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  #1  
Old 06-03-11, 01:33 AM
taglog8 taglog8 is offline
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The Lonely Cycle

Your in the group wondering why you went. You think to yourself that you could be happier by yourself. Then, your at home trying to enjoy your self, but you just cannot help but feel jealous of all the people who can have a good time out there in the world.

Can anyone else relate?

I want to be social, but I do not have the patience or determination to gather everyone and set up something everyone will enjoy.

Am I thinking of hanging out with people the wrong way? The only way I can naturally have a good time with others is if I am stuck at work or school. That is where I let loose and have a good time. However, when i am the one responsible for my time, it doesn't make any sense, but I just freeze until an outside force (a friend calling, a assignment due, or depression) hits.

How do you improve your social life deliberately?
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  #2  
Old 06-03-11, 01:44 AM
trishcan trishcan is offline
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Re: The Lonely Cycle

I wish I knew. I used to be really outgoing, but I got busy with school and work and friends just fell by the wayside. I don't really know how to "start over" completely, because the process of making friends requires so much more effort than just keeping friends and socializing from time to time.
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Old 06-03-11, 02:40 AM
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Re: The Lonely Cycle

I've socialised twice in the last year. They've both been bicycle events which a bunch of us from work teamed up to do. It was easier socially coz we were all there for a reason and at the end everyone was stuffed and went home.

I can't do the go out socially thing. I don't know what to say, how to interact in the group etc. There needs to be a task involved so there is at least a purpose otherwise I see it as a big waste of time.
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Old 06-03-11, 04:02 AM
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Re: The Lonely Cycle

Quote:
Originally Posted by taglog7 View Post
Your in the group wondering why you went. You think to yourself that you could be happier by yourself. Then, your at home trying to enjoy your self, but you just cannot help but feel jealous of all the people who can have a good time out there in the world.

Can anyone else relate?

I want to be social, but I do not have the patience or determination to gather everyone and set up something everyone will enjoy.

Am I thinking of hanging out with people the wrong way? The only way I can naturally have a good time with others is if I am stuck at work or school. That is where I let loose and have a good time. However, when i am the one responsible for my time, it doesn't make any sense, but I just freeze until an outside force (a friend calling, a assignment due, or depression) hits.

How do you improve your social life deliberately?
A poetic description for a sh*tty isuse. Yes, I can relate to that. Sometimes it's harder for me to deal with - if there's an event I have to go to, or I'm performing, and I'm obligated to go out even though I'd rather be at home. I'm know I'm not much fun to be around then, so if I can get away with it, I skulk in the shadows or stay backstage until I have to go on.

I used to wrestle with the sense of jealousy all the time, but it's really a matter of perspective. If you're going to be miserable going out, or you'd be happier staying home, then what's wrong with staying home? I generally either find something I can enjoy solo - I'll go grab food just for myself, or a new book, or something - and set myself up so that I'm doing something I like. If I'm really happy at home, there's no reason to feel jealous other people being happy somewhere else.

Either that, or I'll just make a deliberate, conscious decision that, if I'm going to be miserable, I'm going to do it all the way. I'm just going to sit home and deliberately, consciously feel sorry for myself. I'll invoke the feelings, and just let myself stew in them. Oddly enough, this has the effect of making them pass a lot faster. It seems contrary, but it's what works for me.

Why do you have to be the one setting everything up? Can't someone else do it? Or can't you just...I don't know...suggest meeting up at a place that people enjoy? Generally once you get friends together in a comfortable place, the socializing happens all on its own - no facilitation needed from you.

You might want to try going somewhere by yourself - someplace based around something you like, where people tend to gravitate and socialize on a regular basis. If you're in that kind of environment, it might help stimulate your desire to socialize. It might be the catalyst you need.
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Old 06-03-11, 04:05 AM
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Re: The Lonely Cycle

Having a reason to be there makes it easier and gives a point to the interaction...

That's why I prefer going to workshop type events, and breaks where you do charitable stuff. Means i can just step back and do the work if I don't want to interact... and can step forward once I'm comfortable with people.

Ok so it's not "relaxing" but i only do vacation or relaxing in rare and exceptional circumstances.

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Old 06-04-11, 01:43 AM
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Re: The Lonely Cycle

I can definitely relate! EVERY SINGLE DAY. Facebook does not help my cause because when I see people posting pictures of them out and about having loads of fun... GAH, it just kills me inside. I'm very good with people, just not big groups of people. The fact that I also have IBS-D does not help either. IBS has just completely taken my drive/motivation away to go out and explore new people, places, or things. It really fries my ***. I feel ya though.....

When I smoked weed is when I felt A LOT more comfortable and sociable. But smoking weed aggravates my IBS symptoms so I've let it go... *sigh*
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Old 06-04-11, 01:38 PM
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Re: The Lonely Cycle

If you're sort of happy being more alone then you shouldn't feel down about it. If you are really feeling jealously maybe try and pick 1 person to focus on and make some plans. Maybe cutting down on the possibility of a group setting may help
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Old 06-05-11, 02:45 PM
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Re: The Lonely Cycle

I've discovered that, the more "social" I try to be, the more of an outsider I end up.

Being around other people makes me feel even more awkward even when they are nice and seem interested in trying to include me.
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Old 06-05-11, 02:50 PM
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Re: The Lonely Cycle

I kind of feel the same way jolly,I never know how to act or fit in,thanks alot ADHD.I never know when some 1 is being real or just frakking w me.Calgon take me away...
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Old 06-05-11, 03:03 PM
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Re: The Lonely Cycle

When I was in my tweens I had that same urge to force the issue. I would tag along with my few true friends in order to get to know yet others.

Yet, forever I remained standing on the outside always looking in. And that continued on until I found the secret that my own company was good enough for me. And the weirdest thing of all was, once I did that I found myself becoming more popular with the kind of people I wanted to attract than ever before.
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Old 06-05-11, 05:12 PM
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Re: The Lonely Cycle

I tried that and while it didnt attract me any friends I was happy to be my own person etc.Now for the last 10 years something has happened to me and its like the panic button has been hit oh crap no friends.What am I suppose to do now?it doesnt look good on dates when women find I have like no friends or I wanna go somewhere and cant because I feel like such a loser going out alone w out a bunch of people.Boy I turned into a freaking loser a Real freaking loser and I did nothing wrong
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Old 06-05-11, 05:57 PM
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Re: The Lonely Cycle

I find going to church groups helps a lot. that's how i met my gf actually.
it's usually 3-5 people in a group and once I get comfortable with those people, they switch up some members .. and soon.. you get to know a lot of people little by little.
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Old 06-05-11, 05:59 PM
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Re: The Lonely Cycle

Well, Johnny can be both inattentive and attentive. If thats what Johnny wants.

I think that i broke the cycle is in fact talking to someone working or just in the train. I usually talk to random people every day. Wierd much ? Yea. What then do i talk about? It always depending what there talking about. With a 90% success rate.

Just last week, i talked to someone who had ADHD. It felt good since you know someone out there has sorta the same diagnosis as you. Knowing both the situation.

I think finding people and meeting then in person even on this forum who lives around from where you are is the best start to overcome breaking the cycle. Then you talk about anything. If your quiet like Johnny was, here are some small tips to "break the ice".

But this what i start with:

Hi

Im Johnny

whats your real name.

Where are we gonna go? How we are gonna get there? Im hungry LAH! Lets eat somewhere.

Do you like stuff?

Anything intreast you?


Oh....someone wants to take photos with there mouths open. Lets GO!

And it keeps going form there..

Its hard at first, but the more you do it, the more successful you become
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Old 06-05-11, 06:07 PM
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Re: The Lonely Cycle

Quote:
Originally Posted by sarek View Post
When I was in my tweens I had that same urge to force the issue. I would tag along with my few true friends in order to get to know yet others.

Yet, forever I remained standing on the outside always looking in. And that continued on until I found the secret that my own company was good enough for me. And the weirdest thing of all was, once I did that I found myself becoming more popular with the kind of people I wanted to attract than ever before.
funny you should mention that.... I have noticed that more and more people socialize with me when I am focused on something or someone else.
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Old 06-05-11, 08:27 PM
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Re: The Lonely Cycle

I'm very much alone with myself right now. I'm not a stranger of being a loner.
I've tried being social with people, but it ALWAYS backfires no matter what the situation is. So I just accepted being a loner.

And yes I yearned for having friends, but I think I'm better off with getting a dog/pet in the future instead.
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