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Old 09-10-11, 12:19 PM
Riek Riek is offline
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Porn/Masturbation Self-Medicating

Hi, everyone. This is my first post, so I thought I would make it a controversial one. This is a topic that has bothered me ever since I can remember and I was curious if any of you had a similar experience? Since I was very little (kindergarden age) I have been vary aware of my own sexuality, I learned that playing with the equipment downstairs made me feel good and though taking my exploration to the point of climax was something that happened later on in life during puberty, it seems now that I have used this as a way to self medicate my entire life.

I have been on and off countless ADD medications throughout my life, but the one constant I have always faced no matter what, is my fascination with self-pleasure and naked women. Unlike other porn addicts I would much rather have the "real thing" over a computer image, unfortunately my girlfriend of 2 years lives 4 hours away from me, so a regular sex life is difficult to maintain. I am faithful and have never cheated, though my impulses have tempted me, I only have sex with her.

My problem is, that sometimes for whatever reason the impulse is so strong it's animalistic! I have had moments where I have had the "need" to look up whatever woman pops in my head randomly and rush home to get it out of my system, then return to whatever I was doing. It becomes a problem sometimes, because its difficult to understand why one minute my mind is sane and calm, then the next I "have" to look at porn and masturbate! It can't just be a quick release using my imagination, it's like I "have" to see the naked woman on my computer for some reason.

I feel guilty, dirty, and pathetic every time, but while it's going on I don't care how I will feel afterward. I have healthy habits, I eat healthy, take Vyvanse 60mg in the morning, along with one Omega 3 Fatty Acid pill. In the afternoon I take one 5mg Addaral pill. I read books, write poetry and stories, create music and sing. The gym is a daily thing for me, 30 min of cardiovascular exercise and weight training, then meditation in the sauna afterward. On top of that I play 30 minutes of video games a day also, to make sure my brain is getting sufficient stimulation.

With all the research I have done and lifestyle changes I have put into effect, I could write a book on ADD treatment, but I can't seem to shake the super high sex drive. Some times It's not there at all, other times it's a quiet whisper, but then there are those times when it assaults my brain with unrelenting determination to leave me feeling either crazy out of my mind until I release it or guilty and shamed after it's been done. Please tell me one of you, has experienced something similar?
I hate feeling like a disgusting monster when I get like this, I am a normal 26 year old ADD male. Meeting women is not difficult for me, I have what others have described as attractive physical, emotional and mental attributes, it's just this porn thing won't budge! I have had 22 jobs since I was 18, dropped out of countless classes at the community college level and wasted a lot of time and potential.

I started reading this book, Delivered From Distraction last week, and it has changed my out look on so much, and answered so many questions for me! It's just though my parents helped me by putting me on medication growing up and trying the best they could with the resources and knowledge they had, it wasn't enough. I have picked up some toxic coping mechanisms along this journey and they have poisoned my life for to long now.

I apologize for the very long post, I meant for this originally to be a short post, but If there is a slight chance that one of you will read this and say "me too!" that would make me feel a lot better and not so alone. In closing I would like to add that I am happy for forums like this, It is good to know other Adders out there are struggling, but at the same time rising above the hardships our society has forced us to face, do to the uniqueness of our beautiful minds.

Last edited by sarek; 09-15-11 at 02:05 AM.. Reason: paragraph breaks
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Old 09-10-11, 12:46 PM
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Re: Porn/Masturbation Self-Medicating

Diagnosis: guy.

It all sounds pretty healthy to me. About the guilt thing, just ask yourself why you feel guilty.
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Old 09-10-11, 02:59 PM
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Re: Porn/Masturbation Self-Medicating

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Originally Posted by Riek View Post
I have healthy habits, I eat healthy, take Vyvanse 60mg in the morning, along with one Omega 3 Fatty Acid pill. In the afternoon I take one 5mg Addaral pill. I read books, write poetry and stories, create music and sing. The gym is a daily thing for me, 30 min of cardiovascular exercise and weight training
I was just going to say that you seem like a really healthy guy.

I used to be healthy 5-10 years ago and weighed a lot less and can relate. If you don't want your problems, become sedentary and gain 60lbs. That will surely kill your sex drive.

I know how it's like to need to relieve yourself on call, and then how it's like not to at all for a week straight with no urge to.

That is more of a diet, weight, health issue.

Actually the only good thing about being unhealthy and overweight (like myself) is not having that constant need. It is annoying and bothersome.

I remember being in that 100% zone. Being perfectly fit and healthy. Tanning at the salon. Being attractive and craving women all the time. Funny how getting married and unhealthy ends all that hehe..

But you shouldn't feel ashamed for anything you said. Be ashamed of cheating.
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Old 09-10-11, 06:11 PM
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Re: Porn/Masturbation Self-Medicating

Well said CrushCrush.
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Old 09-12-11, 11:36 AM
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Re: Porn/Masturbation Self-Medicating

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Originally Posted by Riek View Post
Please tell me one of you, has experienced something similar? I hate feeling like a disgusting monster when I get like this, I am a normal 26 year old ADD male. .................I have picked up some toxic coping mechanisms along this journey and they have poisoned my life for to long now.

I can relate.

It's part coping mechanism and part medication. I'm sure the dopamine release plays a role.

Whether or not it's normal, I have no idea, because for all I know, I've never been normal.

My guess is that you feel like a disgusting monster because it's something that you don't control.

Remember that the problem isn't you.

In my experience, when the meds are working, the problems aren't problems anymore.
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Old 09-14-11, 11:48 PM
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Re: Porn/Masturbation Self-Medicating

Giant block of text.

My eyes....
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Old 09-19-11, 09:16 AM
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Re: Porn/Masturbation Self-Medicating

I know I still deal with the masturbation thing on a daily basis. No matter what I set out to do, I always have to set time aside for self gratification. Sex doesn't play that big of a role either. I had actual sex twice yesterday and still burned 30mins this morning satisfying the itch.

I think my 2nd wife ruined me. She was an ADHD'ers fantasy... She was beautiful and constantly down for anything. My impulses started when I was unable to find a suitable partner.

Now, I wonder if it has turned into something closer to an addiction... I can tell you that feeling guilty made things worse for my depression. After I learned to accept it, I do much better afterwards.

Im sure the 4hr girlfriend doesn't help matters. The ADHD impulses just get worse (at least for me). The random thoughts of sex and/or getting off start to develop into a ravenous appetite. I've never been addicted to drugs, but the overwhelming desire for sexual release certainly feels like I'm an addict.
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Old 09-19-11, 01:52 PM
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Re: Porn/Masturbation Self-Medicating

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She was an ADHD'ers fantasy... She was beautiful and constantly down for anything
Yeah just like my first ex and I learn that these girls are what you want to stay away from. They always have that 'freak in bed' thing attached to them.

I kind of wish I had sexual addition and that kind of energy. I think a lot of guys THINK they do.. but from what I've heard, it's very debilitating..

I still overall like the idea of it. I just don't have that kind of vigor.
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Old 09-19-11, 05:04 PM
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Re: Porn/Masturbation Self-Medicating

Dude........you are a dude.....with that said......

There may be a coralation between dopamine and "the release"

Do not feel guilty ever about who you are by yourself.....you are you....
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Old 09-19-11, 06:48 PM
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Re: Porn/Masturbation Self-Medicating

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Originally Posted by CrushCrush View Post
Yeah just like my first ex and I learn that these girls are what you want to stay away from. They always have that 'freak in bed' thing attached to them.

I kind of wish I had sexual addition and that kind of energy. I think a lot of guys THINK they do.. but from what I've heard, it's very debilitating..

I still overall like the idea of it. I just don't have that kind of vigor.
Yeah, you certainly can't make a ***** a housewife... I've found that a woman's level of fun is directly tied to her level of instability. I also discovered that the level I'm attracted to is just below "finding my penis on the pillow next to me when I wake up"... lol

But back on topic - I often wonder if I've lost sensitivity to sex because of all the masturbation. I know I have massive impulses for my g/f to give me a hand job or blowjob over anything else, including the act of sex itself. I honestly don't know if they're related to my level of sexual attraction to her or just another side effect of my addiction.
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Old 09-19-11, 08:16 PM
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Re: Porn/Masturbation Self-Medicating

Ok, I know this is the discussion thread for guys but I couldn't help but check this out because of the title. . I, as an adhd female, have an embarassingly high sex drive. I try not to masturbate that much because like you said in your post I end up feeling all disgusting and desperate. So instead I tend to seek out partners to have fwb or nsa relationships with to resolve the sexual tension and guilt. The guilt always persists. Maybe I should bring this topic up with my therapist at our next appointment. Hmm...anyway, I think that we are made to feel like sex and gratification from it are dirty. I could go on a long LONG rant about media manipulation, double standards and the hypocracy of most social norms but I'll cut this short by saying I think I know what you mean and you shouldn't be ashamed of it. Now if I can just convince myself of the same thing I'll be set lol.
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Old 09-19-11, 09:53 PM
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Re: Porn/Masturbation Self-Medicating

I agree with Pedal Pounder- drop the guilt.

The only real harm you are doing is spending time unproductively- and that is hardly a crime.

We can have the same conversation about any number of obsessive habits we have. Repressing them and wishing they would go away usually just entrenches them more deeply. Being more relaxed around them and accepting them is a much better way of defusing them.

I find it bizarre that we hammer ourselves so hard over our inability to fit in to the norms of a society that is so blatantly obviously pathological.
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Old 09-20-11, 01:13 AM
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Re: Porn/Masturbation Self-Medicating

Well you have to take the work 'disorder'.

dis-ORDER.

It means you aren't not in order with everyone else. If you are sleeping around with no strings and won't keep relationships, that isn't normal and not in order of everyone else.

Like everything else, if it's not interfering with your daily life, then it's not a problem.

But you can't take on that kind of lifestyle, and then feel bad about yourself because you never got married, can't have kids, a mortgage, etc.

I've seen divorced moms at work. All types. They live in poverty pretty much with 12 hour days and never take a vacation and have no one to spend their time with. They're actually very lonely inside. That's from what I've noticed. No men interested in them because they have kids. Men consider single moms to often be damaged goods and to stay far away.

If you want to live that lifestyle that's fine, but you have to accept what it is your likely sacrificing in life.

If you're ok with that, then by all means go to it!
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Old 09-20-11, 02:37 AM
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Re: Porn/Masturbation Self-Medicating

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Well you have to take the work 'disorder'.

dis-ORDER.

It means you aren't not in order with everyone else.
So you would say that the goal of being is to fit in with everyone else- regardless of what they do?

Quote:
If you are sleeping around with no strings and won't keep relationships, that isn't normal and not in order of everyone else.
Statistically it is quite common.
However - is our society one that will be able to replicate itself into the indefinite future? I think not.

I do not think that doing something just because it is "normal", or the accepted way of doing things is ever a good idea.

What I do think is that sex without attachment is a problematic idea- and it is obviously hard to maintain multiple simultaneous attachments.

SB- UKs rather cryptic comments about pair bonding ring a bell here.

Coupled with that we do need to maintain a happy home environment for the rearing of our children- and if there is no violence or hostility involved then as a rule a 2 parent model is way better. ( At the very least - you can call for back up!)

Quote:
But you can't take on that kind of lifestyle, and then feel bad about yourself because you never got married, can't have kids, a mortgage, etc.
And how much of this reality is solidly based- and how much of it comes out of the mindless adherence to social convention? I really do wonder about the issue of "property rights" in a patriarchal society and the way this corrupts human relations.

We are, after all, a peculiarly bloodthirsty and brutal species. Who is to say that there is a sound basis for ANYthing we do as a convention?

Quote:
I've seen divorced moms at work. All types. They live in poverty pretty much with 12 hour days and never take a vacation and have no one to spend their time with. They're actually very lonely inside. That's from what I've noticed. No men interested in them because they have kids. Men consider single moms to often be damaged goods and to stay far away.

If you want to live that lifestyle that's fine, but you have to accept what it is your likely sacrificing in life.

If you're ok with that, then by all means go to it!
The penalty for breaching convention in our convention based society is pretty savage. What you describe is the reality of our savage and corrupt society. It doesn't make it the best way of being.

( You needn't worry about me- philosophically I am just a "born again hippie"- for heavens sake I regard Terence McKenna as a wise man- in a society of monkeys. However- as an ADDer- I know I have suffered most when I tried to second guess and confrom to social norms, and suffered least, and done least harm when I listen to my own common sense.
This little rant is an extension of some of your own comments about the NT vs the ADDer- just taken to a deeper level.)

Don't get me wrong here - I am not advocating random sexual activity- just suggesting that our whole way of thinking about these issues is based on some very flawed thinking- and is an uneasy compromise that is bound to continue to generate unnecessary suffering and distress.)
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Old 09-20-11, 01:33 PM
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Re: Porn/Masturbation Self-Medicating

I've just joined this forum and seen this topic, and I have to say I am 100% with the OP! Reading this thread and a couple of other threads on here makes me think I have a LOT of reading to do on here (I've been meaning to get into some ADD communities for a long time)

I have watched porn a lot of my adult life, and I've always felt the need, and:

Quote:
My problem is, that sometimes for whatever reason the impulse is so strong it's animalistic! I have had moments where I have had the "need" to look up whatever woman pops in my head randomly and rush home to get it out of my system, then return to whatever I was doing. It becomes a problem sometimes, because its difficult to understand why one minute my mind is sane and calm, then the next I "have" to look at porn and masturbate! It can't just be a quick release using my imagination, it's like I "have" to see the naked woman on my computer for some reason.
This is 100% how I am! I go through a little whole of being able to not masturbate so much, and then a while of literally almost "needing" to look at things.

I often feel very guilty after it, and ashamed of myself, and I am very confused right now whether to accept this for what it is, or try to fight it (with varying levels of success). The worst thing is, my girlfriend of 3 years doesn't like me watching porn, so right now it's very hard for me to talk to her about it (I basically have to lie about it right now, though I do do my best to look at pictures of her instead :P). This also really confuses me, but it's something I'm putting in the "long term thinking" vault.

I've been refereed to a sexual help clinic in the UK, but I have no idea what help they can be to me. It's also been very hard to "make that call" (I must do it tomorrow, or else I'll be taken off the list xD). Right now I'm fighting with the fact I might have an addiction (and being ashamed about it) or it might be something to do with who I am and my ADHD (which is even more frustrating, and still makes me a little ashamed).

My dad is a recovering alcoholic who goes to alcoholics anon., so I know a little bit about addiction, and what I have ticks all the boxes. I have succeeded recently in doing it less which I am proud of, but I still binge every now and again which is very annoying

I am also not sure how sexually compatible me and my GF are, and all this confuses me even more, since I'm not sure having a complete nympho to act out all the fantasies I pursue online would even be good for me. God knows... :P

It's just most annoying because I really mostly suffer from classic ADHD being, "lazy" it's so hard to read up and research this topic so that I can better understand it. But, already, today this topic has told me there is other people out there like me, and has helped me understand it just a little bit more. Thanks
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