Any advice?

[bigbowlindude]

I hope this would be the correct forum to ask this. This is about my brother, he was diagonosed as bi-polar a little less then a year ago. Now here is the thing, I just found out he was doing crack. I knew he did it before, he use to be quite over weight and he lost almost 50-80lbs. He is VERY moody, nothing is ever his fault and he takes off for days sometimes. He's 21 and lives with my parents right now. We are all worried for him is there anything I can do? Confronting him about it will do nothing more then get him very upset.

[Ian]

If his habits bother you or your parents your time would be well spent in a support group for friends and family of addicts. Alanon is a wonderful resource and a good support group. Much of what "works" is contrary to popular wisdom so the experience of others that have travelled the road ahead of you is very valuable.

It might not be what you want but it will likely get you what you need.

You are right in one way that there is nothing you can do for him. Telling him anything is a waste of breath. In another way there is plenty you can do for him but it is by doing for yourself that your example might one day be a guide for him and others like him.

Alanon is a great place to learn about "detaching with love" and learning to avoid enabling behaviour with your brother. It's a heck of a set of lessons to learn but it's proved to be quite powerful. It saved my butt. My wife got into Alanon a couple of years before the light went on in my head that I had a problem. She got happy and her life began to take off without me. She became more loving and patient which hurt, knowing I had lost control over her with my substance abuse.

It's quite a task to lead the way out. Ultimately it's only you that you can do anything about. In doing things about your own shortcomings you set a very powerful example for everyone around you. Focus on that and maybe, just maybe he'll look over one day and say, "I want what he has".
ian