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Primary & Secondary Education This forum is for parents to discuss issues related to their children's education and AD/HD.

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  #1  
Old 06-05-11, 10:06 AM
momof2adhd momof2adhd is offline
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Sitting in the classroom with my son

Hello everyone,
My son is in the fifth grade and has adhd. All through school he has struggled with focusing and staying on task. He has gotten basically decent grades, though. We've tried four different medications, all of them causing disturbing side effects (even with trying to change dosages,etc) such as tics, major mood swings, sadness and crying...the list goes on and on. My husband and I decided to go the unmedicated route last summer. He did okay this past year, his grades were good, behavior wasn't a huge issue. However now, the past two weeks have been a living nightmare. He has been sent home two days in a row for being uncooperative and disrespectful to his teacher and even the principle. He cries when I talk to him about it and says he's being picked on by other students (one in particular) on a dailly basis. I've mentioned this to the teacher and principle many times and was told they are taking care of it. Now I've asked to sit in on class with him just so he can make it through these last nine days of school without being sent home everyday. Hopefully they will let me.I am concerned because he will be starting middle school in the fall. By suggestion of the school's therapist, I am taking him to be evaluated after school gets out for the year. Any suggestions? I feel so overwhelmed right now.
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  #2  
Old 06-05-11, 02:46 PM
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Re: Sitting in the classroom with my son

I feel for you. School is so tough for kids. An evaluation is good to rule out everything in case there is an emotional or anxiety issue. I'm a huge pain in the but over these things. The disadv advantage that adhd kids face normally can be even more hard when there is bullying going on. If it were me I would. Call and demand a conference with every school personel involved. I would be completly clear that this will not be tolerated and is not ok and that they have done nothing to stop it. I would ask what the other student(s) who picked on him hav e been punished with. I would even go so far as saying that I would complain to mystates special ed dept (or whatever agency oversees the schools) the ada prevents discrimination for adults and here in nj we have prise which I can't remember the exact words but basically it stands for parental rights inreference to students with disabilities. I would point out that his behavior problems are related to the bullying. Lastly I would follow up with a letter to the superintendent. This is what I would do not necessarily what you should do but when it comes to my kids and school I hav e a huge set of balls. Keep your chin up I hope this helps.
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Old 06-05-11, 05:44 PM
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Re: Sitting in the classroom with my son

When my daughter was being bullied by a boy in middle school I sent the school an email(so it was in writing) and told them my daughter would NOT be back at school until they made it a safe place for her to be in.

It is very frustrating when the normally most effective treatment doesn't work. The only thing I can suggest is something in addition to the stimulants to help regulate the moods. We had to do that with our daughter for a bit.
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Old 06-05-11, 09:21 PM
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Re: Sitting in the classroom with my son

If you sit in that class with your boy, he will never, ever be able to show his face publicly to his peers again. You do realize that, right?
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  #5  
Old 06-06-11, 10:51 AM
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Re: Sitting in the classroom with my son

We finally had to pull Steven from school, and send him to another because of the bullying, and lack of response from the school. They almost completely ruined two years of therapy, and it took months for him to get back to where he was before he started there.

If things are that bad, I would strongly suggest looking into charter school in the area. Look into to private as well. Even if you can't afford tuition, many have scholarships and financial aid available.
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Old 06-09-11, 09:22 PM
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Re: Sitting in the classroom with my son

My daughter is in third grade and was bullied by a couple of boys this year (mostly teasing and name calling. The issue was that she would come home with a note saying she got in trouble for doing something to these boys. (She was retaliating to defend herself.) WHen I would speak to the teacher she would say that she didn't see the boys doing anything first and that Chey never let her know of an issue. We got a note home last month saying that my dughter used the "F" word at lunch. (I don't think she ever heard that word before) My daughter said that she was sitting quietly finishing her lunch when out of the blue one of those boys jumped up and said "OOOH some one tell on that girl (and pointed to her) she just said a bad word" .

I think these boys thought it was great they were picking on her and she was getting in trouble. Well for each childs bithday the teacher gives each child a pices of paper to write a birthday wish to the bday child. WHen two of the boys wrote "I HOPE YOU HAVE THE WORST DAY EVER" I was able to take it to the teacher and make her do her job and stop the bullying.
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Old 06-10-11, 09:15 AM
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Re: Sitting in the classroom with my son

Quote:
Originally Posted by jrigefsky View Post
I think these boys thought it was great they were picking on her and she was getting in trouble. Well for each childs bithday the teacher gives each child a pices of paper to write a birthday wish to the bday child. WHen two of the boys wrote "I HOPE YOU HAVE THE WORST DAY EVER" I was able to take it to the teacher and make her do her job and stop the bullying.
Wow. Makes you wonder how the teacher could have been so clueless. I hope the rest of her 3rd grade was better.
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Old 06-10-11, 09:22 AM
Impromptu_DTour Impromptu_DTour is offline
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Re: Sitting in the classroom with my son

Speaking from personal experience.. firstly, you are a wicked cool mum.

Secondly.. *ahem* speaking from experience.. maybe its not your kid.

When i was in sixth grade, i had to have my own mum come to school with me, and volunteer directly in my teacher (who was also my principal)'s classroom..

he was beating me.

i will not in the least suggest that this is whats happening with your child. But your child is going to look back on this, and appreciate the **** out of you. And furthermore.. maybe he is getting picked on and singled out.

Now.. i cant even imagine how much that put my mother out. But she taught me a very deep and valuable lesson by her devotion in that act.

Your son's probably not in the wrong.

Change your targets.

You can listen to his teachers more, when your son develops a stronger sense of establishment in the world.. and can reason his way into manipulating his world a bit more maliciously, however, your son is currently in grade 5.

For now.. You should listen to your Son more, and his Teachers Less.

Thats my suggestion.

Theres a good chance that your boy, may not be the problem.

I_DTour

Last edited by Impromptu_DTour; 06-10-11 at 09:48 AM..
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Old 06-10-11, 09:57 AM
Impromptu_DTour Impromptu_DTour is offline
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Re: Sitting in the classroom with my son

I just wanted to add a part, that i missed my window of opportunity to edit in, but i feel is important..

Quote:
Originally Posted by Impromptu_DTour View Post
For now.. You should listen to your Son more, and his Teachers Less.
an elaboration..:

For now.. You should listen to your Son more, and his Teachers Less. And i dont mean like.. "rational conversation".. cause when i was in gr6.. the most rational conversation that i had with my mother about the whole thing, was letting her pull tufts of hair out of my head - cause i refused to come out from under my bed, refusing to go to school at all.

it was then that she recognized that "hey.. this is.. a bit unusual, this is my son. I should see for myself why he doesnt feel safe at school... because hes quite serious.. and not in the normal defiant way. hes legitimately terrified."

thats how she "listened to me". she did it with her intuition.

(for the record, my mother volunteered "in my classroom" grading papers and assisting my teacher for the better part of the year. and im proud to say, because of the development stage i was in at the time, her intervention was literally, immeasurably important, because of the secondary opportunities in my social development that i was literally blessed with. Girls apparently like having a surrogate mother. And she loved that because she always wanted a daughter - now she had like.. 11. And i, learned social skills and had emotional experiences that, really have been invaluable to me developmentally - that many male children simply dont have access to. Because well... when your a 9 year old boy.. you generally dont have the opportunity to learn about Emotional Intelligence, (and i think its very different than having "sisters" - just for the record). If my getting beat up by my teacher was the only way that i would have gained these awarenesses.. *shrug*.. ya id probably wouldn't change that.

What im saying is, it might be a tough bargain at the moment.. cause its not the social norm.. to have your mother come to school with you.. for school. (by the way.. social norms are bull****.. especially today... )

But.. Oh ... My God.. if my Mother didnt do that for me.. *shrug*.. who the **** knows.
)

Quote:
Originally Posted by iDTour
Thats my suggestion.

Theres a good chance that your boy, may not be the problem.
Every Mother's Day and more. "earnestly".

That's what you'll get.

Last edited by Impromptu_DTour; 06-10-11 at 10:26 AM..
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