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Relationships & Social Issues This forum is for adults with AD/HD to discuss how AD/HD affects personal relationships.

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Old 09-22-04, 04:35 PM
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Mariela Mariela is offline
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Adults with ADD -Anyone else was embarrased of his/her house?

When I was little and young, that is, when I lived with my parents, my house was always a mess. I'm not talking about the ADD mess only. My mom is a pack rat (I think she has OCD), my Dad used to have a room full of books and messy papers. We were poor, so we couldn't make the house look prettier with fancy stuff or paint it as often as it should have been painted. We never bought furniture. We always had old couches that other people gave us when they bought new ones. Well, I think you get the picture.

Because of that, I never invited friends from school to my house and tried to keep the reality of my house a secret. I just want to know if some else have experienced this, because I don't want to think that my family is the only one that lives in that conditions.
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Old 09-22-04, 05:26 PM
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My Childhood House

You have described my home to a T......

I acctully never think about it anymore because of that
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Old 09-22-04, 05:33 PM
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My mother.. and hear tell from my dad (they are divorced) HER mother too. I have been that way all my life. I am in the middle of a move, and hopefully this time, between the meds, my Psych., understanding my 'clutter' habits, and the help of the forums I'll do much better and finally be able to invite people over. That would be nice
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Old 09-22-04, 05:39 PM
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My house was plenty cluttered and messy but it was also DIRTY and really gross! Any friends that did ever come to my house never came back a second time.

I thought it was related to being poor until recently but now I can see that my mom is probably ADD also.
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Old 09-22-04, 05:45 PM
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daisyo, that is just exactly what I'm talking about!
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Old 09-23-04, 07:04 PM
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Unhappy oohhh yeah....

Not only was my family house such a mess...and still is (I'm temporarily back home, long story), but I actually cannot bring people over even though, being a guy, it's not so embarrasing.

Now, we can't bring people over because of the dog. The other day an old family friend stopped by unnannounced, and the dog jumped up to her and bit her arm so badly it bled and formed a big fat bruise.

When I was younger my mother would harangue me after the fact for bringing people over the few times I did; she finally just said I couldn't (friends are evil, you know...I don't even want to begin trying to diagnose my mother, though she has been a lot better ever since the family doc slipped her some Zoloft).

Now, we can't have visitors because of the dog. The other day an old family friend stopped by unnannounced, and the dog jumped up to her and bit her arm so badly it bled and formed a big fat bruise. When that happened, I realized that even though I have ADHD, I am ultimately the most together person in my family (I always make sure the dog is on a leash before opening the front door at all).

And you thought you had it rough!
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Old 09-23-04, 07:13 PM
waywardclam waywardclam is offline
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Our house is a disaster. We only ever clean it up when someone is coming over... and yes, it is very embarrassing when someone shows up unannounced...

Bugs Mrs. Clam more than it does me, of course. And Clam Jr. couldn't care less.
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Old 09-23-04, 09:01 PM
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Mariela,
our house was embarassing also
in fact I would lie and tell friends I lived in a nice house nearby

Got caught by a boyfriend once as I ran in the backdoor of a friend's, pretending to come out of 'my' front door
He was really sweet about it and tried to tell me not to be embarassed of whatever my family's circumstances were or how weird my family members were...yeah right, I ditched him shortly after that.

My grandmother and most of my mom's friends seemed to keep spotless houses and they loved my mom no matter what.

How this carried over in my adult life is that I am prone to 'freaking out' if I know someone is coming over I go to extremes, scrub walls, clean cabinets, etc. Doesn't make for a comfortable visit as I tidy up all the time visitors are over too.

Doesn't bother me a bit though if my kid's friends are over, I don't understand it myself and it's MY feelings I'm describing
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Old 09-23-04, 09:56 PM
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I grew up with "Mrs. Clean" but somehow it didn't rub off on me. When company arrives unannounced, you will find me trying to hide our "stuff" into any available nook and cranny. I still have to chuckle about the time my mom opened the oven door to find a pile of dirty dishes that I had hidden and then forgotten. Her remark..."Oh, I see you had company!!" LOL Then calmly took them out and washed them. Gotta love a Mom like that!
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Old 09-23-04, 10:35 PM
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willowmyst, that reminds me of something... We used to hide stuff (lots of stuff) when people were coming over. Papers, toys, useless objects, pieces of objects, books, old school notebooks, school paperwork, broken crayons, dry markers, old clothes (lots of them),etc. The list is endless. I remember a time were you couldn't walk through the hall because there were a pile of boxes filled with stuff.

The house is still like that. I just don't live there anymore. I would like to help my mother but she doesn't want to get rid of the stuff. Of course, there are some things I would keep, but most of the stuff, in my opinion, is just plain trash. I know the value of things and materials and recycling, but the solution is not filling our houses with stuff, especially if you don't do anything with that stuff.

I try not to be like my mother and try to keep things to a minimum. The less stuff, the easier to avoid a mess. Still, I keep the drawings that my daughters make (not all of them, but a fair representation) because they are a treasure for me, and other things of sentimental value.

My house now is decent. I feel confident inviting people over. It does get messy but it is easy to clean. In two hours I can clean the whole house (not a very detailed cleaning,though). Of course I procrastinate, but clean it often. I aim to make the house look decent; detailed cleaning is something I rarely do.
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Old 09-23-04, 10:41 PM
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Sometimes my house is really bad. I had a neighbor come to the door a couple of weeks ago with her baby to talk about something. I was in a no win situation I looked like crap and hadn't showered yet and my house was a mess. There was no way I could have let her in because the house was so bad. I really couldn't go outside because I was a mess. So, I talked to her in my door way. If my house had been clean I would have asked her in right away.
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Old 09-23-04, 10:45 PM
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livingwithadd, I have been in the exact same situation, not showered, with a greasy nose and dandruff also! ...and the house a mess... and someone shows up.

Your post made me laugh!
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Old 09-23-04, 11:09 PM
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mom & i are struggling right now w/ money and dont have enough 2 fix it up....there's holes in the roof....mice in da walls...tiles chipping away....etc..just plain falling apart...so yeah,..i am a bit embarrased
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Old 09-24-04, 11:42 AM
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Oops! Y'all been spying on us, huh? We've got everything going on that's described so far, and more. Can't let anyone visit that didn't grow up here…

We've watched this happen over and over for years, in many different contexts. It's like there's some threshold of how much stuff we can have. When we exceed it, whatever system we have for organizing ourselves falls apart.

I know some people move just to get a clean start. It doesn't work for us, though. My mom was a classic packrat; she spent almost a year throwing stuff out so she and my dad could move a thousand miles to a new house in Indiana. It was filled up before they got there.

Every time we clean up a bit, it just leaves us a place to put more stuff. And remember this fine point: putting stuff everywhere limits the surface area the cats have to cover with hair.

We also sometimes think that we get better at focusing past the mess as we get older. Or maybe we just learn that time is too short to worry about trivialities. Whatever it is, this sure seems like the forum for it, doesn't it?

Cheers. –Tom and Kay
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Old 09-25-04, 06:15 AM
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My house was quite the opposite. My mom is a total neat freak, a place for everything and everything in it's place kind of attitude, it didn't rub off on me(big surprise eh?) but I didn't go quite opposite. However, my ex-gf's house was like this. They had somewere close to 12 cats, the mom and her brother both had problems related to ADD, never cleaned the cat box so you can imagine. They never cleaned anything really a clearing around the coffee maker and that was bout it. While her parents went away, we cleaned the whole house.... what a job heh.
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