A collection of the most helpful posts.

[tazoz]

How about we each post a single post that we've written and received reputation for, that we feel that newcomers might find helpful.

I'll start it off with a post that might explain a bit better what the idea behind the thread is:

"People have to get it out of their head that trolls that bring issues that are related to ADHD are bad for the forums...

I would go as far as to say they are important.

The topics that trolls bring up usually revolve around issues we all face in real life, the validity of ADHD, Scientology, etc. People we interact with daily would be considered trolls, they won't accept the diagnosis, they will bring dubious articles and examples to prove their points.

What the 'troll' threads do is allow us to face our accusers, break to pieces their arguments and show to newcomers that those doubts that they have are not correct, that we have proof, that ADHD is real.

The way to feed trolls is not through replying, it's by replying in anger, by losing control and even calling them a troll.

It's important to remember that your post is not only read by the op, it's read by the thousands of lurkers that come here to understand the disorder, by the new members who are suffering. Every post you make can go as far as change a lost and confused person's life.

By attacking newcomers you are not only driving them away but also other people who read the post and get a negative image of what this forum is all about.

This is a support forum, we are here to help each other, to provide a safe house for all those who are suffering and in need..."

[Lunacie]

Okay, I'll share this, that I wrote for someone who was feeling over-sensitive:


Being too sensitive is NOT a character defect. It's a cormorbid symptom of ADHD for some of us. About 20% of the population are considered Highly Sensitive and most of us were born this way.

The good news is that generally makes us more intuitive and more considerate of others. The not-so-good news is that we're more easily overwhelmed.

I've been called "too sensitive" all my life. Things that other people don't even notice or see as something insignificant are huge in my perception, and difficult to let go of. (getting better)

[ginniebean]

http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=86622

my vent

[anonymouslyadd]

My strategies for an ADDer post:

http://www.addforums.com/forums/show...61&postcount=1

[Bluerose]

I'm going to love this thread as it gives me a chance to pull out some of my favourite pieces that are buried in the archives somewhere on this board. My only hope is that these words inspire others like they inspired me.


The Awakening

A time comes in your life when you finally get it - when, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out Enough!

Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes.

This is your awakening!

You realize it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change...or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon.

You come to terms with the fact that neither of you is Prince Charming or Cinderella and that in the real world there aren't always fairytale endings (or beginnings for that matter), and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you. In the process, a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are... and that's okay. They are entitled to their own views and opinions. And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself. In the process, a sense of new found self confidence is born of self-approval.

You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn't do for you), and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.

You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say, and not everyone will always be there for you and it's not always about you.

So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself. In the process, a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance. You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and overlook their shortcomings and human frailties. In the process, a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.

You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and the world around you, is as a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche. You begin to sift through all of the junk you've been fed about how you should behave, how you should look, how much you should weigh, what you should wear, what you should do for a living, how much money you should make, what you should drive, how and where you should live, who you should marry, the importance of having and raising children, and what you owe your parents, family, and friends.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.

You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should have never bought into to begin with. In the process, you learn to go with and trust your instincts.

You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive. There is power and glory in creating and contributing, and you stop manoeuvring through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix.

You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.

You learn that you don't know everything, it's not your job to save the world and you can't teach a pig to sing.

You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO.

You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry, and martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away.

You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be; to stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes; and that 'alone' does not mean lonely.

You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs.

You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly okay, and it is your right to want things and to ask for the things you want... and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.

You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity and respect and you won't settle for less.

You learn that your body really is your temple, and you begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin to eat a balanced diet, drink more water, and take more time to exercise.

You learn being tired fuels doubt, fear, and uncertainty. So, you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play.

You learn, for the most part in life, you get what you believe you deserve, and much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for, and wishing for something to happen is different than working toward making it happen. More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance.

You also learn that no one can do it all alone... and it's okay to risk asking for help.

You learn the only thing you must truly fear is, the greatest robber baron of all, FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because, you know that whatever happens, you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your own terms. And you learn to fight for your life and not squander it living under a cloud of impending doom.

You learn life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve and sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions, you learn not to personalize things. You learn that God isn't punishing you or failing to answer your prayers. It's just life happening. And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state - the ego.

You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.

You learn to be thankful, to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people on the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.

Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never, ever settle for less than your heart's desire. You hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. You make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.

Finally take a deep breath and begin to create the life you want for yourself.

Sonny Carroll
1999

[peripatetic]

my first post in a thread i started called adhd caricatures: http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=92409

[Abi]

Well, I'm not really "helpful" in the general sense applied on this thread, but I do occasionally do my bit to fight solipsism and irrationality

For context, search for "The Apparently Solidity of The Materialist" thread in the Science section.

Originally Posted by abi2010

You are all a bunch of solipsists, [...]

Lets throw out any notion of the possibility of objective reality, just because there are some aspects of if that we can't understand... possibly can't even expect to understand. How delightfully postmodern. Lets throw the baby out with the bath water. Yippeeeeeeeee.

Originally Posted by Barliman

No- definitely not- that would be a classic error - and bring us straight back to duality.

The Great Way is easy for those who have no preferences.

The real trick is to fully see that the apparent division between subjectivity and objectivity is false. One cannot exist without the other.

It isn't postmodern either. The Taoists and Buddhists and Vedantists were discussing it about 5BC, and it was already an old question.

It is characteristic of the hubris of our age that we think all of this stuff only became real when Westerners thought of it.

I'm *really* too tired and inattentive () right now to give a more detailed response... but .. a few.. things...

(1)My earlier responses were a tad rude. I've been playing with my med dosages this week. I apologise.

(2)There is a BIG difference between the actual conceptual and mathematical foundations of the quantum theory and contemporary interpretations of quantum mechanics; vs outdated interpretations and "pop-science"/watered down explanations that one may find in "Modern Physics for Dummies" type books.

(3)Even Stephen Hawking isn't omniscient. There are at least 2 errors in "A Brief History of Time". One is factual, and the other (a hypothesis) can only be described as an example of "grossly simplistic reasoning". I am not deriding Hawking, but, contrary to POPular belief... there are DOZENS of physicists alive today who are way superior to him.

(4) Barliman, if you & I were walking down the road, and you saw a spade, and said "Hey abi, look, it's a spade", and I replied "Well, the word spade only originated in the English Language in, say, the 13th century, and the, say, Ancient Egyptians had spades in 2000 BC, and we even know from archaelogical studies that they called spades , say "juxchas", and it is characteristic of your Western / Anglo-Saxon hubris that you DARE to call a spade a spade", you would call me an IDIOT, and be perfectly justified in doing so.

Now while the word postmodern (unlike the word spade) does come with chronological and cultural associations by definition, it is, in common usage, an adequate term to describe my interpretation of of your philosph. views, in a broad sense, irregardless of whether they come from Vedantic Literature, Buddhism, Sufism or Western Postmodernism. We *all* know that all "cultures" are neither monolithic nor static; and have gone thru' various ebbs and flows during which radically differring viewpoints were accepted as the norm. So if you express a viewpoint that I find even loosely comparable to Western postmodernismm I will unapologetically use the term, as it is the most appropriate and familiar term available.

And one other fun fact... I am neither "Western" by geographical location nor ethnic decent.

[sighduck]

the discussion was related to why a certain forum member "didnt want to have sex". I shared why abstinance can be an excellent practice

Are you sure that's the real reason why? Or is it because you think you'll burn in hell if you have premarital sex? Or mom won't be happy? Or maybe you are shy? Or maybe you are afraid of STD's?

I think this is a major part of your problem, you never thought that people might just actually be concerned with how other people feel, yes, i am religious, yes, i wouldnt want to upset my parents, yes, i am shy, and yes i am afraid of STDs but thats not my main concern... I have not yet had a single girlfriend for the same reason, i Dont want to hurt people, ill rather wait till i meet someone who i actually WANT to start a meaningfull relationship with before i jump in, I have and have been friends with lots of girls, but I've never wanted to take it any further, simply because i know that someone will end up getting hurt...

[tazoz]

Thank you all for your contributions.

I'm cancelling the rule of one post per person, to give this thread a chance to grow.

Another post for the collection:

http://www.addforums.com/forums/show...24#post1061224

The definition of laziness is the ability to do something yet not having the desire to do so. You want to study and succeed yet for various reasons are unable to do so, you are not lazy.

Lack of concentration is one of the symptoms of ADHD so how can it be an excuse...

Going a bit deeper, people have specific motives for saying what they say, most are just trying to help, they rationalize the statement in the following way: "I don't know if he/she has ADD (even we wonder about this), if she doesn't have ADD, ADD is an excuse, if she does, than her labeling herself as ADD can be used as an excuse, so it's important to let her know that ADD can be used as an excuse." Your reaction will be one of the following: 1. self doubt which will strengthen that persons opinion that you are using ADD as an excuse. 2. Extreme denial, which will lead to an argument which usually ends badly as both entrench themselves in their own opinion.

The truth is that the diagnosis of ADD should be a private matter. It is a tool for us to figure out ways to study better and organize our lives, so we can live a more productive life. If you feel that someone can help you deal with one of the symptoms, just ask them, people usually help if asked even if you don't give a specific reason.

Personally, if needed, I tell people that I sometimes have difficulties concentrating, or that I tend to procrastinate etc. As most people have such problems from time to time, they will sympathize and the few who know enough about ADD might even suggest the diagnosis. (if they suggested it, there is no way they would argue about it's validity later on)

To counter the nagging, I generally just point out that even though they believe they are helping me by nagging, this is wrong, if they really want to help they can sit down with me and study. (this actually is helpful) You can go even further and point out that nagging is non effective negative reinforcement, negative reinforcement can, in the short term, create some motivation, but only in that person’s presence and subsequently hurts are connection with that person and leads to anxiety which is in a way counterproductive.

About the lack of hope, this is an obvious sign of depression, when depressed we have a tendency to color the world in black, which leads to us having no hope as all you can see is a bleak future. The ways to treat this is through medication or positive interactions with other people, sharing your stories with others and finding joy in others amusing lives. A psychologist can serve this purpose but it has to be one who is positive and extroverted and open, not one who sits and says nothing with a frown on their faces.

The useless addictions come from a desire to escape from painful thoughts, they are not a problem, they are a symptom to a problem, treating the problem will treat the addiction. (Drugs are more problematic as getting off drugs adds additional pain to the pain clarity brings.

Instead of desiring to be some sort of abstract concept, as in workaholic, set very limited specific goals, talking to a single person, studying an hour and a half instead of an hour, if you manage to study an hour and a quarter or stare at a person’s eyes and smile congratulate yourself and set new goals, small steps lead to great things. I'm striving to be a writer for example, so I set to writing a bit daily, I've failed to do so, but I've written a few times a week, I'm still happy because it's a step in the right direction and over time it will become easier if I stick at it.

Hope I was helpful, good luck and I hope you manage to see the world in a more positive light, it's a wonderful world despite the many flaws.

[ginniebean]

This one is from APSJ and he's too busy too modest to post it but it's good!

http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=99126

[peripatetic]

Originally Posted by ginniebean

This one is from APSJ and he's too busy too modest to post it but it's good!

http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=99126

i love that you posted something of his. he and many others have written amazing things and i enjoy the idea of acknowledging that for those who ARE modest...but amazing

[anonymouslyadd]

I was reading over a recent thread about who you need to see (ie GP, Psychiatrist, etc.), and I felt the entire thread was pretty good to put here. However, you asked for a post.

McTavish gave the post below:

http://addforums.com/forums/showpost...27&postcount=6

[anonymouslyadd]

I found this in the thread "Dear Spouse or Partner of ADHD" by RHW. RHW posted it. It's a picture of two glasses set up next to each other with text underneath both. One glass is twice the size of the other, reflecting the difference between the normal brain and ADD brain.

http://www.addforums.com/forums/show...1&postcount=48