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  #16  
Old 11-19-17, 02:54 PM
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Re: Are men not allowed to think about sex anymore?

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Originally Posted by WhiteOwl View Post
There really needs to be more honest guys on there, but it's really difficult to tell who is being honest. The few that I thought seemed honest and genuine at first, turned out not to be. You just can't trust anyone. That probably goes for women on there, as well. I think I'm like you, where I just can't lie, but sometimes I think I'm too honest and people can't handle that.

It does seem like online dating is just really difficult, in general. There are only so many things you can talk about before actually meeting the person. I'm not that good at small talk. I'm more like, "I don't care what your favorite movie is, are you my soul-mate, or nah?" j/k I think there are some people who can just talk forever and never have trouble coming up with subjects, but more often than not, you probably really quickly reach the point where you need to make a decision if you're going to meet in person and do things together in real life that will generate more things to talk about. When you think about it, when you first meet someone in real life, you don't sit there going, "What's your favorite movie?", "What are your 3 biggest flaws?", etc. It all seems so forced.
True, but how do you deal with those "silence moments" when you're with someone?

I'd probably end up saying something goofy like "whats your favourite movie", just to fill in the silence.

I personally don't mind silence, but most people perceive it as "awkward".
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  #17  
Old 11-19-17, 03:16 PM
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Re: Are men not allowed to think about sex anymore?

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Originally Posted by Fraser_0762 View Post
True, but how do you deal with those "silence moments" when you're with someone?

I'd probably end up saying something goofy like "whats your favourite movie", just to fill in the silence.

I personally don't mind silence, but most people perceive it as "awkward".
I don't know, I haven't dated in over a decade! I'm a little scared of the thought of actually meeting someone in person.

I am one of those people who feels awkward during silence, so I try to fill it. I think it probably depends on the person you are with, too. If they make you feel comfortable, it probably won't be as awkward.

I don't think there's anything wrong with the small talk questions, like "What's your favorite movie?", but there may be something wrong with me because I'm just not that interested in stuff like that right off the bat. I'm more interested in the deeper subjects right away, which is obviously a problem because you're not supposed to start out talking about deep stuff. But then, I think you're supposed to ask things you're genuinely curious about so, idk. Basically, don't listen to me because I don't know what I'm talking about.
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Old 11-19-17, 03:17 PM
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Re: Are men not allowed to think about sex anymore?

I know it will be silly answer but when were we allowed to think ?
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Old 11-19-17, 03:19 PM
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Re: Are men not allowed to think about sex anymore?

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I don't know, I haven't dated in over a decade! I'm a little scared of the thought of actually meeting someone in person.

I am one of those people who feels awkward during silence, so I try to fill it. I think it probably depends on the person you are with, too. If they make you feel comfortable, it probably won't be as awkward.

I don't think there's anything wrong with the small talk questions, like "What's your favorite movie?", but there may be something wrong with me because I'm just not that interested in stuff like that right off the bat. I'm more interested in the deeper subjects right away, which is obviously a problem because you're not supposed to start out talking about deep stuff. But then, I think you're supposed to ask things you're genuinely curious about so, idk. Basically, don't listen to me because I don't know what I'm talking about.
No, I do that also. I'm quite philosophical. But the people I come across just want to talk about the top 40 hits, or whats "in" at the cinema. Which I don't have a clue about.
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Old 11-19-17, 04:01 PM
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Re: Are men not allowed to think about sex anymore?

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Originally Posted by Fraser_0762 View Post
True, but how do you deal with those "silence moments" when you're with someone?

I'd probably end up saying something goofy like "whats your favourite movie", just to fill in the silence.

I personally don't mind silence, but most people perceive it as "awkward".
Sometimes the silence says a lot. That is when you are very comfortable with someone. No need for continual yakking.
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  #21  
Old 11-19-17, 04:10 PM
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Re: Are men not allowed to think about sex anymore?

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Sometimes the silence says a lot. That is when you are very comfortable with someone. No need for continual yakking.
Reminds me of that scene from Pulp Fiction. It has stuck with me since I first saw the movie because it's so true! Also where can I sign up to join the "people who like honesty and who like to get right to the deep stuff" club? Maybe we should have our own dating site?

Last edited by OyVeyKitty; 11-19-17 at 04:15 PM.. Reason: Linked to video which contained profanity. I removed it because it might have been against the rules.
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  #22  
Old 11-19-17, 04:44 PM
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Re: Are men not allowed to think about sex anymore?

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Society (or societies female population) deems it wrong for men to hold any sexual related thoughts at all. Or that's been my own experience at least. One of the first things I get asked by women is if I ever have sex on the mind. So me being the outstanding honest chap that I am, I give them a straight and honest answer, which results either in abuse or an instant shut out.

Women say they like honest men. Do they secretly prefer men that lie?
Men are still allowed to think about sex i guess, even desire it, even voice that under appropriate circumstances...

But... there are far to many men out there in the dating world that ONLY have sex on their mind, man who pay fortunes on courses to learn to pick up woman, men who portray a fake persona and have all the smooth talking to get a girl interested, man who simply objectify or disrespect woman, who are out to control women... but who in the process have nothing to show past that facade, certainly not in terms of integrity, values or character to make a relationship last.

That is what woman mean when they say they like an honest man. And they have come accross enough men that fit in that category described above to be really sceptical. And the guys with integrity and the heart in the right place just have to proove their worth twice as hard now because of it.

This is the most honest answer i could give: I am only sexually attracted to woman that intrigue me on an intellectual level first and foremost, Someone's beautiful mind and personality i wish to connect with, that's where it starts for me. And then sex is ofcourse a part of that connection i wish to have, but it's never the start of things.
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  #23  
Old 11-19-17, 04:45 PM
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Re: Are men not allowed to think about sex anymore?

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Reminds me of that scene from Pulp Fiction. It has stuck with me since I first saw the movie because it's so true! Also where can I sign up to join the "people who like honesty and who like to get right to the deep stuff" club? Maybe we should have our own dating site?
We could call it Plenty of Honest Fish. And make a rule that no shallow BS is allowed. You get banned if you ask, "What's your favorite color?".
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Old 11-19-17, 04:51 PM
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Re: Are men not allowed to think about sex anymore?

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Men are still allowed to think about sex i guess, even desire it, even voice that under appropriate circumstances...

But... there are far to many men out there in the dating world that ONLY have sex on their mind, man who pay fortunes on courses to learn to pick up woman, men who portray a fake persona and have all the smooth talking to get a girl interested, man who simply objectify or disrespect woman, who are out to control women... but who in the process have nothing to show past that facade, certainly not in terms of integrity, values or character to make a relationship last.

That is what woman mean when they say they like an honest man. And they have come accross enough men that fit in that category described above to be really sceptical.

I am only sexually attracted to woman that intrigue me on an intellectual level first and foremost, Someone's beautiful mind and personality i wish to connect with, that's where it starts for me. And then sex is ofcourse a part of that connection i wish to have, but it's never the start of things.

That is the most honest answer i could give.
Well what you say is certainly logical. As for being honest, i'm not entirely convinced.

The men who pay fortunes to learn how to pick up women probably aren't really all that interested in picking up lots of women. They're just desperate guys who can't get one woman to like them.
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  #25  
Old 11-19-17, 05:05 PM
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Re: Are men not allowed to think about sex anymore?

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Originally Posted by DeClutter View Post
Men are still allowed to think about sex i guess, even desire it, even voice that under appropriate circumstances...

But... there are far to many men out there in the dating world that ONLY have sex on their mind, man who pay fortunes on courses to learn to pick up woman, men who portray a fake persona and have all the smooth talking to get a girl interested, man who simply objectify or disrespect woman, who are out to control women... but who in the process have nothing to show past that facade, certainly not in terms of integrity, values or character to make a relationship last.

That is what woman mean when they say they like an honest man. And they have come accross enough men that fit in that category described above to be really sceptical. And the guys with integrity and the heart in the right place just have to proove their worth twice as hard now because of it.

This is the most honest answer i could give: I am only sexually attracted to woman that intrigue me on an intellectual level first and foremost, Someone's beautiful mind and personality i wish to connect with, that's where it starts for me. And then sex is ofcourse a part of that connection i wish to have, but it's never the start of things.
I think this is all very true and your answer is a great one, however I don't really think there is a right way for a man to answer such a question. Your answer could be met with some skepticism because it sounds "too good to be true" and you could just be saying that, but not really mean it. One person I talked to said he wanted to really know someone and be friends with them first and foremost, but then proved otherwise almost immediately. Called himself a "hopeless romantic" and then made tasteless sexual jokes, so maybe he equates romance with sex? Idk, I just think that is a bad question to ask anyone and the person asking it would probably not get an answer that satisfied them.
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Old 11-19-17, 05:10 PM
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Re: Are men not allowed to think about sex anymore?

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Originally Posted by Fraser_0762 View Post
Well what you say is certainly logical. As for being honest, i'm not entirely convinced.
On this topic i pretty much think the law of attraction cover it best: you will attract exactly that sort of partner that matches with what you project. And since i value honesty and openness in a partner, i will also have to show those values myself. Ofcourse a certain degree of trust has to be established first...

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Originally Posted by Fraser_0762 View Post
The men who pay fortunes to learn how to pick up women probably aren't really all that interested in picking up lots of women. They're just desperate guys who can't get one woman to like them.
Not just that, they also see that it may work for others, they copy cat other man who seem to have success with that, but again, here too the law of attraction works. If you hide yourself behind tricks and manipulation, you will attract woman who are just the same, and end up with relationships that are doomed once the masks wear off.
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Old 11-19-17, 05:11 PM
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Re: Are men not allowed to think about sex anymore?

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I think this is all very true and your answer is a great one, however I don't really think there is a right way for a man to answer such a question. Your answer could be met with some skepticism because it sounds "too good to be true" and you could just be saying that, but not really mean it. One person I talked to said he wanted to really know someone and be friends with them first and foremost, but then proved otherwise almost immediately. Called himself a "hopeless romantic" and then made tasteless sexual jokes, so maybe he equates romance with sex? Idk, I just think that is a bad question to ask anyone and the person asking it would probably not get an answer that satisfied them.
It all comes down to integrity, and integrity only is, when it is consistent.
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Old 11-19-17, 05:11 PM
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Re: Are men not allowed to think about sex anymore?

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Originally Posted by WhiteOwl View Post
I think this is all very true and your answer is a great one, however I don't really think there is a right way for a man to answer such a question. Your answer could be met with some skepticism because it sounds "too good to be true" and you could just be saying that, but not really mean it. One person I talked to said he wanted to really know someone and be friends with them first and foremost, but then proved otherwise almost immediately. Called himself a "hopeless romantic" and then made tasteless sexual jokes, so maybe he equates romance with sex? Idk, I just think that is a bad question to ask anyone and the person asking it would probably not get an answer that satisfied them.
I think this is just it. I mean who even asks that question in the first place? Unless you're asexual (which is perfectly fine), of course you're going to think about sex from time to time. It's a loaded question, there simply is no correct answer.

Honestly (ha!), Fraser, you have dodged some bullets with women who have asked you these questions. You did the right thing answering honestly, even though I can't even fathom why they would have asked the question in the first place.
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Old 11-19-17, 05:17 PM
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Re: Are men not allowed to think about sex anymore?

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On this topic i pretty much think the law of attraction cover it best: you will attract exactly that sort of partner that matches with what you project. And since i value honesty and openness in a partner, i will also have to show those values myself. Ofcourse a certain degree of trust has to be established first...



Not just that, they also see that it may work for others, they copy cat other man who seem to have success with that, but again, here too the law of attraction works. If you hide yourself behind tricks and manipulation, you will attract woman who are just the same, and end up with relationships that are doomed once the masks wear off.
I think you make a very good point. But if a man has the choice between a series of failed relationships and no relationship/companionship whatsoever, then what's he going to choose?

A very sizable volume of the men who go to these seminars go to learn how to put the mask on, because they feel that simply being themselves only dooms them to a lifetime of solitude. If it didn't, they would have no real reason to be there.
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Old 11-19-17, 05:33 PM
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Re: Are men not allowed to think about sex anymore?

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I think you make a very good point. But if a man has the choice between a series of failed relationships and no relationship/companionship whatsoever, then what's he going to choose?

A very sizable volume of the men who go to these seminars go to learn how to put the mask on, because they feel that simply being themselves only dooms them to a lifetime of solitude. If it didn't, they would have no real reason to be there.
That is in part because society has this image created for us that a relationship should be "perfect", that partners should be "perfect".

And we are NOT...

Relationships that are about "perfect" will always fail, as they are based on a lie.

Real people are imperfect, and the best relationships accept that, and see the being together as a way to grow, to learn from eachother.

So we have to grow INSIDE, become our best selves, but some still think this can be quick fixed with just polishing up the externals :-)
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