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  #16  
Old 01-28-13, 07:50 AM
GypsyMind GypsyMind is offline
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Re: how do guys cope with ADHD in their 40s?

I just turned 40 and recently broke up with my g/f of 2.5 years. So there's several things I was scared/nervous about... I was scared sh*tless about once again being alone and now at 40 with my ADHD since I am the posterchild for the condition. I have a tendency to job-hob, move every few months, chew through hobbies like they're skittles, etc, etc...

I was diagnosed at 29 and after fighting what I am for over a decade, I can tell you that I finally found happiness in embracing what I am. And when I did that, a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders. The fact is that I don't need anyone else to "complete me".

Hating your condition is a complete waste of energy.

I am sarcastic. I am dry. I act childish from time to time. I am a bit selfish. I am 10x harder on myself than anyone else could be. I get frustrated when normal people don't see things how I see them.

There's quite a few negative aspects to me that would probably make me a happier person if I could change; however, that's unlikely, so the key is to embrace all of it.

If everyone was normal, the world would honestly suck. The key is finding those who accept you for what/who you are. We are out there. But like many here, we're in hiding for fear of the label or how we would be received.... Well guess what, we stand out whether we realize it or not, so it doesn't matter.

Also, what many people either look over or take for granted is the fact that YOU'VE MADE IT THIS FAR. Yes, the road may have felt like it was a washboard, but the bottom line is that you've made it this far.

AD/HD people are so much stronger than we or others give credit for. It's easy to let the negative effects crawl into your mind -that's part of our nature. The key is recognizing that your mind, while it's your best asset, is also your worst enemy.

When the real sh*t times hit, remember that they don't last. Look for a distraction. Develop those coping mechanisms. The worst thing to do is set alone somewhere letting those thoughts corrupt your mind.

We have beautiful minds if properly focused. If left unattended, we're an EF-5 tornado to ourselves and everyone around us. We can blame the world or we can realize that it's up to us to harness the power. No matter if it's holistic healing or meds and docs.

Climb out of the hole my friends. If you've survived to 40, especially without the help of meds/doctors/support structure, just think of how well you will do once you get all of that into place!?

I won't lie. It's scary as hell. But it doesn't change anything. We are creatures of change and this is just one more to add to the ever-growing pile.

And before I say what I'm about to, please note that I'm not judging anyone because I've been there before and many times, before I realized the truth -

But thoughts of, and the promotion of, suicide is complete BS. We have so much to offer the world. Self check-out is the ultimate act of selfishness and proves nothing. No matter how you look at it, we get one shot at this life. When you pull that figurative and literal trigger, you just wasted all those years for nothing and a life that maybe someone who died naturally much younger would've loved to have had. It's like throwing a fit because your eyes aren't blue, when someone who went blind would love to have eyes at all.

You will be fine. You made it this far. Life isn't over no matter what age you're diagnosed at.

Sorry for the long post! It's been awhile since I was on and the timing of this post was all it took for everything to come out! lol

The love starts from within. Love yourself. Embrace who/what you are. Because if you don't, then you can't expect anyone on the outside to.
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  #17  
Old 01-28-13, 10:55 AM
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Re: how do guys cope with ADHD in their 40s?

i'm 67 now and i appear to have become worse with age, but i think its more the fact it wont go away. i'm still working full time, i have never had holidays because they bore the pants of me, i cant watch a movie to the end, it takes a view viewings, i can watch the end first then go back see how it started. i still go up in the air very easily, depending on what i do or say can leave me with anxiety and depress me, i cant save money, i have nothing once i retire, i live in the uk so i'll get a basic pension, iv'e never been out of work, i'm a workoholic who dont like work or money.
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  #18  
Old 02-01-13, 02:36 AM
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Re: how do guys cope with ADHD in their 40s?

It gets worse.... unless you have an organized GF or spouse. I never knew just how fvkced up I was (well yeah I did) until my GF left, now my life is is in complete disarray.
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Old 02-19-13, 11:38 AM
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Re: how do guys cope with ADHD in their 40s?

One day at a time and sometimes moment-to-moment like I did in my teens, 20's, & 30's. Sometimes fearful and sometimes content (if not happy). I think as we age we experience the same emotions we did when younger, but the emotions are familiar to us now. Not to say that life couldn't throw something at us that would knock the wind out of us, because I think that can happen at any age. For me, faith in God plays a large part in my way of dealing with life and this disorder. An understand when I say faith I don't mean "monk-like" faith. I haven't been a regular attender of church in years and often times when I'm talking to God I'm expressing all kinds of doubts, fears, and angry complaints, but the fact is I am still talking to Him and that takes faith in and of itself. At 46 I've accepted that i'll probably never be rich and famous and that more than likely my life will follow the "normal course" which is work, pay bills, raise children, retire, hopefully live a few years after retirement and then die. That's it. Sounds morbid, but I think it's reality.
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  #20  
Old 02-19-13, 06:47 PM
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Re: how do guys cope with ADHD in their 40s?

Picard,


You might want to elaborate on the question ... I mean, I am not sure I found ADHD harder to deal with in my 40's than it was to deal with in my 20's and 30's. I'm 51 now, got diagnosed in 2008 at age 46 ...

The diagnosed seem to put a lot of my struggles into context. Yes, I wish I had been diagnosed earlier ... I think my 30's would have been more productive, same with my 40's ....

But I don't understand the question. ADHD is hard to deal with at any age ... What's so special about the 40's that you're asking this?

Maybe the press of oncoming mortality is what you speak of ... I definitely want to get my life and routines together as much as I can ... because maybe it's harder to change when you're older ... But I expect to accomplish more in my 50's (under treatment) than I accomplished in my 20's and in my 30's PUT TOGETHER! And I mean accomplish more in terms of relationships and in terms of job success and success in the world, managing money, etc.


Tone
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  #21  
Old 02-21-13, 10:59 AM
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Re: how do guys cope with ADHD in their 40s?

I didn't read everyones post because I have ADD. But I just turned 49, so I've had ADD all those years and just got diagnosed 2 years ago. All I can say is that life has really sucked for me but I try to have a little bit of faith. I've gone back to college and have done fairly well with Ritalin, but I hope I can find a job when I graduate around 52 or so.
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Old 02-25-13, 07:37 PM
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Re: how do guys cope with ADHD in their 40s?

Quote:
Originally Posted by feelme03 View Post
I didn't read everyones post because I have ADD.
lmao I've done that with loads of threads tonight, I keep jumping back to the online farming game I've got going on in the other window

As for tips in your 40's, I've only just realised I have ADHD about 2 days ago and I'm 41.

It's a bit of a roller-coaster, but looking back on all the things I've done to get me this far (my life is by no means a wreck - it seems that I have developed excellent coping mechanims instinctively) by far the most constructive thing I have done is to know myself (through meditation).

Since all this has happened, I have spent a couple of days with my mind racing and bouncing off the limiter in top-gear as far as my symptoms are concerned, but I'm starting to see them from the outside - like an observer - and if I can observe, I can affect.

I won't dis-illusion myself and think I can beat it, it's always been a daily struggle and I'm sure will continue to be so, but a positive outlook, a decision to yourself that says 'I will make something good come of this, goes a long way....eventually...if you stick with it

Mind you, knowing the stuff and doing the stuff is totally different.
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  #23  
Old 02-25-13, 07:59 PM
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Re: how do guys cope with ADHD in their 40s?

Quote:
Originally Posted by ToneTone View Post
Picard,


You might want to elaborate on the question ... I mean, I am not sure I found ADHD harder to deal with in my 40's than it was to deal with in my 20's and 30's. I'm 51 now, got diagnosed in 2008 at age 46 ...

The diagnosed seem to put a lot of my struggles into context. Yes, I wish I had been diagnosed earlier ... I think my 30's would have been more productive, same with my 40's ....

But I don't understand the question. ADHD is hard to deal with at any age ... What's so special about the 40's that you're asking this?

Maybe the press of oncoming mortality is what you speak of ... I definitely want to get my life and routines together as much as I can ... because maybe it's harder to change when you're older ... But I expect to accomplish more in my 50's (under treatment) than I accomplished in my 20's and in my 30's PUT TOGETHER! And I mean accomplish more in terms of relationships and in terms of job success and success in the world, managing money, etc.


Tone
yeah. I meant what is special about being 40 with ADHD ?

how do you find jobs with ADHD? I screw up too many interviews.
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Old 02-25-13, 08:42 PM
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Re: how do guys cope with ADHD in their 40s?

Maybe I'm just weird or lucky, but I'm now heading toward 50s and the age thing isn't bothering me much at all. My brother died in his early fourties and I'm just glad to be alive. Besides, my 30s were a mess and I want to make my 40s better.

I'm working out a lot and watching what I eat to avoid my brother's fate. Right now I'm probably in the best physical shape of my life. I've seen a lot of other guys do the same thing in their 40s. It's a great age to spend some time in the gym or on the road (or, in my case, with the Wii, some dumb bells and a pull up bar). Make up for the lost hair with some biceps. You can learn from all the times you failed to get in shape in the past and finally put things together.

Right now I'm almost at my ideal weight for the first time in 20 years. I'm going to reach it, along with my new buffness, in about four weeks. This next thing is probably luck from genetics, but I'm most likely better looking than I was in my 20s and 30s. (Or maybe I'm just full of it, but I've been told by a number of women lately that they think I'm really handsome. I know older women are more likely to say things like that, but I never got compliments from women on my looks in my 20s and 30s and only a few compliments in my teens.)

And be grateful you're a guy. There are a ton of guys in Hollywood that are still considered heartthrobs in their 40s and even 50s.

Anyway, whatever sucks or is good about the 40s for you, just remember that it's another phase of life. Keep learning and growing and mixing things up so you see things in new ways. And enjoy!
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Old 02-26-13, 08:51 AM
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Re: how do guys cope with ADHD in their 40s?

Turning 50 this year. Was diagnosed at 6. I'm a newbie to the post, but a veteran on ADHD. I know it appears that it is getting worse as you get older but the reality is we have to be more responsible for it as we get older so it seems worse. When you were a kid or a teenager, other than school you really don't realize that going 50 miles an hour from sun up to sun down is a problem. But as you get older and you get involved in relationships and employment, now those annoying out bursts and drift off's are no longer acceptable. We have to become repsonsible for these syptoms you see. I see other veteran ADHDer's commenting on exrcise and diet. Thes are a HUGE part of feeling better! It doesn't cure it, but it sure helps fight the depression and lonliness from being a different species on this crazy planet. We are different! It is what it is, but it doesn't mean we have to live in silent suffering! Stay on the forum and keep asking and seeking information, I've been on it a week and it haas helped me tremendously. I finally realized there are other species like me and I'm no longer in this by myself!
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Old 02-26-13, 01:55 PM
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Re: how do guys cope with ADHD in their 40s?

Quote:
Originally Posted by picard View Post
does anyone have tips on coping with ADHD in their 40s?
What's special about 40?

I'm halfway through the 40s and it doesn't seem a whole lot different from the 30s, except I'm 10 years wiser and smarter.
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Old 03-01-13, 10:15 AM
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Re: how do guys cope with ADHD in their 40s?

I am just scared of growing old and losing my sanity. My mind is not as keen as I was younger. My muscles aren't in tone despite all the exercises.
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Old 03-01-13, 12:44 PM
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Re: how do guys cope with ADHD in their 40s?

it depends on how you have handled having adhd, if your past keeps catching up on you it makes life more difficult.by the time i was 59 it appeared like everything had peaked, my wife was in the middle of the menapause, she showed terrible hatred towards me, always throwing adhd and what it made me as the thing she hated about me, of course she had every right to be that way. it left me in despair for years, i only use cannabis for medication, it works to a point but it was 12 years long, its not easy to stay medicated using mj. so as i turned 60 i was £45,000 in debt and my marriage was in tatters. then was when i quit the taxi's and got me a job as a courier. i have never felt this good since before i was married, me and my wife are friends so long as i dont spend to much time in her company. after driving for 50 years i have recently stopped road racing. when you are young going through red lights and doing other stupid stuff is ok, but as we age it sort of embarrassing, i think of it as being eccentric, others think i'm just plain crazy.
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Old 03-01-13, 12:55 PM
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Re: how do guys cope with ADHD in their 40s?

picard, don't you have some sort of permanent health care in CA, whereas unless you really want to, you are not gonna end up drooling on a street corner?

I didn't elaborate earlier, but my few things are motorcycles, driving, reading, hiking, and such. Notice, mostly solitary activities.

I do go skiing with kids and grandkids, and spend time on the shooting range with my wife, but that is by choice.

You put my a** in the saddle or behind the wheel, and point me in any direction, and I will be happy.

Satellite radio is wonderful!!! Rolling across parts of Montana and Wyoming, the only stuff on the am/fm dial are farm reports and school board minutes.

I used to teach cops how to drive fast, I know my skills are lessening, I don't know why the D.O.T. is making them little dotted lane lines closer together every year. I never used to drift onto them, now they are like a guide!
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Old 03-01-13, 03:37 PM
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Re: how do guys cope with ADHD in their 40s?

I do have healthcare in Canada. I only worry I croak too early that's all.
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