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  #16  
Old 12-06-10, 09:56 PM
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Thumbs up Re: Update to "Men and Porn" thread

wow i wrote for 30 min and didn't read the last section of the op's post were she says she stood up to him and he's tried to work it out.

I just wanted to say it does exist. I have experienced it. I am not proud of it and it takes a hold of you for a long time.

It's not comparable to zombies. I mean you come home at 6am and all you want is a new flick. You feel DEAD tired but want that rush. So you do it. Then go to sleep at 7-8am and wake up for work at 9am..... not normal.

When you need to masturbate 8+ times a day.... not normal. Don't bunch it up with zombies because i could say our ADHD is just the normal not wanting to pay attention to things we don't like, like everyone else.

Also ejaculating in excessive numbers over the years takes a toll on your body. Many doctors and people will say it doesn't, but i think the ones that should be asked are the people who experience such addiction.

I tried setting times were i would not watch or limit it, but every time it was useless. It came back stronger than before. Then when regular porn bores you, you start looking for different kinks or fetishes to get that mental rush you get. Things that are considered taboo become the preference because they have that added plus of being looked down by society, that in itself gives another rush. And on and on you go until you desire to have anonymous sex. I never got to that part but it did worry me, because i actually started looking at sites that explained the addiction and i fit the bill completely.

take a look http://www.sexualrecovery.com/pornography-addiction.php

For some reason i always debated whether to get help for that and i never mentioned it to my psychiatrist when i saw her first. She gave me vyvanse and it has had a backwards reaction on me. I noticed most people get their libido increased, not me.

I experience indifference towards sex or porn for HOURS even when the medicine wears off. I don't understand how its possible, but i can for once sit down at my desktop and read the PDFs i have to and get my work done. I only watch it maybe once every other day. Sometimes i get the urge and it goes away in seconds just like my hunger. It's wierd to me how incredibly hard it was for me to cut myself off and this medicine just flat out cut the problem.

The only problem with this medicine however is that its created such indifference that i don't seek to have sex with my partner as much as i did before. This is not too good, because i love her and love sex as well. I can't deny i love the rush and would want that literally all day every day.

I am hopeful that this will either not get worse (i can manage) or go away. If it goes away hopefully i can stay away from porn. I am happy i can actually control when i want to watch it and how much or that i am not obsessed looking at girls and day dreaming of them. It was really bad for me.

Now that i feel normal i wonder if all men are like this. I have friends who were surprised at how high my libido was. I like having my high libido=( just can't control the addiction.

Sorry for the long post but the main point is to the OP: I'm happy you guys are working things out. If he gets diagnosed with adhd the medicines might actually help his habits.

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I had 8 of the related effects. Including hair thinning beginning at age 21 with NO history of early baldness on both sides of parents. Grandparents thinned a bit around 80 but no balding. This is the most hated effect I've had.
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Old 12-06-10, 11:06 PM
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Re: Update to "Men and Porn" thread

I think somehow I reached the finish line that I didn't think exist. I don't look at porn except u know those crucial times. Anyways I just don't care about that stuff anymore. I'm 37 and I'm all grown up. Mind u I did just take up smoking a little under a year ago so that probably is the reason. But there u go it is an addiction that can be fought with another.
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  #18  
Old 12-06-10, 11:31 PM
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Re: Update to "Men and Porn" thread

I don't want to have low libido. I think we have to start thinking when does libido co-relate to watching pornography? can we have all the libido that we should or more and not watch porn?

Libido also is affected directly by testosterone levels and the balance of progesterone/testosterone. So do the stims have some type of activity on testosterone? if not will lowering libido work back in the system as a signal to the body to produce more or less testosterone?

I think we need to also realize that to reach the older years, even if there is no sex involved testosterone is important in a man. Lack of it can cause periods of depression, it can cause gynecomastia, and a host of other things even less dense bones. But i think we should start another thread for this and not hijack this one.

OP let us know how things turn out. I wish you the best, and i truly think that getting to a point were you have to weigh the value of your family to porn makes a clear point of how serious this matter is. It might help him have that "aha!!, I'm at the bottom of the pitt" moment... or not. In my humble opinion this time is very important to change and cement new behaviors.

I saw a show on pbs last night about add and someone said the best therapy for add is success. I'm sure if he has success in other areas of his life like making the relationship between you guys stronger and better, getting both of you in shape (if out of it), being able to run a marathon, finishing up work and home projects etc. This will give him boost of confidence where he would think, that it's better to spend his extra energy doing things that make him and his family happy than just masturbating and putting his whole family at risk.

Best wishes.
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Old 12-07-10, 12:09 AM
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Re: Update to "Men and Porn" thread

I've often wondered if I'm addicted to sex. I don't think so though. I think I just have a high sex drive. I've taken some self assessments for sex addiction, and do not think I really fit the description.
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Old 12-07-10, 09:48 AM
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Re: Update to "Men and Porn" thread

Hello!
I know that this is the "men section" and I am a female but really wanted to commend Mrs. A for standing up for her marriage. Sadly I have experienced much of what she explained going through in my own marriage. My husband started off with calling the 900 numbers(which I had blocked), then it was the PPV movies late at night(again had it blocked), then it went to the internet where it got way out of hand. He had subscribed to many many dating websites. He would lie to me constantly and tell me he does it because he did not love me anymore and I was a horrible wife(he says now that it was his way of telling himself what he was doing was okay). Now that I look back at everything, there was so much verbal & emotional abuse going on also but I was so convinced that it was "me" that I let the unhealthy behavior continue. So much of our money was "spent" on his addiction. I do believe now that what we went through for SO many years was in fact an addiction. There was so much more that happened but I do not want to take up any more of a thread that was started by somebody else and their story

I do not want to take up Mrs. A's thread but just wanted to share a tiny bit of my experience with porn addiction. I had debated leaving my husband many, many times but am so happy that I decided to stay because now he has nothing to do with porn and we are happier in our marriage than we ever have been.

porn addiction DOES in fact exist and is a very serious problem. Even though we have worked through the addiction in our marriage, does not mean that the hurt & pain will ever go away from so many years of dealing with my husband's addiction. He tells me constantly that it hurts him deeply because of what he knows he put me through for so many years

I want anybody who might be going through the same thing to know something something very important(that I wished somebody would have told me back then) it is NOT your fault and it is something

Thank you for letting me reply to this thread
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  #21  
Old 12-07-10, 10:04 AM
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Re: Update to "Men and Porn" thread

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Originally Posted by minn306 View Post
Hello!
I know that this is the "men section" and I am a female but really wanted to commend Mrs. A for standing up for her marriage. Sadly I have experienced much of what she explained going through in my own marriage. My husband started off with calling the 900 numbers(which I had blocked), then it was the PPV movies late at night(again had it blocked), then it went to the internet where it got way out of hand. He had subscribed to many many dating websites. He would lie to me constantly and tell me he does it because he did not love me anymore and I was a horrible wife(he says now that it was his way of telling himself what he was doing was okay). Now that I look back at everything, there was so much verbal & emotional abuse going on also but I was so convinced that it was "me" that I let the unhealthy behavior continue. So much of our money was "spent" on his addiction. I do believe now that what we went through for SO many years was in fact an addiction. There was so much more that happened but I do not want to take up any more of a thread that was started by somebody else and their story

I do not want to take up Mrs. A's thread but just wanted to share a tiny bit of my experience with porn addiction. I had debated leaving my husband many, many times but am so happy that I decided to stay because now he has nothing to do with porn and we are happier in our marriage than we ever have been.

porn addiction DOES in fact exist and is a very serious problem. Even though we have worked through the addiction in our marriage, does not mean that the hurt & pain will ever go away from so many years of dealing with my husband's addiction. He tells me constantly that it hurts him deeply because of what he knows he put me through for so many years

I want anybody who might be going through the same thing to know something something very important(that I wished somebody would have told me back then) it is NOT your fault and it is something

Thank you for letting me reply to this thread
minn306, both you and Mrs A have two very lucky husbands. I don't know many women who would put up with that kind of abuse and stay to try and work things out. I don't know many people who wouldn't give them approval to leave their husbands under those circumstances.

The fact that both of you stayed and weathered those storms with your husbands is a testimony to the power of love and commitment.

I commend both of you ladies.
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Old 12-30-10, 06:57 PM
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Re: Update to "Men and Porn" thread

Ok so for all the ladies that may read this.......its kind of a delicate line to walk. If the guy is reaching out to other women than that is safe to say it borders on cheating, but for all the other dudes that might wack it once a day, you have a few options. Now what I am mentioning for the rest of my post is for the insecure females that truely know better, and just don't want their guy looking at pics of other chicks. One option is to POSSIBLY feel better and "take away your husbands masturbation priveleges". Just say that out loud and realize how terrible it is. The other is to possibly compromise a little. Realize that he won't be as "addicted" to sex/porn if you meet him half way a little more. Chances are, and I really mean ZERO disrespect here, you are a little too prude/unsexual, and he is a little to sex driven. So work through it a little and break the guy off at least a couple of times a week, and you just may be delightfully surprised.
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  #23  
Old 12-30-10, 07:19 PM
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Re: Update to "Men and Porn" thread

At least for me there is an undeniable urge to see more. To always see more. If I were to be prevented from seeing more I would definitely get depressed. My wife was a definite prude. Missionary all the way. I need a woman who understands sexuality as dynamic and not something where rules are to be strictly adhered to
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Old 12-31-10, 03:56 AM
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Re: Update to "Men and Porn" thread

Opinion wise, I'm somewhat in the camp of the last couple of posters. The guys described in this thread, generally, sound like they had a serious problem; but I think that in lesser cases, freighting the porn viewing with a bit less dread, a bit less awe, might be a good idea.

But I never feel quite right giving this kind of advice to people who I suspect belong to a slightly different culture than I do; lightening up about porn might be a good thing, but perhaps only for a couple who have a viewpoint that's different, in more than just this one respect, from the norm, from what's traditional. Maybe there is something a bit evil about letting just one ethical area slide, without readjusting the entire thing.
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Old 01-10-11, 07:06 AM
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Re: Update to "Men and Porn" thread

I have heard that some addictions are easier to quit once CNS stimulant medication is used for ADHD.
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Old 01-10-11, 12:23 PM
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Re: Update to "Men and Porn" thread

Interesting thread... I will admit to watching porn probably 5 days a week... but for the record, my wife lives in another state and I only see her about 1 weekend a month... lol

In my "practice marriage" I started watching porn. Not to lay all the blame on her, but when my wife continued to get fatter, blamed all her unhappiness on being fat, which resulted in her getting bigger, I made some poor choices and took it beyond just watching movies, hooked up with some people. Then I finally realized MY happiness was worth more than this, and told her to get help or I was done.

I can honestly say that while I wasn't perfect, I gave her every chance to get help and worked with her all I could. I loved her and would have done anything for her, but she wasn't willing to do her part.

Thankfully I am now in a 10 year relationship where I can be honest about my feelings, we work together, and it is SO nice to have NOTHING to hide. SHe knows I watch porn... even when we do manage to live in the same house. Her sex drive puts us at having sex about once a week, and it is always fantastic... and once a week is good for me, but I do feel compelled to "self-medicate" 3-4 times a week on top of that.

I do just stick to movies on line, and have no desire to take it any further than that (chat rooms, web cams...).

Definitely can be a sticky situation (lol)... but the bottom line is, you have to be HONEST and OPEN. Communication is the key, because secrets and lies breed resentment, bleed into other areas, and are a guarunteed relationship killer. You both have to willing to listen, accept the other for who they are and agree upon boundaries.
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Old 05-26-11, 02:21 PM
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Re: Update to "Men and Porn" thread

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Originally Posted by Covenant View Post
True, and yet zombies do not make your partner/family feel bad. Some/a lot of people (men and women) feel as if they're falling short somehow if their partner resorts to porn (especially when we're talking about large amounts of porn). And zombies generally don't cause such things. (Unless there's anyone here that feels bad about not being a walking dead/undead corpse that's hellbound on consuming ludicrous amounts of BRAAAAAAAINS).

A lot of people feel that when their partner resorts to porn, that something is amiss with them or the relationship. And not only that, as was noted above, there are in fact people here with children, and preferably you don't expose your children to that sort of thing. And if your partner is a sex/porn addict the chances are just bigger that it will happen somehow. Now exposing your children to zombies might not always be good either, but generally it's less possibly damaging than porn. Furthermore some people are just truly uncomfortable with the idea of porn itself (as being generally unfriendly to women for example).
So I agree that zombie addiction and porn addiction might resemble each other in aspects like: time consuming, possibility to annoy partner because so much time is spend on it, and all effects from these and other items, it's just the generally more severe topics like relationship commitment, children, adultery etc. that makes porn addiction worse for most people as compared to a zombie addiction.
Although a very strong zombie addiction could also unhinge your relationship of course
Heck, I don't mind if my watches porn, with or without me. I kinda like it, in fact.

I enjoy it on occasion, often when I am dealing with insomnia and a good "O" may (but often doesn't) help me sleep.

There's some great ideas found in porn to use with your mate, too!

Here's the thing about men: Often, males are programmed to "populate the Earth" with their seed. Watching porn kind of "scratches that itch" without straying outside of the marriage.

I think some people need to take it for face value.

All that being said: It appears that this case is out of control. Like anything else, excess that interferes with relationships or productivity needs to be thwarted.
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Old 05-26-11, 03:17 PM
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Re: Update to "Men and Porn" thread

hello,

I just read the 2 pages and don't really understand how sex addiction relates with ADD.
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Old 05-26-11, 03:37 PM
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Re: Update to "Men and Porn" thread

QUOTE=coololdguy;805902]Mrs A, I want to commend you for taking the stand for your marriage and the health of your husband.

It is not healthy for a relationship to have porn. I believe it compromises the commitment made to each other.

I think it is great for your husband to have admitted his addiction. I got involved with porn in my teens. I was given some by an older guy. Because of my ADD, I was hooked. Back then, there was not much in my small town. But, I struggled with it. I thought that when I got married, it was help with the need. But, after awhile, I began to see it again. It was not to the level of your husband. It was still a compromise in my marriage.

One thing that I learned it is tied to my self esteem. When my self esteem was compromised, I would use porn. It was when I was beating myself up in an exteme way, I used it to excape.

I am on the right track now. I wish you and your husband well. [/quote]
I don't think porn is bad for a marriage if both spouses agree. If it becomes that a spouse prefers porn to a relationship with their spouse then its a problem.
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Old 05-26-11, 03:42 PM
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Re: Update to "Men and Porn" thread

k, I'll give you my limited grasp of how it relates to ADD... Some one correct me if Im wrong but, ADD is basically a lack of dopamine, right? And an orgasm gives a dopamine high, I think?.... IDK... Im sure some one who can give a better answer will be along shortly.
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