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Anxiety Disorders, OCD & PTSD A forum to discuss Anxiety, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Panic Disorder, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Simple Phobias, and Social Anxiety Disorder

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  #16  
Old 06-07-18, 06:31 PM
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Re: Intrusive thoughts, feelings

I get tons of "thoughts I don't want". The autism makes it practically impossible for me to be empathetic enough to a movie to have it stick around in my brain.

My thoughts are a) something I have done that I have denoted as "bad" and once one of those hits me i'm stuck in the cycle of it for a while. Replay it over and over and find every flaw, everything I should have done, things I should have said. Could be something I did yesterday or something I did 15 years ago.
b) what other people have said to me. normally demeaning or otherwise abusive. Those are the easiest to get rid of now that I'm on medication.
or c) suicidal thoughts. These come almost daily. Not the "oh I could pull into oncoming traffic" for two seconds thoughts, which is an actual thing, I mean in depth thoughts about wanting to kill myself and how I'll do it.

Medication helps a lot with the first two but they are definitely still around. They haven't been able to medicate out the suicidalness.

Being bipolar and having this issue I can be having a wonderful day and out of the blue comes this thought that just takes over. (sometimes this happens with no words, just moods, as usually happens with a long history of untreated bipolar. mood swings with absolutely no trigger)

I'm trying to get better at mediation to get rid of these damned things when they do occur. So far mild improvements in ability to control thought processes.
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  #17  
Old 06-07-18, 06:53 PM
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Re: Intrusive thoughts, feelings

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Originally Posted by peripatetic View Post
it sounds like you're worried that you're like those characters...so that you might be capable of anything, or incapable of properly caring for fuzzling.

that's not who you are, though. it really isn't.
Yes I am worried about that. Funnily enough there are a lot of things that the characters in the movie did that I know even I wouldn't do mainly because they don't make s y sense but yes I am essentially worried about that. Not just that I am like those characters but that my life is like theirs.

(That's apart from all the super natural stuff that's freaking the hell out of me too but that's normal...for me)
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Old 06-07-18, 07:03 PM
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Re: Intrusive thoughts, feelings

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Originally Posted by peripatetic View Post
because you say you're concerned that discussing will make them more real...and because you're having intrusive thoughts in general...

have you ever been evaluated for OCD?
I mean real in two ways:

1. The more I think about this stuff the more it will get a hold on my thoughts. I mean the more attention I pay these thoughts the longer they will hang around and anchor themselves in my mind.

2. This probably sounds crazy but I think.thetes aear somewhere that by saying these things aloud I might bring the curse upon me. I know it's superstitious nonsense but when it's dark anything seems possible.

I have never been evaluated for OCD.

Maybe tellingly though anti depressants worked wonders for me in terms of stopping rumination and other obsessive behaviours like checking the door, stove, iron etc a dozen times. My dad has mild- moderate OCD (checking OCD mainly) though when it comes to checking imnot as bad as my dad.
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  #19  
Old 06-07-18, 07:05 PM
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Re: Intrusive thoughts, feelings

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Originally Posted by Greyhound1 View Post
I suffer from both at times. They are similar but different. Below is a pretty good description of both.
I get both. The rumination tends to depress me and the intrusive thoughts freak me out and make me hate myself.
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  #20  
Old 06-07-18, 07:16 PM
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Re: Intrusive thoughts, feelings

from what I know (and ya, the therapist could of been doing a related analogy or something) Ruminations are the tape in your head that just won't stop, rumination (I could be wrong) is nasty because it clogs up working memory.

Think of a SONG you get stuck in your head, you can actively tell yourself in your head to stop *hearing* the song, but as we all know, to get rid of those earworms we have to actually hum it or something.

same exact principle. only rumination and intrusive thoughts usually come with distress when putting them to words, but, there is always something we can learn from the ruminations and flashbacks etc.... and when we right them down (righting is a pipline straight to our central processor bypassing working memory), we can read and re-read them. the caviot is it has to be paer and pen, not computer.

man, lots of stuff to learn about yourself when you do that.
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  #21  
Old 06-07-18, 07:34 PM
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Re: Intrusive thoughts, feelings

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Originally Posted by Fuzzy12 View Post
I get both. The rumination tends to depress me and the intrusive thoughts freak me out and make me hate myself.
Ruminating is usually caused from anxiety. When my ruminating, obsessive thoughts and anxiety get bad is usually when I experience intrusive thoughts.

They are terrible random thoughts and images that just pop into my head and get stuck there. Most make no sense to me how they got in my head. They are horrible things I would never do or ever consciously even think of.
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  #22  
Old 06-07-18, 08:01 PM
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Re: Intrusive thoughts, feelings

I get them, but not often or serious enough to warrant further exploration usually. To be honest, I always attributed it to permanent effects of LSD use from my high school days. I'm interested now that several of you pointed out that it is attributed to OCD, because I've always thought I have some mild OCD symptoms, but again, not enough to justify serious exploration.
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  #23  
Old 06-07-18, 08:27 PM
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Re: Intrusive thoughts, feelings

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Originally Posted by Greyhound1 View Post
Ruminating is usually caused from anxiety. When my ruminating, obsessive thoughts and anxiety get bad is usually when I experience intrusive thoughts.

They are terrible random thoughts and images that just pop into my head and get stuck there. Most make no sense to me how they got in my head. They are horrible things I would never do or ever consciously even think of.
hey, this might intereest you grey, you said something that really caught my attention, flash of someone in your head

what I found as the key to rumination is that I would ruminate on what someone else said (a projection of toxin). Whenever I had a trigger I would see the person that projected onto me in my head. you know, an EEECCCHHHHOOO, where the thought isn't yours, it's a toxin someone projected onto you, I then had to meticulously go over the thought and memory over and over with my therapist and writing and a LOT of self talk.

Rumination is also, in my case, programmed behavior. so it's basicly you and me trying to take control of a behavior that was instilled in us when we where kids. I was always the peacekeeper when I was just 10. 2 people fighting (which goes back to childhood and my teens, usually that was my parents or my parents and my sister, I couldn't handle it so I always tried to stop it, stop the fighting.

a lot of my rumination was arguing with the arbiter in my head, or programmed behavior.
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  #24  
Old 06-07-18, 08:44 PM
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Re: Intrusive thoughts, feelings

For me everyone is out to hurt me. And everything's going to go wrong. The worst will happen and the world will come to an end.

It never does. I'm still here. But I have been hurt a lot and I can't trust hardly anyone.

Combo of PTSD and OCD and a hell of a lot of narcissistic abuse.
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  #25  
Old 06-07-18, 09:57 PM
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Re: Intrusive thoughts, feelings

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Originally Posted by Drogheda View Post
hey, this might intereest you grey, you said something that really caught my attention, flash of someone in your head

what I found as the key to rumination is that I would ruminate on what someone else said (a projection of toxin). Whenever I had a trigger I would see the person that projected onto me in my head. you know, an EEECCCHHHHOOO, where the thought isn't yours, it's a toxin someone projected onto you, I then had to meticulously go over the thought and memory over and over with my therapist and writing and a LOT of self talk.

Rumination is also, in my case, programmed behavior. so it's basicly you and me trying to take control of a behavior that was instilled in us when we where kids. I was always the peacekeeper when I was just 10. 2 people fighting (which goes back to childhood and my teens, usually that was my parents or my parents and my sister, I couldn't handle it so I always tried to stop it, stop the fighting.

a lot of my rumination was arguing with the arbiter in my head, or programmed behavior.
My problem seems to come from overthinking and listening to the arbiter in my head too long that drags me down the rabbit hole. Practicing mindfulness is the only thing I have found to help. Recognizing when the loops are building and intentionally attempting to change my thoughts can really help me, if caught early enough. Once rumination gets enough momentum in my mind nothing seems to help except Xanax.


Mine doesn’t really feel like programmed behavior. I would say more like a preprogrammed response from varying triggers. The triggers can vary for me also from day to day. The more stress I’m under, the more triggers I have and the easier they go off.

I can ruminate over so many things. When people, including myself, say something hurtful, incorrect or lie, I tend to ruminate. Other things cause it for me too. Such as witnessing something bad happen like an animal getting run over, stressful events upcoming and past, my mental health and whatever else my brain decides is stimulating enough.

Ruminating sucks!
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  #26  
Old 06-07-18, 10:46 PM
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Re: Intrusive thoughts, feelings

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Originally Posted by Fraser_0762 View Post
When it's a negative situation, it's like being punished for it over and over again. It can be so exhausting.
It really does and for me that’s the worst type of exhaustion. All the wasted mental energy drains me dry of physical energy as well. Brain dead, worn out, couch potato, I become.

It’s a helpless, weak, dying and hungover feeling for me.
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Old 06-08-18, 12:04 AM
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Re: Intrusive thoughts, feelings

ya, programmed behavior maybe isn't the best word. what I mean is what I did and always did was how my behaviors where sculpted by the environment(people are part of that). I guess you can look at it like this, when you fight fire enough you start to incorporate fire. my parents and sister would argue ALL the time, and I was always the one in the middle, going up against my own authority figures (no wonder I'm kind of a rebel), just like I did a few days ago. and that's clear to me now.

so I started arguing with my arbiter , because ya, your father(figure) is supposed to be your arbiter the first bit of life. in the first bit you are able to call him out, then ya, huh.

hey grey, it's obviously your choice, but just maybee the notebook thing would work for you as well, when you get a flash in your head (for some reason that happens when I was first getting into meditation), wright it out (I can't spell that word worth a darn). after a while, those flashes stopped and the rumination did as well.
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  #28  
Old 06-08-18, 02:16 AM
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Re: Intrusive thoughts, feelings

*trigger warning: graphic violence*

I'm so annoyed with myself. I shouldn't have watched that movie. I knew I'd find it disturbing.

Even then it's ridiculous to let such a stupid movie affect me so much. I woke up feeling so depressed. As if all joy has been sucked out of me. Maybe it's not even the movie. Maybe I just am depressed but I can't let these thoughts make it worse.

I don't know how to stop them or how to get the images or scenes out of my head. Finally the father decides to blindfold himself and just shoot a gun around the room to pick one of his family members randomly. It's ridiculous. A ridiculous movie. I keep thinking though of how his family members would have felt. How scared they must have been. He shoots his young son. And that's the scene that I get mostly in my head. His young son sitting on the sofa with blood slowly leaking out from under the cloth that is covering his head. He was the nicest member of the family..or maybe he was just too young to be vile yet.

So there it is. That and the face of the teenager whose father the doctor killed in the operating table.

Drogheda, maybe you were right. Maybe it did help to write it out.

And now I must move on. I can't stop the thoughts or images but I need to.move on regardless. Maybe I can construct a counter narrative. Maybe I can counter these thoughts with happy thoughts. Somehow. It all just seems so ridiculous and pathetic. Maybe the best is to just press on without trying to stop them. Trying to stop them is just another form of thinking about them. Maybe they'll eventually fade..only.come back when I'm.alone in the dark.

Uggh...what the hell is wrong with me???

Last edited by namazu; 06-08-18 at 02:18 AM.. Reason: added trigger warning
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  #29  
Old 06-08-18, 10:35 AM
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Re: Intrusive thoughts, feelings

depression is feeling your worst all day over an extended amount of time

what I'm going to say isn't exactly clinical so to speak so with a grain of salt and all that, but depressed people usually talk about depressed things and use dark transient words and talk about what is wrong with the world, all the time. depression envelopes every single part of them, so I would give myself a week before throwing the big D around, and if you feel like you are well, therapy is only a phonecall away.

I remember getting triggered by the movie all dogs go to heaven, when I sorted it out it gave me very deep incite (the incite comes in bits and then like, one day you will be sitting doing nothing and then bham, ohhhh that's what doggedness and what sort of anthropomorphous means

however, lots of people get triggered for dumb reasons in movies all the time. that's not what I'm reading, I'm reading a deep introspected reason for the trigger that perhaps you can't quite put your finger on yet.

and ya, the key with the journal is to keep writing (advice I need to adhere to more ). what is sort of mind-blowing is when we go back to see what we wrote before. when we do a little internal housekeeping and phase some memories, it's mind blowing to see how we used to think about whatever it is.

ya, sometimes it does seem like the very next day we are thinking some completely different thoughts. what my therapist told me (or the gist) is that those memories kind of form a blockade so that other thoughts can't get in regarding that certain issue
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Old 06-09-18, 04:14 AM
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Re: Intrusive thoughts, feelings

I'm sorry Fuzz-Buzz

(((((((Wuzzy)))))))

I'm not fully understanding what you're trying to explain (no need to try and further explain it for my sake!)...I may have gone through similar stuff in my past, but it's not something I can relate to currently.

And...OMG! I just found something that we don't relate with! lol that never happens! heh
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