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  #1  
Old 05-10-18, 09:15 PM
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negative, whiners

How do you deal with people who are constantly negative, and whine about everything. I'm not speaking of things due to mental health. Just people who have it good, but just point out the negatives of everything, complain just to complain etc

Not people you can just stop associating with either.

It feels like it drains the life out of me
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  #2  
Old 05-10-18, 09:28 PM
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Re: negative, whiners

As an example , I purchased two houses recently with the purpose of gutting them, redoing them and selling them for a profit

I'm very talented with tools and building things, but yes unorganized and not so punctual all the time

This person just constantly reiterates the negatives of my personality and using it against me with this adventure

instead of looking at these houses and seeing the potential and profitability , they just constantly berate and beat me down using my faults. When in actuality any remodeling project ive done has come out great

it just makes me sick to my stomach
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Old 05-10-18, 09:34 PM
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Re: negative, whiners

here is an example of an old thread that shows i can remodel

yet i just get beaten doen verbally constantly

http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=144096
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Old 05-10-18, 10:57 PM
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Re: negative, whiners

I found people like these are too be avoided as much as possible.

Just recently had to spend a fair amount of time with a guy who was like this.

Got to the point that I had to politely tell him to shut up. That still didn’t work.

Couldn’t wait to get away from him.
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Old 05-11-18, 12:05 AM
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Re: negative, whiners

It's always the people that have it good. The ones who have the good paying job, nice car, big house. They always complain about it. Need more this and that always. I hate going out to eat with someone who complains. The complain about the restaurant, the cost of the food, the waiter. I have a friend i go out with that doesn't really complain EVER and it's awesome. We just go with the flow when out and about. If we eat out and get poor service we joke about it. "maybe the waiter is an assassin who just got called out on a mission". We have fun together. Life is too short to sit around people that b*tch all day. I work in the auto industry and people treat there cars like crap. The complaining i hear daily would boggle your mind. You would need a private island on mars to cool down haha.
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Old 05-11-18, 12:28 AM
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Re: negative, whiners

Stop engaging with them as much as possible. In the absence of that have a look a "grey rock" techniques. I make a point of actively disengaging when I'm around someone with bad energy
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Old 05-11-18, 02:21 AM
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Re: negative, whiners

Nobody ever believes they have it good. Everybody expects more, regardless of their social standing.
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Old 05-11-18, 02:48 AM
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Re: negative, whiners

Are they working at the same time as you? Cause if so, I'd put on music headphones while working so I wouldn't have to listen to them at all. In general, I do things with them that don't require talking to the extent possible. Like movies instead of lunch with my dad.

I also sing. If they've bugged me, I immediately start singing afterward so I calm down easier.

I also try to change the topic.

I've tried confronting people but they improve for a short time period but then go back to their old ways sooner or later.

With my mom, I helped make her happier but that person you are dealing with doesn't sound the same as mom.
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Old 05-11-18, 06:00 AM
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Re: negative, whiners

A member here named unmangeable has a good way of looking at things. She calls it her time bank. I dont let people rent space in my head. I have to decide how much time and energy I am willing to withdraw from my time bank to devote to feeling the way I do and putting up with nonsense and I had to learn how to set boundaries. I used to be terrible with boundaries...letting people take over my life who were not healthy and sucked all my positive vibes up like a vacuum. Getting sober helped me with that. Now, I do not let negative people occupy my time. If I find myself dreading my time with them or feeling obligated I think about if its worth it or not. If I HAVE to be with them, I do my best to use some grounding and breathing before I spend the time with them and NEVER take the negative nancy bait! If I know asking them how they are doing is going to open the gates to a long diatribe of whoa is me, I dont ask. I try to talk about things that are least likely to allow that kind of conversation even if it might seem rude to the average person. The most important thing is to mind that sort of behavior in myself. Going on about my medical issues can be just as grating to other people. Gossiping about others can be too. If I spread positive energy around deliberately then the person being negative has to work awful hard at trying to sap that from me and will often give up. Ultimately I cut those types of people from my life.
Toxic people are like toxic waste- they both need to get dumped.
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Old 05-11-18, 07:17 AM
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Re: negative, whiners

Unfortunately it’s my wife is the number 2 culprit. The other is a family member

Hard to avoid them
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Old 05-11-18, 07:37 AM
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Re: negative, whiners

Oh dear. Sorry mate I mistakenly thought this was in the careers section. Umm not sure what to suggest except maybe just talk to her and let her know how she's coming across.
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Old 05-11-18, 08:15 AM
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Re: negative, whiners

Quote:
Originally Posted by daveddd View Post
Unfortunately it’s my wife is the number 2 culprit. The other is a family member

Hard to avoid them
Oh no, that sucks. have you spoken to you wife about how she acts, how it makes you feel, and asked her if anything stresses her out in her life or makes her unhappy? Come to think of it, every single one of the grumps that I know of does have something that stresses them out or makes them unhappy.

My brother-in-law who I think has everything, is deep down resentful that his wife is more successful than him. sometimes it's not obvious and completely irrational what bothers them or that they don't even understand or will admit to it themselves.

Like I said, my mom got a million times better after I fixed what made her unhappy. She still reverts to the grump sometimes, I actually think cause she still holds on to what bothers her irrationally. But way, way better.

I'd also set boundaries too. Tell them that you can't handle it when she complains about so and so to the extreme. Let her know that if she does, you will have to walk out when she does, not as retaliation but because you honestly can't handle her tone of voice, her negative words, etc. Then walk out slowly and calmly next time she acts like that.

, if it's an investment decision she doesn't agree with, she does have a say in what you guys choose to do. In that case, I recommend decision making meetings in calm voices. As many meetings as needed though try to minimize them. Then ask her outside those meetings please don't complain cause you guys made the decision together already and there is no point and it hurts you.

Last edited by acdc01; 05-11-18 at 08:27 AM..
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Old 05-11-18, 09:54 AM
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Re: negative, whiners

Damn Daves...this really sucks.

I'm lucky in that I live alone, so it's easy for me to get away when I need to.

My parents couldn't stand each other though. They were super foul to each other. I always wondered why they didn't get divorced. But they suffered through, day after day.

Is there an option to turn a spare room into a man cave? My dad did this...put in a comfy recliner, decorated the walls with his football team (mn vikings) and bought himself a big tv. He spent a LOT of time in here...I felt bad for him because he had to keep himself so isolated and he NEVER got the living room to himself...it was always under my mom's control.

But...it was a safe "mom free" zone for him. A place he could go and hide and be at semi-peace from my mom's constant nagging at him.

Just an idea.

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Old 05-11-18, 12:04 PM
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Re: negative, whiners

Quote:
Originally Posted by psychopathetic View Post
Damn Daves...this really sucks.

I'm lucky in that I live alone, so it's easy for me to get away when I need to.

My parents couldn't stand each other though. They were super foul to each other. I always wondered why they didn't get divorced. But they suffered through, day after day.

Is there an option to turn a spare room into a man cave? My dad did this...put in a comfy recliner, decorated the walls with his football team (mn vikings) and bought himself a big tv. He spent a LOT of time in here...I felt bad for him because he had to keep himself so isolated and he NEVER got the living room to himself...it was always under my mom's control.

But...it was a safe "mom free" zone for him. A place he could go and hide and be at semi-peace from my mom's constant nagging at him.

Just an idea.

(((((((Dave-Daves)))))))
I may be turning one of these spare houses into a man cave soon if you catch my drift
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Old 05-11-18, 09:49 PM
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Re: negative, whiners

Thanks guys. A lot of times it helps just to get this out
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