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Non-ADD Partner Support This is a support forum for non-ADD partners, spouses, and significant others offering feedback from both the ADD and non-ADD perspectives

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  #1  
Old 09-27-04, 10:13 AM
Mike911 Mike911 is offline
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Worst day of my life - so far.

Yesterday was the worst day of my life and I'm posting here because I know several of you, if not all of you, can relate. Sorry to whine "poor me, poor me" but here goes.

I was paying the family bills, something I've been doing in our house for years because the DW can't, and I discovered her cellular phone bill had been charged against our credit card twice last month. I logged onto the phone company's website to be sure we were credited for both payments, and lo and behold, the DW had changed the password on her cellular phone account.

Uh-oh.

Having learned enough about ADD here and in Dr. Amen's books, I knew that a secret life, an addiction, God forbid an affair were all distinct possibilities. I didn't want to look, but I had to. I figured out her password and logged onto her account.

She won't tell me his name. She refused to end what she calls "an emotional affair." She won't tell me how long it's been going on. All I know about him is that she works with him and that he's married, too.

My wife is 4 months pregnant and I'm no longer sure the baby is mine. My life has become one of my worst nightmares.

I confronted her head on yesterday, telling her I thought she had overfocused ADD, showing her why I thought that and how it manifested itself in our relationship. I told her that I thought she needed medication to help get her "unstuck." I told her the "emotional affair" (if that's what it really is) is disrespectful and hurtful. And I left.

Now I'm organizing the finances and planning for the divorce. Her behavior is so completely destructive, disrespectful and unhealthy.

It's not me. It's not me. It's not me.

God, I'm worried about our kids.
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Old 09-27-04, 11:06 AM
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clawless clawless is offline
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I am so sorry - i can only offer support,
My heart goes out to you.
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Old 09-27-04, 11:58 AM
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It broke my heart to read your story. I am sorry you are having to go through this. In a way, I do understand how you are feeling right now. It was not that long ago that I found out that my husband(who has ADD) had been calling "sex" numbers from our cell phone, spending money on porn websites AND not telling me the truth about the money, and keeping a couple of other secrets from me. It was very recently that I found out that the "secret life" is part of ADD. Not that it is an acceptable excuse but it did make me feel that it was NOT me. And you should not think it is all you!!

Good luck & know that there are so many people that are here to support you.
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Old 09-27-04, 03:34 PM
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Mike,

I am very sorry that you and your family are going through this. Have you thought of a brief seperation before going through divorce? It is possible that it might bring things into prospective. Maybe your wife will change her mind about breaking off with the man too. Divorce sounds too final. What if the baby is yours?

Children take things in stride, but there are exceptions. For me, my parents divorcing was the worst thing that could have happened to me. I had a new step-dad, a new school. I had to make new friends. Then things got worse. I won't go into more detail, I just hope you can find an amicable solution for all involved. Whatever you finally decide I hope you'll all be ok.

Good luck!

p.s. Please be aware that pregnant and nursing mothers should not take AD/HD meds. It can be harmful to the fetus.
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Old 09-27-04, 09:58 PM
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MIke I'm sorry you have had to discover this in your life. It sounds horribly painful. I don't know what I'd do myself, or with myself.

The shock alone is enough to floor you for one thing. I would be scared out of my mind if my partner refused to end the affair though. That's got to be a deal breaker.

Take it easy and good luck too.
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Old 09-27-04, 10:01 PM
diannelynnep diannelynnep is offline
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Like the rest of the people that have responded my heart goes out to you.
Living with an ADD person that is undiagnosed is a living hell. I am in this right now.
Whine all you want - poor me all you want - you deserve to feel this way.
I wish i could help ease the pain. I am there right now. No one understands how hard it is. You love with all your heart only to have it crushed time and time again.
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