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  #1  
Old 12-30-04, 09:46 PM
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Question Newbie question : Are adults with ADD attracted to other adults with ADD ?

I’m wondering if people with ADD are attracted to others with ADD ?

I’m married, the wife has the classic symptoms of ADD, such as loosing the car keys, forgetting what she’s doing and going off in another direction, not following through and finishing something, etc. I don’t see it as a huge problem – I’ve come to accept it. But I’ve noticed that the majority of people in our life also have ADD symptoms and that I’m so used to it I simply see it as “normal”.

I don’t have the same exact symptoms. Mainly because discipline, structure, and self-control (coping skills) were pounded into me as a child by my parents. But I’m a master of procrastination, easily bored, and constantly seeking intense experiences. And now I’m questioning my self-identity. . .

I’m not looking for a label or diagnosis – I just want to understand the why of things. Any input ?
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  #2  
Old 12-30-04, 10:26 PM
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Hi, I have found myself asking the same question. Once I realized that I was adhd, I started looking around me and seen the same things you did. Granted we all have a different personality add/hd traits. But you tend to draw to one that understands you. It gets frustrating trying to explain yourself to someone that doesn't understand, when it's hard for you to know why you do half the things you do. I've notice a big pattern in my relationships with add. The person In my life has certain asspects that is totally oppisite. which is good for me, someone to slow me down a little and looks a little closer. But we have always read each others minds. Were probably the only people that can handle us. I have just recently been telling him more and more about add. and things in his life. I think he sees it. I have know since this one day in my old house, that I would help him learn about something. I was to be there for him in a deep way. Everything happens for a reason. Right?
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  #3  
Old 12-30-04, 11:58 PM
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Yes, I do think adders are attracted to other adders. Dont know why, I do know it happens for a reason, just not sure what that reason is.
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Old 12-31-04, 09:14 AM
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You're always attracted to people with which you have a common ground, that you see some similarities in.
I also found that A LOT of people around me, be it at work or friends and, of course family, share the trait.
My dad, a psychologist, told me once that love is: "a common basic conflict with complementing defense mechanisms". That's probably the most unromantic thing I've heared, but there is some truth in it.
It makes sense to me that you pick the people you can choose from out of those that think and feel similar to you.
At a very deep level we just find each other and acknowledge the similarity in thinking and feeling.
Oh and it even fits the picture that add is something different then the symptoms.
I believe they are "just" cooping mechanisms gone wild, or something close to that.

Whats hard is realizing that most of the ADDers around you don't care about it and don't want to "do anything about it".
That's because for them life is good, or good enough. DSM IV covers that aswell, as you only "have it" when it impairs you in your personal or proffesional life significatly.

... grrr, that should have been another quick reply
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Old 01-02-05, 01:37 PM
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good question, I have also noticed that I have the most fun with people like me, jumping from one thing to another, discussions also jumping, its not as much work when you are with others like you, as you don't have to explain why you are moving and changing.
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Old 01-02-05, 02:16 PM
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i married my total opposite....he's forever telling me i'm on the wrong topic "we're still discussing x- it hasn't changed...." when i answer a question with my circular logic. it would probably be nice to have someone keep up with me.
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Old 01-06-05, 10:21 PM
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the questiong though was attracted, I find a person who shows interest and enthusiasm creates chemistry, and the person who just lies there and expects you to do all the work is intimidating.
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Old 01-20-05, 07:13 AM
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ADDers attracted to other ADDers? I'd say yes. One big draw would be the fact that an ADD mate won't get mad or frustrated with you for your ADD traits, he/she has them too. You laugh about them together, help each other. Also, there seems to be a lot of ADDers with creativity and big hearts with lots of empathy and sincere caring for mankind. To me, it was like being an alien slave being held on another planet, thinking I was the last of my kind. Suffering and not understanding their language, confused, out of place, so different. Then one day I found another alien just like me, he was from my home planet and there were more of them there! He took me to this planet - addforums.com Now I don't know any other ADDers deeply like I do E-boy, do most ADDers like to talk openly and aren't afraid to feel? (mainly guys?) 'Cause where I come from...the men don't show their feelings (or they don't have any...) and they cannot stand for anyone to appear imperfect. They CERTAINLY aren't empathetic, but I think ADDers are.... and where I came from the men aren't patient, but as much as ADDers hate to wait in line or listen to slow talkers, they are sooooo patient with each other it's amazing.
I think we should all go back to our home planet now.
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Old 01-20-05, 12:40 PM
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Told you before silly, you were hanging out with the wrong crowd. :-) There are lots of men like me out there. Many of them, I am sure, very much better than me in the ways folks measure. Not all of them are ADD either.

Whatever the reason for my great luck to have you in my life, I won't question it. Just sit back and enjoy the ride. :-)
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Old 01-20-05, 02:07 PM
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I think part of the problems is that non-ADDers AREN'T attracted to US.

We gravitate to each other, because we are less judgemental of each other, and annoying to each other...

*sigh*
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Old 01-20-05, 02:08 PM
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Sweetheart, there are not lots of men like you. I keep telling you this Baby, but you're just never going to see yourself through a woman's eyes. (I guess if you could..that would be a little too strange LOL).
This 'wrong crowd' you refer to me hanging out with? It's a HUGE crowd, an entire country's worth of people. Cruel unfeeling men are not the minority Love. They are the majority.
And as far as you thinking many other men are much better than you in the ways folks measure - that's in the way YOU measure, just you. In the way I measure a man, you are the tallest of them all. I measure a man by the extent of his ability to love, the way he shows that love, his kindness towards others, his empathy for mankind, his patience, humor, intelligence, gentleness, morals, the extent that he's in touch with his own feelings, and willingness to express them to his mate, how he is as a father, his faithfulness, his willingness to look at himself honestly and see his own flaws, his playfulness, his sense of adventure, his supportiveness of his mate, his courage to be his true self, his willingness to listen to other points of view and be willing to change his mind, willing to say he's sorry or he was wrong, his willingness to back up his mate against others, protect her from other's cruelty, nurture her, not afraid of deep conversations, willingness to share his vulnerability and fears with me, flirty, his internal strength, willingness to explain gently over and over until I understand. You are the one for me Dan. That list describes you. Sure there are other kind men out there, but they're not YOU, they don't have your unique qualities that I love so much. They're fine guys, nothing wrong with them, but they're not the one for me. You are.

Susan
Quote:
Originally Posted by E-boy
Told you before silly, you were hanging out with the wrong crowd. :-) There are lots of men like me out there. Many of them, I am sure, very much better than me in the ways folks measure. Not all of them are ADD either.

Whatever the reason for my great luck to have you in my life, I won't question it. Just sit back and enjoy the ride. :-)
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Old 01-20-05, 02:17 PM
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I think it is awesome you guys found eachother.. as to me.. I agree with TRACTOR1 on the comment. I have noticed this to be really easy going for me to not have to explain so much all the time..as with my ex.. uggg always and he can just not open up to anything I say. It is like talking to a wall or a mirror where it just bounces back to me and never gets through... donno . my personal opinion of experience.
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Old 01-20-05, 11:06 PM
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Talking

Quote:
Originally Posted by waywardclam
I think part of the problems is that non-ADDers AREN'T attracted to US.

We gravitate to each other, because we are less judgemental of each other, and annoying to each other...

*sigh*
I tend to agree with you on the part where non-ADDers arent attracted to us. Eventho i never went out with one. LOL but they had other problems. Like low inferioaty , like me.

digitl who always says she does not notice normal people...What the hell is that anyways LOL..
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Old 01-21-05, 09:50 AM
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Well my husband and I always thought we needed a wife (or at least a secretary/maid combo) to keep us organized. I'm ADHD and I'm pretty sure my husband is ADD, so who knows. We play fantastically well together, but have trouble with real life stuff. Seems like it might have been easier to have one organized person in the bunch to keep things on track -- but maybe they wouldn't have wanted to put up with us. Now that we've added an ADHD daughter to the mix (plus a 2 year old -- who may have escaped all this, but is still a normal 2 year old tornado) -- whoa are we in trouble!

I tend to agree that non ADDers may not be attracted to us. I've always been pretty intense and probably wear regular people out. My parents love me, but I'm not sure they like me in big doses. Problem is my husband and I have different flavors of this issue -- he's ADD (loses things, messy, frustrated student with dyslexia, impatient, needs absolute quiet to focus) and I'm ADHD (lose things too, totally distractable on boring stuff -- hyperfocus on interesting stuff, forgetful, can be very neat if no one messes things up but once it's messy I'm lost, terrific student if I find it interesting), so he doesn't always understand my kind of screw ups. In the overlap area I'm never who sure who lost what and it leads to a lot of blaming -- that said, we are still together after 18 years of marriage!

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Last edited by Scattered; 01-21-05 at 10:02 AM..
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Old 01-21-05, 01:19 PM
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Talking Attraction??

I would like to know how you get attracted to someone.
Personnaly i know as soon as i see someone, if they ring my little inside door bell. The door is all open. But it does not ring often. As i think people are pretty boring to start with. Dont you all find that, they are so slow and passive. I dont know just little old me rambling on...
But i would love to hear how you know, you want to get to know someone more?
Do you know right away at first glance ?

Digitl who as to get moving today....
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I've been dating since I was fifteen! I'm exhausted. Where is he?

Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious.
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