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  #1  
Old 10-27-11, 04:33 PM
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Just now figuring it out

My husband and I have been married for only 4 years and I am just now figuring out what MAY be the real issue.
First of all, let me say that he is a loving, gentle, sweet, caring, generous man and in that respect I have hit a grand slam!
The two things that get us in trouble are his AADD (I don't know if that is the correct acronym and I don't know if he really has that) and my lack of patience.
He will forget, or speak without thinking and will cause an argument between us.
It's hard for me to understand why I can't trust that he will remember something important, or why I can't understand why he just told an embarrassing family secret to everyone at the bank.

I lost my job a month ago, because he repeated something I was speculating in one of our conversations regarding my boss. O.k. maybe I souldn't have speculated, but that is what we do with our spouses, talk about everything and our feelings. I got so angry at him for repeating it and even after I made such a big deal about him NOT repeating it. His only answer to me was, "I forgot I couldn't say that." But even if someone tells me not to repeat something, my thoughts tell me that it is not an appropriate thing to repeat or say, why can't his thoughts tell him the same?

I have a TON of reading to do on this not only for me to cope, but for me to help him with this. I love him dearly and do not want this to ruin our marriage. I really need patience and I need it now.
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Old 10-27-11, 04:55 PM
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Re: Just now figuring it out

I know how frustrated you are right now. It's not that your husband is deliberately blurting out things he's not supposed to. It's just that he can't help it. Seriously. He really can't help it. It's in his mind and it just, comes out. It's impulsiveness.

There is a lot to learn about ADHD and how it affects people. I want to direct you to these threads first, simply because they are the quickest and easiest way to give you a glimpse into your husbands world :

http://www.addforums.com/forums/show...ADHDer+partner
http://www.addforums.com/forums/show...ADHDer+partner

It's great that you want to learn about ADHD to help your husband. There's an awful lot to learn, so take your time. There's a lot of great info here and you'll find a lot of support for you and your husband as well.

Hang in there.
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Old 10-28-11, 06:22 AM
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Re: Just now figuring it out

I've got foot in mouth syndrome as well, I think it comes with ADD territory.... there's a complex mix of processes going on of which forgetting I shouldn't something is only a part.

I found that cognitive behavioural hypnotherapy helped a bit, it put a tiny delay in there between thought and action. It's sort of OK now, but I can still get carried away, particularly when I'm with people I don't feel at ease with socially... the brain gets overloaded with stuff so the filters/controls go out the window.

My gf and i have a series of discreet signals so she can tell me when she thinks I'm heading somewhere I shouldn't in conversations with others. It works well and just doing that has allowed me to see the warning signs for myself... but it takes trust and acceptance. Not many guys are willing to give such control to their partners.

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