21 yr old son with add & self med w/pot

[Rhonda]

I hope I'm in the right topic. My 21 year old son was diagnosed with ADD when he was 5, we opted out of medication until he was 8 1/2. He was on Ritalin from 8/12 to 14. We began homeschooling at 14, and he quit taking Ritalin. He has been off Ritalin since. However, he started smoking pot at 17 and has really been smoking regularly for about the last 2 years. I really don't know what to do as a parent. How do my husband and I "require" more of him. He refuses to take legal medication for the ADD (he has a 100 different reasons). We really do not advocate the "hitting botton theory". Some kids "botton" is 6 feet under. But where to we draw the line at facilitating the behavior, i.e. living at home with no bills. We stopped giving him money for anything. We thought broke and driving a beater car would be motivation enought to quit, apparently not. I know of no one in else to talk to. We have tried about everything under the sun. It is definitely interferring with our home life. I guess the reason I'm here as just last night, we were watching a program on alcoholics and how their addictions effect their families. When I asked don't you think your pot smoking affects this family. His response was "Why should it".

I stumbled on your web site hopefully by God knowing we are looking for suggestions.

[paulbf]

How is it interfering with your home life?

Is there something positive that he wants you can help with? I doubt there is any way you can convince him of anything but you could encourage any bright spots that might be emerging or used to be helpful in his life.

[fivesofar]

I have a son who is in denial about having ADD. He and his friends--also diagnosed and in denial--have been downright preachy about how terrible ADD meds are, yet they have no problems with pot and alcohol. It seems very strange to me.

I think we have made some headway with our son by letting him know we trust him to come to the right decisions in the end. It seems that when he does not have to defend himself and his choices, he is freer to contemplate change. Happily, he has made a lot of changes for the better in the past year or so.

I watched my brother self-medicate his ADD with illegal drugs for years, and it was heart-breaking. It was amazing how horrible his life was, and yet he never hit bottom. I accepted that he would die an addict. But he has turned his life around. I wonder how much of it was because of those who listened to him and honored his choices, even though they seemed so wrong.

Have you been to Alanon? I learned so much of value there, and got much-needed support through some dark, dark times.

[Ian]

Alanon is likely where you belong. It's a very old and familiar story you tell. Get healthy yourselves with the help of others that have travelled the road ahead and you can learn from their experience strength and hope.

Taking the focus off him and taking control over the things you have control over, namely yourselves, will be a tall order and a good start. Almost any Alanon group will have many stories to tell from the school of hard knocks about what's proved to work and what's feeding the unhealthy cycles.

Good Luck to you all. It's a heck of a thing to let go but some of these things are beyond our control. The good news is that there is hope once you can learn to let go. Alanon saved my life by someone I love spending two years throwing themselves into their program whole heartedly. I eventually wanted what she had and began my own journey of recovery. She had become the woman she had always wanted to be. She became confident, detached and loving and free from the tension of my habits.

Hers was a message of example. Promotion through attraction, humility, anonymity all lead the way to a very changed way of going through our days. It works if you work it.
ian

[Dreameralive_sky]

Hi
I just checked out online what is a pot, so it means something like a Marijuana drug? I saw the adverse effects that it can give rise to cancer...actually maybe he is addicted to it? Is it interferring with his personal life such as relunctance to go to work or abusing pot? Maybe getting him a counsellor will help? Like perhaps family counselling too to understand each others' needs.

I guess that it is a lack of expressive of the needs each member desire in the house. Like maybe he felt he lack certain issues understandings or not enough love. Maybe? And perhaps one day you can trash things out and put yourself in the son's shoes and think about his needs and negoiate how things can become better?

I hope things will work out for you. Keep your faith up high.. one day the storm will be over and the sunshine will be out!
Take care.

[EYEFORGOT]

I am not a Dr Phil fanatic, but the few times I have watched him deal with kids addicted to drugs he has been very firm and loving. Keep your son alive. It is illegal (for now, though some use it for medical purposes it will need to be under the supervision of a doctor), it is dangerous. Is he slow in speech and thinking (take away the car, he is a hazard to other drivers)? Does he still live at home? Then you can enforce that rule. If he chooses to move out I don't know what steps to take, as I have never gone through that experience.

Check out Dr Phil's site and read his suggestions, get on the message board to find other parents struggling with the same thing (they're out there). I will warn you, I have heard that Dr. Phil is not very supportive of ADD, he seems to think it is a parental issue. Come here for links about that. Maybe another moderator or administrator can help you find a good resource for both. Those are the first places I would check and I hope I will never have to go through it.

As far as how this effects your family life, give him a list in writing and the ramifications of getting caught. Tell him that as an adult he will be responsible for the consequences of his actions, including time in prison if he is caught or hurts someone else (I'm sure not purposefully). And you're right, the person he is hurting the most, is himself.

I'm sorry about what you're going through. Please note that I am not a therapist. This is simply what I would start with if I were in your shoes. My thoughts are with you.

[BandOnTheRun84]

Having been an avid marijuana smoker for the past 5 years, I can tell you for a fact that whatever ADD medications would best suit his condition will always be more dangerous to his health than nice clean marijuana. I'm not saying that weed is going to help him with his ADD symptoms, but it's a fact that most amphetamine based ADD medications are simply quite a bit more dangerous, both in terms of addictiveness and health consequences, than marijuana.

I've been prescribed Ritalin, Concerta, and Dexedrine. Let me tell you, if marijuana were a good alternative to treating ADD I would never have bothered with stimulants, purely for the sake of my body and mental health.


Now what problems are you seeing that are a direct result of his marijuana use that would warrent such extreme behavior on your end? It sounds like you have more of a problem with the simple fact that he uses marijuana than he has problems with using marijuana.

[scuro]

Originally Posted by BandOnTheRun84

Having been an avid marijuana smoker for the past 5 years, I can tell you for a fact that whatever ADD medications would best suit his condition will always be more dangerous to his health than nice clean marijuana. I'm not saying that weed is going to help him with his ADD symptoms, but it's a fact that most amphetamine based ADD medications are simply quite a bit more dangerous, both in terms of addictiveness and health consequences, than marijuana.

Your out to lunch on this one buddy. Where do you get your information from? Theraputic levels of stimulants taken as perscribed are neither addictive nor are they dangerous. If you do have something important to share on this topic, do it here. -> http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=17742


Back to your son. How big of a problem is he now? Does he hold a steady job? Does he help pay the bills? Beyond his drug use, do you like having him in the house?

If the answer is yes to all 3 questions, I wouldn't worry so much about the dope. If it really bothers you and your husband, help him get a small apartment.

If he is just mooching and making your life difficult, well then, let him know and set some small goals for him. One baby step at a time. If he isn't willing to become independent or help...it may be time for him to leave. You don't have to do the tough love approach...it is just time for him to start acting more like an adult. By the way I did smoke dope too but tired of it after a few years.

[mtzadogg]

Pot helps people who take ADD meds by slowing the body down to a relaxing state like after work / school. Maybe before you go to sleep that way you get that deep slumber that the meds take away

[Ian]

I have the opposite reaction to grass. I rev right up. It fogs the daylights out of my memory too. My memory and distraction levels do not benefit from pot. I'm much sharper on dex and relaxed too.

Exercise works wonders for sleep and unwinding. Food helps too. If I stay away from the hot burning fuels like all the potatoes, bread, pasta, rice and sugar, I'm way more level headed.

Since taking up running though I"ve got a way better tolerance for food and eat pretty much what I like now and don't suffer the grouch or spinny highs.
Cheers! Ian 70 miles last month!

[shinobi]

different types of canabis create different reactions, it can also change from person to person. Most canabis plants fall into the "upper" or "downer" catagorie though so it depends on the plant type in question as well as what generation the plant is, how it was grown (hydro, indoor, outdoor) what it was fed (fertiliser, mango juce, water, etc) and many other factors, just like any horticulture i guess.