Can anyone share what a psychosis is like?

[desulove]

Is anyone open to sharing what experiencing a Bi polar psychosis is like first hand?

What was going though your head?

How did you feel?

What happened?

[Blueranne]

"Psychosis", or psychotic features experienced as a symptom of bipolar or otherwise can represent with many different symptoms for different people. Psychotic features may include, persictory delusions, delusions of grandeur, auditory hallucinations and visual hallucinations. These symptoms can appear during a depressed episode or manic episode.

Details on these symptoms can be easily googled for a better idea of what they are like.

[Abi]

I am bipolar 2 and so have never experienced a psychotic episode.

As far as the "in general" of it goes, see Blue's post above.

[blgw99]

Basically, having a different take on the reality than everybody else, involving thoughts and voices/sights which are not real, but you just do not know that yet.

I have had med-induced psychosis once idk if this counts. I was afraid of my own shadow and I could hear people plotting against me, because they secretly hated me and wanted to humiliate or assault me, even if I was alone in my room it seemed like they were just upstairs/downstairs or behind the door. It was impossible to reason myself out of it, as I kept hearing "them". I was not able to get help at the time but it cleared up eventually.

Other than that, I have had some minor delusions - What was going on in my head? "WTF WTF why is everyone else wrong and they just can't see that, what is WRONG with YOU?"
What happened? A nasty argument and lots of stuff to be embarrassed about later.

[desulove]

Originally Posted by blgw99

Basically, having a different take on the reality than everybody else, involving thoughts and voices/sights which are not real, but you just do not know that yet.

I have had med-induced psychosis once idk if this counts. I was afraid of my own shadow and I could hear people plotting against me, because they secretly hated me and wanted to humiliate or assault me, even if I was alone in my room it seemed like they were just upstairs/downstairs or behind the door. It was impossible to reason myself out of it, as I kept hearing "them". I was not able to get help at the time but it cleared up eventually.

Other than that, I have had some minor delusions - What was going on in my head? "WTF WTF why is everyone else wrong and they just can't see that, what is WRONG with YOU?"
What happened? A nasty argument and lots of stuff to be embarrassed about later.

Do people believe the delusions? Or do people catch on that they may be having psychosis?

[blgw99]

In case of true, severe psychosis, I think they don't realize it. That is sort of the point.

From my own experience, it is like a fine line between what is true and what is not. Usually everything makes more sense in hindsight. But I you are really wired and the thoughts are going overdrive, then every connection you make is not entirely logical any more, but you keep finding proof for it more and more nevertheless.

[mrgreyshadow]

When I had mania (albeit triggered by Paxil) it was basically awesome. Sort of.

It started with me not getting sleep at night. I went without for a few nights, then five or so hours a night after that. I was very frustrated at this but I figured it would go away eventually. Then I felt my focus completely going away -- I was on Dexedrine too at that point, and it seemed to have no effect at all. Then I went into a really deep depression. I seriously pondered suicide in more serious depth than I ever had before. Then I had an epiphany where I decided nothing was going to happen after I die, so there was no point in suicide and therefore no point in feeling depressed. Then mania just clicked on like a light.

I had very slight visuals that distorted things a little, but I was pretty coherent. I felt great, better than any drug I'd ever been on. I had no anxiety and virtually no inhibition, because I felt so clever about the things I was saying (and I was saying them so fast) that I felt there was no reason to feel inhibited. When I went to see a nurse, who immediately suspected I was bipolar, I was really ****** off at the idea and yelled at her. She went back to consult with a doctor and suggested some kind of tricyclic for sleep and then I yelled at her more, called her names, and basically refused. I was evaluated for suicidal tendencies or something by a case worker, then I was put in a triage "crisis center" and a doctor told me to quit taking Paxil. I can barely remember the incident, but I remember feeling extremely lucid and clear in a way I hadn't ever before. I felt angry at people and happy at other people, but just really justified in whatever I felt regardless of what it was. I also felt very sexy and clever. I had zero attention span, though. Oh, and I didn't know anything was different (other than insomnia) at the time. I had no idea I was manic until the nurse suggested it.

Since then it's come back from time to time in miniature form and stayed for shorter periods, so it has since been determined that I'm on the spectrum, but that the mood symptoms don't interfere with my functioning so I'm not medicated for it. In the little uppity times, I take less stimulants or forgo them altogether. The stimulants make me unable to notice depression much at all, and my normal ADHD self is treated in the neutral mood.

I guess I'm lucky that my symptoms are manageable, because everyone else says bipolar drugs are zombifying drugs and now I'm more scared of treatment for mood swings more than I am of the mood disorder as I experience it. I sometimes wonder if that means it's progressing. It's sort of a Catch-22 that way... You don't care about treating it until you're depressed.