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  #31  
Old 05-26-11, 03:43 PM
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Re: Update to "Men and Porn" thread

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Originally Posted by Provigilance View Post
Ok so for all the ladies that may read this.......its kind of a delicate line to walk. If the guy is reaching out to other women than that is safe to say it borders on cheating, but for all the other dudes that might wack it once a day, you have a few options. Now what I am mentioning for the rest of my post is for the insecure females that truely know better, and just don't want their guy looking at pics of other chicks. One option is to POSSIBLY feel better and "take away your husbands masturbation priveleges". Just say that out loud and realize how terrible it is. The other is to possibly compromise a little. Realize that he won't be as "addicted" to sex/porn if you meet him half way a little more. Chances are, and I really mean ZERO disrespect here, you are a little too prude/unsexual, and he is a little to sex driven. So work through it a little and break the guy off at least a couple of times a week, and you just may be delightfully surprised.
I agree that the uh masturbating is ok I guess unless it interfers with a relationship and I don't care about porn one way or another but to say the women are prudes or asexual is going a bit far.
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Old 05-26-11, 04:14 PM
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Re: Update to "Men and Porn" thread

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Originally Posted by Blueranne View Post
k, I'll give you my limited grasp of how it relates to ADD... Some one correct me if Im wrong but, ADD is basically a lack of dopamine, right? And an orgasm gives a dopamine high, I think?.... IDK... Im sure some one who can give a better answer will be along shortly.
Thanks .

I understand the link beetween the need / interested of orgasm in relation with ADD.
But i don't relate to the need of porn to obtain orgasm. Quite the contrary with ADD :

for me being an Adder is mostly being to much sensitive to the stimulations of my environment.
I agree that porn may be shortly attractive, but after a few times , the imperfection of porn is too obvious ( same situations, same type of women, bad acting .... ) for the movies to stay ...interesting .
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Old 05-26-11, 04:15 PM
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Re: Update to "Men and Porn" thread

Who started this thread charlie sheen?!LOL JK
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Old 05-26-11, 04:32 PM
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Re: Update to "Men and Porn" thread

People (usually women) spazzing out over a significant other's supposed addiction to pornography is completely ridiculous. There are only a handful of circumstances were pornography use is a problem:

1.) When the person is spending money they shouldn't be spending on it
2.) When the person is leaving it accessible to children
3.) When the person is at risk of losing their job due to it

Other than that, there is absolutely no serious problem with it whatsoever. Roughly 99.9% of men in the world masturbate on a regular basis. They probably aren't thinking about their spouse or significant other when they do it. This is completely normal, we live in a sexually-charged society and that is how a normal, healthy man in a commited relationship relieves tension and deals with it. We could go back to what they did BEFORE the internet and go to strip clubs or have affairs if you think that's any better.

Pornography isn't cheating. It is, in fact, the antithesis of infidelity. Rather than acting on sexual impulse and betraying their partner, the person is choosing to deal with their fantasies and desires in a harmless, self-contained and completely acceptable form. He COULD just opt to leave you and pursue these interests in real-time, but he obviously cares about you enough to keep it contained to this format. If you think that a man watching some random porn chick means he doesn't love you, you're insecure and should probably be examining your own issues before you put him on blast and tell him he has this huge problem. Pornography has nothing to do with commitment or love or fidelity or character whatsoever.

Men with ADHD use pornography as a coping mechanism. I have watched pornography every day since I was 16 years old, and will probably continue to do so until I'm dead. I've been married and in several serious, long-term, healthy relationships and have been completely open about my affinity for it. It has not had a negative impact on any of my relationships and, in fact, has actually made me a more creative and diverse sexual partner. I've helped female partners cultivate interests and explore their own fantasies with it, and they are happier and healthier sexually because of it. It can reinvigorate a boring sex-life and save a marriage, it can prevent men or women from opting to go outside of the relationship to explore their fantasies and it is one of the healthiest ways a person with ADHD can get their daily dopamine fix. It helps people deal with stress, anxiety, depression, loneliness, impotence, you name it.

Women often tend to be so standoffish about their reaction to a partner's pornography use. They put the entire weight of the problem on their spouse and refuse to look at their own contributions to it, or what they can do to compromise and make the situation better. Why don't you ask him what he's into and try to incorporate it into your sexlife? Why not try to spice things up and provide him with some of the rush and excitement he gets from pornography in your own bedroom? Go rent your own softcore chicky porn flick and watch it with him, he won't log on to a website again in weeks. You don't have to wear a blonde wig and put yourself in a sex swing, just be open to new things and try to show him that you care about him and that you accept the fact that these desires, impulses and fantasies are part of who he is. If you love someone, you don't demand that they supress something, you accept it, compromise about it, find a workable medium and move on.

Take a wedding for example. Weddings are absurdly expensive, especially when a woman gets the type of dream wedding she's always wanted. The financial strain a wedding has on a budding couple is ridiculous. Guess what? Men usually couldn't possibly care less about it. They're doing it for you so you can live out your fantasy. It's going to cost a ton of money, involve an obscene amount of time and preperation and produces the same end result as a trip to the courthouse and some paperwork. Would it be acceptable for a man to tell his fiancee that she has a wedding addiction, that it's more practical to go and just get married by a judge and for her to get over it? No, it wouldn't be. We care about you, so we're willing to indulge you.

Sure, there are extreme cases where a couple's sex life and emotional intimacy is completely destroyed, and pornography is involved. In almost every one of these situations, though, there are numerous other factors that have gotten it to this point and the pornography use is just a symptom of a much larger issue. For instance, a lot of men find that their sex life goes to hell after they have a child. Their wife is usually busy with the baby almost 24-7, exhausted, feels overweight and unattractive and would rather have a root canal than engage in any type of intercourse. And honestly, after watching you double in size and kick out a miniature person, most guys aren't ready to jump back into crazy lovemaking routines with their spouse, either. What's the guy supposed to do? Accept a life of supressed sexuality?

Another cirumstance that seems to come up a lot is if a wife or girlfriend just stops being as interested in sex for whatever reason. The guy is supposed to just be respectfully accepting of this and get over it. I'm pretty sure that he signed on with the expectation that the amount of lovemaking you originally had was going to be the norm, and now you're changing things up on him. He makes an adjustment to deal and decides to watch pornography. Is this wrong? Absolutely not. He's making an adjustment so he can deal with a situation that changed unexpectedly so he's still able to meet his needs indepenently of his partner. Seems like a pretty good choice to me.

Sex addiction and pornography addiction are the new buzzword diagnosises, everyone throws them out there like it's some kind of erupting disease that's sweeping the nation and is responsible for every relationship falling apart. In my estimation, an "addiction" is a tangible, compulsive action that a person is not in control of that hurts themselves and others. Unless the situation is very extreme or a financial liability, pornography "addiction" isn't hurting anyone, probably just the feelings of an insecure spouse. Trust me, if he wanted what was on the screen, he'd go get it - You're more important to him that that, so he's with you. Leave the poor guy alone.
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  #35  
Old 05-26-11, 04:33 PM
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Re: Update to "Men and Porn" thread

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Originally Posted by xav View Post
the imperfection of porn is too obvious ( same situations, same type of women, bad acting .... )
Wow, I think this is the first time I've heard a man complain about porn...

So, what would be the perfect situation? Because in a relationship you still have the same woman and generally the same situations... I get that porn doesnt compare to the real thing but, if your complaint was becoming bored well thats often a complaint within relationships too.

Can you give a further explanation of your opinion?
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  #36  
Old 05-26-11, 04:59 PM
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Re: Update to "Men and Porn" thread

@Blueranne :

I don't know what to add : i have never think to compare porn to my marital situation or my private fantasies.

Porn is just a kind of spam for me : at first glance nice colors, attractives forms but very dishonest in every aspects.

probably being too sensitive !
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  #37  
Old 05-26-11, 05:02 PM
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Re: Update to "Men and Porn" thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by siglerja View Post
People (usually women) spazzing out over a significant other's supposed addiction to pornography is completely ridiculous. There are only a handful of circumstances were pornography use is a problem:

1.) When the person is spending money they shouldn't be spending on it
2.) When the person is leaving it accessible to children
3.) When the person is at risk of losing their job due to it

Other than that, there is absolutely no serious problem with it whatsoever. Roughly 99.9% of men in the world masturbate on a regular basis. They probably aren't thinking about their spouse or significant other when they do it. This is completely normal, we live in a sexually-charged society and that is how a normal, healthy man in a commited relationship relieves tension and deals with it. We could go back to what they did BEFORE the internet and go to strip clubs or have affairs if you think that's any better.

Pornography isn't cheating. It is, in fact, the antithesis of infidelity. Rather than acting on sexual impulse and betraying their partner, the person is choosing to deal with their fantasies and desires in a harmless, self-contained and completely acceptable form. He COULD just opt to leave you and pursue these interests in real-time, but he obviously cares about you enough to keep it contained to this format. If you think that a man watching some random porn chick means he doesn't love you, you're insecure and should probably be examining your own issues before you put him on blast and tell him he has this huge problem. Pornography has nothing to do with commitment or love or fidelity or character whatsoever.

Men with ADHD use pornography as a coping mechanism. I have watched pornography every day since I was 16 years old, and will probably continue to do so until I'm dead. I've been married and in several serious, long-term, healthy relationships and have been completely open about my affinity for it. It has not had a negative impact on any of my relationships and, in fact, has actually made me a more creative and diverse sexual partner. I've helped female partners cultivate interests and explore their own fantasies with it, and they are happier and healthier sexually because of it. It can reinvigorate a boring sex-life and save a marriage, it can prevent men or women from opting to go outside of the relationship to explore their fantasies and it is one of the healthiest ways a person with ADHD can get their daily dopamine fix. It helps people deal with stress, anxiety, depression, loneliness, impotence, you name it.

Women often tend to be so standoffish about their reaction to a partner's pornography use. They put the entire weight of the problem on their spouse and refuse to look at their own contributions to it, or what they can do to compromise and make the situation better. Why don't you ask him what he's into and try to incorporate it into your sexlife? Why not try to spice things up and provide him with some of the rush and excitement he gets from pornography in your own bedroom? Go rent your own softcore chicky porn flick and watch it with him, he won't log on to a website again in weeks. You don't have to wear a blonde wig and put yourself in a sex swing, just be open to new things and try to show him that you care about him and that you accept the fact that these desires, impulses and fantasies are part of who he is. If you love someone, you don't demand that they supress something, you accept it, compromise about it, find a workable medium and move on.

Take a wedding for example. Weddings are absurdly expensive, especially when a woman gets the type of dream wedding she's always wanted. The financial strain a wedding has on a budding couple is ridiculous. Guess what? Men usually couldn't possibly care less about it. They're doing it for you so you can live out your fantasy. It's going to cost a ton of money, involve an obscene amount of time and preperation and produces the same end result as a trip to the courthouse and some paperwork. Would it be acceptable for a man to tell his fiancee that she has a wedding addiction, that it's more practical to go and just get married by a judge and for her to get over it? No, it wouldn't be. We care about you, so we're willing to indulge you.

Sure, there are extreme cases where a couple's sex life and emotional intimacy is completely destroyed, and pornography is involved. In almost every one of these situations, though, there are numerous other factors that have gotten it to this point and the pornography use is just a symptom of a much larger issue. For instance, a lot of men find that their sex life goes to hell after they have a child. Their wife is usually busy with the baby almost 24-7, exhausted, feels overweight and unattractive and would rather have a root canal than engage in any type of intercourse. And honestly, after watching you double in size and kick out a miniature person, most guys aren't ready to jump back into crazy lovemaking routines with their spouse, either. What's the guy supposed to do? Accept a life of supressed sexuality?

Another cirumstance that seems to come up a lot is if a wife or girlfriend just stops being as interested in sex for whatever reason. The guy is supposed to just be respectfully accepting of this and get over it. I'm pretty sure that he signed on with the expectation that the amount of lovemaking you originally had was going to be the norm, and now you're changing things up on him. He makes an adjustment to deal and decides to watch pornography. Is this wrong? Absolutely not. He's making an adjustment so he can deal with a situation that changed unexpectedly so he's still able to meet his needs indepenently of his partner. Seems like a pretty good choice to me.

Sex addiction and pornography addiction are the new buzzword diagnosises, everyone throws them out there like it's some kind of erupting disease that's sweeping the nation and is responsible for every relationship falling apart. In my estimation, an "addiction" is a tangible, compulsive action that a person is not in control of that hurts themselves and others. Unless the situation is very extreme or a financial liability, pornography "addiction" isn't hurting anyone, probably just the feelings of an insecure spouse. Trust me, if he wanted what was on the screen, he'd go get it - You're more important to him that that, so he's with you. Leave the poor guy alone.
I am atypical when it comes to porn and sex I will just leave it at that. However generalizing all women (if you are) is unfair.
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  #38  
Old 05-26-11, 05:22 PM
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Re: Update to "Men and Porn" thread

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Originally Posted by xav View Post
@Blueranne :

I don't know what to add : i have never think to compare porn to my marital situation or my private fantasies.

Porn is just a kind of spam for me : at first glance nice colors, attractives forms but very dishonest in every aspects.

probably being too sensitive !
I was just intrigued by your response is all. I think its good you know what you don't like, there is nothing wrong with that.

Peace,
Blue
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  #39  
Old 05-26-11, 05:28 PM
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Re: Update to "Men and Porn" thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by siglerja View Post
People (usually women) spazzing out over a significant other's supposed addiction to pornography is completely ridiculous. There are only a handful of circumstances were pornography use is a problem:

1.) When the person is spending money they shouldn't be spending on it
2.) When the person is leaving it accessible to children
3.) When the person is at risk of losing their job due to it

Other than that, there is absolutely no serious problem with it whatsoever. Roughly 99.9% of men in the world masturbate on a regular basis. They probably aren't thinking about their spouse or significant other when they do it. This is completely normal, we live in a sexually-charged society and that is how a normal,

...

Take a wedding for example. Weddings are absurdly expensive, especially when a woman gets the type of dream wedding she's always wanted. The financial strain a wedding has on a budding couple is ridiculous. Guess what? Men usually couldn't possibly care less about it. They're doing it for you so you can live out your fantasy.....

...

Their wife is usually busy with the baby almost 24-7, exhausted, feels overweight and unattractive and would rather have a root canal than engage in any type of intercourse. And honestly, after watching you double in size and kick out a miniature person, most guys aren't ready to jump back into crazy lovemaking routines with their spouse, either. What's the guy supposed to do? Accept a life of supressed sexuality?

...
May be just a little too much depreciating of relation beetween men and women , don't you think ?

At the start, it's not uninteresting but the rest goes rapidly downhill and the last paragraph ( Their wife ... ) is a jewel , to send to all divorce business people to be revered ...

May i make some suggestions, probably nearing the X-files for your point of vue :

- Talking about sexual need / preferences / technical details ..
- Taking care of baby/children/house in turn . It's much more simpler when child is young but when you live with these savage beasts that are called teenagers it's a life and couple saver.- yes it's about sexual occupation too -

- I know at least one man thats was very happy to have a wedding and to see his wife in wedding dress And i know , quite intimatly , one woman who certainly have not send in the wind , our hard won money for the wedding ...

- And i can't understand why have wedded a woman or make a child with her - if not to take care of her and our children after the birth ??

And before you ask i'm an absolute atheist
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Old 05-26-11, 05:30 PM
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Re: Update to "Men and Porn" thread

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Originally Posted by Blueranne View Post
I was just intrigued by your response is all. I think its good you know what you don't like, there is nothing wrong with that.

Peace,
Blue
when saying 'too sensitive' i was writing about me
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  #41  
Old 05-26-11, 07:46 PM
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Re: Update to "Men and Porn" thread

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Originally Posted by siglerja View Post
1.) When the person is spending money they shouldn't be spending on it
2.) When the person is leaving it accessible to children
3.) When the person is at risk of losing their job due to it

Other than that, there is absolutely no serious problem with it whatsoever.
I think you've got only a few of the problems. I can think of more possable issues but, thats not really my point here. The thing is that in a relationship both people should respect each other enough and be open to understanding the others needs and sexual motivations. If a woman takes issue to her husbands porn use and they don't work through it then no matter what its a problem.

And if it is an addiction, whether or not it's hurting someone else, its a problem. Addictions dont stay at one level, they progress and over time more is needed to be satisfied. Addictions always lead to either inappropriate or illegal behavior if they are not resolved.

Quote:
Originally Posted by siglerja View Post
Roughly 99.9% of men in the world masturbate on a regular basis.
I guess the key word here is regular but, it drives me nuts when people pull numbers and precentages out of the air like this. Im 100% sure you are wrong. And even if Im not how are you going to prove me wrong?

Quote:
Originally Posted by siglerja View Post
It can reinvigorate a boring sex-life and save a marriage, it can prevent men or women from opting to go outside of the relationship to explore their fantasies and it is one of the healthiest ways a person with ADHD can get their daily dopamine fix. It helps people deal with stress, anxiety, depression, loneliness, impotence, you name it.
Finally something I can back you on!

Quote:
Originally Posted by siglerja View Post
Women often tend to be so standoffish about their reaction to a partner's pornography use. They put the entire weight of the problem on their spouse and refuse to look at their own contributions to it, or what they can do to compromise and make the situation better. Why don't you ask him what he's into and try to incorporate it into your sexlife? Why not try to spice things up and provide him with some of the rush and excitement he gets from pornography in your own bedroom? Go rent your own softcore chicky porn flick and watch it with him, he won't log on to a website again in weeks.
Unless he is like you, right?

Quote:
Originally Posted by siglerja View Post
If you love someone, you don't demand that they supress something, you accept it, compromise about it, find a workable medium and move on.
This is the best part of your whole post.

Quote:
Originally Posted by siglerja View Post
Take a wedding for example. Weddings are absurdly expensive, especially when a woman gets the type of dream wedding she's always wanted. The financial strain a wedding has on a budding couple is ridiculous. Guess what? Men usually couldn't possibly care less about it. They're doing it for you so you can live out your fantasy. It's going to cost a ton of money, involve an obscene amount of time and preperation and produces the same end result as a trip to the courthouse and some paperwork. Would it be acceptable for a man to tell his fiancee that she has a wedding addiction, that it's more practical to go and just get married by a judge and for her to get over it? No, it wouldn't be. We care about you, so we're willing to indulge you.

Sure, there are extreme cases where a couple's sex life and emotional intimacy is completely destroyed, and pornography is involved. In almost every one of these situations, though, there are numerous other factors that have gotten it to this point and the pornography use is just a symptom of a much larger issue. For instance, a lot of men find that their sex life goes to hell after they have a child. Their wife is usually busy with the baby almost 24-7, exhausted, feels overweight and unattractive and would rather have a root canal than engage in any type of intercourse. And honestly, after watching you double in size and kick out a miniature person, most guys aren't ready to jump back into crazy lovemaking routines with their spouse, either. What's the guy supposed to do? Accept a life of supressed sexuality?
Wow, you are so damn insightful. I'm amazed at your great understanding of how life is!!!! How old are you again? How many marriages have you had?

Quote:
Originally Posted by siglerja View Post
Sex addiction and pornography addiction are the new buzzword diagnosises, everyone throws them out there like it's some kind of erupting disease that's sweeping the nation and is responsible for every relationship falling apart. In my estimation, an "addiction" is a tangible, compulsive action that a person is not in control of that hurts themselves and others.
This is the problem with your understanding of addiction, the word "tangible". There is always a reales mechanism with any addiction. Just because its not a drug addiction doesn't make it any less real.

It's the same thing with the stigma lots of people have with ADD! Just because its not a physical disability doesnt make ADD any less of an issue.

You should really try harder to sticking with facts because your opinions and generalizations here have done very little to help your credibility.
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  #42  
Old 05-26-11, 08:14 PM
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Re: Update to "Men and Porn" thread

I think Im gonna become a porn star make lots of $$$$
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Old 05-27-11, 04:30 AM
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Re: Update to "Men and Porn" thread

It's been 2.5 years since I last posted in this thread, and I still remember the original thread that started this...geez I feel old.
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Old 05-27-11, 03:42 PM
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Re: Update to "Men and Porn" thread

Obviously the statistical points of my post are fabricated and exaggerated, and there's a lot of generalization. It wasn't meant to be a seminar or an informational go-to for people wanting to learn more about pornography addiction, it's my opinion and reasons for why it's my opinion.

My entire point is that people have gotten into the habit of labeling everything they like to do, don't want to change and that others take issue with as an addiction. I like to eat delicious, decadent and unhealthy mayonaise-covered roast beef sandwhiches three to four times a week. I will probably escalate this number over time and eventually be eating them five to seven times a week. I may eventually eat them for every meal. I may one day engage in illicit activities to obtain roast beef, bread, mayonaise and au jus sauce so I can continue to indulge my obsession. My doctor takes issue with this, as does my significant other. I'm not going to stop doing it. I am powerless to resist my urge for thinly sliced meat on butter-toasted bread. Do I have a roast beef sandwhich addiction? Should I join a support group? Please.

Pornography is labled as an addiction because of the negative stigma placed on it by our society. Some people spend every availible moment they have sitting in a church pew and asking for God to solve their problems for them, you don't see them getting flack for having a Jesus addiction. All the "addiction" label really does to any issue is give the afflicted party an excuse to continue doing it because it's supposedly out of their control. What do you think a person is more likely to take action to improve, something they've come to accept and been able to describe as a full-blown addiction, or something they're looking at as a life imbalance that needs to be kept in moderation? If I was in a marriage and my spouse found my spouse found my pornography collection and spazzed out over it, it would be much easier for me to say, "I have a pornography addiction! It isn't my fault! I am powerless to resist these urges, I need help!' than to man up and say that I'm bored with out sex life or whatever my reasoning is and, like many other men out there, I like to watch porno.

As for addictions escalating, yes, there is always the potential for a person to become progressively more obsessed and eventually seek dangerous and more unhealthy means to obtain the same stimulus. I don't know if you've looked lately, but there's enough free pornography on the internet to keep someone engrossed through whatever developing fetishism they have for about 60 years. If someone takes that fantasy to the "next level" and explores it in a different medium, such as prostitution, sexual assault, etc, there's obviously a much larger issue here - The person is psychologically troubled, and internet pornography is just the means they use to satisfy their wants and desires. I'd rather have pedophiles and predators get their jollies out in front of a computer than at a school playground, and if they claim a pornography problem led to criminal activities down the road, they're full of it. Rock music doesn't make people go and shoot up their schools, pornography doesn't make people go out and abduct little kids or rape people.

People tend to forget that human beings are animals. Monogomy is unnatural us, (http://www.alivewithlove.com/why-mon...unnatural/709/) it's a choice we've made or had imprest upon us by society. There's obvious benefits and detractors to it, but the fact of the matter is, we are driven to procreate and be sexually active. Pornography exists because of this, it's one of the largest industries in the world because of this and it will always be present because our we, as humans, are obsessed with sex.
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Old 05-27-11, 04:01 PM
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Re: Update to "Men and Porn" thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by siglerja View Post
I'd rather have pedophiles and predators get their jollies out in front of a computer than at a school playground, and if they claim a pornography problem led to criminal activities down the road, they're full of it.
There are so many points of your post I would like to address but Im running out the door as we speak to hit a lezzy strip club with my BFF. The bigger part of your reply will have to wait...

BUT, OMG!!! Where in the hell do you think child predators get the videos they watch on the net from? Just think about that for a moment.... so, even if THEY them selves are not the one perpetuating the acts against the children in the video, their "addiction" or what ever still gives a demand for such things to happen...

I dont really want to hijack here but, I think your off again... but, hey enjoy your sandwiches!!!
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