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  #31  
Old 02-11-08, 07:45 PM
Chanston Chanston is offline
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Re: The Relationship - vent thread

Bah, my girlfriend and I are both in our first relationship and I can just see she's hearing wedding bells. I am thinking, we're 17! Anyway, I exhaust myself to meet her needs, and she has an anxiety disorder so I understand she worries.....in great detail. And oh, how I hate to listen, but I do. And even if I do the right things (she'll even later admit that I did), she will sometimes hit me! Now I don't mean that it leaves a bruise, but it leaves a red mark and I find it startling. She thinks I'm a simple carefree male that has no emotional needs, so I always get shortchanged support-wise. Then she tells me I better be careful because I am taking her for granted. I have been completely turned off relationships.......
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  #32  
Old 02-11-08, 08:35 PM
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Re: The Relationship - vent thread

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Originally Posted by Brakna View Post
I would like to know the same thing. When do you know you aren't meant to ever be married?
I am right there with you. I often wonder if there is that special person out there that will mesh with me so well and live happily ever after or id I should be single for the remaining of my life to be happy. I mean I am tired of being in a relationship where they get angry and frustrated cuz they can't understand my conversation. If I hear get to the point one more time I am going to scream. Or can you ust finish one thing first instead of switching topics and then coming back to it later. ( No I can't if I am enthusiastic about something I want it out right then or else I wouldn't bring it up)

Or everything being turned around like oh your just too sensative or come one men don't you eveer think and have something on your mind. I always try to talk or ask what are you thinking to get "Nothing" or why do I always have to be thinking something. (Well you don't but you have to think sometimes right) I mean we never talk. And he is like so unhappy all the time or acts like it. When I ask whats wrong or why are u upset he's like do you want me to be upset. A simple nothing is wrong honey would sufice.

Lastly yes mam! dont call me Maam I am not your mother grrr

Anyway on a more happy note at least I hope that is going to be different in my new relationship since it seems he understand things I say and even showed me this site and told my there is a reason I have these issues.

Sorry for venting so great to get it off my chest though. :P Thnx for the thread.
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  #33  
Old 02-12-08, 12:31 PM
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Re: The Relationship - vent thread

Why Perfect Dates Make Lousy Partners" by LiveScience.com

"The best "catches" in dating land may be the worst choices in the long-run, new research shows.

Popular people who monitor themselves carefully in social situations and thereby appear to be the most socially appropriate are often highly sought after as romantic partners, a study finds, but these people show less satisfaction and commitment in relationships than socially-awkward people.

By self-monitoring, people assess how their actions affect others and adjust to fit the appropriateness of the situation. They screen their words and behavior to suit the people around them.

"High self-monitors are social chameleons," said Northwestern University professor of communication studies Michael E. Roloff."And, because they're quick to pick up on social cues, are socially adept and unlikely to say things upsetting to others, they are generally well-liked and sought after."

Self-monitoring is often a helpful attribute.

"Research finds [self-monitors] to be excellent negotiators and far more likely to be promoted at work than their low self-monitoring peers,” Roloff said.

But there’s a downside for high self-monitors when it comes to their romantic relationships.

"High self-monitors may appear to be the kind of people we want to have relationships with, but they themselves are less committed to and less happy in their relationships than low self-monitors," Roloff said.

The problem seems to be that they can't turn the self-monitoring off.

"The desire to alter one's personality to appropriately fit a given situation or social climate prevents high self-monitors from presenting their true selves during intimate interactions with their romantic partners," Roloff said. "High self-monitors are very likeable and successful people. However, it appears they’re just not deep."

Roloff and co-authors Courtney N. Wright and Adrienne Holloway conducted a study of 97 single young adults to investigate the effects of self-monitoring on romantic relationships. The results will be detailed in the journal Communication Reports.

The researchers surveyed study participants about the levels of emotional commitment in their romantic relationships and assessed their degrees of self-monitoring, intimate communication, levels of emotional commitment, relational satisfaction and relational commitment.

They did not survey the partners of study participants. "That may be something we eventually should look at," Roloff said.

High self-monitors seem to avoid face-threatening interactions and honest self-disclosure. Thus partners of these people may be completely in the dark about the extent of their significant other’s degree of commitment and regard.

"It's not that high self-monitors are intentionally deceptive or evil," Roloff said. "They appear to have an outlook and way of achieving their goals that makes them attractive to us socially but that prevents them from being particularly happy or loyal in their romantic relationships."

Conversely, the researchers found that low self-monitors — people who are the least concerned with social appropriateness and are unlikely to mask their feelings or opinions to avoid confrontation or preserve their self-image — are more committed to and more satisfied with their relationships.

Those awkward people who always seem to be sticking their feet in their mouths may ultimately be more genuine and capable of intimate relationships. However, their honesty and loyalty can extract a price from their partners, because they may be more likely to say blunt and hurtful things.

Fortunately, Roloff said, self-monitoring is normally distributed, so most people end up with a partner who falls somewhere in the middle. A person who moderately self-monitors may have great social skills and the ability to be unguarded with their partner when necessary."

Interesting article. Anyone else a high self-monitor like me? I guess I'm out of luck according to this article.
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  #34  
Old 02-12-08, 03:12 PM
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Re: The Relationship - vent thread

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Originally Posted by Chanston View Post
Bah, my girlfriend and I are both in our first relationship and I can just see she's hearing wedding bells. I am thinking, we're 17! Anyway, I exhaust myself to meet her needs, and she has an anxiety disorder so I understand she worries.....in great detail. And oh, how I hate to listen, but I do. And even if I do the right things (she'll even later admit that I did), she will sometimes hit me! Now I don't mean that it leaves a bruise, but it leaves a red mark and I find it startling. She thinks I'm a simple carefree male that has no emotional needs, so I always get shortchanged support-wise. Then she tells me I better be careful because I am taking her for granted. I have been completely turned off relationships.......
You're way too young to be worrying about relationship issues with your girlfriend. You should have fun right now and enjoy dating several different gals before considering settling down or getting turned off relationships altogether.
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  #35  
Old 02-12-08, 05:22 PM
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Re: The Relationship - vent thread

Chanston, I hope it gets better for you.
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  #36  
Old 02-13-08, 11:09 PM
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Re: The Relationship - vent thread

Quote:
, , , , she will sometimes hit me
I don't give a rat's behind what her diagnosis is or her problem - physical contact in the form of hitting it doesn't matter if she leaves a red mark or not ??????


isn't right!!!!


This is abuse . . . .and it won't get better trust me!!!


You are NOT in a healthy relationship!

Please take time to read the information hyperlinked below then ditch the abusive ***** !!!


How To Spot An Abuser - For Men

I think it is just as despicable for a woman to hit a man in anger as it is for a man to hit a woman - hitting should NEVER be a part of any relationship lest of all an intimate one!
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  #37  
Old 02-13-08, 11:16 PM
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Re: The Relationship - vent thread

I forgot what I came here to rant about -nope no ADD here. . . . I guess I got distracted by the idea that some one is being hit . . .maybe I don't have much to complain about after all!
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  #38  
Old 02-14-08, 12:00 AM
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Re: The Relationship - vent thread

Chanston, life's too short. At your age you are supposed to be having fun. Run away to B.C.
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  #39  
Old 02-14-08, 01:59 PM
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Re: The Relationship - vent thread

"In Romance, Looks Matters Most to the Beautiful" by Livescience.com

In the world of romance, we seek out partners who are just as "hot" or "not hot" as we are.

A new study supports the idea that super models flock together while individuals lacking the perfect face and body also stick together.

"Beautiful people marry beautiful people and less beautiful people marry less beautiful people," said Dan Ariely, a professor of behavioral economics at MIT's Program in Media Arts and Sciences and Sloan School of Management.

But that doesn't mean less-attractive people are destined to lives of unrequited love and feelings of just settling for the mediocre. The study results, which will be published in an upcoming issue of the journal Psychological Science, suggest people who lack looks place more stock in non-physical features, such as sense of humor, than in physical beauty.

Guys, however, are less concerned with their own looks when deciding whom to date, the findings suggest. So while a man might have no qualms about going after someone much better looking than he is, a woman will tend more to choose partners with compatible looks.

Another recent study suggests that, in general, for both men and women physical attractiveness guides cupid's arrow. This research did not account for each individual's own looks.

Hot or not

What makes for a "hot" appearance? Research has shown that people have essentially universal standards of beauty, including large eyes, "baby face" features, symmetric faces, so-called average faces, and specific waist-hip ratios in men versus women.

Ariely, Leonard Lee of Columbia University's Business School in New York, and their colleagues looked at information from an online dating Web site called HOTorNOT.com, which allows members to rate others on their physical attractiveness.

They focused on a 10-day period in August 2005 to figure out how an individual's attractiveness rating affected how that person rated others' physical attractiveness on a scale from 1 to the hottest value of 10. Then, the researchers compared the average hot-or-not ratings for each person with the number of dating requests.

On average, participants paired up with others having compatible attractiveness. Compared with the ladies, guys were most influenced by physical attractiveness when requesting dates, but their own appearance ratings had less effect on their date choices.

"Males are less affected by how attractive they themselves are than females," Lee said in a telephone interview. Guys were more likely than ladies to request dates out of their league.

Individuals who slid furthest down the hot-or-not scale seemed more desperate, as they were the most likely to respond "yes" to any date requests. For every unit decrease on the 10-point scale of the member's own attractiveness the member was 25 percent more likely to say "yes" to a potential date.

The hot-rated members were choosier, tending to accept only dates from others in their attractiveness neighborhood.

Beauty in the eye of the beholder?

The researchers wondered whether beauty standards varied depending on a person's own outward appearance.

"If I'm less attractive, which I am, and I hang out with less attractive people, you can imagine I start appreciating different things," Ariely told LiveScience. "I [might] start caring less about symmetry and I start thinking more that big ears could be cute. But that doesn't seem to happen."

Regardless of their hot rating, individuals came to the same consensus regarding the hotness of other members.

"Whereas less attractive people are willing to accept less attractive others as dating partners, they do not delude themselves into thinking that these less attractive others are, in fact, physically attractive," they write in the journal article.

Looks can be overrated

To understand how the physically-lacking individuals cope with the cards they were dealt, the researchers conducted a speed-dating study.

At the event sponsored by a Boston-based online dating company, 24 participants indicated how high they rated the relative importance of six criteria - physical attractiveness, intelligence, sense of humor, kindness, confidence and extroversion - for selecting dates. The participants then chatted for four minutes with each potential date, after which they rated each other on physical attractiveness and decided whether to meet up again with that person.

Turned out, more attractive people placed more importance on physical attractiveness above other features in selecting their dates. Less attractive people placed more weight on other qualities, such as sense of humor.

"The people who are less attractive basically switch what they care about and they start caring less about beauty and more about sense of humor," Ariely said.

Another recent speed-dating study, published in the February issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, revealed that the attractiveness of a potential partner is critical, followed by ambition and earnings.

"In other words good looks was the primary stimulus of attraction for both men and women, and a person with good earning prospects or ambition tended to be liked as well," said study researcher Eli Finkel, an assistant professor of psychology at Northwestern University in Illinois.
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  #40  
Old 02-21-08, 09:04 PM
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Re: The Relationship - vent thread

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Originally Posted by Brakna View Post
I would like to know the same thing. When do you know you aren't meant to ever be married?
LOL I didn't mean not get married, I'll hopefully never be dumb enough to do that again. I meant give up on the relationship! But anyways... that was just some temporary despondency. Things have settled back into equilibrium again... for another TWO OR THREE DAYS!!!!
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Old 02-21-08, 09:05 PM
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Re: The Relationship - vent thread

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Originally Posted by Brakna View Post
"In Romance, Looks Matters Most to the Beautiful" by Livescience.com

In the world of romance, we seek out partners who are just as "hot"
That is good news Brakna, I can sigh with relief now LOL.
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  #42  
Old 03-01-08, 06:58 AM
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Re: The Relationship - vent thread

What is up with the snoring? Gavy . . .
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  #43  
Old 03-02-08, 05:11 PM
Jarleigannor Jarleigannor is offline
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Re: The Relationship - vent thread

I have a big vent!
My husband has been waiting on an expense check from work. Not a very big one but, hey, money's money. It finally came a few days ago, but he's been working insane hours this week and I've barely been able to talk to him.
My kitchen counter has a "my pile", "kids pile", and "husband pile". I put the check in the husband pile, very proud to have gotten the mail from my car to the house!
Husband is finally off today, and I remind him that the check is in his pile. He flips through the papers and says he doesn't see it. I flip through the papers and don't see it. I'm not freaking out like I normally would, but I am very upset because I KNOW I put it right near the top of the pile. It's a perfectly balanced pile! Regular sized paper on the bottom, wide enveloped bank statements next, regular sized envelopes next, and topped with a small notepad and a few scraps. It was right there, under the notepad!
He just kind of looks at me and walks away. Which is weird. I search every piece of paper in my pile, the kids' pile, and another kid pile on a different table. No check. I manage to move on to clean out my microwave (I just had to read that cleaning thread!). Husband comes back and asks if I had any luck. I tell him that I'm really, really sorry, but I simply cannot imagine where it might have gone. He walks away again. Weird.
A little while later, this jerk tells me he found it, and he's going to the bank to deposit it. I'm thrilled, and ask where he found it.
"It was in the pile."
"The pile we both looked through?"
"Yeah, we must have missed it at first."
"You have got to be kidding me! I searched through every single bit o-. Um. That check is folded."
"Yeah."
"The envelope wasn't folded."

Somewhere in the little time he's been home this week, he came across that check and put it in his wallet. I don't know when he realized it this morning, but he was actually going to go ahead and let me think that I was losing my mind, just as I'm starting to believe I can get my $^%! together!

Creep!
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  #44  
Old 03-02-08, 05:15 PM
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Re: The Relationship - vent thread

Jarlei, perhaps he was embarrassed? Would it help to know that when I went on medication I was shocked to discover I wasn't the only screw-up in the house?
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  #45  
Old 03-02-08, 05:25 PM
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Re: The Relationship - vent thread

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Jarlei, perhaps he was embarrassed? Would it help to know that when I went on medication I was shocked to discover I wasn't the only screw-up in the house?
Lol. Embarrassment or not (And I still think he was just enjoying messing with me toward the end!), I could kill him.

He definitely has some real ADHD tendencies. I've just always overshadowed them. I wonder what will happen if we wind up switching roles!
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