ADD Forums - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Support and Information Resources Community  

Go Back   ADD Forums - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Support and Information Resources Community > ADULTS AND ADD/ADHD > Relationships & Social Issues
Register Blogs FAQ Chat Members List Calendar Donate Gallery Arcade Mark Forums Read

Relationships & Social Issues This forum is for adults with AD/HD to discuss how AD/HD affects personal relationships.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 10-07-04, 05:22 PM
hoosiergirl hoosiergirl is offline
ADDvanced Member
 

Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: DFW, TX
Posts: 227
Thanks: 7
Thanked 20 Times in 12 Posts
hoosiergirl will become famous soon enough
Question Adults with ADD and Social Problems?

In what ways does your adhd hinder you in social circumstances?
__________________
  • Formally diagnosed February 2005.....
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 10-07-04, 05:34 PM
theobjr theobjr is offline
Member
 

Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 68
Thanks: 0
Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts
theobjr is on a distinguished road
Sometimes I lose concentration when a person is talking to me, especially if they are saying something I'm not interested in.
I also tend to overanalyze what was said in a conversation. I think to myself:what did I say wrong,etc. I think I have made a bad impression when in fact, I didn't. This has caused me to not pursue what could have been rewarding friendships or relationships.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 10-07-04, 09:00 PM
hoosiergirl hoosiergirl is offline
ADDvanced Member
 

Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: DFW, TX
Posts: 227
Thanks: 7
Thanked 20 Times in 12 Posts
hoosiergirl will become famous soon enough
oh, i definitely lose concentration when a person is talking to me...not ALL the time but very often and it's so disconcerting to be looking at someone and following their conversation and a few moments later I realize that my thoughts drifted away from them and it makes me feel disrespectful but yet the more I concentrate on what someone is trying to tell me then the more likely my mind will just drift away....it doesnt matter if im interested or not...but i have noticed i do it more if the person doesnt use much facial expression when they talk......also, i like to change topics alot in conversation and some people have a hard time with this.....
__________________
  • Formally diagnosed February 2005.....
Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
  #4  
Old 10-07-04, 10:22 PM
PinkPanther_04's Avatar
PinkPanther_04 PinkPanther_04 is offline
ADDvanced Member
 

Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Tampa Bay, Florida
Posts: 155
Thanks: 0
Thanked 4 Times in 2 Posts
PinkPanther_04 will become famous soon enough
Quote:
Originally Posted by theobjr
Sometimes I lose concentration when a person is talking to me, especially if they are saying something I'm not interested in.
I also tend to overanalyze what was said in a conversation. I think to myself:what did I say wrong,etc. I think I have made a bad impression when in fact, I didn't. This has caused me to not pursue what could have been rewarding friendships or relationships.
Yep.

And I tend to be a bit on the argumentative and defensive side. I also tend to spend too much time trying to get what I'm wanting to say worked out in my head that I don't pay as much attention to what other people are saying, and sometimes I'm afraid I'll forget what I want to tell someone and I wind up interrupting people in order to blurt it out. Oh, and I overexplain a lot. Instead of just telling someone the basic information they need to know I wind up throwing in all sorts of extraneous details and confusing them.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 10-07-04, 10:38 PM
fivesofar fivesofar is offline
Jr Member
 

Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Near those rumbling volcanoes
Posts: 20
Thanks: 0
Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post
fivesofar is on a distinguished road
I have lots of fun making new friends, but after I do I'm afraid they will discover that I'm some sort of a fake; like they think that I am like them, but the truth is, I'm not. This can go on for years--figuring that sooner or later people will catch on to me, that I'm not as good a person as they think I am.

Fortunately, I have a very supportive husband, who keeps telling me I'm okay. And I have some great women in my life who keep coming back.

I wonder if I will ever feel that I really fit in anywhere.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 10-08-04, 10:42 AM
Stabile's Avatar
Stabile Stabile is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 1,729
Thanks: 2
Thanked 70 Times in 52 Posts
Stabile has a spectacular aura aboutStabile has a spectacular aura about
Once, after a Buzzy Linhart concert (if you don't know, don't ask – he wrote You Got To Have Friends), I was talking to him about some songs he was writing with John Lennon for a Broadway play.

I asked him what it was like to write on a schedule with an intimidating and famous partner. As he started to describe Lennon's approach to the creative process, a friend walked up and handed me a piece of paper on which to write my new phone number.

So I listened and wrote. No problem. But Buzzy slowed down, stopped, and turned away. He was really insulted.

Kay and I still refer to this whenever the subject of being social with normals comes up. There are a thousand ways to tic them off with just that one ability of our, multitasking. And there are uncounted ways that ADDers have adapted to the social pressure it brings down on our heads.

We think most of the social reticence ADDers feel stems from the fact that we learn at an early age that we're different, and that difference always has the potential to make things awkward for us.

So some of us hide, and some get angry; some drink, and some seek the company of others like ourselves. And on and on; you get the idea…

--Tom and Kay
__________________
Peace. --TR =+= =+=

"There is no normal life, Wyatt.
There's just life. Get on with it."
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 10-08-04, 10:53 AM
Stabile's Avatar
Stabile Stabile is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 1,729
Thanks: 2
Thanked 70 Times in 52 Posts
Stabile has a spectacular aura aboutStabile has a spectacular aura about
Quote:
Originally Posted by fivesofar
I have lots of fun making new friends, but after I do I'm afraid they will discover that I'm some sort of a fake…
We all feel like that! It's why Kay has her rule, Always be benevolent, especially towards yourself.

The reason we feel fake is because we know we're sculpting what others see of us, to limit the response we get from people when they see how different we really are.

But the joke's on us, because they can't see us, really. What's different about us is that we see the universe in a much richer way than normals, like there were extra colors, or several extra dimensions. If they could see us as we truly are, they would be just like us.

All they can do is get a whiff of how different our world is, because we just don't respond the same to the things they do see. And that's enough to set them on edge.


Quote:
I wonder if I will ever feel that I really fit in anywhere.
You fit in here just fine…

--Tom and Kay
__________________
Peace. --TR =+= =+=

"There is no normal life, Wyatt.
There's just life. Get on with it."
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 10-09-04, 09:59 PM
fivesofar fivesofar is offline
Jr Member
 

Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Near those rumbling volcanoes
Posts: 20
Thanks: 0
Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post
fivesofar is on a distinguished road
Thank you very much. I needed that.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 10-09-04, 11:04 PM
Struggling Struggling is offline
Contributor
 

Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: who cares
Posts: 374
Thanks: 0
Thanked 6 Times in 6 Posts
Struggling is on a distinguished road
I have a lot of trouble when I can't see someone. I have a close friend who lives in another city...and we talk daily. It is very hard for me to concentrate on his stories on the phone. And he has said numerous times that he thinks I don't care for him when I'm on the phone w/ him...he can feel it in person, and in my writing through emails...but on the phone I lose focus more easily and he doesn't understand. It's very frustrating for me...because a lot of the times I just freeze up...my mind just goes blank, and he think I don't want to talk to him...which is totally not the case. Frustrating for both of us actually.

I'm also not very social in general. I tend to not have patience w/ other people....they either move too slow, or I can think of what they're going to say before they say it...so I'm bored w/ them. The exception being someone I think is smarter than me. In which case I am completely intimidated and can't speak at all...freeze up, mind blank, no thoughts in my head, no words on my lips...or I have so many thoughts in my head I can't get them out so that the person understands me. I rarely make sense. This too is frustrating.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 10-11-04, 01:36 AM
velvetcactus velvetcactus is offline
Member
 

Join Date: May 2004
Location: Taxland, ON
Posts: 60
Thanks: 0
Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post
velvetcactus is on a distinguished road
Smile

Quote:
Originally Posted by Struggling
. It is very hard for me to concentrate on his stories on the phone. I just freeze up...my mind just goes blank, and he thinks I don't want to talk to him...which is totally not the case. Frustrating for both of us actually.

I'm also not very social in general. I tend to not have patience w/ other people....they either move too slow, or I can think of what they're going to say before they say it...so I'm bored w/ them. The exception being someone I think is smarter than me. In which case I am completely intimidated and can't speak at all...freeze up, mind blank, no thoughts in my head, no words on my lips...or I have so many thoughts in my head I can't get them out so that the person understands me. I rarely make sense. This too is frustrating.
Hi!
If you are a visual person and it sounds like you are, getting any kind of information auditorally is harder to process. I am that way too. When you write a letter you have the time to think first and process your thoughts so much better. You also have the visual component-you see what you have written on the page. I even find I hear better when I am close enough to see the person's lips moving-especially when watching tv. As for not tolerating fools easily, I can relate to that too. I often expect others too be able to carry on factual, intelligent conversations and that is just not the case of the general public in my experience. I now recognize my expectations of people were just too high. So I joined social groups where other brains would be present.
I too am in awe of others who know a great deal about a subject of interest and wish I had the time to write down all that they have said so I could ask questions! Fortunately you get a second chance sometimes after you have gone home and let the experience roll over at least a 100 times in your mind! Back to your phone friend-turn all noise off before you get on the phone. Write down 3 key pieces of info you wish to discuss and keep the pencil handy to doodle-that's my secret! And if you are tired -beg off- there is always tomorrow, right?! Hope that helps!
__________________
Don't worry about what people think; they don't do it very often.
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 10-11-04, 08:44 AM
Struggling Struggling is offline
Contributor
 

Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: who cares
Posts: 374
Thanks: 0
Thanked 6 Times in 6 Posts
Struggling is on a distinguished road
Quote:
Originally Posted by velvetcactus
Hi!
If you are a visual person and it sounds like you are, getting any kind of information auditorally is harder to process. I am that way too. When you write a letter you have the time to think first and process your thoughts so much better. You also have the visual component-you see what you have written on the page. I even find I hear better when I am close enough to see the person's lips moving-especially when watching tv. As for not tolerating fools easily, I can relate to that too. I often expect others too be able to carry on factual, intelligent conversations and that is just not the case of the general public in my experience. I now recognize my expectations of people were just too high. So I joined social groups where other brains would be present.
I too am in awe of others who know a great deal about a subject of interest and wish I had the time to write down all that they have said so I could ask questions! Fortunately you get a second chance sometimes after you have gone home and let the experience roll over at least a 100 times in your mind! Back to your phone friend-turn all noise off before you get on the phone. Write down 3 key pieces of info you wish to discuss and keep the pencil handy to doodle-that's my secret! And if you are tired -beg off- there is always tomorrow, right?! Hope that helps!
I am just learning now that I am a visual person, and the whole auditory thing doesn't work for me. Funny you mention being able to hear people better when you can see them. I am the same way. If anyone has even the slightest accent I can't understand them at all unless I am watching them speak. And that goes right back to the phone issue. I can't see the other person...and it's sooooo hard for me to carry on a conversation on the phone. Man...I just dread the phone.
__________________
still struggling

I suffer from Overwhlemization Paralyzation
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
A MUST READ!!! Top Five Emotional Difficulties of Adults with LD Andi Learning Disabilities (LD) 81 11-18-17 12:41 AM
what are the disorders that make up the autism spectrum disorders group? gabriela Aspergers/Autism Spectrum/PDD 10 02-23-17 08:05 PM
Attention Deficit Disorder 101: What every beginner in ADD needs to know gabriela Adult Diagnosis & Treatment 85 07-29-15 03:51 PM
Social Skills in Adults with ADHD (long post) Keppig General ADD Talk 7 01-16-10 10:48 AM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 10:23 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
(c) 2003 - 2015 ADD Forums