't realize how helpful it can be for anyone, no matter what your vocation is.

If that doesn't appeal to you, find a group, or read a book. But I did both and it wasn't until I was regularly using the app that I really got consistent about it and my techniques got better and misconceptions were ironed out. I think it being easy helps.

Anyways, give meditation and mindfulness a try, there's nothing mysterious about it, and then you can PM me if you have any doubts or questions.

All the best,
Daniel
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Last edited by namazu; 09-28-18 at 09:47 PM.. Reason: Discussaion of religion is strictly prohibited outside of meditation & spirituality section - please see ADDF guidelines.
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Old 09-28-18, 09:43 PM
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Re: How do you live in the moment?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Greyhound1 View Post
I have an issue where I’m constantly reviewing the past or I’m usually concerned, working very hard and trying to prepare for the future and it never ends in my mind.

I no longer seem to be able to disregard the past and the future and just enjoy the now. When I try and make a conscious attempt to enjoy the moment, my mind always transports me to past or future events, I should worry about.

It sucks and makes for an incredibly boring and debilitating life!
A bit left of field but this can sometimes work.... You have a dog. Try mentally becoming a dog. Just for a minute or 2 if you can. Watch how he/ she can just be. Lie on the grass. Look at the sky and how the wind moves the leaves on the trees. Maybe chew and slobber on some stuff... okay that last bit might be taking it too far.

Just give it a go and see if you can do it for a minute or more. If nothing else the dog will enjoy it.
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Old 09-29-18, 05:09 AM
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Re: How do you live in the moment?

I always got annoyed when people told me to take deep breaths, hold it and slowly let it out. I was like "wtf is breathing going to do for me?" Then I decided to read up on it. Turns out it isnt so much about breathing to center yourself or ground yourself(it does)- its about flooding the brain with oxygen which naturally works on lowering anxiety, heart rate and all that. Whenever I had something major happening that causes me stress, I take 5 minutes to breath, focusing on where my breath is coming from and feeling it rise through me and it always helps.
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Old 09-29-18, 05:11 AM
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Re: How do you live in the moment?

I had always lived in the present or just in my positive daydreams. I wasn't used to the kind of ruminations you have at all until my supervisor discriminated against me. Then I couldn't stop the same kind of ruminating thoughts you have over things that happened in the past and what should be done in the future. All focused on him.

Being not used to these kinds of thoughts and emotions, I asked my sister for advice as she had always difficulties letting go like you until at one point she suddenly seemed to be able to let go.

Her answer was similar to fuzzy's, just a little different.
She told me the answer was just to not think. she said thr way to not think was to fill your life with things that you love and would calm your mind.

Those things for me are extremely high stimulus things that divert my attention. Being adhd, I need more stimulus than others I think. The things I enjoy doing but aren't high stimulus aren't enough to block out the thoughts.

For me, those things are music, though listening alone didn't do as much as when I was more active like playing an instrument and singing at the same time. Virtual reality, where every minute feels like I'm exploring a new world filled with dinosaurs, space travel, things that never existed before. Skiing. Snorkeling/Scuba diving where it feels like me and the dolphin in front of me are the only two things in the world. Also, just a disco LED ball that shined bright, flickering, multicolored lights that pulsed to music really took my mind off things as it was very high stimulus. I'd bet a fun sport that gives exercise would help too though I'd nevery tried that back when I ruminated.

The high stimulus things calmed my mind somewhat and for short term. What calmed it permanently was to not regret anymore the things in the past so I stopped dwelling on it and also when i became satisfied with my present.

I couldn't stop thinking about my discriminating coworker not just cause he had wronged me but because I hadn't spoken out about it and just let him get away with it. After I spoke out and reported him, I felt a million times better. Things didn't go perfectly after that but I knew i did what was right for me so didn't regret my own actions (or lack of action) anymore.

Ive never worried too much about the future but I now feel at complete peace about it. I think it's cause I'm satisfied with my present now and I don't worry about making changes in the future cause I'm already living the life I am satisfied with now. some things could be better but overall, I'm satisfied. Also, my present is my future since I retired so that might contribute as well.

Last edited by acdc01; 09-29-18 at 05:24 AM..
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Old 09-29-18, 07:34 AM
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Re: How do you live in the moment?

practice...
your mind wanders...gently, bring it back each time...
at some point, the peace that comes from bringing it back, becomes a refuge, a first response, instinctual reflex.
takes a while...I've only a taste of it myself but I've seen improvement.
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Old 09-29-18, 09:58 AM
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Re: How do you live in the moment?

I do mostly, and that's the problem - things just aren't getting done. If it's not absolutely time sensitive, I will not bother or completely put it out of my mind.
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Old 09-29-18, 12:26 PM
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Re: How do you live in the moment?

Quote:
Originally Posted by DanielGM1970 View Post
OK, Greyhound, I'm going to keep posting my same advice til I'm blue in the face - you can't just tell yourself to "enjoy the moment" if your brain isn't trained to be mindful. You have to wire those neural pathways through mindfulness practice/meditation, and constant repetition of that practice. Your brain is like any other muscle, it has to be trained and it has to get into shape. Telling yourself, "dammit Greyhound, enjoy the moment" is like me going to the gym and saying "dammit Daniel, why can't you just bench press this 200 pound barbell? Other guys in this gym are doing it!!??" without consistently lifting weights for several months.

Now, if you're like most people, you either are going to say "oh my god, I tried that once. I sat on the pillow and couldn't tell my brain to shut up" (which btw means you're doing it right, not wrong) or you'll say "I don't want to do that, it sounds too hard" or whatever. In truth, meditation and mindfulness is being adopted by people with ADHD, CEOs, athletes, businesspeople, people from any walk of life, because of the benefits it brings. It especially helps me (having ADHD) with stress relief, anxiety, attention, and realizing the truth of a moment as opposed to the stories in my head, and getting away from the endless judgement, worry, and rumination I am prone to. It's not the be-all, end-all, I'm not always happy, but it definitely has been positive. And I definitely think in your particular case, it would be exactly what you need.

Maybe you don't have any objections and you just didn't realize that this is the answer to your particular issue. I recommend you try it POSTHASTE to give yourself some much-needed relief. If you have a smartphone/iPhone whatever, get the "10% happier" app. I do not work for them, but meditation is something I desperately wanted to do regularly and knew was good for me, but it wasn't until I chanced upon this app that it became easy for me. Because, really, you just start the app, pick a meditation (there's a beginner "course", series of 8 short instructional videos and guided meditations that is the best place to start), plop down wherever (no need for anything fancy), put in your ear buds, and just do what the instructor says to do. There are even supportive "you aren't doing it wrong" meditations for the inevitable doubts that will creep into your mind. It's just a great great resource and I'm doing my best to promote it because I believe in what they are doing, which is bring meditation and mindfulness to the masses of skeptics and frazzled, busy people who don't realize how helpful it can be for anyone, no matter what your vocation is.

If that doesn't appeal to you, find a group, or read a book. But I did both and it wasn't until I was regularly using the app that I really got consistent about it and my techniques got better and misconceptions were ironed out. I think it being easy helps.

Anyways, give meditation and mindfulness a try, there's nothing mysterious about it, and then you can PM me if you have any doubts or questions.

All the best,
Daniel
Thanks Daniel,
I’ve been working on mindfulness for about the past 3 years. It can really help keep anxiety from manifesting when it works well. When I mentioned making a conscious effort to be in the moment, I really meant and should of said practicing mindfulness. It doesn’t seem to be nearly as effective for me staying in the now or the moment.

I’ve had little to no success with meditation. I probably need to revisit that. I definitely need to try the “you aren’t doing it wrong” methods of meditation you mentioned. That always seems like the issue.

Thanks for the tips!

Last edited by Greyhound1; 09-29-18 at 09:34 PM.. Reason: Clarity
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Old 09-29-18, 01:53 PM
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Re: How do you live in the moment?

Good luck! I’m not sure what isn’t working for you, but it might be the biggest misconception, which is that if you have a ton of thought and can’t “stop thinking”, you are “doing it wrong”. Noticing all those thoughts actually means you are doing it right, not wrong! No one can “stop thinking”. All meditation is is focusing on your breathing, just your natural breathing, in, out. Counting helps. And when you noticed your mind has wandered, that’s a WIN, not a loss! Just go back to the breathing. “Begin again” is all that meditation is. It’s like a golf game with a million mulligans. Even if you can only stay with your breathing for a second before your mind wanders, you’re doing it right. Just begin again.

Hope that helps. You can always PM me if you have other concerns or blockers.


Daniel
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Old 09-29-18, 02:00 PM
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Re: How do you live in the moment?

I can sometimes get to ruminating or worrying about the past or the future. But quite a lot of the time, I'm hyperfocused on something that interests me and when that's going on, I'm almost completely oblivious to everything else that's going on around me or that happened to me in the past or might happen to me in the future. And I can almost always find something to catch my interest, either a new book, a debate on the Internet, some puzzle that I want to try and solve. It frequently provides an escape for me from worry and rumination.

However, even though I'm not often looking to the past or the future, I'm not sure that hyperfocus counts as "living in the moment" since I think of this as usually meaning that someone is "present" to the people and events going on around them, which is not the case when I'm so intently focused on something in my head or that I'm reading.
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Old 09-29-18, 04:32 PM
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Re: How do you live in the moment?

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Originally Posted by tudorose View Post
A bit left of field but this can sometimes work.... You have a dog. Try mentally becoming a dog. Just for a minute or 2 if you can. Watch how he/ she can just be. Lie on the grass. Look at the sky and how the wind moves the leaves on the trees. Maybe chew and slobber on some stuff... okay that last bit might be taking it too far.

Just give it a go and see if you can do it for a minute or more. If nothing else the dog will enjoy it.
Just spending time with a dog or a good cat really does help me be in the moment temporarily. That unconditional love is more stimulating than the past or the future usually.

I think, I need a support hound around me 24/7. Too bad that will never fly at work.

The only other thing that allows me to be in the moment is fishing. I desperately need to find more time for that. Just scheduled a two day bass fishing trip in October.
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Old 09-29-18, 05:19 PM
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Re: How do you live in the moment?

Quote:
Originally Posted by DanielGM1970 View Post
Good luck! I’m not sure what isn’t working for you, but it might be the biggest misconception, which is that if you have a ton of thought and can’t “stop thinking”, you are “doing it wrong”. Noticing all those thoughts actually means you are doing it right, not wrong! No one can “stop thinking”. All meditation is is focusing on your breathing, just your natural breathing, in, out. Counting helps. And when you noticed your mind has wandered, that’s a WIN, not a loss! Just go back to the breathing. “Begin again” is all that meditation is. It’s like a golf game with a million mulligans. Even if you can only stay with your breathing for a second before your mind wanders, you’re doing it right. Just begin again.

Hope that helps. You can always PM me if you have other concerns or blockers.


Daniel
My mom always says that meditation can just be about observing your thoughts without trying to stop them or directing them in any way. It's just about being aware of what you are thinking at that moment and allowing your thoughts without judging them (and if you do judge then allow and observe that as well).
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Old 09-29-18, 06:10 PM
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Re: How do you live in the moment?

My only hope is a brain transplant with a canine. I can live in the moment and my wife can worry about our future. Depending on the breed, I may even gain a few IQ points.
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Old 09-29-18, 07:24 PM
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Re: How do you live in the moment?

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Originally Posted by Greyhound1 View Post
My only hope is a brain transplant with a canine. I can live in the moment and my wife can worry about our future. Depending on the breed, I may even gain a few IQ points.
Lol... I can dig it
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