ADD Forums - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Support and Information Resources Community  

Go Back   ADD Forums - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Support and Information Resources Community > ADULTS AND ADD/ADHD > Relationships & Social Issues
Register Blogs FAQ Chat Members List Calendar Donate Gallery Arcade Mark Forums Read

Relationships & Social Issues This forum is for adults with AD/HD to discuss how AD/HD affects personal relationships.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 09-07-04, 02:08 AM
E-boy's Avatar
E-boy E-boy is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 1,756
Thanks: 0
Thanked 44 Times in 32 Posts
E-boy has disabled reputation
Update on a life....

HMMM, where to begin....

Wife filed, for real this time, for divorce. While there was naturally a bit of anxiety involved in this process, it truly is for the better. Six years of me trying to get a handle on things (with some success I may say with a bit of pride), was six years too long. Wasn't just that though. She feels like she's never really lived for her, and in all honesty doesn't have those "feelings" for me anymore. What can you do?

Since then she has found an individual who makes her laugh, feel good about the future, and who's company is truly compatible with her grown in a different direction self. We have had a miraculous improvement in our relationship as far as simply getting along goes too. She's happier, Kids are happier, hell I'm even happier. :-) She's in no hurry with her new flame. Truthfully, they aren't what you'd call "carrying on". But there are undeniable feelings. I respect her enormously for being above board and playing nice.

I remain in the house until I transfer to my new command. We've already ironed out finances and the like. I see no reason to mess with them until she is settled into her new job. My needs are minimal for the moment and the bottom line is A.) I'll not leave my kids without, and B.) I really am happy for her, I'd like to see her transition into her new life with minimal worry.

In the midst of what I thought was my whole life turning to crap, something very odd indeed happened. I met a lady, who is one of those rarities that not only has ADD, but seems to have the exact same version of the syndrome I do. We finish each other's sentences, and get it right. LOL! We have the same ideas at roughly the same time so regularly it's very scary. Almost like we share a head. LOL! It doesn't hurt that she is beautiful, angelic in temperment and thinks I'm the best thing since sliced bread either. :-) Even my wife has spoken to her at this point and is amazed. Color me suprised but she not only approves, she STRONGLY approves. Turns out she still loves me, she's just not "in love" and wants me to be happy too.

Sometimes I just want so much to rush headlong into this, but I have gotten smarter in my old age. there is no rush and the ride is it's own enjoyment. So, what was supposed to be the end of the world, is but a beginning. My career being on the rocks is no longer the self esteem battering monster it was. My perspective has changed. I am simply not cut out for senior enlisted duties in the Navy anymore. Never was. I can cope now, and that's great, but why be unhappy? There is also the fact that the current "trouble" is due to symptoms of anxiety and ADHD related stuff. Legally they can't even handle it the way they are. My doc will deal with that in due time and there is no sense in getting bent over that which is beyond my control. WOW, that does not sound like me AT ALL! LOL! I'll have the opportunity to continue if I want. Even if they manage to impose invalid punitive measures I will have the choice of accepting them, or frying their butts for 'em like I did on Enterprise for the same violation. Point is, I don't care what they believe. I don't even take it personally. They may be woefully ignorant on the regs, but they are just attempting to do their jobs, not persecute me. LOL! The navy has it's own set of needs and I can't expect them, nor would I want them to overlook performance issues on my part intentional or not. I'm a grown up. If I can't do the job I'm not going to put others at risk trying to.

My college money is all set, I can support myself. I could even seek a medical discharge in which case the anxiety disorders and associated physical problems would, according to the veterans rep, entitle me to 50-70% disability and additional educational assistance should I chose to take it.

Thing is, I don't feel disabled. I'm not crippled. I'm just Dan. So what if I'm different? LOL!

I've been so scared for so long.... But you know what? I'm going to be just fine. LOL!!!!!! Who knew?!
__________________
"I drank what?" ~Socrates as quoted by Val Kilmer in the movie "Real Genius"
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 09-07-04, 02:15 AM
jaimegerise's Avatar
jaimegerise jaimegerise is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: TX
Posts: 3,623
Thanks: 0
Thanked 60 Times in 18 Posts
jaimegerise has disabled reputation
I wish you and your soon to be ex the best.....You WILL be fine
__________________
I have nothing else to say....
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 09-07-04, 02:20 AM
E-boy's Avatar
E-boy E-boy is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 1,756
Thanks: 0
Thanked 44 Times in 32 Posts
E-boy has disabled reputation
thankye kindly. :-) Funny, but I see her the way I used to again now. We aren't "an item anymore", but it's nice to not see "the enemy" when we interact. She's a genuinely good person and all the qualities I always loved in her are still there. Anger just got in the way, and burned a lot of bridges you can't get back over.

I fought it at first, but I've accepted it. I really have done the vast majority of my grieving already. It's weird what this whole experience has brought out in me. I finally feel like a grownup. LOL! I know weird for a 34 year old man to say that.

I even feel confident about the future, and that is a whole new thing entirely. Oh the things I'm going to accomplish! :-)
__________________
"I drank what?" ~Socrates as quoted by Val Kilmer in the movie "Real Genius"
Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
  #4  
Old 09-07-04, 07:04 AM
Earthgirl Earthgirl is offline
Newbie
 

Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: London, UK
Posts: 8
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Earthgirl is on a distinguished road
E-boy,
This is a really life-affirming thread. It is good to read good news on here! You ARE right, everything is going to be just fine.

I identified with your comment about work immensely. I have also been scared for too long. This is due to extreme anxiety and of course the ADD (now that I know I have it). I am giving in my notice as a senior manager of a large organisation next week (when my manager is back). I think when that happens I will feel a burden lifted and I can seriously look to the future.

I hope things continue in the same vein for you :-)

Earthgirl
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 09-07-04, 08:24 AM
EYEFORGOT's Avatar
EYEFORGOT EYEFORGOT is offline
can't remember diddly
 

Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Fantasy Land
Posts: 16,175
Blog Entries: 17
Thanks: 4,218
Thanked 6,055 Times in 3,094 Posts
EYEFORGOT has a reputation beyond reputeEYEFORGOT has a reputation beyond reputeEYEFORGOT has a reputation beyond reputeEYEFORGOT has a reputation beyond reputeEYEFORGOT has a reputation beyond reputeEYEFORGOT has a reputation beyond reputeEYEFORGOT has a reputation beyond reputeEYEFORGOT has a reputation beyond reputeEYEFORGOT has a reputation beyond reputeEYEFORGOT has a reputation beyond reputeEYEFORGOT has a reputation beyond repute
Thumbs up

I'm so glad you're "fine". So often divorce is just an ugly affair and the kids are left suffering. You and your soon-to-be-ex have handled this maturely. If only everyone could be so considerate.

I wish you well for all your future endeavors, school, job and your "Angel". Happy to hear someone "enjoying the ride". Very inspirational!
__________________
Chel
"When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear & life stands explained.
-Mark Twain"
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 09-07-04, 09:08 AM
paulbf paulbf is offline
Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: California
Posts: 1,430
Thanks: 0
Thanked 18 Times in 16 Posts
paulbf will become famous soon enough
Whoah, that all sounds real familiar. Weird how a divorce can make you friends again eh?
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 09-07-04, 09:31 AM
krisp's Avatar
krisp krisp is offline
Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Nov 2003
Posts: 1,464
Thanks: 0
Thanked 26 Times in 8 Posts
krisp will become famous soon enough
I've been wondering how things were going for you .... I'm so glad everything is falling into place! It sounds as if you're both at peace and ready to move on with your lives. Good luck to both of you!
__________________
Oh, that darn paperwork. Wouldn't it be easier if it all just ... blew away? -- Mike Wazowski
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 09-07-04, 10:42 AM
biker biker is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 1,739
Thanks: 0
Thanked 8 Times in 7 Posts
biker is on a distinguished road
E-boy,
thanks for the update. I am glad things are working out well for you! I am sure it is a great relief to have the anxiety and anger gone from your marriage! Wish you a great new journey!
__________________
Biking guy
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 09-07-04, 11:33 AM
Stranger Stranger is offline
Contributor
 

Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Richfield, UT
Posts: 301
Thanks: 0
Thanked 4 Times in 4 Posts
Stranger is on a distinguished road
When one door closes, another one opens (I just have to learn to keep my fingers out of the doorway). Good luck on your new life!!
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 09-07-04, 03:25 PM
Ian's Avatar
Ian Ian is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Manitoba, Canada
Posts: 4,698
Blog Entries: 6
Thanks: 29
Thanked 295 Times in 107 Posts
Ian has disabled reputation
Dan I think of you often as I struggle to adapt to the changes here at home. Knowing that you have emerged in a position of strength brings me some more strength of my own.

Thanks for the update. I was unbearably curious to know how you were doing. I am very glad to hear the hope in your heart.
I look forward to hearing more as things continue to unfold for you.

The future is bright for us all as we gather skills and acceptance.
ian
__________________
A: Yes.
>Q: Are you sure?
>>A: Because it reverses the logical flow of conversation.
>>>Q: Why is top posting frowned upon?

Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 09-08-04, 06:44 PM
fasttalkingmom's Avatar
fasttalkingmom fasttalkingmom is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: USA
Posts: 3,343
Thanks: 1
Thanked 21 Times in 18 Posts
fasttalkingmom has a spectacular aura aboutfasttalkingmom has a spectacular aura about
nice to hear from you again, I was thinking about how i hadn't seen your name around lately.

Sorry to hear your news about you and your wife and glad to hear your doing ok....
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 09-08-04, 09:06 PM
Garry's Avatar
Garry Garry is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Auburn, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 2,597
Thanks: 0
Thanked 52 Times in 32 Posts
Garry has disabled reputation
Great to hear from you

Things sound very promising

Quote:
My college money is all set, I can support myself. I could even seek a medical discharge in which case the anxiety disorders and associated physical problems would, according to the veterans rep, entitle me to 50-70% disability and additional educational assistance should I chose to take it.

Thing is, I don't feel disabled. I'm not crippled. I'm just Dan. So what if I'm different? LOL!
You have paid the asking price for this commodity.................

You did your time and are entitled to any benifits that may be offered or available.

They are part of your wage for doing your duty...................

Would you feel better accepting them if you had no legs or only one arm

I myself woulf feel no shame in accepting anything that I am entilted to
__________________
I do not have a disease - I do not " Have ADD "

I am ------------ ADD
Addaptable, Directed, Determined

NEW Posts
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 09-08-04, 09:36 PM
Draga's Avatar
Draga Draga is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Louisiana where I live, but New Orleans is home.
Posts: 12,950
Thanks: 7
Thanked 117 Times in 81 Posts
Draga has disabled reputation
Hugs, E-Boy....Im so sorry....but I hope you and wife are both happy with the new flames ya found...You'll do great shugga...Wuvs ya!
__________________

Please do not think me cold, for I do want loving arms to hold, but I am so sick of being used and abused...If I die alone tomorrow I die unbruised.
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 09-08-04, 11:33 PM
Wheezie's Avatar
Wheezie Wheezie is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: error: unmapped
Posts: 1,569
Thanks: 0
Thanked 31 Times in 7 Posts
Wheezie has disabled reputation
hey dan!

there is nothing left to say that hasn't already been said.

so, ditto.

and congrats on the great attitude!

wheezie
__________________
The proof of the primordial pudding is in those eaten. -- Stanzen
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Women with ADD/ADHD Frustrated with Everyday Life janesays Women with ADD/ADHD 13 08-17-11 07:48 AM
Finding Humor in Life Nova Chit-Chat 0 10-22-05 04:14 PM
ADD, Work, and life in general boopie2001 General ADD Talk 16 10-05-05 03:37 PM
Poetry of James, aka Jimmmaaa-If anyone is interested jimmmaaa Poetry 7 04-25-05 01:27 AM
Holiday Blues And Depression charlie Chit-Chat 5 11-21-04 01:57 AM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 09:50 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
(c) 2003 - 2015 ADD Forums