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Relationships & Social Issues This forum is for adults with AD/HD to discuss how AD/HD affects personal relationships.

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Old 05-15-18, 10:41 PM
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Re: Online Dating PSA

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Originally Posted by PoppnNSailinMan View Post
Hey DUBL,

I want to apologize, too.

I understand where you're coming from in your posts about the dating scene in the gay community. I've experienced some of the same kinds of things myself that you described. And, to be honest, even though I'm gay, I've always felt a little bit like an outsider in that community. A lot of that, I'm sure, comes from my ADHD which has made me feel like an outsider just about everywhere my whole life.

But your posts kind of hit a nerve, because all of the dysfunctional and self-destructive behaviors in the gay community that you talked about feel like a tragedy to me rather than being funny or something that should be ridiculed.

When I came out in 1982, I moved to San Francisco right at the very beginning of the AIDS epidemic and remained in the Bay Area for almost 20 years after that. Less than a year before I arrived in San Francisco, on 3 July 1981, the Centers for Disease Control reported the very first cases of AIDS, what was then called Gay-Related Immune Deficiency (GRID). 159 cases were reported in the US that year. Only a year later, by the end of 1982, there were 771 cases of AIDS reported and 618 deaths. By the end of 1990, there were 160,969 cases of AIDS reported in the US and 120,453 deaths. By 1995, it was estimated that in San Francisco alone, 20,530 of the estimated 58,000 gay men living there had been diagnosed with AIDS. Many people I knew died.

Last December on World AIDS Day, I was at a church which had maybe 20 panels from the AIDS Quilt hanging, each one dedicated to someone who had died of AIDS, with their name and a picture of them perhaps. Each one was put together by the family or friends of the person who had died. One panel was for someone who was born in 1961, the same year as me, and died in 1992. Another was for someone who was younger than me, born in 1964, and died in 1994.

In an ideal world, everyone would grow up in happy families, not suffer from discrimination or oppression, not have any mental health issues, and always act responsibly. And they would take personal responsibility for their actions when they don't. But we don't live in an idea world and, of course, many of us will end up paying the piper in the end and bear the consequences of our actions whether we take responsibility for them or not. And thousands of people who became infected with HIV because they engaged in risky and self-destructive behavior paid the ultimate price for their actions, and many will continue to do so.

I'm not always quite sure how I feel about all of this, but when I saw the panels from the AIDS quilt last year, I felt sad and most of all, I felt compassion for the people who had suffered and died.
I do feel empathy for those infected by someone they were in love with. Someone they trusted that let them down. But on the flip side some men made there choice. For whatever reason. The men who didn't make a choice, i feel sad and sorry for those men. I see your points and i have counter points. There is always two sides of the coin. And i didn't have a picture perfect childhood. I've had issues, and dealt with them. If you had read deeply, in one of my comments i referenced that mental health care in america is abysmal. I was a kid that "slipped through the cracks" as they say. I'm not perfect in any sense of the word.
I feel a little bit like an outsider in the community. I don't agree with things and don't feel i fit whatever the mold is. I am a car guy and gun owner from the midwest. Nobody online believes i'm gay. But i assure you i is, i have done the test

If you took offense i'm sorry. We might have to agree to disagree on some issues. PM me and i'll talk about the gay pride parade i feel damages the gay community and makes a mockery of being gay. gay to me isn't a lifestyle, it's just who i love.
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