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  #1  
Old 09-26-12, 06:54 PM
Fatima Fatima is offline
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All my life I thought I was unintelligent,careless,extremely lazy,a coward,immature

Are you telling me there is another explanation for my lifestyle?

Hi Everyone

I found this forum a year ago and I have been meaning to post my story but kept putting it off. Finally today is the day. I am Fatima, 32 years old and currently I am living in the UK. All my life, I was so different from my siblings, family and friends.

My academic life:
I was always known as smart person who is capable of so much that never puts in any efforts. High school was difficult for me because I was new to the country (UK) at that time and I did not speak any English. I somehow got through it, went to college and University.I managed to get a degree in accounting and finance 1st class honours. A normal person would finish this by age 21 I finished when I was 27 years old.
I always overwhelmed by education and kept getting distracted by things I found pleasurable TV, food and Internet.I remember in college while all my friends were studying I was on the Net with my latest useless obsession. In university I had my cousins were studying alongside me and were hard working. Did I use them as example? Absolutely not. While they were studying hard, I would go home to record my latest TV addiction and gorge on fast food.

My social life was always none existent apart from going to the cinema and eating out with family members. I was not able to make friends easily and if I did meet people
I was not able to keep the friendship going because of my lack of confidence and not sustaining conversations
If I did stay friends with someone, it was to fulfil my desires of having someone to go eat out with me rather than being social.

Over the years I become anti social because of my low self steam with my weight I never wanted to go out in public and when I did try to make friends I would get hurt because I was always too honest and naÔve with people. In my community you will get labelled a moron if you are genuine to other women, itís always about faking it and making yourself seem superior and never being trusting. Which was the opposite to me who would share her deepest feeling with just about anyone.

Lately I have noticed that I wanted to make an effort with people, this results in me giving them too much attention, being needy, sensitive, cowardly and paranoid. Who wants to be friends with someone like that?
Nothing has changed I am still day dreaming, never sustaining conversation, always forgetting things unless itís a useless thing that interest me.

After reading about ADHD by a chance I was so shocked to learn how much this disorder was about me. I went to my GP who was not very helpful and she kept dismissing what I was saying and really putting me off for seeking help by saying that even if I was to see someone ADD medications have lot of side effects and itís mainly for children. I didnít give up and eventually I was referred to a adhd specialist but the waiting was for a least a year. After wasting so much of life I could not wait any longer. My older brother agreed to cover the bill to see a private specialist and that doctor was great he diagnosed me with inattentive ADHD and prescribed Concerta XL 18mg and now 36mg. I donít see any different with the medication and it has not helped me to change my life. I donĎt know what else to do, someone please help. I really want to change my life but somehow its always the same story.

The big question I have always wanted to ask other people with ADHD is do you sometimes feel carelessness and being happy for not big reason other than maybe your favourite tv show is back on? I feel like this a lot in my life.
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  #2  
Old 09-26-12, 07:03 PM
Fatima Fatima is offline
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Re: All my life I thought I was unintelligent,careless,extremely lazy,a coward,immatu

I wanted to say a lot more about my current situation in particular but i find it difficult to articulate myself and English is not my first language so please excuse the rambling.
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Old 09-26-12, 07:26 PM
Abi Abi is offline
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Re: All my life I thought I was unintelligent,careless,extremely lazy,a coward,immatu

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fatima
that doctor was great he diagnosed me with inattentive ADHD and prescribed Concerta XL 18mg and now 36mg. I don’t see any different with the medication and it has not helped me to change my life. I don‘t know what else to do, someone please help. I really want to change my life but somehow its always the same story.
Generally, people diagnosed with ADHD-PI in adulthood respond better to medications that increase NOREPINEPHRINE levels in addition to dopamine levels. You may want to switch from Concerta to Dexedrine [or perhaps Adderall or Wellbutrin]

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Old 09-27-12, 02:32 AM
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Re: All my life I thought I was unintelligent,careless,extremely lazy,a coward,immatu

Fatima, may I extend the warmest possible welcome to you? Your words tell me that you will fit right in with us and I hope this place will become the home for you that it has for me.
And may I say that even though you mentioned English is not your first language, your words are perfectly written?
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Old 09-27-12, 03:56 AM
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Re: All my life I thought I was unintelligent,careless,extremely lazy,a coward,immatu

Kudos to you for the courage! You're definitely not alone in this. Your story sounds very much like mine, too. The difference is that I am older than you, which means you have more time to find a way to live as a happier inattentive.

If I may, I'd just suggest adding a CBT to the medication because medication alone is only supposed to help make your life a bit more bearable. Only you can change it for real, though, so see how CBT will help you change for the better and let it last.

As for my medication, the Dexedrine does the trick, although I really dislike what it does to me when it starts to wear off. You may want to be careful here.

Best of luck to you

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Old 09-27-12, 04:09 AM
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Re: All my life I thought I was unintelligent,careless,extremely lazy,a coward,immatu

Welcome Fatima. Your English is excellent. Some people with first language English write worse than you.

I'm sure you'll find lots of support and information on these forums, and I can see that you'll fit right in.

Sorry the Concerta doesn't work for you. I have a feeling that it works better for the hyperactive and combined subtypes. If you check in the medication subforums you might find some info of meds that have worked for other inattentives. Best of luck and I hope to see more of you around here.

Lx
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Old 09-27-12, 08:18 AM
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Re: All my life I thought I was unintelligent,careless,extremely lazy,a coward,immatu

Quote:
Originally Posted by Abi View Post
Generally, people diagnosed with ADHD-PI in adulthood respond better to medications that increase NOREPINEPHRINE levels in addition to dopamine levels. You may want to switch from Concerta to Dexedrine [or perhaps Adderall or Wellbutrin]

Increased norepinephrine seems to raise my blood pressure, that's why I'm on Ritalin. You post had me looking into why Strattera was causing me problems...
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Old 09-30-12, 08:31 AM
Fatima Fatima is offline
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Unhappy Re: All my life I thought I was unintelligent,careless,extremely lazy,a coward,immatu

Everyone thank you for welcome and lovely replies.

I think one of the reasons my medication did not work is due to my weight.

I weight 270 pounds and my doctor did say for someone my size I would need a higher dose to see a difference. But what I did not mention is that my blood pressure was high before I started the medication and my doctor is worried that with higher dose of Concerta it could make my blood pressure even higher, so he suggested stopping the medication until I sorted my blood pressure levels.

What would help in bringing it down is losing weight and exercising. But here is the frustrating thing, one of the reasons why I needed the medication is to motivate me to lose the weight.

I have managed to lose weight many times before but somehow I never see it through to the end and I always put the weight back on.

I would appreciate some advise, I want to get married and have children but I know that hinges in me losing this weight but just don't have the motivation and in this age as woman I don't have much time.
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Old 09-30-12, 04:36 PM
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Re: All my life I thought I was unintelligent,careless,extremely lazy,a coward,immatu

Meds are only one part of the solution.... and they don't work on their own... particularly when ADD is mixed in with addictive/compulsive behaviour patterns.

What the meds can do is make it a little easier to put in place the routines and support that allow the behaviours to be tackled.

A combination of meds and some form of mindfulness or cognitive behavioural theraly might be in order.

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Old 09-30-12, 06:46 PM
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Re: All my life I thought I was unintelligent,careless,extremely lazy,a coward,immatu

Fatima -- welcome.

While you described your inattention, you also seem to hyperfocus on externals like TV.

My only suggestion is to find something to hyperfocus on say like exercise and go bananas -- the reason I say this is that once I realized I could hyperfocus, I used it to focus on one topic where I could derive benefits from, for example, I love to read -- when I learn to typeset that was all I wanted to do -- and I got paid for it. This lead to many wonderful things in my life.

I am observer, I observed this in myself years before I was diagnosed.

What I am trying to say is that if you find one topic to hyperfocus on it can lead to good things and if you learn additional coping skills can possibly lead you to the goals you want indirectly.

I hope you continue to work with your doctor to find out whether medication is the right choice for you, other than that, I would pay attention to what you eat and drink coffee, it's a stimulant if you can, I use it to help me focus.
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Old 10-02-12, 05:39 AM
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Re: All my life I thought I was unintelligent,careless,extremely lazy,a coward,immatu

Welcome!

Most of the time when I space out and eat junk food, it's when I'm tired or frustrated. Maybe you could try to find another way of relaxing: even reading a book or a magazine in the park. I agree, you should look for something else to hyperfocus on maybe, but don't beat yourself up about your behaviour, just think "I want to change this. I might watch one hour less tonight."

Internet and TV are so so addictive for those of us with ADHD. You're not alone! When I feel crap it's so much easier to sit at home and eat take away than it is to go out and socially interact. That's hard enough as it is.

Every little change helps! Cut up carrots and eat them instead of junk food. (I NEVER want carrots instead of chips but this is a trick some Weight Watchers people use).

You've been very persistent so far: sticking to your plan even though it was hard to find a doctor. Think of weight loss the same way. I've got family members who rave about Weight Watchers. Talk to the doctor about options. Weight loss is hard, but it's easier when you can talk to people in the same situation as you. My mum's made friends in her Weight Watchers group.

Is there an ADHD support group you could go to? It's a lot easier to talk to someone who understands your quirks.
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