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  #76  
Old 11-21-17, 04:37 PM
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Re: Are men not allowed to think about sex anymore?

I was bullied when I was younger. Not so much by boys, but by girls. Perhaps that has an effect on me now. They never physically assaulted me, they just used to make jokes about my appearance and features and tell me that I would always be a sad lonely person.

I didn't let it bother me much at the time, but if I knew at the time that what they were saying was actually true, I probably wouldn't even be alive today.
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  #77  
Old 11-21-17, 04:48 PM
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Re: Are men not allowed to think about sex anymore?

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Sorry, but the advice is advice that i'm all too familiar with. It's the sort of stuff I believed before I realized it just didn't make any difference for me.

I'm someone that people hate on sight. I don't need to do or say anything for people to dislike me and it's just something i've got to live with.

that's what makes you so enticing
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Old 11-21-17, 04:51 PM
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Re: Are men not allowed to think about sex anymore?

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that's what makes you so enticing
Thanks! But I had to google "enticing" there. It's not something I usually hear from anyone.
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Old 11-21-17, 05:16 PM
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Re: Are men not allowed to think about sex anymore?

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I was bullied when I was younger. Not so much by boys, but by girls. Perhaps that has an effect on me now. They never physically assaulted me, they just used to make jokes about my appearance and features and tell me that I would always be a sad lonely person.

I didn't let it bother me much at the time, but if I knew at the time that what they were saying was actually true, I probably wouldn't even be alive today.
Dude ... It wasn't true. Finding someone is always hard. You're 27... U haven't even come into your own yet.
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Old 11-21-17, 05:19 PM
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Re: Are men not allowed to think about sex anymore?

He's right Fraser.

All you have to do is sit there, not pay attention, sort of do the upswing head thing "hi" to some chick, spin around back on your stool and ignore her and she'll be there.

See, chicks want some attention, not too much attention, be ignored a little and be paid attention to a little, no plans in stone right away and a bit of mystery.
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Old 11-21-17, 05:38 PM
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Re: Are men not allowed to think about sex anymore?

So true!!

The most common way we vet ANYONE for anything.. we want them to want it less than us.

If you're interviewing candidates for a job... Do you want someone who is super interested and eager and who REALLY HOPES for the job because it's a better job and more money than anyone is offering him?

Or do you prefer the person who has a current job and lots of other offers.. he might want to your job but he's not sure if it's a good deal for him.

If the former you may be offering him too much. (Corollary to dating... Maybe you can do better)
If the latter... Wow imagine if you could land that candidate... You'd be getting a real deal!

It's true for any relationship. A job. Business. Buying a house or a car... Even friendships and especially dating.

Every relationship involves an exchange... And we all want to make sure we are getting the most value for what we offer. We know what we're offering and we want to find out what they are offering.

And their eagerness can tell us a lot about how they perceive what they are offering .

If they're not sure they're interested... That might mean they would be a great deal for us... At the very least it DEFINITELY IMPLIES that they believe they are on the high end of what we can expect in exchange for what we are offering. Otherwise they would be more eager.
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  #82  
Old 11-21-17, 05:45 PM
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Re: Are men not allowed to think about sex anymore?

Woody Allen:
I would never belong to a club that would have someone like ME as a member.

It's actually good logic... not that you should never be a member... But if they're happy to have you that means that you're offering at least as much as they are.
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Old 11-21-17, 05:49 PM
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Re: Are men not allowed to think about sex anymore?

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What really helped me was don't say so much... ask them about them. (Men or women) Ask interested questions.. even if you're not interested... You will learn to be interested. Being interested is more important than being interesting ... What everyone loves is an opportunity to talk about themselves... But we're all shy about it... So prompt them to do it and then look interested and ask questions.
This is one of the biggest things I need to work on. I have so much trouble asking people about themselves because I'm afraid of asking something stupid, rude, etc. And I live in my own head so much that I honestly don't even realize that I haven't asked them anything or shown interest in their life. Or if I do ask a question and they answer, I might not know what to say to that. Basically, I just suck at conversing. I've said so many stupid and thoughtless things, it's much easier and safer just to ramble on about myself. But of course that comes across as rude, too. I am slowly getting better about all this, though.
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Old 11-21-17, 05:53 PM
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Re: Are men not allowed to think about sex anymore?

Pretending not to want it is a LIFE SKILL ...

You will need it when buying a house or a car or getting a job... And in a sense a significant-other is anyone's most major purchase. You are giving a good portion of your human essence in exchange for the same in another.

When I figured this out I practiced the F$#&* out of this skill. Hone it!!! Seriously.. practice fail and try again.
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Old 11-21-17, 06:00 PM
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Re: Are men not allowed to think about sex anymore?

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This is one of the biggest things I need to work on. I have so much trouble asking people about themselves because I'm afraid of asking something stupid, rude, etc. And I live in my own head so much that I honestly don't even realize that I haven't asked them anything or shown interest in their life. Or if I do ask a question and they answer, I might not know what to say to that. Basically, I just suck at conversing. I've said so many stupid and thoughtless things, it's much easier and safer just to ramble on about myself. But of course that comes across as rude, too. I am slowly getting better about all this, though.
Sounds like you're on the right track. It's not easy.. I have safe go too questions that always fit...

How's life treating you? What are your hobbies? How do you feel about that? Did u have a far drive? Or my favorite ... Whatever we're doing... X ... How is X treating you? We could be at parent teacher conferences.. how are the parent teacher conferences treating you?

(This reminds me of an episode of "the office" where Dwight asks David Wallace what's the square footage of his house? Michael says "Dwight that's inappropriate!! David how much did this house cost?")
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Old 11-21-17, 06:18 PM
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Re: Are men not allowed to think about sex anymore?

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He's right Fraser.

All you have to do is sit there, not pay attention, sort of do the upswing head thing "hi" to some chick, spin around back on your stool and ignore her and she'll be there.

See, chicks want some attention, not too much attention, be ignored a little and be paid attention to a little, no plans in stone right away and a bit of mystery.
Yeah, I know what i'm "supposed" to do. My problem is, I have the awful habit of "falling in love" with just about any women who glances at me for a split second. Heck, I can I even look at a mere picture of a women staring at me on my screen and I feel like i've fallen in love.

I don't know what's wrong with me. My heart rules my head, but my heart is a creep.
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Old 11-21-17, 06:30 PM
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Re: Are men not allowed to think about sex anymore?

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I was bullied when I was younger. Not so much by boys, but by girls. Perhaps that has an effect on me now. They never physically assaulted me, they just used to make jokes about my appearance and features and tell me that I would always be a sad lonely person.

I didn't let it bother me much at the time, but if I knew at the time that what they were saying was actually true, I probably wouldn't even be alive today.
When I was in elementary school, I teased boys I had a crush on, so I would say that could have been it. But it doesn't sound like it in your case, I didn't say things that mean.

Kids can be mean, though. I was bullied in middle school because I did not dress fashionably (I liked clothes that were much too big on me and looked like "boy" clothes), I had a bad haircut, wasn't into makeup, etc. I got called ugly, had stuff thrown at me, etc. The funny thing is, the meanest girl was not "visually pleasant", to put it nicely. One boy told me he liked me, only to then laugh and say he was just joking. This type of stuff resulted in a very embarrassing incident when I was at a skating rink and a boy came up to me and asked me to skate with him. I immediately went into defense mode and laughed at him because I automatically assumed he was joking. He looked so hurt and I immediately regretted it.

By the time I started high school, I was a little more interested in my appearance, had a normal hair style, and dressed like the normal girls. The same people who had been bullying me, were suddenly being nice to me and trying to be friends with me. This is probably one of the reasons I can't stand shallow people, to this day. I saw a few of these people on FB awhile back and by the looks of it, they didn't seem to be doing too well for themselves. You don't know whatever became of those people who bullied you, they might be sad and lonely, themselves.
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Old 11-21-17, 06:32 PM
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Re: Are men not allowed to think about sex anymore?

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Yeah, I know what i'm "supposed" to do. My problem is, I have the awful habit of "falling in love" with just about any women who glances at me for a split second. Heck, I can I even look at a mere picture of a women staring at me on my screen and I feel like i've fallen in love.

I don't know what's wrong with me. My heart rules my head, but my heart is a creep.
I think all guys are like that to an extent. I definitely am.

Bottle it up. Suck it up. Don't care so much. Hold back.

And this may sound bad.. and im by no means an expert... Try not to put in more than they do.
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Old 11-21-17, 06:44 PM
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Re: Are men not allowed to think about sex anymore?

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Yeah, I know what i'm "supposed" to do. My problem is, I have the awful habit of "falling in love" with just about any women who glances at me for a split second. Heck, I can I even look at a mere picture of a women staring at me on my screen and I feel like i've fallen in love.

I don't know what's wrong with me. My heart rules my head, but my heart is a creep.
Well, this is embarrassing to admit, but I've always started "falling" for people really quickly, too. Always. I used to fall so hard for my crushes, that I would be just devastated when I realized they weren't interested in me. Couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, just cried. Even now, I start talking to a guy and get this grandiose picture in my head of what he's like. I have vivid imagination, lol, so I'm already thinking of our future together and stuff. Until he turns out to not be what my lying mind told me he was. And then I'm like, "What's wrong with you, mind?! You don't even know this person!" I wish I had advice on how to stop doing that, so I could take my own advice. I don't think it's "love", though, because I don't think you can just fall in love that quickly with a bunch of random people you don't really know. I don't know what it is.
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Old 11-21-17, 06:45 PM
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Re: Are men not allowed to think about sex anymore?

Like if you're emailing.. and she writes 5 sentences... Don't reply with a novel...

And if she took 24 hrs to respond.. don't reply 2 minutes after she responds.
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