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  #1  
Old 02-03-20, 08:07 PM
Drogheda98 Drogheda98 is offline
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some new stuff

I'll be doing some self reflecting here however, I have a question, ever sense Austins death, something, just, weird has been going on inside my mind I would like some input on.

first ever sense that day I've been concentrating on self words, reflexive work in language, the simplest example is here is the reflexive form of there, I noticed myself mirroring some people so created an inner space where I can posit, for lack of a better word, other's ego imprint for further differentiation, reading stuff in others voice., while it's terribly difficult to represent my inner stuff, when others are talking following what they are saying, the inner/outer space stuff. the he, he's, it's, thats, this, contractions, not just of self but of others. I also figured out the triparta function of the second process where I know what it is, dirt, the earth. I'm sure a few of you will know the triparta function of the mind and am finnaly realizing it's ok for me to just be me and trust my body and mind, that if I do better than other's it's ok, not as good it's ok. I did go full on perfection for a time after austins death to realize the name of my father, and reestablish the family line, and realization of everybody's family line, and evolutionary tree's. we are all of equal value, equal, as in even Stephen cause we can't own anyone.

I have said before I have an iq of 140, that's no lie, I would give 100 points to hear Austin talk again, well maybe 60 so I could understand him

austin, god, that guy, he was the life of the party, always made everybody feel comfortable, it was a privalage to know somebody like that and I'm grateful that he was in my life, I've got too many stories to share, still, just knowing him made me braver, just knowing him made me kinder.

I can... hear him in my head if I try, I guess hear isn't the right word, I thought I was loosing my mind until my therapist told me that it's normal, I can, chat with him in my head as well, it's like our lifeforce is fused, whenever I feel bummed I ask think "what would Austin want me to do", and besides the hair brained stuff, I usually do that, and I don't know if, when I do as such, I'm just imagining a conversation with snip-its of memory or something else. then there is that spirit thing and person on the other end of the line, I think it's the whole "meeting him" halfway thing.

there has been a question I've had for a while, and I had no way of expressing the question before, still no real idea so bare with me here. ever sense Austins death I've been having intimations of what the unconscious is, it's like I can almost grasp it, 3 times of the day, 3 modes of sleeping and birth life death cycle, is the unconscious that of the spirit, and like, was I or anyone else for that matter, the unconscious part (or the neurotic that I) of our father, this spiritual cosmic existential stuff is uncanny to think about.

heh, it's fitting really, Our group of friends where/are such nerds, we would talk about sci fi and stuff all the time and now, it's like, that kind of stuff is on the tip of my tongue, if anybody could help me flesh out this thought I'd appreciate it.

btw, I know how to fix like 6 or 7 meals now, and not just pb@j

austin....
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  #2  
Old 02-03-20, 09:50 PM
Emre22 Emre22 is offline
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Re: some new stuff

Quote:
Originally Posted by Drogheda98 View Post
I'll be doing some self reflecting here however, I have a question, ever sense Austins death, something, just, weird has been going on inside my mind I would like some input on.

first ever sense that day I've been concentrating on self words, reflexive work in language, the simplest example is here is the reflexive form of there, I noticed myself mirroring some people so created an inner space where I can posit, for lack of a better word, other's ego imprint for further differentiation, reading stuff in others voice., while it's terribly difficult to represent my inner stuff, when others are talking following what they are saying, the inner/outer space stuff. the he, he's, it's, thats, this, contractions, not just of self but of others. I also figured out the triparta function of the second process where I know what it is, dirt, the earth. I'm sure a few of you will know the triparta function of the mind and am finnaly realizing it's ok for me to just be me and trust my body and mind, that if I do better than other's it's ok, not as good it's ok. I did go full on perfection for a time after austins death to realize the name of my father, and reestablish the family line, and realization of everybody's family line, and evolutionary tree's. we are all of equal value, equal, as in even Stephen cause we can't own anyone.

I have said before I have an iq of 140, that's no lie, I would give 100 points to hear Austin talk again, well maybe 60 so I could understand him

austin, god, that guy, he was the life of the party, always made everybody feel comfortable, it was a privalage to know somebody like that and I'm grateful that he was in my life, I've got too many stories to share, still, just knowing him made me braver, just knowing him made me kinder.

I can... hear him in my head if I try, I guess hear isn't the right word, I thought I was loosing my mind until my therapist told me that it's normal, I can, chat with him in my head as well, it's like our lifeforce is fused, whenever I feel bummed I ask think "what would Austin want me to do", and besides the hair brained stuff, I usually do that, and I don't know if, when I do as such, I'm just imagining a conversation with snip-its of memory or something else. then there is that spirit thing and person on the other end of the line, I think it's the whole "meeting him" halfway thing.

there has been a question I've had for a while, and I had no way of expressing the question before, still no real idea so bare with me here. ever sense Austins death I've been having intimations of what the unconscious is, it's like I can almost grasp it, 3 times of the day, 3 modes of sleeping and birth life death cycle, is the unconscious that of the spirit, and like, was I or anyone else for that matter, the unconscious part (or the neurotic that I) of our father, this spiritual cosmic existential stuff is uncanny to think about.

heh, it's fitting really, Our group of friends where/are such nerds, we would talk about sci fi and stuff all the time and now, it's like, that kind of stuff is on the tip of my tongue, if anybody could help me flesh out this thought I'd appreciate it.

btw, I know how to fix like 6 or 7 meals now, and not just pb@j

austin....
i think you only need positive science knowledge, and evaluate yourself as a 3rd person

as you say, you have 140 IQ

if you can have enough knowledge about the issue, nobody is able to help you better than yourself
realize superiority of yourself and ignore subjective perspective , do a self-analysis
you can even think it as a part of therapy, it can be helpful.

i can suggest you few books if you want.
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  #3  
Old 02-03-20, 11:09 PM
Drogheda98 Drogheda98 is offline
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Re: some new stuff

no, fact is, I'm smarter than Austin was, not my words but his generally speaking.

I loved em like a brother, and that's what counts, what's on the inside of each of us, in his 30 years of living he lived more than most will live in 5 lifetimes. Hell the memory in the other thread, that was one day in the life of our inner circle, I have like 200 more memories similar to that, probably more, it's those memories that keeps the darkness at bay. was I the smartest person in the room at the club, probably, when the emotions hit hard, the thought of him not being on the planet anymore, no amount of math get's me through that.

I'll illicit my intellect here, all sciences, math, and so on except for the humanities are of the unconscious trying to become manifest, the "Cartesian omego (sp). once I learned that all math was simple, the place we get science from, the greats like Einstein and newton, all trying to figure the same thing out, differentiation, inner/outer. even the biological changes in carbon chains follow a very similar pathway as humans react, because they are made of the same stuff, through evolution.

none of that matters cause one of my best friends is gone. which paragraph has more character, more gumption, more life, the one of the club, or carbon chains. I used to think similar, science was all their is, and don't take me the wrong way, awe IS a lot of science, I've got to see personally the Andromeda galaxy and other intergalactic star systems with my own two eyes through a, forget the name of the telescope, billions of light years away. the awe is the beauty, the awe is a bunch of people, gathered together to see the galaxy so they can in turn tell their own proginey of "that cool telescope that looked like it was from star wars" and so maybe they can show their own progeny and it's the connection to those people that make it all possible, and that connection, is closely related to awe and awe is not science, awe is a feeling, awe is what makes the world worth living in and on, awe is why I go on, awe is what says "that way" and I follow with hardly any hesitation, awe is instinct, awe is incredible, awe is a feeling. the big idea, those who covet only intellect, the telescope IS their progeny. in their eyes, THAT THING, only remains a thing.

I'll repeat that again cause it's probably the most profound thing I can think of in regards to humankind, THAT THING, only remains a thing. the guy who we went to to see through the telescope, smarter than me, had stuff in scientific journals, no family. without my family, without austins family, I would of never met the guy, those lasting memories, the stuff I don't have to wright down to remember cause of the good feelings, the good memories, the stuff life is about, would not have happened.
I figured out the second phase of the triporta of the mind, probably the hardest thing anybody can do because it's almost completely an inner psychological thing and hell if I can accurately explain how cause explaining inner stuff is hard, just trying to do so risks psychological injury on my end.

contemplating the cosmo's, the spiritual, that of the spirit, the unconscious, how part of me was austin and part of austin was me so there is a part of me missing because that's what humans are, we love eachother like we are all family and when one of the pack is gone it hurts, hunter gatherer, full blood human I don't care, austin is in my mind and heart, math can't do that. I've forgotten so much science, I remember my first soccer match with my friends.

smarts, for me is just the ability for one such as myself to be the bread winner and break bread with those he(me, even though the he, him, himself is odd in first person, whatever) cares about.

a bit more, only those who think they are more than or greater than to others are the people that own or think they own others because they think they are more than or greater than. think slavery, think the worst things that have happened in human history, think mass paranoia, think mass pathology. I've got a good mind, can't play basketball worth a damn, who ownes who? or is it, people like me design the stadiums and coolent systems for the players to play ball in homeostasis so that everybody wins.

Last edited by Drogheda98; 02-03-20 at 11:33 PM..
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  #4  
Old 02-03-20, 11:17 PM
Emre22 Emre22 is offline
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Re: some new stuff

Quote:
Originally Posted by Drogheda98 View Post
no, fact is, I'm smarter than Austin was, not my words but his generally speaking.

I loved em like a brother, and that's what counts, what's on the inside of each of us, in his 30 years of living he lived more than most will live in 5 lifetimes. Hell the memory in the other thread, that was one day in the life of our inner circle, I have like 200 more memories similar to that, probably more, it's those memories that keeps the darkness at bay. was I the smartest person in the room at the club, probably, when the emotions hit hard, the thought of him not being on the planet anymore, no amount of math get's me through that.

I'll illicit my intellect here, all sciences, math, and so on except for the humanities are of the unconscious trying to become manifest, the "Cartesian omego (sp). once I learned that all math was simple, the place we get science from, the greats like Einstein and newton, all trying to figure the same thing out, differentiation, inner/outer. even the biological changes in carbon chains follow a very similar pathway as humans react, because they are made of the same stuff, through evolution.

none of that matters cause one of my best friends is gone. which paragraph has more character, more gumption, more life, the one of the club, or carbon chains. I used to think similar, science was all their is, and don't take me the wrong way, awe IS a lot of science, I've got to see personally the Andromeda galaxy and other intergalactic star systems with my own two eyes through a, forget the name of the telescope, billions of light years away. the awe is the beauty, the awe is a bunch of people, gathered together to see the galaxy so they can in turn tell their own proginey of "that cool telescope that looked like it was from star wars" and so maybe they can show their own progeny and it's the connection to those people that make it all possible, and that connection, is closely related to awe and awe is not science, awe is a feeling, awe is what makes the world worth living in and on, awe is why I go on, awe is what says "that way" and I follow with hardly any hesitation, awe is instinct, awe is incredible, awe is a feeling.

I figured out the second phase of the triporta of the mind, probably the hardest thing anybody can do because it's almost completely an inner psychological thing and hell if I can accurately explain how cause explaining inner stuff is hard, just trying to do so risks psychological injury on my end.

contemplating the cosmo's, the spiritual, that of the spirit, the unconscious, how part of me was austin and part of austin was me so there is a part of me missing because that's what humans are, we love eachother like we are all family and when one of the pack is gone it hurts, hunter gatherer, full blood human I don't care, austin is in my mind and heart, math can't do that. I've forgotten so much science, I remember my first soccer match with my friends.

smarts, for me is just the ability for one such as myself to be the bread winner and break bread with those he(me, even though the he, him, himself is odd in first person, whatever) cares about.
hmm , i don't know whether it can be helpful or not but

we will die one day, at least austin had great one, joyful

a short life time which is full of joy and fun is better than long but boring&painful one

i didnt want to underlie importance of science, i wanted to underlie your condition is psychological and you can seek for the knowledge that can be helpful to you
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  #5  
Old 02-03-20, 11:54 PM
Drogheda98 Drogheda98 is offline
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Re: some new stuff

a short life time which is full of joy and fun is better than long but boring&painful one.

that's what life is about though, not just science and smarty pantsness, connection.

with connection, to the self, to others, the long life can be as thrilling as the short life.

heh, and I don't know if I'm saying that just to you or me as well the past three weeks have been...

have just been.
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Old 02-03-20, 11:59 PM
Emre22 Emre22 is offline
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Re: some new stuff

Quote:
Originally Posted by Drogheda98 View Post
a short life time which is full of joy and fun is better than long but boring&painful one.

that's what life is about though, not just science and smarty pantsness, connection.

with connection, to the self, to others, the long life can be as thrilling as the short life.

heh, and I don't know if I'm saying that just to you or me as well the past three weeks have been...

have just been.
science is a tool not goal, scientific knowledge can help you, IQ intelligence also tool helps you to get what you want
i don't know much about your psychological condition but seems like joyful, in order to fix it you need to know what is going on
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