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Old 01-01-12, 04:32 PM
Saboit Saboit is offline
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Unhappy Feeling disconnected

I have always felt disconnected from myself
I never really lived my life as unique me. It was always just waking up and doing whatever I did every day just so the days will pass but I never really felt I am someone, with a life to live.

I am sure the roots of this lie in a brain defect, what else?
It can't be adhd, I know it can't. I need your opinions.

Besides that, you could imagine what problems would result from this defect.
to make it short, I'd would simply say that I feel like I was stuck in kindergarten.
Since then it is, like I am still in kindergarten only with a growing body.

I feel utter emptiness. I am nothing, sad to say it but it is the truth.
I don't know who I am, I don't feel like I should as a human.
I can't do anything, I achieved nothing, my brain does not function, I can't learn (which is why my english has never improved, why I failed everything including, school
)
I can't write, read, concentrate, think.

do you think it is inborn, or maybe something I picked up in early age?


I was stupid enough to think it will just go away by itself and for that I am now suffering.

Ending my life is starting to materialize
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  #2  
Old 01-01-12, 05:42 PM
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Re: Feeling disconnected

But, how old are you???
maybe you just have trouble expressing yourself? (i mean, putting the right words to explain how you feel. I don't mean because of language issues but it seems like you are really numb).
I wish I could help!
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Old 01-01-12, 06:58 PM
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Re: Feeling disconnected

have you seen a doctor about depression??

sometimes that disconnected feeling sneaks up on me without even realizing it.
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Old 01-01-12, 07:06 PM
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Re: Feeling disconnected

You sounds like you should talk to your Psychiatrist about this.
Sounds like depression and depersonalization. Maybe get yourself a pet/animal to play with to occupy your mind.

I feel empty at times too. Try to get out of the house. Walk around your neighborhood.
Start journaling and write things down that you love to do and try to figure yourself out. You can go back and read everything.

I hope you feel better. I really hope you do.
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Old 01-01-12, 07:18 PM
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Re: Feeling disconnected

I like Nates suggestion about a pet. I would get a kitten. They are less work than a puppy and animals really do wonders for our moods... But with that being said, you really should see your Psychiatrist cuz no pet will adequately treat a posible chemical imbalance. Saboit we luv you, take care, please!
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Old 01-01-12, 07:21 PM
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Re: Feeling disconnected

Saboit

HI bro.

You really need to see a psychologist or psychiatrist.

I don't know how old you are, I figure 20-something, or ifyou work. If you cannot afford a private psych phone a suicide hotline or get yourself to a public clinic.

((((Saboit
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Old 01-01-12, 07:25 PM
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Re: Feeling disconnected

Hey Dude,

Things are never that bad that you need to even consider harming yourself.

You must have some family close by or friends that will be there for you in your time of need.

Must admit I have been there with some of the thought processes you have had but life is so precious mate you are special you just need to believe it.

Keep you chin up

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Old 01-01-12, 07:28 PM
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Re: Feeling disconnected

Please go & see your doctor.It sounds as if you might be depressed & that is no way to live.The right meds. could help you immensly.I wish there was something I could say or do to help you.No one should have to put up with feeling so bad.
(((HUGS)))
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Old 01-01-12, 07:45 PM
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Re: Feeling disconnected

Quote:
Originally Posted by buddy View Post
Please go & see your doctor.It sounds as if you might be depressed & that is no way to live.The right meds. could help you immensly.I wish there was something I could say or do to help you.No one should have to put up with feeling so bad.
(((HUGS)))
Saboit, I can't add anything to this sentiment. Please know that you are a valued member here...
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Old 01-01-12, 08:05 PM
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Re: Feeling disconnected

I feel this way at least 90% of the time. Weird to me to read all the responses suggesting that this is depression. I don't consider myself to be depressed. I do imagine that talking to a doctor about this... doing anything at all, is obviously better than the alternative of doing nothing.

I will say I don't think it's "inborn" at all. I think it's almost certainly temporary. You just have yet to figure out how to go about breaking the pattern.
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Old 01-02-12, 12:39 AM
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Re: Feeling disconnected

You're probably depressed. You need help.

I've felt like you have all my life since my teenage years. Now I think I have figured that a mix of ADD, being left alone, not having any good role models and finding friends that are equally as unmotivated have led me to this.

It's weird because the general feeling is that everything is a ghost of itself and unreal. I'm growing through this slowly but I think you should try the following.

-Understand that all in the past does not exist anymore, and the future does not exist. All you have is right now, altough your mind will not always understand this (when being lost in thoughts for example)

-You probably feel this way because you have learned to remove all value from life, the world, other people and yourself. Or you have never learned to give value to any of these. I think when you're a kid you don't have enough strength and self-respect to believe in your opinion of the world, even worse when you express an opinion and it gets spit on by your entourage. If you have even one intense, colored feeling from when you were a kid, or if you have dreams that feel more "important" than real life, try to understand the difference between those feelings and your perception of life every day. For example, you've probably seen a movie or TV series episode about someone in the showbusiness and you see how they're so passionate about it. That's because they grew up giving value to that precise thing over other things and the same goes for anything you appreciate, including yourself.

-Being extremely rational, which is something ADD'ers might learn to defend against a life too rough, will eventually kill all feelings and life will feel as interesting as an excel sheet full of numbers you don't care about. Rationality is a tool humans use to survive or avoid pain. Emotions are life itself. Pain included.

-Try to have an internal dialog about what is going on right now. When you have an opinion about something that is going on or when you are feeling something, say it inside like you were talking to yourself.

-Learn to suffer. It might feel weird or horrible to go from feeling nothing to feeling pain but if you learn to talk to yourself you will realize that feeling pain is feeling sadness or anger because of not having what would make you feel happiness. Therefore you might find what would make you feel happiness.

-Learn to accept. Accepting is simply realizing what happened or is happening and that yeah it might suck, but there is no other reality than this one.

-Be careful of the reflex of "It's impossible or too hard, so I just don't care". It's easy to think this but it's so destructive to your own life. Also you might not even realize you are thinking like this but be on the lookout for this reflex and identify it if you can. For example if you have the slightest interest in anything (i.e. looking for a certain book at the library) and you notice the next second you decide to forget about it it might be because you want to avoid confronting the social environment.

Maybe not all of these concern you but I wish somebody had told me all of this earlier in my life, so I'm throwing it out there for you. I preferred to convince myself that nothing was worth effort in life because I felt I was nothing and had no hope of accomplishing what I thought I should be doing.


Regardless of your age, start where you are, even if you missed out on a part of your life. Try to think about what you don't like about your past and try to accept it slowly. If you notice self-defeating ways of thinking or fears that are blocking any of your potential actions, be it tiny or big, try to learn to confront it. Eventually you will need to learn to replace them with positive thoughts instead or the spot they are taking in your mind will always be filled by the negative thoughts. You can become someone strong and alive eventually.
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Old 01-02-12, 03:12 PM
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Re: Feeling disconnected

Please get some help and please know that YOU ARE SOMETHING!!!! Something great and wonderful!!!!! My avatar is my dog - her name is Tess. If you don't have a pet - think about getting one ASAP!
When I am feeling down, she can sense it and does whatever she can do to change my mood!!! This helps me so much! She runs around, lays on her back w/ her tail wagging, licks my face nonstop, etc...
Please call a friend you trust, get a pet, do something for yourself - BECAUSE YOU DESERVE TO FEEL BETTER!!!!!
Let us know how you are doing, ok?
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Old 01-02-12, 04:10 PM
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Re: Feeling disconnected

Hi there,

While none of what I'm about to say should be construed as medical
advice and you are highly advised to seek medical help for your problem
I'd like to shed some light upon your quandary.

Most of what I'v learned, I'v learned through first hand, often arduous
experience so I'm not indulging too deeply in speculation regarding
what follows.

If I sound callous or unsympathetic, please know that it's an illusion,
I actually do care very deeply about how terrible it is to go through
this, but due to my own brain's quirky emotional behaviors I'm finding
it hard to locate the right thoughts and thus words to be
compassionate. I'll work to provide my knowledge instead, I hope you
can understand.

People misunderstand the importance of attention.

We need attention not only to perform cognitive tasks, that is just the
upper tip of the scale.

Throughout life development, we NEED attention to develop as strong
agents. The sense of agency itself (The feeling that you are an 'I' who
has causal power) relies heavily upon the DLPFC in the brain. The
unabbreviated term for this is: Dorsolateral Prefrontal Cortex, Dorsal
means "outward facing", prefrontal means "almost at your forehead", and
cortex simply means "outer covering". (Think of a rolled up armadillo,
the outer shell is what we'd call 'dorsal' the inner portions of the
animal curled up are called ventral, think of dolphins or sharks,
remember "Dorsal fin"? Same thing.)

The human brain is divided up into different regions that try to
cooperate most of the time but they also compete fiercely with each
other.

For more information look up "triune brain" which deals with the
functional separation of the brain into the hind, mid, and forebrain
respectively. Ironically, these correspond closely with Freud's id,
ego, and superego, and while I'm not endorsing Freud beyond that
analogical comparison, I do feel it germain to the discussion.

A good book which might help you understand more of how the brain fools
us into thinking we're people and in charge of our destinies (most of
the time anyway) is called "The Ego Tunnel" by Thomas Metzinger, and
most pleasantly for ADD sufferers, it is also available as an audiobook
from Audible.com

To learn more about the limbic system (if you have the stomach for
listening to an author who you might not really agree with but tolerate
in order to get some valuable information), look up "The Happiness
Hypothesis" by Jonathan Haidt, there you'll learn much more about the
limbic 'elephant' as he puts it in describing the enormous tug our
emotionally invested portions of the ego exert upon our otherwise
"freedom of will", so it might elucidate your view of all this, it is
also available as an audiobook (obviously I'm a fan of passive
information absorption, much to my ADD's credit, Tip: If audiobooks are
not available for your choice of information then consider an iPhone or
recent honeycomb or later version of android smartphone device, they
have sophisticated speech engines which can read out printed
information for you, given our attentional issues I'm sure griping
about the narration quality won't be an issue with such as us.) .



The sense of "personhood" of being a strong independant agent relies
upon a robust mediation between the DLPFC (your sense of being a
responsible 'I') and the rest of the mid-brian which also included the
Limbic System. The iceberg in Freud's famous metaphor is the EGO in
totality, the underwater parts of the iceberg are the sub and pre
conscious aspects of the EGO as they function deep in the Limbic system
(your memories of the past and all your emotional associations).

ADD people (including myself) have trouble lighting up their DLPFC as
brighly as the rest of the population, this has been attributed to a
dopamine gating issue (Here I use 'gating' to mean that the connections
mediated by dopamine are not functioning very well), which is
responsible for stimulating the DLPFC into operation. i.e. Activation
is another word we could use.

That feeling of being in 'kindergarten' is not unlike the feeling some
of us get when we're in a vivid dream or a pre-lucid dream, essentially
the 'world' (The hind and mid brain which are busy simulating what we
call 'reality' during wakefullness) is up and running yet the 'agent'
who is to command action in the world cannot quite get up to speed as
it were.

This is a debilitating problem, let us never forget how unforgiving
'natural' development can be, misery too can be totally untampered
with.

Have you tried to stimulate your executive centers? The neocortex is
where our highest sense of self lives and operates, if we have trouble
activating it then an almost-lucid dream is close to how life will
appear for us.

The stimulant medications can help with this, methylphenidate and
Adderall are both powerful stimulators of the CNS. Unfortunately they
are also "global" stimulators so the punch doesn't just go to where you
need it, the 'punch' goes everywhere! This is true for many other
psychoactive medications, and accounts for much (but not all) of the
side effects we experience. Even though researchers study the specific
pharmacokinetics of molecule to receptor interactions and their
consequent second and possibly third order (your life changes)
results, it is important to understand that the body or the drug
has no intelligence as of yet, in regards to the spatially specific
administration of a drug. If you swallow a prozac or an adderall
pill, then that pill's contents will be distributed to all corners of
your body. That is the sense in which I communicate the 'global'
nature of such substances. This will most probably change in the
years to come and in that respect, we are the first generation
of experimental subjects who suffered for the betterment of our kind
if only through motivation of our medical establishment to create
more intelligent therapies and medications.


Perhaps in a few decades, psycho-pharmaceutical technology will be
developed which allows spatially selective targeting of drug activity.

Our own bodies do this simply by assembling the drugs onsite at or near
the site of need, the neurotransmitters themselves are produced in
neurons and often in terminal buttons (presynaptic terminals).

Well in anycase, now you have some clues. It's hard to deal with this stuff.
I myself am grappling with Adderall and it's lovely cavalcade of... effects...

What can we do my friend, this is the hand nature has dealt us, there's
nothing for it then but to keep a solid resolve and set out to unravel the
riddle keeping us from our rightful path in life, pain is simply part of the
territory, along with depression too, they are features of the landscape.

There are depressions and there are elevations, take care to keep on
moving so as to transcend them eventually, (my apologies in advance to
those who have clinical depression, this does not seek to undermine
your experiences in any way) .

Take care!

Last edited by Neuroverse; 01-02-12 at 04:29 PM..
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