Intro and ?..ADD Moms and kids' homework-HELP!

[lalamama]

Hello everyone! I've been lurking here for about six months and am finally getting around to posting. My name's Kelly and I was recently diagnosed at the age of 29! Always kind of suspected I had it, but my brother and sister had it and did horrible in school, while I was a gifted child (but still struggled in high school and failed out of college, though I have returned). No one recognized that I had it as well, though I was always getting in more trouble than my siblings because I wasn't "working to my potential" and "not using school time wisely"- LOL the story of my life! I am currently taking Adderall 10 mg 3x day. There's a lot more to my story, but I won't get in depth with that right now as I have more pressing issues to deal with!

Anyways, I got pregnant at the age of 20, got married and had two more kids (still happily married ) I have two school age children, K and 3rd, and I had a very hard time keeping up with hmwk and form due dates with the first, now that there's TWO it has just totally fallen apart! Last week my poor third grader got detention because I cleaned out his folder AFTER he had already put his homework in it (daily folder where papers are sent home) then he got a D on his spelling test because I forgot to study with him (this is a kid who scored in the 99th percentiles on the SAT-9 in 1st & 2nd grades!). For my other one, I had his "poetry book" here for almost a week before it was returned (it's supposed to come home overnight), forgot his show & tell item, and didn't send in a few other things that were due.

I am trying to keep a calendar on the fridge with due dates, etc. but I forget to type up the new one the next week. The adderall seems to help me with laundry, housekeeping, dinner, errands, but does NOTHING for my memory! Also, I know the 3rd grader can remember a lot of these things himself, but in the case of the missing homework- TOTALLY MY FAULT! Do I tell their teachers about my ADD? I don't want to give excuses, but I also don't want them to think I am some lazy, irresponsible parent who doesn't care about school, and I want them to know sometimes it's not my children's fault either.

Any tips from anyone? Sorry this got so long!

Kelly

[clare]

Forget typing up a schedule every week -- try a dry erase board/calendar. They're so much easier to update! Just erase as things are finished. Make sure you have one with an attached marker; otherwise, if you're like me, you'll misplace it! Good luck and see you around the forum.

[ehoney]

hello clare
i am in the same boat as you regarding school and homework i also live with the guilt of my boys joining afterschool clubs and me forgeting to take them [not just once but for the whole term] my boys [9 and 7] are adhd & odd & adhd with dyspraxia [great fun in our house] i have been on dexedrine for 3 years & not ashamed now & have asked the scool to back off a bit. talk to the teacher [this is my first time posting hope its alright]

[Struggling]

Wow...I do a lot of that too...it's so embarassing...I am sure people think I am a bad mother! During the summer my daughter had competitive tryouts for gymnastics. The trial only lasted 4 weeks, and I paid a lot of money for it...and I forgot to take her the entire first week! I got in so much trouble from my family (they don't know about the ADD) ....and now she made it in, and I have all these papers to fill out, volunteer agreements to sign, cheques to write...it was all due about 2 weeks ago and I haven't done it yet. I don't know why I don't do things....so frustrating to myself. But I can't bring myself to sit and read all those notices! It spills into school work too...I lose all her notices, miss important dates. I need someone to help me get organized, lol

[Struggling]

Originally Posted by Struggling

Wow...I do a lot of that too...it's so embarassing...I am sure people think I am a bad mother! During the summer my daughter had competitive tryouts for gymnastics. The trial only lasted 4 weeks, and I paid a lot of money for it...and I forgot to take her the entire first week! I got in so much trouble from my family (they don't know about the ADD) ....and now she made it in, and I have all these papers to fill out, volunteer agreements to sign, cheques to write...it was all due about 2 weeks ago and I haven't done it yet. I don't know why I don't do things....so frustrating to myself. But I can't bring myself to sit and read all those notices! It spills into school work too...I lose all her notices, miss important dates. I need someone to help me get organized, lol

Gosh...I didn't even answer your question! How bad am I!

I would definitely tell your childs teacher. Like you said...you don't want her thinking it's your child's fault...and I don't know about you, but I hate it when I think people are seeing me as irresponsible or disorganized. I would tell my kids teachers and coaches but this is new for me and I haven't even been diagnosed yet.

[Nucking_Futs]

Originally Posted by lalamama

I have two school age children, K and 3rd, and I had a very hard time keeping up with hmwk and form due dates with the first, now that there's TWO it has just totally fallen apart! Last week my poor third grader got detention because I cleaned out his folder AFTER he had already put his homework in it (daily folder where papers are sent home) then he got a D on his spelling test because I forgot to study with him (this is a kid who scored in the 99th percentiles on the SAT-9 in 1st & 2nd grades!). For my other one, I had his "poetry book" here for almost a week before it was returned (it's supposed to come home overnight), forgot his show & tell item, and didn't send in a few other things that were due.

I am trying to keep a calendar on the fridge with due dates, etc. but I forget to type up the new one the next week. The adderall seems to help me with laundry, housekeeping, dinner, errands, but does NOTHING for my memory! Also, I know the 3rd grader can remember a lot of these things himself, but in the case of the missing homework- TOTALLY MY FAULT! Do I tell their teachers about my ADD? I don't want to give excuses, but I also don't want them to think I am some lazy, irresponsible parent who doesn't care about school, and I want them to know sometimes it's not my children's fault either.

Any tips from anyone? Sorry this got so long!

Kelly

I'm laughing so hard right now not AT YOU but at US. I've been thru the same thing and have done many of the same things you have to my children. I do have some helpful hints that will hopefully save you as much as they have me.

1.) Backpacks the most essential part of school organization...everything that comes home in the backpack must be returned to the backpack the minute you are done with it.

2.) Folders...each child has two...one for homework that needs completed and one for homework that has already been handed in each are a different color and clearly marked "OLD" and "NEW". Each child is responsible for making sure papers get put in the right folder or I can not be held accountable for what I do with the papers.

3.) A scanner...I scan every single paper that comes thru this house for several reasons. In case I accidently throw something out, teachers are human and have often recoreded grades wrong and I can prove that the child did well on something, at the end of each year I burn the scanned items and photos onto disks for each child as a memento of that year in their life.

4.) Backpacks are emptied one at a time on the kitchen table the minute they walk in the door from school. Papers are separated into two piles done and not done. Done papers are scanned immediatly ( I tend to put things off and forget about them). Homework is then started immediatly and put away the minute it is done. Any extra items are such as show and share are put into the backpack as soon as homework is done. Backpacks are set by the door and ready to go.

Good luck and if these don't work for you I have tried many other tricks and abondoned them but just because they didn't work for me doesn't mean they won't work for you. GOOD LUCK GOOD LUCK!!!! my dear long lost twin *laughs*

[Nucking_Futs]

Originally Posted by ehoney

hello clare
i am in the same boat as you regarding school and homework i also live with the guilt of my boys joining afterschool clubs and me forgeting to take them [not just once but for the whole term] my boys [9 and 7] are adhd & odd & adhd with dyspraxia [great fun in our house] i have been on dexedrine for 3 years & not ashamed now & have asked the scool to back off a bit. talk to the teacher [this is my first time posting hope its alright]

WOW! my first post sounded like it came from a two year old. I'd say you did a darn good job for your first time and had some excellant advice as well.

I'm ADHD/PTSD/Depressed, my son 11 is ADHD/Deep depression and my 8 yr old daughter is ADD/ODD and to add to the mix my hubby and I just had an oops baby lol. I'm forgetting things left and right. DRY ERASE BOARDS have saved our lives and my sanity many times. We keep ours on the front door...NO leaving the house without looking at it first. Plus, it gets to be a habit of looking at it at night before we go to bed so we can have football gear, soccer gear, instruments, diaper bags ready to go by the door which also serves as a visual reminder.

[ehoney]

thank you for reply [big confidence boost] ive only had this computor for about 2 months and still a bit unsure nearly died when i realised id wrote the wrong name sorry kelly [failure to pay close attention to detail !! hee hee] and you are so right about the dry eraser board all ive got to do now is remember to buy one. its great to be able to speak to others about this and not have to explain the whats and whys of things and to be able to receive advice that caterers to the way we think [fed up with being told to get a grip from the "normals"] thanks again and good luck KELLY

[lalamama]

clare, ehoney, struggling & Nucking...
I have been so busy this week and I haven't had time to post! I had my regular biannual conference with my oldest(8) son's teacher last week. She basically said that he's almost 9 and in 3rd grade now so he should be responsible enough to clean out his own folder. So now our system is that as soon as he gets home, I will look through everything and leave it in there. If it gets cluttered, he will have to clean it out. He also has to do his hmwk immediately or else I will forget until it's bedtime- and what 8 year old do you know will remind YOU that he has to do his homework-LOL.

For my kindergartener I go through his and do whatever I need to do immediately (thanks NF- love the name so I don't lose or forget it.

For the past 3 school years, DH was on third shift and wasn't home in the AM- no problem for me when it was only one going to school. Well, now he's on a 10AM-6PM shift so he's here in the mornings to help, so that's another help for me.

Dry erase board- Umm, yeah. Got one, came home,could't find anywhere to hang it, set it down, left the dry erase markers out where the kids got them and let them dry out, so they proceeded to use sharpie markers on it which will take some scrubbing to get out, and I lost the brackets to mount it with! I think I'll try to find a small magnetic one for the fridge!

NF- I know what you mean about the "long lost twin" LOL, this board has been great for me since I was diagnosed in Feb. I don't feel so incompetent I had gone to see a Psych when my GP suspected depression based on the symptoms I was giving her- but I didn't feel depressed. Everyone always says how "laid back" I am. NO, I am just usually in lala land (hence my nickname) and I don't process what's going on around me so much

I am going to stick to my new routine this time!

Kelly

[Nucking_Futs]

Originally Posted by lalamama

She basically said that he's almost 9 and in 3rd grade now so he should be responsible enough to clean out his own folder. So now our system is that as soon as he gets home, I will look through everything and leave it in there. If it gets cluttered, he will have to clean it out. He also has to do his hmwk immediately or else I will forget until it's bedtime- and what 8 year old do you know will remind YOU that he has to do his homework-LOL.

What your son's teacher has said does have some merit I would also keep in mind that he is NOT your normal, average everyday 9 year old and may need a little cueing and supervision the first few times he cleans out his folder.

For my kindergartener I go through his and do whatever I need to do immediately (thanks NF- love the name so I don't lose or forget it.

For the past 3 school years, DH was on third shift and wasn't home in the AM- no problem for me when it was only one going to school. Well, now he's on a 10AM-6PM shift so he's here in the mornings to help, so that's another help for me.

Lucky you...my DH and I are fighting to get on the same shift right now...he works 1st and I work 3rd while it's nice to have someone home at all times we are not functioning as a strong team and the kids often play us against each other. Thank goodness for E-mail lol I think I get more emails from the Big guy then anyone else on the planet.

Dry erase board- Umm, yeah. Got one, came home,could't find anywhere to hang it, set it down, left the dry erase markers out where the kids got them and let them dry out, so they proceeded to use sharpie markers on it which will take some scrubbing to get out, and I lost the brackets to mount it with! I think I'll try to find a small magnetic one for the fridge!

We went thru 3 before we actually got to implementing the use of one...Finally, after missing three dentist appt's in a row he came home with one and screwed it into the front door and tied the pens from the curtain rod above lmbo NOT very pretty but very functional.

NF- I know what you mean about the "long lost twin" LOL, this board has been great for me since I was diagnosed in Feb. I don't feel so incompetent I had gone to see a Psych when my GP suspected depression based on the symptoms I was giving her- but I didn't feel depressed. Everyone always says how "laid back" I am. NO, I am just usually in lala land (hence my nickname) and I don't process what's going on around me so much

I am going to stick to my new routine this time!

Kelly

Good luck Kelly learning to stick to a routine is hard work but once you've gotten the hang of it, it becomes second nature almost as easy as breathing.

[Nucking_Futs]

Hey I'm married to a "normal" lol. They generally find that term a little offensive. I refer to him as "multi-tasking challenged" *giggles* I keep a notebook in my purse at all times that has appts. and shopping lists so I never get home realize I forgot to do or get something. Nothing is more irritating then trying to make a meal without milk and I always seemed to forget the milk...why does everything need milk sheesh.

Originally Posted by ehoney

thank you for reply [big confidence boost] ive only had this computor for about 2 months and still a bit unsure nearly died when i realised id wrote the wrong name sorry kelly [failure to pay close attention to detail !! hee hee] and you are so right about the dry eraser board all ive got to do now is remember to buy one. its great to be able to speak to others about this and not have to explain the whats and whys of things and to be able to receive advice that caterers to the way we think [fed up with being told to get a grip from the "normals"] thanks again and good luck KELLY

[lalamama]

Married to a normal here, too! On top of that, he's hispanic and that culture generally expects women to be very domestic. Tough luck for him, huh? After 10 years of marriage, he's starting to get the picture-LOL He's in no way chauvinistic (most of the time haha) and he helps with the laundry, dishes and the big Saturday cleaning. I am a SAHM. Do you & DH work in law enforcement or firefighting? Those jobs are he** on a family. I said before he's on a 10AM-6PM shift, but he's in narcotics now and rarely gets home before 9PM on weekdays (but we have those weekends we never had before). We used to fight all the time about the house- I am laundry challenged- because he eventually gets sick of sorting through the 6 baskets of clean clothes that are in the laundry room to find his work clothes or underwear. Actually, since I have been diagnosed it has been so much better and he is so supportive- when he sees me getting sidetracked he just says "yoo hoo over here" instead of "what the hell are you doing" and getting pi**ed when he finds me going through every single picture (they're SOO cute) in the box in the closet when we are cleaning out and organizing said closet.

NF- about my son, he IS a pretty mature child for his age (he's my "old soul") and no AD/HD there, although he does have Tourette's Syndrome (which I understand is passed on through the same gene). He's very bright and independent. (the other two I am not sure about. DS2 is 5 and in school for the first time and he's a VERY active, physical one, but seems not to have any AD/HD issues. DD (almost 4) doesn't either, which is really pretty amazing considering my mom is the only one out of our family of five that doesn't have it.)

OK rambling here, I'll wrap it up.

[ehoney]

i am married to a normal also [although i do wonder somtimes] and he understands when i get back from the shops with everything but the item i went for in the first place and he knows that telling me to write a list before i go is pointless because i already know thats the logical thing to do and the times i when i do write a list and AND REMEMBER to take it with me are not patronised [see you can do it & why dont you do that all the time] but to a lot of others that seems an appropriate response and having a pat on the back moment for somthing sooooo normal annoys now and i think im running out of room in my message box so ill shut up now xxxxxxxxxx

[Nucking_Futs]

ehoney my husband is afraid of me so he probably wouldn't attempt to patronize me. I help instruct women's self defense *giggles* But, I do know what your saying.

lalamama, nope we are not into law enforcement nor firefighting. Our firefighters are volunteers here a town of 200 people has little use for a professional team we raise money and have a lot of events to raise money for the department to buy equipment for the guys and new and advanced life saving equipment. My ex fiance is in law enforcement we broke up and ended up dating and marrying each other's spouse's ex does that make sense lmbo OK let's try again I married his wife's ex and he married my husbands ex ...OMG how redneck does that sound? My uncle ended his law enforcement carrier in the narcotics department so I do understand a lot of the schedule and fear factors you face...Takes a strong woman to be married to a law enforcement officer. I'm in nursing and my husband is a forman in a factory.

p.s. What is SAHM?