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Old 10-13-04, 03:25 PM
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Adults with ADD : You don't have to do what you don't like -huh?

I just got back from the ADD Conference in Tukwilla WA. One thing that I heard there, and have heard before, was that "You don't have to do anything you don't like to do." In other words, if it's not a talent, you don't have to do it.

The response to this is always like, "Amen, brother." But what are they thinking when they say this? In this case, it was a married man with a very supportive wife who said this.... I guess (some) married men/women are able to work out an ideal situation like that.

Some stuff I've read says that if you can't keep your house clean, you should hire a housekeeper, if you can't do your bookkeeping, hire a bookkeeper, etc. All great advice in a perfect world. But what about the people who can't hire anyone to do anything for them because they are broke? Also, there are times when you ARE the only one who can handle a difficult phone call or paperwork, etc, that needs to be done. "Body doubling" helps but I still loathe certain jobs that I have to do.

Does anyone have creative ideas about how to "not have to do anything you don't like to do?" Is this an unrealistic expectation? Should I not be taking it so literally?


Jen
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Old 10-13-04, 03:34 PM
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I've never liked this kind of inspirational talk...it is very theoretical and aimed towards people who don't have many problems to begin with. The fact is, sometimes we have to do things we don't want to.

Sometimes, we don't have the qualifications to get jobs we are interested in.

Sometimes, we don't have the money to hire outside labor to keep our things clean.

Sometimes, we don't have the means to do anything but the job we are doing.

Eventually, with work and perserverance, we can all get to a point where we can be happy, but it doesn't happen for everyone, and it isn't easy. We have to do stuff we don't like from time to time.

That said, it is important to follow your bliss. Take the job you like, you don't have to work a job you don't want to. Don't feel as if society is pressuring you to be something you aren't. Be what you are...but remember that sometimes, you're going to have to be someone who does what they don't want to, so they can be happier in the long run...
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Old 10-13-04, 03:34 PM
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yes
its unavoidable.
im not being sarcastic
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Old 10-13-04, 04:51 PM
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I dont want to do THAT!!!

Hi Jen,
I think "not doing anything you don't want to" has limited utility after toddlerhood. Isn't that pure id?

I think that bartering is a great way for non-wealthy adults to minimize doing things that are just not worth the stress. For example, one does not need to hire a CPA to write household checks/pay bills monthly. A professional cleaning service is not necessary to clean your house. Friends, family members, & neighborhood kids can offer you lots. What can you offer? Errands, dog walking, painting the front door, cooking then freezing meals for the "kitchen impaired?" I do not know, but I'll bet you do!

I have read that there are regional bartering agencies throughout the country, and that an accrediting organization exists. If you do not personally know people with whom to barter, perhaps try one of these.

When it comes to stressful/confrontational situations (meeting the school principal, making a complaint somewhere), bring along your spouse or a supportive companion.

At work it can be helpful to first send an email (or other document) to the person about whom you are concerned with metting. Your important points will arrive before you do, and that can eliminate some of the pressure inherent in these situations.

If these suggestions are lame, contact my best frind, as she handles all of my "incoming personal criticism." Hee. Heee. GirlDriver


Does anyone have creative ideas about how to "not have to do anything you don't like to do?" Is this an unrealistic expectation? Should I not be taking it so literally?


Jen[/quote]
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Old 10-13-04, 05:27 PM
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wow what a timely post... I have been dealing with the fallout of simply not doing things because it was unpleasent or i was avoiding conflict. and what a fallout...
almost destroyed a marriage.... legal fall out ... etc. etc.
i guess the only thing i can suggest is deal with it before it gets out of hand.... get help ... call a friend ...etc etc. JUST DO SOMTHING
Just because you avoid it ,,,it does not goaway... and i have been sad and somewhat depressed that it has taken this long to figure this out
therese
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Old 10-14-04, 09:57 AM
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hey girl driver..
EXCELLENTE!

great suggestions...(i don't need them but i can relate w/ the whole avoidance thing...i've managed to suck it up and feel miserable! LOL)
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Old 10-14-04, 10:19 AM
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I don't think that this is unrealistic expectation. We focus way too much on trying to fix our weaknesses than focusing on an using our talents.

Our society is really confusing for people with ADD. Nobody thinks twice about paying somebody to cut our hair or change the oil on our cars. Yet, when we have trouble organizing our homes and other things we feel like complete failures and feel guilty at the thought of hiring somebody to clean our homes.

Just think of all the time we would have to focus on doing other things if we didn't focus so much on the not being able to do other things.

I don't think money has to be an issues in a lot of cases. There are creative ways around getting others to help us. We can use our own strengths and talents to trade services with others.

Of course doing this is a lot easier said than done. I hate cleaning my house and have a lot of trouble cleaning it. I have come to the descision that the best things for me is to have somebody come in a help me clean. I still haven't taken that next step to do so though.

So until I do I waste a lot energy procratinating about cleaning the house or acutally doing so.
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Old 10-14-04, 02:10 PM
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Oh boy, this topic really hits me hard. I don't even know what to say. I've given in to this notion & it has sort of consumed me even though there are aspects which have been very helpful, I'm almost completely incapacitated now. I can't even do the things I *want* to do!

...sigh...

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