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  #61  
Old 04-17-18, 06:04 PM
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Re: Nothing works out for me

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Originally Posted by userguide View Post
Yeah, but I was thinking of someone like Fuzzy's friends who are happy (I assume they weren't poured over with hot oil to agree to their marriage)
No they weren't. Arranged marriages are still pretty much the norm in India and in most cases they are just like another form of some sort of match making agency.
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  #62  
Old 04-17-18, 06:06 PM
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Re: Nothing works out for me

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Originally Posted by madmax988 View Post
accurately speaking its more of a business deal. A game about compromises where cast/creed/race is heavily judged. Priority is given to the amount of money a guy makes, how well "qualified" (even if he might look like a roadkill) and for a girl its generally about the beauty and fairness,'character' and related attributes. These parameters have really,really strong roots at places where arranged marriage is a norm. So the final verdict has to come from the self-appointed judges(parents) who's approval seals the deal. In short,a sad circus full of egomaniac,entitled douches and approval seeking minions.
Um...accurately speaking..yes

It doesn't have to be that way though and like you said the outcome is often fairly happy. At least it seems as if arranged marriages are not more likely to fail or be unhappy. However if getting married for the sake of getting married isnt your thing then that's fair enough.
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  #63  
Old 04-17-18, 09:26 PM
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Re: Nothing works out for me

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Originally Posted by madmax988 View Post
accurately speaking its more of a business deal. A game about compromises where cast/creed/race is heavily judged. Priority is given to the amount of money a guy makes, how well "qualified" (even if he might look like a roadkill) and for a girl its generally about the beauty and fairness,'character' and related attributes. These parameters have really,really strong roots at places where arranged marriage is a norm. So the final verdict has to come from the self-appointed judges(parents) who's approval seals the deal. In short,a sad circus full of egomaniac,entitled douches and approval seeking minions.
I love India !


I guess as a foreigner I need to be more wealthy than a local guy ?

If what you say is true then there must be a kind of knowledge market about who you can "get" for what money.... something like a register of historical deals....

So what net worth do I need to compensate for the fact that I am a 38 adhd foreigner ?
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  #64  
Old 04-18-18, 03:53 AM
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Re: Nothing works out for me

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Originally Posted by userguide View Post
I love India !


I guess as a foreigner I need to be more wealthy than a local guy ?

If what you say is true then there must be a kind of knowledge market about who you can "get" for what money.... something like a register of historical deals....

So what net worth do I need to compensate for the fact that I am a 38 adhd foreigner ?
That depends on lot on whom you are planning to marry. Different communities have different expectations.
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  #65  
Old 04-20-18, 10:26 PM
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Re: Nothing works out for me

Can I get a quote somewhere ?

Any dating portals with free expert advice ?
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  #66  
Old 05-01-18, 04:34 PM
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Re: Nothing works out for me

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Originally Posted by acdc01 View Post
I do have a question though. Do you think your lack of interest in marriage is a turn off? Cause I would think most women in most countries would want someone that can commit. There are some that don't but those are more rare.
nope. doesn't really matter what my opinions are, nor has anyone approached me to ask my views about marriage,lol. If at all, those factors/debates etc may well come in consideration much later on after the dating phase assuming I was in a relationship or atleast sensing a strong chemistry.
My struggles are more basic and involve absolute lack of interest from the 'other side'. I really don't blame them nor myself anymore, however tempting it is to go in a self-pity mode and crib about everything being unfair. No point in rationalizing what cant be helped.


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Originally Posted by acdc01 View Post
Also, did you ask your female friends their opinion on why you can't find a partner?
Sure. they are even more clueless!
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  #67  
Old 05-01-18, 04:47 PM
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Re: Nothing works out for me

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Originally Posted by userguide View Post
I love India !


I guess as a foreigner I need to be more wealthy than a local guy ?

If what you say is true then there must be a kind of knowledge market about who you can "get" for what money.... something like a register of historical deals....

So what net worth do I need to compensate for the fact that I am a 38 adhd foreigner ?
haha. if you are well settled in general you could give it a shot.
there's no such thing as knowledge market btw. im assuming its just hyperbole. but a traditional rule of thumb is to be able to accept, mix with and impress a whole bunch of people related to the person of interest and hope to just 'click'!
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  #68  
Old 05-19-18, 12:08 PM
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Re: Nothing works out for me

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Originally Posted by madmax988 View Post
haha. if you are well settled in general you could give it a shot.
there's no such thing as knowledge market btw. im assuming its just hyperbole. but a traditional rule of thumb is to be able to accept, mix with and impress a whole bunch of people related to the person of interest and hope to just 'click'!
Yeah, maybe "market knowledge" makes more sense, but it's actually also a knowledge market too, depends how you look at it.

That sounds like a spy adventure - wining her friends and family and then maybe she will break - so it begs a question: which one I should start with for my dollar to work best
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  #69  
Old 05-19-18, 02:06 PM
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Re: Nothing works out for me

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Originally Posted by madmax988 View Post
Speaking only from the point of dating/love
No one.Simply NO ONE seems to stick with me or get particularly attracted to me for reasons unknown. Im not a repulsive guy in the least,fun to talk to with a good personality. I've over the recent years come out of the shell and started asking out girls for dates or to just plain hang out,but it seems like cupid has a personal vendetta against me. Im not awkward and reasonably confident plus a patient listener.

I'd recently been involved with a very wonderful girl,though it was long distance she seemed really charmed and interested at first but since pursuing her doctorate she's busy with exam preps and still trying to get over a recent breakup. I do like her a lot,but it seems cupid just came down and said "you're on your own buddy" and disappeared. All the women either want to be just friends or are already seeing someone. The girl I liked,it seems she led me on and just makes out with her male besties randomly and it punched a hole in my heart with an exit wound.(though I didn't want that to happen)She reasons its just a 'physical thing' and Im the one who actually melts her but I'm not buying any of it.Needless to say being a virgin at 28 is downright depressing and I feel as though I'll continue to be so till I'm 40 or something. I'm not desperate,but I don't appreciate the fact that Im just sickly unlucky,in EVERY aspect of life and it's just grinding me down. Any sort of a romantic relationship ends up in the dirt or just derails quickly.Is this really the end of the road for me?

Then there was an another one who did like me,and I liked her a lot,she was really gorgeous but she was a divorcee with a kid That's just a cruel joke fate played on me,I'm simply not ready or able to take that kind of a responsibility but she got hitched recently so good for her.I'm officially always friend-zoned and it seems if you're a reasonably good person,has adhd and talks politely you're automatically put in the good guys finish last category.I'd really need help with some advice on how to cope with all this,instead of the "everyone goes through it" rhetoric my ex seems to come up with.

M/F dating is unbalanced. Are you providing what is expected of men? Are you versed in many fields? Are you the one who comes up with the more interesting dating ideas? Are you able to converse about your life so far and make it sound like everything you've ever done was either interesting, or at least, an abject lesson in how to do it differently? Do you exhibit passion in anything, such as a political view, a sport, a hobby, fixing up houses, etc?



From what I can tell, you're not violent or prone to anger, so that would not be why people don't stick around. But, being calm and collected, but not having any strong interests, makes a person dull. What is it about you that is different from others in a fascinating, interesting way, that gets people to want to know you better?


Over my 40+ years of dating/relationships, here's what I've learned about me, from what others tell me, that turns out to be different from the rest of the world:

- I'm capable of hearing not just the words, but the emotions behind them. I'm not always "on", though, so I have to be careful.
- I have the patience of Job. Met a dog last night who bit me, and I just sat there, letting him know that it was not a way to get me to go away. The foster parent said "wow, I've never seen that before!" I can sit and wait patiently while someone verbally attacks me, waiting for it to be over. I don't always respond well after, though.

- I have a natural gift for seeing the distant future. "Oh, yes, this is an important political problem, but the way that the oppressed are bringing it up will increase the racial tensions, not decrease them. Ultimately, they will have to find a way to embrace their enemies, or the dreamed-of unified society will never happen."
- I'm trying to understand this one better, but I've been told that I satisfy Rumi's claim that love is not something one does or gives, but something one is, and that I actually "am" love. I suppose this could be interpreted from my unwavering belief that people are generally good, and my tendency to trust until I'm given reason not to.


Figure out what makes you different in a good way, embrace those things, and turn them into interesting things about you.
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  #70  
Old 05-19-18, 11:48 PM
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Re: Nothing works out for me

"Providing what is expected of men" is more than a bit opposite to the posts I got here before, that told me to stop thinking about status/practical skills and instead, accepting oneself (I'm practically a disabled man with learning challenges) as the path to finding romance.

Recently this site has shifted back to the "what can you offer?" line of thought. Some of these posts I'm talking about were very malicious, as well (not the above, but others, in a different part of this site.) The implications have been social status, leadership quality, career-prospects and all those things. It's kind of disappointing to see how these views can change on a dime, and some of the same supportive folks from before.. are essentially underlining the same kind of thinking I was told was "wrong" and "self-defeating" in the first place.

What am I supposed to believe?
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  #71  
Old 05-20-18, 04:08 AM
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Re: Nothing works out for me

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Originally Posted by Batman55 View Post
"Providing what is expected of men" is more than a bit opposite to the posts I got here before, that told me to stop thinking about status/practical skills and instead, accepting oneself (I'm practically a disabled man with learning challenges) as the path to finding romance.

Recently this site has shifted back to the "what can you offer?" line of thought. Some of these posts I'm talking about were very malicious, as well (not the above, but others, in a different part of this site.) The implications have been social status, leadership quality, career-prospects and all those things. It's kind of disappointing to see how these views can change on a dime, and some of the same supportive folks from before.. are essentially underlining the same kind of thinking I was told was "wrong" and "self-defeating" in the first place.

What am I supposed to believe?
I have yet to see a single woman on this site give the "what can you offer" line of thought in any kind of a materialistic sense. Note that the recent dialog between madmax988 and userguide was specifically about arranged marriages where, yes, what you can offer has a whole lot to do with how likely a family is to let you marry their daughter. I have my own personal opinion on arranged marriages which would be better left for the debates section of this site, but suffice it to say it's not how it works in most regular relationships.

So no, nothing has changed, I just think the women on this site are tired of repeating ourselves over and over when the second a man says otherwise everyone listens to him instead. It just gets really tiring to be told I don't know what I want and that a random man on the internet knows me better than I do myself. Please, look back to my story that you found condescending and read it again. I promise it wasn't meant in any kind of malicious or condescending way, but was actually supposed to be helpful to you.
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  #72  
Old 05-20-18, 06:48 AM
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Re: Nothing works out for me

I disagree.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Batman55 View Post
"Providing what is expected of men" is more than a bit opposite to the posts I got here before, that told me to stop thinking about status/practical skills and instead, accepting oneself (I'm practically a disabled man with learning challenges) as the path to finding romance.

Recently this site has shifted back to the "what can you offer?" line of thought. Some of these posts I'm talking about were very malicious, as well (not the above, but others, in a different part of this site.) The implications have been social status, leadership quality, career-prospects and all those things. It's kind of disappointing to see how these views can change on a dime, and some of the same supportive folks from before.. are essentially underlining the same kind of thinking I was told was "wrong" and "self-defeating" in the first
What am I supposed to believe?
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