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  #31  
Old 10-22-16, 06:32 AM
mozetows mozetows is offline
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Re: how do guys cope with ADHD in their 40s?

Im 44 and i just found out today Wtf is wrong with me. First I'm thinking cool, I'm not losing my mind. Secondly, damn! I'm losing my mind. Count yourself lucky you ain't at day 1.
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  #32  
Old 12-12-16, 05:15 PM
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Re: how do guys cope with ADHD in their 40s?

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Originally Posted by mozetows View Post
Im 44 and i just found out today Wtf is wrong with me. First I'm thinking cool, I'm not losing my mind. Secondly, damn! I'm losing my mind. Count yourself lucky you ain't at day 1.
I got my full YES - you have ADHD today diagnosis this evening...I'm 42 going on 14.

I'd been telling them for 10 years or so but I finally saw all the appointments through this time. (it was with the Maudsley). I don't know whether I feel relieved or not. I've been dealing with it all my life already but really hope some meds might help me focus.

I really appreciate the honesty of posts in this forum btw.
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  #33  
Old 12-12-16, 07:09 PM
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Re: how do guys cope with ADHD in their 40s?

Tips for over 40

Bank accounts set up to pay bills automatically

2. Automatic payment into investment account.

3. Build your routines. Stick with them.

4. It's time to end frivolous spending

With age comes retirement. With age comes medical expenses. Time to sock it away for when you need it.
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  #34  
Old 12-12-16, 07:25 PM
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Re: how do guys cope with ADHD in their 40s?

I'm 39 at the moment. I can relate to most of you of how I felt on some issues and how I'm looking at life at the moment. One "regret" is not seeking help earlier when I knew there was something wrong. At times , I feel like time has dwindled and I'm stuck. However, when I am working towards my new career goal, I have hope in my heart that it's not too late. Recently I've been on a kick of "watching life pass me by" feelings. I will stop myself and remind my brain that "I'm not dead yet!" Personally it's the missing out part that gets to me. But there is still time. Plus I don't feel my age or how I'm supposed to feel. I think the secret to longevity is to keep moving regardless of your circumstances. Storms in life come and go. You just gotta keep sailing.
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  #35  
Old 12-15-16, 10:59 AM
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Re: how do guys cope with ADHD in their 40s?

So I'm 51, and I'm feelin' ya.

Lost my job about 4 years ago, shortly after I was tested for ADHD, at my wife's insistence. The test did not reveal ADHD. So after I lost my job I read the first part of Dr. Hollowell's book (Driven to Distraction). After the book bringing me to tears countless times, I talked to my GP about it, and he suggested we try Vyvanse. A good friend gave us money so that I could try Vyvanse NOT CHEAP, dontcha know!)

It was amazing. Started taking it, thinking, this fixes EVERYTHING! Well, it don't.

I have been close to losing my wife. We have gone through Melissa Orlov's Tele-Class on ADHD and Marriage, and I have hope.

But on the other hand, we have no money for retirement. My Dad has dementia, and is in be in a Nursing Home, with a broken hip, and he forgets where he is, and that his hip is broken, and my mom is wearing herself out trying to make sure he is properly cared for, and the cost of it is quickly eating up everything they had set aside. And she is lonely, and is unused to not being able to share the burden with my Dad. 55 years of partnership through thick and thin.

Seeing him this way is hard, not only because of my mother's pain, and the loss of who he was, but my brother and I are terrified of ending up this way. And with the ADHD, I feel like I have a headstart,

So I am working out how men deal with ADHD in their 50s. And I thank God there are the resources we have out there. Podcasts (I recommend ADHD ReWired, Take Control ADHD, then Gretchen Rubin's Happiness podcast). Books. Forums. Find people to talk with about the subject.

Get up every day, put on your lucky rocketship underpants, and try again!
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  #36  
Old 12-29-16, 09:55 AM
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Re: how do guys cope with ADHD in their 40s?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Enough Rope View Post
So I'm 51, and I'm feelin' ya.

Lost my job about 4 years ago, shortly after I was tested for ADHD, at my wife's insistence. The test did not reveal ADHD. So after I lost my job I read the first part of Dr. Hollowell's book (Driven to Distraction). After the book bringing me to tears countless times, I talked to my GP about it, and he suggested we try Vyvanse. A good friend gave us money so that I could try Vyvanse NOT CHEAP, dontcha know!)

It was amazing. Started taking it, thinking, this fixes EVERYTHING! Well, it don't.

I have been close to losing my wife. We have gone through Melissa Orlov's Tele-Class on ADHD and Marriage, and I have hope.

But on the other hand, we have no money for retirement. My Dad has dementia, and is in be in a Nursing Home, with a broken hip, and he forgets where he is, and that his hip is broken, and my mom is wearing herself out trying to make sure he is properly cared for, and the cost of it is quickly eating up everything they had set aside. And she is lonely, and is unused to not being able to share the burden with my Dad. 55 years of partnership through thick and thin.

Seeing him this way is hard, not only because of my mother's pain, and the loss of who he was, but my brother and I are terrified of ending up this way. And with the ADHD, I feel like I have a headstart,

So I am working out how men deal with ADHD in their 50s. And I thank God there are the resources we have out there. Podcasts (I recommend ADHD ReWired, Take Control ADHD, then Gretchen Rubin's Happiness podcast). Books. Forums. Find people to talk with about the subject.

Get up every day, put on your lucky rocketship underpants, and try again!

WOW ever seem like things are hitting you all at once?
But to ease your mind a little bit (or least I hope so), wanted to tell you it gets better even if you don't know it. Yea I know that makes no sense but neither does this disease we have.
I have involved my wife completely in my condition & treatment, wanting her to hear what I've heard from all my docs. It's better if they hear it from someone "neutral".....easier to hear you're an ******* from your doc that is, and also why you're an *******. Then explain how hopefully, working together, you can become less than an *******!

Good luck, I'm here to chat if need be..

Tony
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  #37  
Old 12-30-16, 09:45 AM
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Re: how do guys cope with ADHD in their 40s?

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Originally Posted by Kirby Albee View Post
I worry about aging a lot. I feel like my personality won't fit an older person, that people won't accept from old me what they would from young me. And not just that: I feel like an apprentice at life, and I think I always will; I can't imagine my personality translated all the way out of youth.

And I'm afraid of women not noticing me. Some days, I'll feel like ****, and some girl I don't know will look at me or smile at me, and it just makes my day; it's ridiculous how good it makes me feel; I'm afraid of the days where that's gone. I fantasise that I'll pull off some great feat that will let me remain visible to women for an extra 20 years, but that's not going to happen.
Incredible openness and courage being vulnerable. So honest. Thanks man. I relate totally.

Funny thing is happening as time goes by (something I never thought could/would happen to/in me--as I stick to my recovery.) I am more powerful than my fading appearance. My true self is emerging very gradually and I am as appealing to others as I am to myself as a man of integrity, humor, compassion, nuttiness, various interests, etc. Very hard to put into words.
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  #38  
Old 12-30-16, 02:15 PM
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Re: how do guys cope with ADHD in their 40s?

I'm 42, was recently diagnosed, and am taking Ritalin. There are a couple of things I'm dealing with:

1. As it pertains to the ADHD in particular, this was a missing piece to a puzzle I'd been trying to figure out for years - decades, even. I mean, I thought I *had* figured it out and the answer was "you are lazy / selfish / not nearly as good a person as you think you are". I'm actually pretty glad that I've been wrong about all that, and if nothing else, knowing that some of the things that I do (yelling at my stupid computer at work when it doesn't want to do its thing, not being able to keep still in meetings, not paying attention to others when I need to pay attention to them, blurting things out, etc.) are caused by a mental condition that can be mitigated with drugs and not a character defect is just... huge.

2. I've also, recently, grown some renewed anger towards my parents. A lot of people who take forever to get diagnosed with ADHD (my ex comes to mind) have the inattentive type or else learned to hide the symptoms really, really well from a very young age. I was, like, the epitome of the hyperactive form of the condition when I was little. Granted, I was little in the early 80s, which is really before widespread diagnosis of this became a thing, but I was terrrrrible in school in very, very specific ways (generally: participating in class but doing no homework because I couldn't get myself to concentrate on the latter) throughout middle and high school and all this generated from my parents is calls for me to try harder and to be more like my brother, who "has to work at everything he gets" (who also, incidentally, is almost certainly ADHD).

3. Part and parcel to bit #2 the diagnosis of ADHD is helping me deal with the real crippling stuff that I think everyone with undiagnosed moderate to severe versions of the condition have to deal with: tearing down some of the coping and defense mechanisms one creates when they have this big issue, they know they have this big issue, but they can find no answer except that it must somehow be their fault. This finds a way to manifest itself differently in practically everybody; some work extra-hard and hide the work they put in because it embarrasses them, some become control freaks, some blame their ADHD on outside forces, etc. Personally, I've lived most of my life believing that more or less everything I touch turns into hot garbage - work, relationships, friendships, you name it - and so in order to spare the rest of the world I've cocooned myself away from it.

As you might have guessed, maybe, that last bit is by far the most damaging thing to my personal well-being but it took unlocking point #1 to even make sense of #3. Again, there is soooooooooo much evidence for the hypothesis of #3 and even now it's hard for me to differentiate that from "actually, ADHD helped to blow up a lot of that" (*especially* since I also got constantly railed on by my parents and teachers for making excuses instead of doing work and have maybe grown to accept that the worst possible explanation for a thing that I did badly is probably also the right one). I don't at this point see a way of getting rid of this thought process, but it does seem like 3% less overwhelming since I realized it was a thing and that, trying to look at this as impartially as I can, it's so closely tied into the ADHD itself.
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  #39  
Old 12-31-16, 12:38 AM
Letching Gray Letching Gray is offline
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Re: how do guys cope with ADHD in their 40s?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Enough Rope View Post
So I'm 51, and I'm feelin' ya.

Lost my job about 4 years ago, shortly after I was tested for ADHD, at my wife's insistence. The test did not reveal ADHD. So after I lost my job I read the first part of Dr. Hollowell's book (Driven to Distraction). After the book bringing me to tears countless times, I talked to my GP about it, and he suggested we try Vyvanse. A good friend gave us money so that I could try Vyvanse NOT CHEAP, dontcha know!)

It was amazing. Started taking it, thinking, this fixes EVERYTHING! Well, it don't.

I have been close to losing my wife. We have gone through Melissa Orlov's Tele-Class on ADHD and Marriage, and I have hope.

But on the other hand, we have no money for retirement. My Dad has dementia, and is in be in a Nursing Home, with a broken hip, and he forgets where he is, and that his hip is broken, and my mom is wearing herself out trying to make sure he is properly cared for, and the cost of it is quickly eating up everything they had set aside. And she is lonely, and is unused to not being able to share the burden with my Dad. 55 years of partnership through thick and thin.

Seeing him this way is hard, not only because of my mother's pain, and the loss of who he was, but my brother and I are terrified of ending up this way. And with the ADHD, I feel like I have a headstart,

So I am working out how men deal with ADHD in their 50s. And I thank God there are the resources we have out there. Podcasts (I recommend ADHD ReWired, Take Control ADHD, then Gretchen Rubin's Happiness podcast). Books. Forums. Find people to talk with about the subject.

Get up every day, put on your lucky rocketship underpants, and try again!
Can relate to so much. Thank you. Sorry about your dad and your mom's suffering, too. You impress me as a people person and that working with or helping others might be a good fit.
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  #40  
Old 12-31-16, 02:23 AM
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Re: how do guys cope with ADHD in their 40s?

I'm not sure why you would expect things to be worse at 40 than before. Why do you think that?

Me - DXed at age 5, but all they did in the 60s was try Ritalin and it got me upset. They called it "hyperactivity" and said it would go away as an adult.

Age 34, diagnosed again, with a "major case" according to the doc. Meds helped, but only a little. All that helped was making repetitive attempts to read time-and-space management books and try new organizing schemes all the time, and give up possible pay increases to do only the stuff that seemed relatively easy for me and always be prepared to hunt for work since I got laid off a lot.

Now about 60...and I made it, but it wasn't easy.

For me:
A BIG WIN was when I realized that someone who has a hard time organizing his thoughts and stuff should endeavor to have fewer of both. If anybody on the planet should be a minimalist it's someone with ADHD!

So, I try to minimize the number of things I'm trying to get done (still more than most folks, but less than if I didn't try to control it) and put a HUGE effort into unloading material possessions. If I can't remember when to get five vehicles serviced, then I should own only one of them!!!

Also, knowing that jobs might not last as long for me as they would for others, I became extremely frugal, buying only well-reviewed older cars, avoiding fashion like the plague and so on.

Finally, and this was unexpected - you get better. Russell Barkley has defined ADHD in terms of six "Executive Functions". For an NT person, the first four are in place by about age 20-25, the last two by age 35. For one with ADHD, they develop late or not at all. When I read his description of the six (they occur in sequence - you can't develop #4 unless #3 is working), I developed #3 at about age 30, #4 at 35 and #5 is just now starting to form. #6, the ability to make detailed future plans - I may never get there, and that's OK. I've created a life that doesn't need it.

Nothing radical happens at 30, 40, 50..it's just a continuation of what you've known all along.

Which is - unless you take specific steps and put effort into learning (mental, physical, emotional and spiritual), the human decays. For food, we need not only calories, but words, ideas, people, aerobic movement and someone warm to be with.

WMM
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  #41  
Old 01-10-17, 02:27 AM
Letching Gray Letching Gray is offline
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Re: how do guys cope with ADHD in their 40s?

Dig it
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  #42  
Old 04-21-17, 01:08 AM
DorianGrayII DorianGrayII is offline
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Re: how do guys cope with ADHD in their 40s?

By the time you are in your 40s, you are afforded certain eccentricities.

What I found somewhat peculiar is that my interests did not age accordingly. I still love all the same things I did in my 20s. Movies, books, music, video games, food, etc...

For example, trying to find someone my age who is up on the latest episode of "The Magicians" is a bit awkward.
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  #43  
Old 04-21-17, 03:38 AM
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Re: how do guys cope with ADHD in their 40s?

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Originally Posted by DorianGrayII View Post
By the time you are in your 40s, you are afforded certain eccentricities.

What I found somewhat peculiar is that my interests did not age accordingly. I still love all the same things I did in my 20s. Movies, books, music, video games, food, etc...

For example, trying to find someone my age who is up on the latest episode of "The Magicians" is a bit awkward.
I love your username.
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Old 04-21-17, 08:10 PM
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Re: how do guys cope with ADHD in their 40s?

Hi I'm just reading your blog from 2011, it is now 2017 and you will be 46, so how are you coping now.
I just turned 49 and I have never really thought about age, or what it means, I still feel young but realise that I'm really getting old, I remember when I was 30 and how old 50 was, I'm near 50 now but i dont see my self as that old man I saw when I was 30yrs, I guess having a young attitude and friends of all ages as well as an open mind has kept me young. its all attitude and a zest for life, in the big picture it does not matter how old you are and what you look like, its how you treat others and what you can do to make a difference. this is what keeps people young
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Old 04-21-17, 10:14 PM
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Re: how do guys cope with ADHD in their 40s?

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